It was dark in the front room of Quicksilver and Misty's house. I’d rearranged the furniture to give me a tactical advantage and sat in a chair opposite the front door. Years of conditioning from stakeouts meant I could sit here all night without falling asleep. I realized it wouldn't be that long when I heard a soft creak from the front porch. The hair on my neck rose as a faint magic glow silently opened the front door. I could feel the pony step into the room. Their hooves made a soft tapping sound as they walked forward, closing the door behind them. The hooves went silent, meaning they were on the throw rug I’d placed a short distance from the door. I knew exactly where they were standing.
I flicked on the light next to me. The shade was set to keep me in shadow but shine in the intruder’s eyes. The stallion startled and took a step backward.
With a hoof raised to shade his eyes, he asked, “Who are you?”
“Steel… Dark Steel.”
“You!” he growled. “You’re that private investigator one of the papers mentioned.”
I dipped my head in acknowledgment. “Glad to have been of service. Based on your color, I assume you are Kaafe Mane?”
He grinned smugly. “Yes, I am.”
“And I assume under that fake color and anagram you are actually Astral Rune.” His smile fell away. “It wasn’t hard. Our office… secretary figured out the name. Pretty weak for an alias. There were inconsistencies in the story about the school explosion. And the effort to frame Quicksilver meant it was personal.” I shifted in my chair and tipped my hat back just a touch.
“While easier than a full color change, that red-shift spell must be kind of tiring. If that’s causing you any strain, please, feel free to drop it now.”
He lowered his hoof being accustomed to the light and dropped the color spell. As the red hue faded, the violet and orange of Kaafe reverted to the light blue and yellow of Astral.
“And my final proof was you answering to the name and your original colors.” I let out a single snort. I felt like I was confronting a school foal. He wasn’t very good at this. “So, what have you got against Quicksilver?” I kept my tone low and even.
“That fraud? We were the only two alchemy majors in school. He thought he was so smart. But he was just lucky. The few times I’d get a better grade on something, he’d always come up with his ingratiating grin and congratulated me. But I knew what he really thought.”
“Then he graduates and starts coming up with ideas before I have time to. Still trying to beat me. And have you seen his wife? How does a self-absorbed lab-nerd get a filly like that? He always got the lucky breaks instead of me.”
“Perhaps he just worked harder,” I offered. It was like he didn’t even hear me.
“So I broke into this house and stole his Dragon’s Fire formula. It would've been mine anyway, if I just had a little more time. Quicksilver always obsessed about everything being just right, so I figured I had at least a year till he got off his flank and submitted it. A few months of sales would have given me plenty of bits to start over someplace new. Someplace free from Quicksilver’s shadow. But no. After only six months, before it even started selling, he decides to submit his formula and ruin the plan. Again, always trying to one-up me.”
“So you decided to do something about it?” I leaned forward in the chair.
“Of course I did. I almost solved the problem back in school. That air-head pegasus even got the mixture correct. But Quicksilver’s luck saved him again. And now? I couldn’t have him stealing my formula.” He took a couple steps back towards the door.
I stood up and moved forward. “Do you expect me to let you just walk out of here?”
“No, Mr Steel, I expect you to die.”
There was a flash of magic over me and a small explosion. I was surrounded by a cloud that settled on me. “The Painless mixture!” I gasped. My rear legs folded, dropping my rump to the floor. My front legs followed, putting me all the way down with my legs under me. I looked up at the unicorn. “All this over a little foalish jealousy? What is killing me going to accomplish?
“I’m cleaning up,” he said with a malicious grin. “You won’t be telling anypony what you know about me.”
After a pause, he continued, “That clerk, Outflank, alerted me that Quicksilver was coming in to submit his Dragon’s Fire mixture. He stayed in the office after signing out and let me in before he left work. I was there to watch everything.”
My head sagged towards the floor.
“I had the perfect plan. I killed the clerk with Quicksilver's own Painless mixture, removed any trace of his Dragon’s Fire submission, and pinned the whole thing on him. It was foolproof. The cops were clueless… And then, suddenly, he was released. No doubt due to your interference.” He glared at me for several seconds.
“Then Outflank started talking about needing more money. Some gambling debt. He hinted that the cops might be interested in an anonymous tip. So he was next.”
My eyelids drooped, and I could no longer see his face.
“Today’s paper said Quicksilver had been arrested and then released. If the cops weren’t going to deal with him, I’d have to. But no, his stupid luck struck again. You...” He took a deep breath and calmed himself. “It’s actually okay. You’re the reason my plan failed. You’re the cause of this whole mess. I’ll enjoy watching you die.”
“Then... then what will you... do?” I struggled to get out.
“I’ve got enough bits hidden away to go somewhere, open a little alchemy shop, and start over. I won’t be rich, but I can spend the rest of my days in comfort. And away from Quicksilver and his luck. I understand Saddle Arabia is a nice place to disappear.”
I raised my head and looked at him. His eyes went wide. “You just made one mistake tonight.” With my legs folded under me, I sprang to my hooves.
His mouth dropped open as he sputtered out, “How…”
I smiled. “You monologued.” I pitched forward on my front legs and spun around. I then let fly a two-hoofed buck that would do any earth pony proud. I heard several ribs crack as I hit him square in the chest. He flew back against the wall. One of his hooves hit the adjacent window, breaking it. I winced as the glass tinkled to the floor. That’s coming out of my fee for the case. He landed in a heap on the floor.
I walked over. He wasn’t moving. I wondered if I’d bucked him too hard, until I heard him drag in a shallow breath and then another. I briefly considered if I hadn’t bucked him hard enough. Things might have been simpler if…
The front door flew open as Citrine and two police ponies burst in.
“Steel…” she gasped. “You’re covered in… we need to get you to the hospital, right now.”
I raised a hoof. “It’s okay. I’m protected from it. You don’t need to worry.” I turned towards the darkened kitchen as the captain stepped out. “Did you get all that?”
“Every word. He confessed to two murders, one attempted murder, and one conspiracy to commit murder. Plus two instances of theft, and a number of other charges that apply. He talked about going away to spend the rest of his days? I don’t know how comfortable he’ll be, but we’ll sure take care of the rest of his days.” He addressed the two officers, “Restrain him, get the cart, and get him into a cell at the precinct.
“So, tell me, Steel, did you really know he was going to be here tonight?”
“I’d say a solid ninety percent. I believe he was getting his information from the paper. Today’s paper told of Quicksilver’s arrest and release yesterday. If the papers found out about you picking up the couple this morning, it wouldn't show up until tomorrow. If Astral wanted revenge before leaving town, tonight was the night.”
Citrine stomped a hoof. “Steel. How are you okay?” She took a couple steps towards me.
I stepped back. “You should probably keep your distance. You don’t want to get any of this powder on you. A little bit wouldn’t be lethal, but you’d go pretty numb.”
I sat down and gestured for her to do the same. “Given what I suspected, I went to see Fancy Pants again today. He introduced me to one of his lead scientists. The scientist had two ways to give me some protection from the Painless mixture.
“First was like an antidote to block the effects of the stuff. He used a bunch more big sciency words to describe how it worked. What I got was: eat pills, don’t die.
“Second, he told me that anything that prevented or limited contact with the skin would help. That could be dirt, mud, grease, oil, even enough water. So I picked up a couple containers of mane and tail hot oil conditioner to coat my entire body. For the next week or so, my hair is going to look… fabulous.” I flicked my head, throwing my mane out to the side where it gracefully spread out before falling to my neck.
The two officers failed miserably at trying to stifle a snicker. Citrine lowered her head and glared at me with a clear ‘are you serious’ expression. My lips twitched involuntarily as I tried to suppress a grin.
The captain addressed one of the additional officers who had entered the house. “Sergeant, arrange covered transportation to get Steel to the hospital. Oh, and dispatch someone to let them know what’s coming so they can prepare.”