Nine hours. NINE. CUNTING. HOURS. This wedding had better be worth it. There had better be shit loads of cake.
You stood in the Fillydelphia train hub and looked around. Passing ponies were staring at you with either fear or revulsion. It smelled like gas and piss.
So just like Philly back home?
Looks that way brain.
You walked out of the train station and headed down the road. You kept your eye's high. Fillydelphia certainly inherited the right skyline.It almost made you forget where you were.
You were glad you could get off for this. It helped that you were dating your boss. She says she'd give you a bonus if you caught the bouquet for her.
Hehe. "Bonus."
Dammit brain, we've been dating for like, three weeks tops. That's not what she meant.
Yeah, but she wouldn't mind if we thought it's what she meant.
Piss off.
Someone's afraid.
I am not afraid...I'm taking it slow.
Out of fear.
Out of respect.
Respect for what? She kissed you on the introductory date. I'm pretty sure I felt tongue.
Piss off. I'm done with you.
I can taste your fear from here.
You frown. Your brain was an asshole.
You cross through the center of the city. Chariots were locked in an eternal gridlock in the roads. The streets were chocked with passersby and the occasional tourist. Every one of them was staring at you. You didn't mind it, but goddamn. You were glad you lived in a small town.
The trio of guards that were following you didn't help. Ever since the train station.
Just like Earth.
You cross through the center of the city. Dammit. Where was this hotel Lyra and Bon Bon said to go to?
A shouting pegasus in a pavilion catches your ear.
"This 'order' that the Princesses have set up is against the very nature of the world! Hiding us all away from the chaos of life has made us weak! Complacent!"
Who's this douchebag?
Religious nut?
Never a shortage of those in the city...
You walk away as he starts to yammer about some crap that happened a millennium ago that you didn't give a shit about.
You finally arrive at the hotel. Not a bad place, marble floors, brass accents. Swanky. You walk up to the front desk and ring the bell on it.
Some snooty looking pony walks out, he takes one look at you and frowns.
"Can I help you...sir?"
Stay calm, play it co-
Kick his ass.
Fuck off brain.
"Yes, I'm here for the Bon Bon - Heartstrings affair." you say.
He raises his eyebrow at that and levitates a key to you. "I have also been instructed to direct any...pony to the dining hall at 7..."
You nod and head towards the elevator. Racist asshole.
Your room is midway up, overlooking the north side of the city. Cool, no sun in your face.
I wonder if the West side is still dangerous here...
You look at the clock. 5 in the evening. You collapse on your bed.
Leaving town at the same time you normally woke up was not fun. And bullshit could you sleep on a seat not designed for you. It would be nice to rest a bit...
We need to talk.
Or would have been. What?
About Lotus.
This shit again? What?
How do you feel about her?
I kissed her goodbye today, I'd say I feel pretty good about her.
You know what I mean.
I really don't...
You can't lie to me. I'm you. The honest side, it seems. We need to talk about what Lotus means.
What she means?
Lotus is the first sentient life form we have shown interest in. Ever.
And?
And that signifies a change. A change in our personality.
How do you know we weren't a horsefucker this entire time?
Because we'd been here two months and not shown any interest. Even when their immortal god-empress propositioned us. Even when we had our current special somepony and her twin sister locked up in our house.
We were not taking advantage of Aloe and Lotus over Estrus, That's sick.
And Celestia?
My way is more fun.
But somehow, Lotus gets through. What did she do?
You know wha-
And why did you reciprocate?
You were there, you kno-
I know you, you're committed until this thing goes down. Why here and not on Earth? Well?
...She was nice to us. No one is ever nice to us. She gave us a job after a look and a test we bullshitted through. She was the only pony in town to worry about us after the manticore.
I don't know where this is going, but Lotus deserves a shot with the guy she thinks we are.
And that's enough?
If she can get us to date her, who knows what else she can do?
Your brain was silent.
Yeah. Thought so.
Yo, wake up.
You wake up in a puddle of your own drool. The clock says 6:45. Fuck, get up lazy ass.
The dining hall was nice. Big. Very big. Big enough for the hundreds of ponies that were in it. The hundreds of ponies now looking at you in silence.
Shit. Uh...
"Hi, Everypony!" you shout.
Hi, Doctor Mous!
Eat shit.
"Mous!" you hear from your side.
You turn to spot Lyra galloping towards you, Bon Bon right behind her.
"Finally, the guest of honor has arrived!" she says.
Guest of honor? What?
"Nice to see you Lyra." you say.
"Oh, let me try this out!" she says as she lifts her leg and her horn starts to glow. A minty green hand forms at the end of Lyra's hoof. You grab and shake the hand. Damn, it feels just like flesh, even down to the heat emanating.
"Someone's been practicing."
Bon Bon finally catches up with her bride to be. "Oh...she's been practicing all right." She nuzzles Lyra.
We gave two lesbians hands.
Hands we then shook.
Gross
Gross.
"Come meet my dad, Mous!"
Lyra leads to back to a table being set up. Standing next to it is an elderly unicorn with a brushed back mane, a forest green coat, and a red jacket. Various medals and ribbons hung on it.
A guard vet, it seems.
So it seems.
Time to impress.
"Good day, sir." You toss up a salute, one that he returns with a smile.
"Ah, hello my boy. Captain Harmonica, good to see a guest with respect to the guard."
:Headcanon Harmonica Voice:
Holy shit, his voice.
This man could conceive children with his voice alone.
"Of course, Sir. I have met many guards and respect the work they do." you say.
Getting chased out of Canterlot doesn't count as meeting guards.
Shut up, I don't want him to talk and make our heart stop.
"Dad, I was gonna bring Mous along to the party tonight, is that okay with you?" Lyra asks. She was giving the Harmonica the puppy dog eyes.
"Of course sweetheart, the more the merrier." he says.
Harmonica walks off and you approach Lyra. "Party?" you ask.
She gives you a big grin. "My bachelorette party! We're gonna show these Fillydelphians how it's done!"
Lesbian pony party?
Shit, I'm game.
You collapse back on to your bed around 3:00.
Ow. Ow. Oh ow.
Brain, stop trying to kill us.
HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED HOW LOUD YOU COULD YELL!?
Aaaaaah. I am initiating emergency consciousness override. Piss off brain.
THE CANDY MAN MAKES, EVERYTHING HE BA-
...Silence. Good.
Damn. Lyra can fucking drink. Not so much Harmonica...surprisingly. Somewhere between the third club and the fire, you sorta spaced. Somepony fucking spiked your drink, it's the only explanation.
Oh well, at least you can think and don't have to move anymore. Don't even really have to think anymore with brain offline...
...I wonder how Lotus is doing.
Dammit. Brain was fucking with you even when he wasn't there. It was normal to think about them so often this early, right? Right? You were still you, right?
Dammit. You need someone here.
Brain! Wake the fuck up!
ZZZzzzZZzzZzzZZzzz.
Asshole.
I'm here man.
Heart?
At your service.
Oh good, what's our blood alcohol level at?
A little bit passed pissed.
Shit.
Yeah.
So, can you help? Why are we thinking about Lotus so much?
Well duh dude, it's because we like her.
...We do?
Is that not obvious?
I don't know, we never liked someone before.
Come on man. We may be weird, but we've seen enough cartoons and daytime soaps to know what it's like to like somepony.
So... is this good?
I'm a bit biased here, but I think it is. Lotus is good for us.
How?
We've gotten our ass kicked for Anon a bunch of times, now we have somep0ny who'll kick our ass herself if that happens.
And how is that good?
It makes us think of new options, maybe ones that don't involve hostage situations?
That only happened once...
Also, you know, we like her. Quite a bit. That's a good reason on its own.
Lyra and Bon Bon were well on their way to Canterbury for the honeymoon. Here's hoping they actually get out of the hotel room.
The wedding went off without a hitch. No protesters against a same sex marriage, no time traveling blue boxes, no dinosaurs.
What was that last one?
Brain! Good of you to join us!
What did we drink last night?
Lol I 'unno.
Where are we?
Train back home, should be getting close. It's about nine at night.
Why are we still in our tux?
"Cause all the girls crazy 'bout a"
SHARP
DRESSED
MAN
Yeah.
You're a dork.
You sang along too.
But seriously, why the tux?
Maybe I just like to dress to impress for special events?
Whoa. Wait. Did you plan something without me?
It's a surprise.
We hate surprises!
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
You pull into the station as you put Brain on silent. Bag over your shoulder, you head to the front.
Where is she...
"Dressed up just for me? I'm touched." says a voice from behind you.
You spun around and saw Lotus sitting on a bench, she hopped off and trotted over to you. You put your bag on the ground and sit at eye level with her.
Dude, what are you doing!?
"Hey there pretty pony." you say. You had spent the entire train ride back thinking of that, you were very proud.
You grab her chin and kiss her. Longer then you normally did. Deeper too.
You didn't feel obligated to do this, nor did you feel uncomfortable about doing it in public. You break off and press your forehead against her.
"Mous! What was that for?" she squealed.
Her cheeks were red, even through her coat. She was cute when she was surprised.
"Just happy to be home." you say.