Chapter 4
Well, it’s only been a short time and I’m back enjoying another carriage ride. This time without the shield and angry company. I’ve even got real warm blood running around me, which is pretty nice. Truly things are looking up, or they would be if I wasn’t currently stuck puppeting around a moon pony Princess.
If I didn’t have a conscience, it probably wouldn’t be so bad. Having real eyes and the ability to breath is great, but it’s just kinda wrong to steal someone’s free will like that. What makes it even worse though, is trying to hide my current predicament from the extraordinarily chatty sun pony Princess to my right.
“I do worry about Twilight sometimes,” the pony in question complained about her probable daughter, “she never did show much desire to make friends before I sent her to Ponyville.”
“Right,” That’s what the towns called?
“Its just from these friendship reports she sends me, its hard not to see that she is the cause of a lot of her own issues.”
“I see,” she has to write reports on friendship? What does that even mean?
“For example, do you remember the smarty pants incident?” She asked gesturing a hoof to me.
“Sister how could I ever forget,” Okay, I’m going out on a limb and guessing it's to do with Twilight wearing trousers one day.
“Such blatant disregard for her fellow ponies and using a want it need it spell in such a way, could have caused so much lasting harm to our little ponies, if I hadn’t of stepped in...” Celestia looked down sadly. “All because she was scared of disappointing me.”
Okay, clearly something a bit more went on then a pony wearing dorky trousers. “Come on sister, twilight has clearly improved since those days,” possibly I didn’t really see much of her, “even today she captured that nice friendly suit of armour spirit thing that scared pony town without incident.” Aside from the fact she didn’t do anything but provide me a place to surrender.
“Yes, I suppose your right sister. Thanks for listening, it’s just that I can’t help worrying about my faithful student when she’s so far from home.” It’s only natural for a mother to worry about her daughter.
Celestia, then looked up and smiled at me, or I suppose Luna. “I’ve missed spending time with you Lulu,” oh dear not a heart to heart. “I love how you’ve been so accommodating for me, but I can’t help feeling you’ve been quite withdrawn. For most of this journey you’ve just been listening to my woes, while not revealing your own.”
Okay, brain if you’re up there, it’s time to think of an excuse. “Well sister, I’m just thinking about the rapidly approaching meeting with the griffon government and what we are actually going to be doing.” Nailed it.
Celestia raised an eyebrow, “sister your always work work work. Don’t you want to think about anything else?”
“Look, I just want to be made aware of the nature of our visit, so that a plan can be better formed to deal with the Griffons.” Okay, maybe revealing a bit too much ignorance here.
“Sister we went over this yesterday evening,” Celestia said with a roll of her eyes, “I knew you weren’t paying attention when you said you were just resting your eyes.” Saved by Luna’s unprofessionalness. “Fine here’s the short of it. The griffons have a major food shortage this year, due to their grain supplies being ravaged by a major parasprite infestation. Our mission is to come up with a deal that provides the Griffons a replacement for this grain, while also improving pony griffon relations. Happy now?” Is that all? This sounds like something we should be focusing on full time, with people who are experts in farming and stuff. What would a Princess know about grain anyway?
“Thank you sister, that was all I needed,” I said with the most genuine smile possible. This is going to be a very long day if Luna doesn’t wake up. After that we had a few periods of companionable silence and a few more of Celestia either reminiscing about some past travesty, or her faithful student with me chiming in occasionally with a yes, sure or I remember that.
During one conversation things took a bit of a turn. “I still worry about what could happen should discord break free once…again.” When Celestia looked into my eyes this time she suddenly recoiled in shock. This feels a bit too much like that time with the crème pony in pony town. Okay, might be boned here.
“Is something the matter sister?” I said while tilting Luna’s head, “is there something on my face?”
“No, its fine,” Celestia assured me, “just thought I saw a ghost from our past.” A ghost from their past? Surely, she can’t mean me? I quickly searched the back of the carriage and found the object of my desire in an emergency makeup box. A small hoof held mirror. I scanned Luna’s face for any strange change that could of occurred and wouldn’t you know it, there was one glaringly obvious one staring me right in the face. Luna’s beautiful blue eyes had changed from their regular round pupils to those of a cat. Okay, there’s no way out of this one.
With the panic I felt Luna’s eyes became even more slitted and her ears stood on end “Celestia I can explain.”
“No need sister,” it’s a good job she interrupted me, because I really couldn’t. She really looked upset in the sad kind of way, not the angry one I expected. “I hope you understand Lulu that you have my complete trust,” she said while putting a hoof on Luna’s shoulder, “I know you would never go back to your old ways again.” Huh, wonder what Luna was like before? She probably thinks I’m nervous about this upcoming diplomatic meeting that could affect the fate of potentially millions of Griffons. That does make sense.
After the hours of me being Celestias sounding board, my respite came when a very impressive looking castle appeared on the horizon. This one was less impressive in terms of positioning and more in terms of military effectiveness, with numerous walls towers and gatehouses. These griffons clearly take their defence more seriously than ponies.
“Okay Lulu show time,” Celestia said with a wink as we came into land near a large group of griffon guards. Now these guys were stood at what I can only imagine is perfect attention, wearing their finest ceremonial armour to greet foreign dignitaries and they still looked more intimidating than the angry ponies. They clearly had bigger weapons, more effective armour and not to mention the natural weapons like talons and sharp beaks.
Okay, remain calm, these guys are just trying to put on a show of respect. No instant murdering is going to occur. Unless they have real poor relations with the ponies, they do look like hungry predators. As soon as we landed Celestia elegantly disembarked and began heading down the centre of the lined-up griffons. “Come Sister,” she gestured with a wing for me to follow.
At that I stepped out of the carriage, a little more forcefully then Celestia and had to supress a gulp upon approaching her. Once we were side by side, we continued walking down the line together perfectly in sync while I cast glances at the staring straight ahead griffons. Well, I say in sync but Celestia's legs are a good half a foot longer than Luna’s so I had to take many more steps to keep up. Dammit Luna this is why you eat your greens.
At the end of the two lines, waited a very poshly dressed griffon with a red robe and golden crown. He looked very impressive, apart from the fact he was the same height as the rest of the griffons, maybe even a little shorter. That probably means the griffons choose their leaders based on intellect rather than physical prowess, like the ponies obviously do. I mean both Celestia and Luna are clearly bigger than any other pony around by a large margin, well I guess it pays to have good genes.
When we approached to within two meters of the griffon prince, Celestia suddenly stopped and did a deep bow while lifting one of her hooves and spreading her wings. Obviously, I was totally prepared for this so I stopped right in front of the Prince before raising a hoof for a hoof shake. What happened next was a bit of surprise as the Prince then chose to grasp Luna’s hoof in his talon and lay a light kiss upon it. This prompted me to immediately jerk my hoof back from his grasp.
The Prince then looked to me with a kind smile and said, “Welcome honoured guests Princess Celestia and Princess Luna of Equestria.” Before following with a slight tip of his head to us.
“Greetings Emperor Thunder wing we have much to discuss,” Celestia responded.
Seems like this guy is a few ranks above the lowly Princesses.
“Indeed, we do, would you both be so kind as to follow me. Your pegasus guards will be directed to their accommodation.” He said while turning to walk into the heavily fortified castle. Celestia then decided it would be wise to walk alongside the all-powerful emperor, while her only protection was escorted away. This is just great, now like the lemming I am, I had to do the exact same thing.
During the journey to wherever we were going the tone of conversation changed, “it's good to see you again old friend,” Celestia said to the emperor.
“Yes, if only it was in less dire times.”
“Oh by the way, I’d like to introduce you to my sister,” Celestia said while poking me with a wing.
Well, this is my que “Greetings honourable emperor Thunder Wing. I’ve heard great things about your rule.” That sounds like a princessy thing to say.
“You’re to kind,” he said while looking me up and down, “I’ve heard very little about you since your return, pray tell are the rumours true?”
Now this is confusing “To which are you referring?”
Celestia then cleared her throat to interrupt us, “maybe we could discuss this in a more private setting?”
“Ah if it’s a bit of a sensitive subject I understand,” saved by Celestia, “well I have the perfect room for friendly conversation,” he said as our journey concluded at a door with two guards who proceeded to open it for us. “The two of you must be famished from your journey. The chefs have prepared a number of culinary delights for us to share.” Before heading inside and taking a seat at the head of the table.
“I was under the impression there was some sort of food related issue present?” I couldn’t help but ask, “maybe it would be best for us not to take food away from you?” at that I felt a slight magical shove on my behind pushing me towards the table. That’s a fancy trick sunny.
“Nonsense, nothing but the best for Griffonia's closest allies,” The emperor said, “please take a seat.” At that I relented, he probably thinks it's more important to ensure good relations with us than saving food for his subjects. It's like a calculated risk if he pleases us, Griffonia might get a more beneficial trade deal. I know your game. So now I just had to sit upon the clearly too small chair for Luna’s wide behind. Celestia seemed to manage fine, but to me it was incredibly uncomfortable. I hope they’ve reinforced these seats.
A menu was then brought over with many different meals, “I trust the options to be to your pallets.”
“Oh yes there’s a wide selection of pony suitable meals,” Celestia cheerfully began, “your chefs have truly out done themselves this time Thunder.”
“I agree it looks great”, Okay so what is half this stuff steamed carrots bleh. Hay fries and hay burgers is that even people food? Just look at all those different salads. There had to be something more substantial, so I flipped over the menu. On the other side their were things like Manticore wings and hydra tongue, which could really taste like anything. I wasn't aware this dinner would be such a mine field. Eventually I decided upon something called the full Griffonian. When in Rome and all that.
Celestia looked a tad surprised at my choice, “sister are you sure that’s a wise choice? Why not get the pepper salad with me?” bleh salad.
“Sister the Emperor has offered us the best his nation has to offer. The least we can do is sample the best thing on the menu, which is clearly going to be the dish that possesses the countries name’s sake.” At my apparently haughty sounding voice the emperor let out a deep laugh.
“Ah sisters will be sisters,” he said while shaking his head in amusement, “Luna your taste is indeed impeccable and if the rumours are true you will clearly enjoy it.” What are these rumours dammit.
Celestia, then became slightly more alarmed, “oh erm I’m sure Luna will love it, yes, but not because of any of that.”
“Ok so what’s the rumours then?” I asked Celestia who immediately turned to the waiter to our side.
“Can we order some refreshments for the meal?” well it doesn’t look like an answer is coming.
With our drinks of sweet apple cider delivered, I decided to ask the emperor about the upcoming negotiations. “so Emperor Thunder Wing,” I began.
“Just call me Thunder if I can call you Luna,” he interrupted.
I'm sure Luna would be okay with that, “Ok that’s probably fine. Thunder, are you fully aware of the nature of our visit?”
For a moment the emperor looked a little downcast, “Yes Luna you’re here about the ahem, slight food shortage Griffonia is having. Damn those parasprites.” Whatever those things are.
Celestia, then chose this moment to join in, “exactly we are here to provide aid in the form of food for your people,” well Celestia and Luna are, I’m just the stowaway.
At this, the emperor started to nervously tap his glass, “so what price could we be expecting for such a precious gift?” wish there was an expert on food harvesting in this room.
“A deal of this nature would help connect our two nations through deeper friendship,” Celestia proudly proclaimed, "we ask only for a renewed sense of it with your people." Wow she is a terrible negotiator.
The emperor didn’t seem to like this either, “it would appear you intend to have us be indebted to you in our time of need.”
“How about a trade for some raw resources Griffonia is still producing in abundance? like 1ton of grain for 2ton of unprocessed iron ore” That seems like a fair deal to me, but not to Celestia it seemed as she stealthily batted me on the head with a wing.
Emperor Thunder wing clearly thought the deal had some merits as he started to look quite considerate. “How much food would your people be willing to sell to us?”
Celestia then proudly proclaimed, “our earth ponies are some of the best farmers in the world. They can produce an abundance of food for your people willingly, as everypony is willing to make sacrifices in the name of friendship.” Might be patting ourselves on the back a bit much here.
Another griffon with a clip board then approached the emperor, after a slight claw sign and began whispering information to him. After clearing his throat, he began, “it would appear to help reduce the need for rationing this year we would need an additional 100,000tons of food this year.” I couldn’t help but let Luna's mouth fall open. Its just impossible for me to picture that much food.
Celestia then nonchalantly said, “That seems acceptable.” Wow Equestria can seriously just provide that much food in one go? Where’s our food expert? The griffons have one.
“I see only one flaw in this deal as it stands and that is how we plan to deliver such vast quantities of materials over the required distances.” The emperor again contemplated.
“Maybe we could set up a train line?” I suggested.
“Luna that’s an extremely work intensive task, not to mention the fact that equestrian currently only has the friendship express as its lone locomotive.” Wow that’s what they called their train.
“Sister you have been talking about improving ties between our nations. I believe a joint project of this nature would help solidify our nations bonds,” I happily suggested, “Not to mention that once the train has finished transporting goods it could also facilitate travel for our citizens to experience each other’s cultures. If that isn't friendship forming, I don’t know what is.” Feeling mighty proud at the moment, not going to lie. It's quite clear to see behind Celestias irritation she really wants this to go ahead.
Interrupting our negotiations, the food was brought forth and what a sight mine was. While Celestia had a rather large salad and the emperor had settled for what I can only assume was a manticore wing. I had the greatest gift that could possibly be left before me. Eggs, Bacon, Sausages, hash browns, Black pudding, mushrooms and even beans my favourite meal, I think. The only issue was that being a pony, I’m not sure if Luna can eat this stuff. Feeling her teeth with my tongue led to the pleasant surprise of sharp canines clearly meant for a predator.
I couldn’t help but give my breakfast a long hard sniff, “ah I’ve missed real food.” Now how do ponies eat. Looking to Celestia I could see a glowing golden field around her utensils, causing them to float into the air before expertly cutting up her food and delivering it to her mouth. Welp, that ain’t happening for me. I’ll practice that on my own time. Okay, so the emperor is picking up the utensils with his claws, that can’t be too hard. These hooves seem a bit less fit for purpose really.
With nothing else for it I pressed Luna’s hoof to the fork and found it stuck by some unknown force. Thank you magic, pony land. The task of eating came next and let me tell you I indulged as much as possible mixing the egg with the sausage. Eating bacon alongside the black pudding everything just went down so easily, I couldn’t help letting out a few moans at the intense desire I felt for the food. Once it had evaporated from my plate, I began to lick what yoke I could off the plates surface to ensure I got every scrap. During that licking, I noticed Lunas’s tongue was quite similar to a lizards with a fork in the end. Huh, who knew.
After I’d finished the gourmet meal I laid back in my undersized chair and sighed before noticing the looks I was getting off of my fellow diners. Celestia's was one of barely hidden disgust, while the emperors was one of extreme interest. Both of them had hardly touched their meals in the process, with how interesting my show must have been.
“All I can say is compliments to the chef,” I said before letting out a burp, “Excuse me.”
“So there is at least some truth to those rumours,” the emperor stated with a smile while returning to his own meal. “Its good to see a pony enjoying a proper meal.”
Celestia, looking a little woozy then said, “oh no, Luna’s just showing how anypony can appreciate fine Griffon cuisine if they want.” Before looking back at me in my almost food coma, “she wouldn’t normally choose the meat of an animal, its not really a thing pony’s can well, digest.” Woops.
Ah well, at least I got something good out of this nightmare. Deciding due to the overwhelming bulge in my stomach to lay on the table for a few minutes seemed like the next most sensible thing to do. My two fellow diners continued to converse, while I just stared at the ceiling for the next ten minutes. Existing is pretty good all thing considered.
As the meal was coming to a close, I noticed something peculiar in the ceiling beams. Up above us hiding in the rafters was a strange looking griffon dressed in black. The strangest thing about this individual, was his glowing green eyes. Without them I probably never would have noticed anything at all. This emperor didn’t really trust us as much as he says if he’s got a crossbow wielding guard hiding up there the whole time. I'ts strange though that griffon appears to be pointing his crossbow at the emperor instead of us. That prompted me to sit back up. Why would he be doing that?
Upon seeing me looking up, the emperor’s faithful guard took aim and I suddenly realized the situation. While Celestia and the emperor were discussing some inane event at something called the grand galloping gala, the Griffin loosed his shot. I had just a second to act and my choice may not have been the best but hey time was short. I attempted to jump across the table landing squarely in the middle splitting it in half. This gave me just enough reach to put Luna's hoof in the way of the shot. Simultaneously my armour spread up her foreleg causing the arrow to harmlessly bounce off. “ASSASSIN,” I then screamed at the top of Luna’s lungs before scrambling in front of the still bewildered emperor.
At my valiant scream for help, the two griffon guards outside the door rushed into the room. They then bore witness to the sight of the assassin attempting to escape out the window before they grabbed them and dragged them away kicking and screaming.
“I’m really sorry about your meals,” I then looked back, “and the table.” I couldn’t help the sheepish grin that formed. I then quickly reduced the armour back to normal on Luna’s foreleg. Don’t want to get myself into trouble or anything.
“LULU are you ok? Did it get you?” Celestia began frantically asking as she grasped a hold of me with both hooves, “I thought I’d lost you for a second there.” She then began hugging me which probably would have been nice if it didn’t squeeze out all of the life-giving air. “I promise I won’t let anything happen to you like that again, okay?”
The emperor then cleared his throat at our display, “well that’s the second one this month,” he said before turning to me, “I didn’t want to be, but I suppose my dear I am in your debt, Thank you.” Second this month? Wow this guy is not popular. Well, that’s what happens when your country has some turmoil. He then again grabbed my hoof and laid a light kiss upon it. “I believe it would be best if the two of you were to retire to your rooms while we investigate this mess,” he gestured to his table. I said I was sorry. “In the morning we can discuss more about this train idea of yours. It appears to have many merits.” At that he wandered off after his guards.
A lone griffon servant then nervously approached us, “would the two of you be so kind as to follow me?” We both gave an affirmative and off we went to our rooms.
Outside the door to Luna’s room Celestia said one last thing, “Luna today you’ve made me very proud. If you weren’t here, I don’t know what would have happened.” She then gave me a light hug before entering her own room. Well, that’s just a free pass to me really, as if I wasn’t present birdy would be dead. Great success. I even had a skip in my step as I entered my room.
Okay, I might feel pretty good, but there is one final thing that could make today. “Come on Luna wake up”. After a number of attempts at returning the moon princess to her former glory, I decided to sleep in the provided bed. All that can be said about that bed is it’s a welcome sight for sore eyes, my first time ever sleeping after returning to existence, I can’t wait.