//------------------------------// // Chapter Six - The Fight // Story: Old Traditions // by NightsGlory //------------------------------// The scene that played out before Twilight was many things. It was odd, it was terrifying. It was hilarious, and it was confusing. It would also go down as one of her favorite stories to tell her future foals. As she, Applejack, and Devine looked on, neither knew what to do. Both Big Macintosh and Fuji were sitting at the kitchen table, with five mugs of cider lined up for each. Well, there had been five mugs of cider. The first of each lay shattered on the floor beside their respective owners. Fuji was almost through chugging his second, when Mac did something completely otherworldly. Taking his empty mug from his lips, he quickly slammed it down to the floor and shouted “Two!” As the last mug was shattering, so was he beginning to take down the contents of the third. Fuji soon followed suit, shouting his own “Two!” and moving on to the next drink. Twilight’s mouth hung agape, as she had no idea what was going on. She glanced to her side, seeing a similar expression on Devine’s face. Applejack quietly chuckled behind the perplexed ponies, covering her mouth with a hoof. “Y’all are gonna need some explainin’, Ah reckon. This here’s an old, old, Apple family tradition. If two family members are havin’ a quarrel, this is how it’s settled. The first part’s simple; five mugs of cider. The first one to five wins, and the other’s gotta stop where he’s at. The point is to get as drunk as possible fer what comes next.” Twilight’s heart dropped into her stomach, and she could feel her pulse race. “What…comes next, Applejack, dear?” Devine asked with trepidation. “Hoof fight.” She said it plainly, without a hint of sarcasm in her voice. “W—what was that, Applejack?” Twilight asked. “It almost sound like you said hoof fight.” “Ah did.” Devine spoke up again. “So…so you’re saying that they’re going to get drunk an—and…” “…beat the tar outta each other, yep,” Applejack finished. “Plain an’ simple. It’s old traditions, an’ that’s jus how we’ve always done it.” “Four!” Big Macintosh bellowed, shattering his fourth glass and starting on his fifth. Fuji had just finished his third mug, slamming it down as fast as he could. “Oh, no,” Twilight whispered. “No, no, no, no, no! This is not good!” She knew how strong Big Macintosh was. She had felt those muscles. And what pony that lived in Ponyville hadn’t seen him drag that house when the Crusaders had drugged him? He was going to crush Fuji! “Don’t worry none, Twi,” Applejack said. “There’s a stoppin’ point. There ain’t no harm in it.” “What’s the stopping point?” Devine asked. “Knockout,” Applejack replied. Devine almost fainted. In fact, if Twilight hadn’t caught her in a field of levitation, she may have just done that. As she righted the Manehattan pony back on her hooves, they heard another smash, and Mac’s guttural growl. “Done!” he exclaimed. “Put ‘em down, Fuji. Time ta go to the yard.” The other pony reluctantly lowered his fourth glass, which was three quarters of the way empty. “Lead the way, Mac,” he said. Macintosh rose from the table, stumbling just a bit as he made for the door. As he passed through the frame, his back hoof caught it and the cracking of wood was heard. Nothing broke, but there was definitely a hairline fracture where the wood should have remained smooth. The two mares whose counterparts were involved stared at each other, worry etched across their features. Applejack chuckled, following Fuji outside. “Come on, y’all. Ya don’t wanna miss this.” Before either could start the walk, Devine turned towards her new, lavender friend. “Twilight, darling,” she began, “I do hope that, whatever happens, we can remain friends. I get the feeling that you’re a very nice pony, and I would hate for my husband’s insolence to ruin any potential friendship.” Twilight smiled nervously. If there’s anything left of your husband after this, we’ll see just how friendly you want to be, she inwardly thought. “Absolutely,” she said, faking confidence. “This is between them, right? I mean, who are we to stand in the way of tradition, right? Right?” Her façade cracked, and she quickly turned and trotted out of the kitchen, Devine close in tow. The two stallions were facing each other in the yard, foreheads pressed together as they stared each other down. Granny Smith had somehow snuck out of the living room, and now sat on the porch, perched on a rocking chair with a megaphone to boot. Twilight did a double-take at her coltfriend’s grandmother. “How did she? When did she? Wha—but—physics?” “Don’t think too hard, sugarcube,” came Applejack’s drawl. She was speaking out of the corner of her mouth, with a careful eye on the match that was about to take place. “She’s got a different kinda magic, Ah think.” “Gimme jusht a minute, Twi!” Mac called. “Ah’ll ‘ave this shtallion knocked out cold, an’ we kin get on ‘bout our business!” “Don’t bet on it, cous,” Fuji replied. “Devine, dear, help Applejack get some ice fer when I bruise ‘em up!” “You will do no such thing!” Devine replied, a stern look on her face. “Big Macintosh, you stop this right now! There’s absolutely no need for violence!” Both of the stallions turned toward their romantic interests. “Ah’ll have ye know tha’ Ah have ta beat his ass, darlin’,” Mac slurred out, swaying as he did so. He could take a lot of alcohol, but five pints in under two minutes was pushing it, even for him. “It says so.” Twilight marched up to Big Mac and tapped his chest with her hoof. “Says so where, Mac? Where’s the book? I’d like to read it.” “Says so’s in mah blood,” he said, nodding smugly. “That’s no excuse! Now you get your flank back in the kitchen and you clean up all that glass!” Applejack had approached Twilight and was currently trying to pull her off of her brother. “Come on now, Twi. They gotta fight. It’s part of bein’ an Apple.” Twilight brushed Applejack’s hoof off. “I don’t care what your traditions say, this can be settled another way!” Fuji had remained quiet until then. His southern accent only came out when he was drunk, and he was laying it on thick now. “See, cous? Told ya. Them damn unicorns don’t know nothin’ ‘bout actin’ like an earth pony.” Twilight froze, as did Applejack and Big Macintosh, whose eyes just narrowed as he let out a snort. “What—did you just call me?” Twilight asked, turning slowly towards Fuji. “Called ya what ya are. A damn unicorn.” Twilight had heard the term only once in her life. It was one day when she was misbehaving more so than usual, and her father had accidentally let it slip. When she asked her mother about it, her father had received quite the tongue lashing. Once she got older, she understood why. One just simply did not use that phrase. “Mac,” Twilight said, turning back to her coltfriend, “I’ve changed my mind. Kick his flank.” She dusted off his chest where she had poked him, looked at Applejack and, with a nod, returned to Devine’s side. “I hope that didn’t offend you,” Twilight told her new ‘friend.’ “Not in the slightest, dear,” the alabaster pony replied. “After using such language, I have half a mind to be out there myself. He doesn’t usually say things like that, what with being a father and all.” Applejack returned to her spot next to the two mares, and sat down with them to watch the upcoming show of strength. Big Macintosh was snorting and pawing the ground. “Ah hope ya know yer dead fer that,” he threatened. “Bring it,” was all Fuji said, as he swayed onto his back hooves. Mac followed suit, both posed at the ready for their bout. The lime-colored matriarch, perched atop her creaking chair, rocked towards her megaphone stand. “On yer mark,” she spoke, rocking away from it. Closing in again, she said, “Get set,” and on the third rock, contrary to what Twilight thought was going to happen, she managed to yell out, “Go!” Of course, however, the next time she rocked forward, the megaphone managed to poke her in the eye anyways. “Consarn it!” she cursed. “Darned thing gets me every time!” The fight had begun. Big Macintosh instantly brought his right hoof forward, and Fuji copied his move. Both stallions stumbled backwards, each losing balance from the others blow. They came together again, trading punch for block for a few seconds. Finally, Mac got close enough and lashed out with his hoof, landing a hit across Fuji’s jaw. The receiving stallion stumbled backwards, but quickly regained and faked a punch at Big Mac’s face before catching him in the gut. Doubled over in pain, Mac was barely able to dodge Fuji’s next blow, but retaliated with another shot to the Manehattan pony’s face with his left hook. Mac quickly swung his right hoof and connected again, giving Fuji a mean case of whiplash. Twilight and Devine were both sitting on their flanks, mouths covered in horror at the scene that was unfolding. Even though she wanted Mac to beat Fuji down, she didn’t imagine it would be this violent. She had never even witnessed a fight, aside from her friends’ battle with the changelings. That, she reason, was okay. They weren’t ponies, after all. Several times throughout the match, Twilight thought of intervening with her magic. However, with the way Applejack was watching the two stallions go at it, there was no way she get away with such a thing. Besides, she reasoned, wasn’t this whole ordeal happening because she had a horn in the first place? “Come on, Mac!” yelled Granny Smith from her chair. “Show ‘em what for! That all ya got, Fuji? Show mah boy how to hit!” Aside from being thoroughly confused by the matriarch’s fair-weather tendencies, Twilight was really hoping her coltfriend could end this soon. The bout continued on for several minutes, each pony basically trading blow for blow. One of Mac’s eyes had already swollen shut, and Fuji had a trail of blood oozing from his mouth and nostril. Finally, Macintosh rounded on Fuji with a mean uppercut, catching him in the jaw with a blow that lifted him from the ground. He hit hard, unmoving for several seconds as Mac swayed in a boxer’s position. Devine and Twilight let out a little gasp, fearing the worst. Fuji moved after a moment, slowly rising back to his back two hooves. He swung blindly forward, stumbling past Macintosh and face-planting in the ground. “We got a TKO?” Applejack asked, leaning forward in anticipation. Her suspicion was denied as Fuji rose once more. As soon as he was up and ready, however, Mac caught him in another uppercut that sent the Manehattan farmer flying into a nearby fencepost, all but splintering it with the force of gravity. “Ya gonna shtay down thi’ time?” Big Macintosh slurred, swaying once again. “Dun count me out jus’ yet, Cousin,” Fuji said, getting back to his hooves in a painfully slow manner. Half of his face was now covered with the blood from a cut that Mac’s hoof had delivered. Twilight tapped Applejack on the shoulder. “Isn’t this far enough?” she asked. “I don’t want them to get hurt.” “Honestly, darling, I had no idea my husband had such barbaric customs,” Devine commented. Applejack laughed, brushing the two worrywarts off. “It’ll be over soon, one way or the other. Either one gives up, or one gets KO’ed. Mah bet’s on a KO in juuuuuust a second.” Sure enough, she was right. Mac pulled a one-two-three with two to Fuji’s abdomen, and one more to his nose, sending the stallion back into the broken pile of fence, knocked out cold. Macintosh lowered himself to all four hooves, giving a little hoof pump before stumbling over to his marefriend. Applejack and Devine went to check on Fuji, who was quickly beginning to stir. “Ah won,” Mac stated plainly, trying to plant a kiss on Twilight’s lips. She pushed him away with a hoof, giving her drunk coltfriend a stern look. “What?” he asked, with a big, stupid grin plastered across his purple and bloody muzzle. “Ah won!” “Two things,” Twilight began. “One, you’re disgusting. Go take a shower because I am not kissing a stallion covered in blood. Two, that was horrible. I’m glad you won, honey, but I had no idea it was so…so bloody! And you know what, I’ve decided to add a third thing. You’re wasted. Go sober up.” Mac still stood rooted to the spot, flashing her a goofy grin. “Now.” His grin dropped suddenly, and he turned and trudged back towards the house. “Oh, and Mac?” Twilight said, getting the stallion’s attention. “Thanks for defending me. I love you.” She smiled at him, then ushered him forward with a hoof motion. Grinning in his stupid, drunken joy, he quickly slurred out an “Ah love you, too,” before turning tail and stumbling into the kitchen. Twilight’s ears pricked as she heard the scattering of glass across the wooden floor, but she heard to cries of pain, so she went to check on Fuji. “How is he?” she asked, approaching. “Peachy,” Applejack replied, smiling. “A bit woozy, but whole.” “Devine? Are you okay?” inquired Twilight. There was a moment of silence as she held her husband’s head, looking into his distant eyes. She dropped his head, allowing it to make a solid thump on the wooden fence post. “Yes. He’s just…stupid. Downright stupid.” She stood, and looked down at her drunk and beat up husband. “You’re taking a shower, and not a moment after cousin Macintosh.” Fuji only laughed, mumbling something about stars and how pretty they were. Applejack cracked up, turning and trotting back towards the kitchen. “Come on, y’all,” she said. “We gotta clean up their glass, otherwise somepony will cut themselves.” ~~~ Several hours had passed since the bout, and the sun was beginning to set in the Equestrian sky. Glass shards had long been cleaned up, and both Big Macintosh and Fuji were passed out in separate beds. After the stallions had both showered off, Devine and Twilight had helped them under the covers, where they both promptly passed out drunk. This had, of course, led to increased social time for the mares present, which they gladly ate up. “So that’s when Broomsedge realized that knocking down the beehive is not an effective way to get honey for dinner. Oh, you should have seen us run! We were screaming like little school fillies.” Devine paused in her story, placing a hoof to her chin. “Well, I guess one of us is a little school filly.” Twilight, Applejack, and Applebloom laughed, leaving Broomsedge to pout at her mother. “Mom! You know that story embarrasses me! Why do you always have to tell it!” Devine wiped a tear from her eye as she hugged her daughter with her free hoof. “Oh, dearie, it’s because you’re so funny. One day when you’re older, you’ll think it’s as funny as I do!” “I doubt it,” the brown filly growled. All of the mares were sitting in the living room, relaxing as a warm fire crackled merrily in the hearth. Granny Smith was snoozing yet again, somehow managing to rock her chair in her sleep. Twilight decided that the ancient mare must have taught Pinkie Pie a few tricks, with all the sense she made. The researcher in Twilight wasn’t even going to attempt to explain the strange happenings around her. With the stallions out for the evening, Twilight had gotten plenty of time to chat with Devine, and she found out what an interesting pony she was. As she had mentioned earlier, she had grown up in Manehattan. Her childhood had been drastically different from Twilight’s, but not just because the lavender mare was Celestia’s protégé. Manehattan was a completely different city than Canterlot, riddled with petty crime and homeless ponies. The gap between the rich and the poor was quite large there, and Twilight was left wondering if Celestia knew about it. Most likely she did, but not even a benevolent princess can help everypony. Twilight made a mental note to mention the city’s issues in her next friendship report. After today’s events, that could be quite soon. Devine was still hugging her daughter, the last of her laughter dying out. Wiping yet another tear from her eye, she said, “Oh, how I do love having foals.” She ruffled Broomsedge’s mane, and released her from the motherly grip which she had enacted like a punishment. “Little farmers are tha best,” Applejack commented. “Applebloom does the funniest things, ya just wouldn’t believe it…” Applebloom visibly cringed at her sister’s tone, sensing that if she didn’t move fast, she could be the subject of the next story. “Come on, Broomsedge,” Applebloom said, lowering herself to the ground. “Let’s get outta here ‘afore Applejack starts tellin’ those stories about me!” The two fillies galloped outside to play in the last bit of light left from the waning sun. Twilight smiled. “I can’t wait until I have my own. They’re so adorable.” “Oh, and I bet yours would be strong, with a stallion like Big Macintosh,” Devine absently commented. If Applejack wasn’t paying attention before, she certainly was now. “Say what now? Twi, is there somethin’ ya need to be tellin’ me?” The lavender mare’s cheeks quickly flushed red as she held up a hoof. “Oh, no, no! Devine, we’re nowhere near that, yet!” “Oh, dear!” the Manehattan mare exclaimed. “I’m so sorry! How long have you two been together?” “Only two months!” “Oh, my Celestia! I had no idea! Why, I thought it had been at least a year!” Applejack laughed, breaking the tension. “Nope, just a few months, Devine. Though it does seem a lot longer, the way they act.” “That’s what I’m screaming,” Devine said, using a figure of speech from her home city. Twilight was flushed with color now, and she could swear it was slowly creeping down her neck. Regardless, though, she couldn’t help but picture what her and Mac’s foals would look like. After a moment of silence, Applejack spoke up. “Do ya think, if they had a unicorn, it’d have some sort of, ya know, super horn?” It was Twilight’s turn to laugh now, laughing so hard that she snorted a few times. “Applejack,” she exclaimed in short breaths, “that isn’t even possible! What the hay is a super horn?” Devine was chuckling now, as Applejack tried to defend her reasons. “Well, the princesses have them! Really long ones!” “That’s because they’re alicorns!” Twilight laughed. “W—well, maybe y’alls foal would have a really, I dunno, muscle-y one or somethin’! Who knows!” All three mares had now lost it, the day’s long hours and events catching up with their sanity. “That’s like saying that you and a Wonderbolt would produce a foal with super wings!” Twilight snorted. “You—you know” she stammered through her laughter, “Soarin did really like your pies!” “Oh, huh uh!” Applejack said, pointing a hoof at her friend. “Don’t even go there, pardner! Do Ah need to fill Devine in on just how you told mah brother ya liked him?” Twilight choked on her laugh, sending Applejack into another fit of giggles. Devine, too, was wrapped up in the fun, with the lavender mare’s expression only serving to fuel it more. “Ah, heh—no, AJ, I think that’s ok.” After the three had settled down, Devine looked towards her new friend. Her alabaster coat was gleaming in the firelight, giving her a comforting glow. “Well, Twilight, I certainly won’t force it out of you, but…how did you and Macintosh ‘hit it off,’ as so many ponies are saying nowadays?” “It’s a funny story, really,” Twilight began. She shot a glance at Applejack. “It’s kind of embarrassing, as well.” “Nonsense, dear. It’s love. Nothing about it is embarrassing, we all experience it at some point.” “Some later rather than sooner,” Applejack mumbled. “Oh, AJ,” Twilight said, giving her friend a sympathetic look. “You’ll find somepony at some point. I promise. And if you don’t, I’m sure that I and the girls can help you find somepony!” The orange mare smiled at her friend, mouthing a “thank you,” to which Twilight simply nodded. Then, looking back at Devine, she began the retelling of her story. She told how she had gone to help the Apples organize a town effort to make cider season run smoother than before, and how she had wanted to learn to buck apples. She spun an intricate tale of working beside Big Macintosh as he delicately coached her on all the inner workings of bucking an apple tree, and how to feel through her hooves. She told Devine of the evening by the pond, how she had kissed Mac and run away right after, and she told of her return to the farm and her confrontation with the big red stallion. Devine “oohed” at all the right parts and “d’aww’d” at all the cute parts. Referring to the past few days, Twilight said, “After he warned me about your h—husband, I kind of started to freak out. He’s really good at keeping me calm, though. I’m sure if it wasn’t for him, I may have gone ‘Smarty Pants’ again.” Devine had a puzzled look on her face. “’Smarty Pants’?” “’Nother story fer another day,” Applejack said, dismissing the tale with a wave of her hoof. “She isn’t kidding,” Twilight reinforced. “But yeah. Big Macintosh is pretty much the greatest thing that’s happened to me since Celestia made me her protégé.” “Aw, ain’t that cute,” teased Applejack. Twilight shot her a glare, but said nothing. When she remained quiet for the next few seconds, the alabaster pony from Manehattan asked her an odd question. “So, dear, how much has Macintosh told you about the Apple family?” The question caught Twilight off guard, and Applejack raised a brow. “What do you mean?” Devine reddened in embarrassment. “I mean—um, I mean, he told you about my husband, right? What did he tell you about…the others?” Applejack’s pupils dilated as she looked towards her friend, who in turn felt like a lead weight had dropped into her stomach. “Th—the others?” Twilight stammered. “Wuh—what others?” “Sugarcube, don’tcha remember the first conversation we had about this? When we said some members of the Apple family? We wasn’t talkin’ bout just one.” “O—oh.” That’s all Twilight could say. She thought that this was it. For some reason, she had it in her head that all she needed to do was get past this couple, and everything would be fine. She had foolishly believed that this was the finish line. “Well, does that really matter? I mean, will I ever even see these ponies?” Oh, Twilight. Foolish, innocent Twilight. For a mare who was so, so, very smart, she could be surprisingly dim-witted at times. If she had never asked that question, the next words out of Devine’s mouth may never have come to be. They wouldn’t have startled the mare like her orange friend had not but so many days ago, and it wouldn’t have set in motion the next chapter of her life. “Well, only if you plan on staying around for a while, of course,” the alabaster mare said. “Celestia knows I’ve met them all. It was…quite a trial.” "You had to meet them?" Twilight asked. "Oh yes, it's practically a requirement. Like the fight our two lovers had, it’s part of the Apple tradition for new members to meet everypony." Twilight glanced at Applejack, who only gave a sympathetic, yet sarcastic, smile. “Twilight Apple?” she asked Applejack. “Twilight Apple,” the farmpony confirmed. “Buck.” The lavender mare suddenly had a lot to think about, not the least of which was wondering if this relationship was worth all the trouble it would cause in the long run.