//------------------------------//
// The Equestrian Approval Process -or- Discord's Celestial Shakedown 
// Story: The Discordant Days of Discord The Draconequus 
// by Roxxi 
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	“I’m really not sure this is the best idea Luna, your sister and I don’t exactly see eye to eye, remember? Maybe we should just postpone this for a bit, say a few millennia?” Discord asked hopefully as he was led through the surprisingly empty halls to the castle’s audience chamber where Celestia usually held court for the day. Normally, he’d relish the fact that there were no guards around, as it meant he could do as he pleased without being interrupted, but at the moment it just seemed ominous. 

Luna looked back at him with a reassuring smile. “You have nothing to fear Discord, ‘Tia is very understanding, I have no doubt that after reasoning with her, she will approve of your proposal.” She turned back around and continued to the audience chamber. Discord moaned woefully and covered his face with his claws. He was definitely going to be dead by the end of the day, immortality aside. 

Luna scowled slightly at him. “Suppose we make a wager on it? If I can convince my sister to let you stay in the castle and be with me, you must do something exceedingly romantic for me on our first real date.” Luna offered, confident she could get Celestia to agree. 

“Oh Luna, that’s not fair, you know I love a challenge! Alright, you’re on, but if I win, you have to promise not to let her kill me, sound fair?” Discord offered up skeptically. Really, this was an easy bet; he had it in the bag. Luna grinned slyly. 

“The terms have been set, let the games begin!”


Canterlot Castle Audience Chamber, Outside The Doors


Luna looked back at her chaotic companion and gave him another smile. “Please wait here Discord, I will talk to my sister before you come in, perhaps that will make things proceed smoother, do you agree?” Discord shuffled back and forth uncomfortably and the youngest of the princesses knocked on the tall ornate doors of the chamber and the serene voice of the princess of the sun called out to her. 

“Yes? You may enter my little pony.” 

Luna pushed the doors open trotted inside. “It is only me dear sister. I was wondering if I might take a few minutes of your time to speak to you about a very important matter.” She said as she approached her sister and gave her a quick hug, you know, one of those hugs that lasts only a few seconds but still makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside because it was from a sibling. “Where are all the guards ‘Tia?”

“I gave them all the day off, it isn’t as if Discord or Chrysalis is going to pop up out of the blue or something, right? You know that I always have time for you Lu-Lu. Now what is it you needed to speak to me about, hm?” Celestia asked after releasing her younger sister.

“I have met somepony who is very special to me who is interested in becoming romantically involved with me. As per your request, I have come to you for your blessing ‘Tia.” Luna explained proudly. Her sister clapped her hooves together joyfully and drew her sister in for another hug, only one of the more lung-squeezing varieties this time. 

“Oh this is excellent news Lu-Lu! I told you that you would become friends with ponies with time, and you’ve even found a special somepony, oh this is wonderful! Who is the stallion?” Celestia asked eagerly, her sisterly instincts demanding the juicy details.

“Well, it’s not a stallion per say-” 

Celestia looked shocked. “Not a stallion? Why, I had no idea you preferred mares, I’m terribly sorry sister. I never meant to-” This time is was Celestia’s turn to get cut off.

“What? No! You misunderstand me, I don’t like mares that way anymore ‘Tia, you know that was just a phase.” Luna said, an embarrassed blush darkening her cheeks. “He isn’t a mare by any means, but he’s not exactly a stallion.” 

Celestia thought for a moment and looked at her sister incredulously. “Is he a dragon? Oh good heavens Luna, please don’t say you’re in love with my student’s dragon!” Celestia begged her sister. 

“Wh-what? Sister, will you please listen to me? This is serious!” The lunar princess demanded, the blush on her face spreading further. She took a deep breath and slowly explained herself to the older princess. “He isn’t exactly one thing, but he does love me, I caught him yelling it in the middle of the gardens earlier.” Luna turned to the still open doors of the audience chamber and called out. “Discord! Please come here dear!”

Celestia froze as the tyrant that had tried to destroy Equestria, or conquer it anyways, poked his head into the door way. The she jumped into action with clear, level-headed determination to protect her sister from the evils her nemesis could enact upon her using the most arcane and complex of spells, which translates into ‘freaked out and used her magic to slam the door violently in his face’, leaving a detailed impression of the chaos god’s face in the heavy wooden door. Luna jumped up from her seat and gasped in horror, galloping to the door to throw it open. 

“SISTER! Why in Equestria would you do such a terrible thing?” She pulled Discord from the door with her magic and turned him over in the air several times to check for any serious injuries. 

Celestia practically screeched in protest. “Why? Because Discord is evil beyond measure! He tried to destroy Equestria! Twice! He tried to kill us! How can you even stand the sight of him?!” 

Discord was feeling a little woozy from being spun in the air, and now that Luna had turned away from him and was distracted by arguing with her sister, he was beginning to spin faster. “Erp… Not… Feeling…”

“Because he loves me! Why can’t you accept this? I did as you suggested and found a special somepony, and was considerate enough to bring him before you for your blessing!” Luna shouted back, Discord’s cries falling on deaf ears. 

The draconequus was starting to look a little green as he was spun faster and faster still. “Going… To be… Sick…”

“A special somepony, yes. Not a chaotic monster who wants nothing more than to see the whole of Equestria torn apart at the seams! He is evil Luna, and it is our duty to stop him before he causes any harm! Now chain him down till I summon the Elements of Harmony to reseal him!” Celestia demanded standing up from her throne to stamp her hoof for emphasis. 

“Please? Can… somepony help- HURAGH!!!” 

The sibling rivalry halted in its verbal tracks as the spinning chaos lord unceremoniously heaved the contents of his stomach, which strangely happened to be an accordion, barrel, clock, didgeridoo, envelop, fishhook, gyroscope, hanger, igloo, jelutong, kayak, lance, mandolin, noose, obelisk, piano, quill, refrigerator, skates, tuba, unicycle, veinstones, whip, xylophone, yo-yo, and a zeppelin. Luna gasped a released Discord quickly, in turn dropping him in the impossibly large pile of detritus that mysteriously managed to fit in him in the first place.

“Discord, are you okay? Discord, speak to me, please?” The lunar princess asked as she pulled him out from underneath the tuba with her magic.

Discord looked at her with a comically cross-eyed expression, a quill sticking out of his ear, and giggled deliriously. “Muffins!” 

Luna sighed in relief. “Oh thank the stars; he was not harmed too seriously.” She nuzzled him happily, momentarily forgetting her quarrel with her sister, even the fact that her sister was still in the room didn’t register. 

“Ehem, Luna, we still have to discuss your sanity, or lack thereof.” Celestia pointed out tersely. She could handle Luna dating; she was a big mare now after all. She could handle the crazed fan club that bordered on being a cult dedicated to her sister called something silly, the “Lunar Republic’ or something equally ludicrous. Hay, she could even handle her experiments that seemed as if they belonged in a mad-scientist story. Caring for Discord who, in case it wasn’t clear before, was bent on twisting Equestria into a pretzel, however, was out of the question.

Luna was internally panicking, if she couldn’t get Discord even slightly accepted, her potential love life would be over before it began. Just because she was scared didn’t mean she was going down without a fight, oh no sir, not at all. In fact, the princess of the night had a secret weapon that had never failed her before, and this was going to take her best effort to pull off.

“But… He makes me happy… Don’t you care about my happiness?” Luna sniffled sadly, looking at her sister pleadingly, her bottom lip beginning to tremble. Celestia frowned and shook her head.

“I do care, but this is ridiculous, you can’t possibly love him. He’s obviously put you under a spell of some sort; it wouldn’t be the first time Discord has controlled ponies for his games.” The elder of the two pointed out, gesturing towards the still delirious Discord with a glare. Celestia would make Luna see reason. After all, science requires reason, and a pony of science such as her sister must surely put more to stock in reason than the words of a lying villain. At the very least she’d have to trust her sister.

Still defying my power? Very well, I shall double the sadness… Luna thought to herself and prepared to hit Celestia with the full fury of her magic. 

Luna sniffled again, hanging her head down low, her voice cracking with the unrestrained grief and mourning of a thousand Shakesmarean tragedies. “You don’t care… You never did… You imprisoned me on the cold, dark, lonely moon for a thousand years and now that I have returned, you still wish to keep me cold and alone…” Luna lifted her head to look at Celestia one last time, her eyes filling with tears, a look of heartbreak and sorrow buried deep in their emerald depths. 

The solar princess bit her lip, maybe she was wrong, and maybe this was good for Luna. And I did banish her to the moon by herself… Oh buck me, I’m a terrible sister. Celestia inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. 

After a few tense moments, Celestia opened her eyes, making sure to keep them focused on a point above her sister’s guilt inducing gaze. “Very well, I will allow you to remain with Discord, provided he stay in the castle at all times, unless given my express permission, do I make myself clear?” 

Discord sat up suddenly, looking completely unharmed, all traces of the junk that he had expelled earlier vanishing in a flash. “I can’t believe it! You did it Luna, I don’t know how, but you did it.” He said giving the now smirking Luna a pointed scowl. “I’m sure you cheated, there’s no way you could have tricked Celestia into letting me stay here. That much ‘D‘aw’ at one time is akin to dropping the sun on somepony, just completely unfair overkill.”

Luna gave him a playful push and grinned widely. “Now do not be a sore loser Discord, I won fair and square and you know it. Just remember, you promised a very romantic first date.” Discord sighed and rolled his eyes.

“I know, and you’ll get it, don’t fret my little Luna. I may be chaotic, but I am most certainly not a liar.”

Celestia blinked, one moment her sister was in tears, and the next, she was giggling and talking with Discord about dates. “Excuse me, but what just happened? You were just crying!” Celestia exclaimed, glaring at the pair on the ground. “Explain yourself Luna; I demand an explanation to this nonsense!”

“I believe your sister just played you like a two-bit fiddle Celestia, but what do I know?” Discord remarked with the most innocent look he could muster. Celestia’s eye twitched, and Luna quickly leapt up to calm her sister down. 

“’Tia, I did not mean to trick you like this, but I knew you wouldn’t agree unless I… convinced you to let us be together. Can you forgive me?” Luna asked, and Celestia raised her eyebrow slightly, a smoldering look in her half-lidded eyes. 

“I promise to purchase those chocolate coated banana treats you love so much if you give me leniency.” Luna offered sweetly.

“…The dark chocolate banana sticks?” The fruit loving princess asked after a few moments of deep thought.

Luna nodded. “The darkest, most chocolately chocolate covered bananas in all of Equestria.” 

“That’s dirty pool, but I do need to restock my supply of those delicious snacks… Fine, forgiveness has been given. You may go Luna.” 

Luna gave her sister one more hug and turned to trot out of the audience chamber. “Get up Discord, I have to show you my tesla coils, they are quite the shocking sight to see.” She said, giggling at her horrible pun and Discord hopped up onto his claws and began walking upside down out of the room.

“Not you Discord, I’d like to have a word with you…”

Discord winced. So close to keeping my internal organs. He thought glumly.

Luna turned around and opened her mouth to speak, but the Celestia held up a hoof. “I would prefer it if you would let us speak alone Luna, please.” Luna’s shoulders drooped and she headed out of the room, the doors closing behind her with a small flare of magic from the solar princess. 

Celestia dragged Discord closer to her with another burst and looked him in the eyes. “You listen close, and you listen well Discord. I do not like you, I mean I really, really do not like you. Unfortunately, my sister has found you desirable for some strange reason, and I am forced to put up with you as a result. This had better not be some silly little game of yours.” 

“Celestia, I really-” Discord began with a slight laugh, but Celestia continued her interruption streak for the day.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. I’m only going to warn you once, Luna means the world to me, and if you hurt her, if you make her cry, if you put one little claw of out of line in anyway with her, I will hunt you down. The things I will do to you will make being a statue a hug and banishment to the moon look like a trip to Manehattan. Don’t you dare break her heart, or I’ll make sure you regret it. You don’t know her like I do, I’m her big sister, and it’s my duty to protect her.” Discord sighed and looked back at the alicorn who now had him pinned against a wall with her hooves.

“So I don’t know her, do I? Let me ask you a few things my dearest Celestia.” He said, a hint of sarcasm gracing his voice. 

“Did you know she likes smooth jazz? Or that her favorite drink is Zap Apple Cider, strong, custom ordered from Sweet Apple Acres? Or that every full moon, she studies timber wolves to see if they change into ponies to test the myth of ‘Were-Ponies’? Or that every Tuesday night for the past few months, she’s been visiting my cozy little statue in the gardens to bring me a sandwich, let alone that she was even sitting out in the gardens for hours every night just to keep me company? Heaven forbid you knew she was working on a way to free me from that prison I was stuck in for weeks now.” He stated flatly and Celestia looked taken aback.

“I didn’t- I mean, Luna never-” She stuttered.

“Oh right, I’m sorry, it’s obviously Luna’s fault you never bothered to ask or listen, correct? Tell me, Oh wise and wonderful Celestia, did you know Luna’s birthday is next month? Or is it Luna’s fault again? Do you even have an inkling of an idea about what she wants? No? Let me give you a hint, it’s not a science kit for foals, it’s not socks, and it most certainly is not ‘Equestria: A History, by P. D. Pie’ or a new tiara.” Discord finished and slipped out of her grasp, which was relatively easy to do considering she was stunned speechless by his oral onslaught.

“Next time you want to accuse somepony of not knowing your sister, perhaps you should do your homework and find out the little details for yourself. And she’s allergic to bananas, but I’m sure you already knew that.” He snorted with more bitterness than was necessary, but it didn’t matter to him. 

With that, Discord walked through the doors, literally, and left Celestia alone in the chamber, which now seemed uncomfortably large. 

Celestia sat back on her throne feeling rather foalish. Was she really that ignorant of her sister’s likes and whatnot? What made her feel even worse though, was the revelation of Luna’s previously unknown allergies. 

“It explains why she was always so itchy when ever she brought me my Choco-nanas…” Celestia sighed heavily. Not to mention Luna‘s birthday had slipped her mind, but she was busy! She wasn‘t to blame, was she? “Lu-lu always said she loved the tiaras I got her, and that she adored the history of Equestria, are they really that bad?” She had always more or less left Luna to her own devices, and Luna had never really made a big point of telling her these things, but maybe she really did need to start paying more attention to her.


Outside The Audience Chamber


Luna was pacing anxiously outside the doors of the audience chamber; Celestia did have a bit of a temper when she thought somepony was trying to hurt her loved ones. Top it off with the fact that Discord was, well, Discord, it didn’t look good to her. 

A few nerve-racking minutes later, Discord phased through the doors, unharmed but looking cross, not really looking at anything, as if he were looking at something miles beyond him through the walls. 

“Discord! Did she hurt you? I’m so sorry, I didn’t think she’d hurt you, where did she hurt you? Show me where she hurt, I’ll fix you up.” Luna said hurriedly as she rushed over to him, quickly looking all over for signs of abuse. Discord jumped and looked at Luna in surprise.

“Luna? I didn’t see you there, just spaced out again I suppose, I do that a lot you know. And I’m fine, I just had a little talk with Celestia, I think I might have opened her eyes to a few things. She said don’t worry about the bananas, she decided against them.” Discord smiled down at the midnight mare still scrutinizing his body for injury. 

At least, I’m sure she will now. He thought to himself. Luna looked up at him in relief and hugged him tightly. 

“Does this mean we can be together? And I can have my romantic date?” Luna asked giddily as she bounced back and forth like a filly in a way that would make a certain Element of Harmony proud. 

Discord chuckled, that innocence and energy she only seemed to display when they were alone could really grow on you. “Is that date all you think about? I’m beginning to think you only like me for my good looks and as a trophy, not any of my other redeeming qualities like my charm, personality, humor, wit, tender heart, my inner beauty or most importantly, my modesty.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “You know I love you for you, not for what you look like.”

Discord gasped in mock despair. “You mean I’m not incredibly good looking? Oh I knew it; I’m hideous beyond all reason, illogical, logical, or otherwise!” He wailed, falling to the floor dramatically, uncontrollable sobs erupted from the draconequus. Luna shook her head, heading down the halls to her room.

“Those crocodile tears will not fool me Discord, you oversold it. The tears have to be with sniffles, and you have to make eye contact, or at least try not to sound as though you were breathing through a moth-ridden bag pipe.”

Discord slid across the floor after her and pouted. “That bad huh? Well excuse me; I haven’t exactly had the time to practice expressions and sounds you know.”

“It was that bad, but I think we should be discussing where you’ll be taking me on our date, not your lack of acting skills.”

“You must like trains Luna, because that is the worst case of one-track mind I’ve ever seen.”











Author’s Notes And A Quick Side-Note About Myself


Jeez, this chapter was harder to write for some reason, but now that the Celestia/Discord meeting is out of the way I can focus on the fun stuff, like disastrous dates and such. Is it just me, or did anyone else enjoy Discord bringing down the vocal proverbial hammer on Celestia? It always helps me when I can find something that happened in my life or to a friend that I can use in a story. Anyways, I must thank Chaodiurn for inspiring the title of the last chapter with his helpful suggestions. 

Thank you.

Okay, the quick thing about me: You all drive me into a nervous wreck. Not intentionally, and you don’t have to apologize. It’s more of a personal issue than anything. Every time I post a new chapter, or the beginning of a new story, I get so nervous waiting for responses and reviews. Seriously, I clawed my arm up pretty badly while I was waiting for the first chapter of this story to get its first comments. What made it worse was that I forgot to submit it for approval after I finished it, then it took an unusually long time to get approved, and then my panic started all over again when it was finally put into the queue thing for the front page and I anxiously awaited your thoughts on it. I know I shouldn’t stress like that, but I do. 

Flipside of the coin: Nothing makes me feel happier than when I get a comment like “I love this story! Great job!” or “Yo, when {character} said {joke or line} I {emotion} so hard, keep up the epic work!” or “{emoticon} MOAR!!!!!!” or something along that lines. Like when I had a story read on Reading Rainboom, I couldn’t stop crying and laughing, because it was just such a surreal thing for me, ya know? You all make it possible for me to keep writing, so feel proud of yourselves.

I Love My Fans So Much,
Roxxi