//------------------------------//
// Job One 1.8 
// Story: Princess Diaries 
// by emstar 
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I was out the door as soon as Twilight Sparkle’s Makeshift Wind Chime Alarm System (Mark One) was up and active, sparing just a few minutes to leave Spike a note with instructions to shoot fire at anyone else that he sees in the house after hearing those wind chimes going off.

I was halfway down the stairs before remembering that I left the parasprite with the same set of instructions. Sometimes I wanted to kick myself. I blame the sleep deprivation. 

“Nom,” I said, quietly but with some authority. “Follow close to me and keep an eye out for anything threatening looking — that isn’t a pony or an inanimate object. Out of sight, and quiet please.”

I heard a soft musical chime in response. I looked around, but I couldn’t see the little fuzzball anywhere.

“Nom, chime three times if you can still hear me.” 

Three chimes answered me. Alright then, we were good to go.

Almost. 

I trot down the spiral stairs and along the small path towards the Golden Oak Library at a brisk pace. The library didn’t open until a few hours from now, but I wanted to get inside and set up a quick to-do list for the junior librarians. I completed enough paperwork, filing, and reorganizing on the first week of the job that I still had a massive backlog of finished work to delegate to them. I could maybe get away with being absent for a couple days with a flimsy excuse but after that somepony would probably start asking questions. 

(Maybe I’d say that I caught a cold from one of the teenagers that was out sick last Friday. Lilyturf, I think her name was? I’d have to doublecheck.)

On the bright side, I’d definitely have more filing to look forward to when I eventually get back.

I entered and reached the head librarian’s office without too much trouble. I managed to quickly scribble together notes for all my employees with the aid of a quick telekinesis spell, several pens, a few separate sheets of paper, and a wizardly ability to have at least two separate trains of thought going on simultaneously (it was just something you picked up after a while, really). 

I was in and out in less than ten minutes. 

I started the journey towards Sweet Apple Acres. 

Applejack seemed like the best pony to approach about this whole situation. I might have just met her yesterday, but I got the feeling that she was fairly trustworthy. She seemed to know something about the Red Court vampony — likely from dealing with her mortal guise — and information like that might help me piece some things together that badly needed piecing together. Anypony that is able to stand up to a crowd of frustrated people on behalf of their friend is probably a pretty good pony, all things considered. At least that’s what I figured.

(Given that that friend was Flutttershy, that logic might be null and void. I’ve only met Fluttershy twice now, and as far as I could tell I probably would have not been too far behind Applejack if that had gone on a minute longer. It was pretty hard to not like her. She was just one of those ponies.)

The main issue with this brilliant plan was that my bug was currently still sick with some weird eldritch illness, so I had to get all the way to Sweet Apple Acres on hoof. This was a problem, because the farm was a couple miles outside of Ponyville proper, the maximum distance I generally walked each day was about a mile and change (to the post office and back), and my legs were still incredibly sore from galloping back home yesterday evening.

Oh, I also didn’t get any sleep. 

Twilight, you are a complete genius.

After an hour of trudging along, a ringing noise filled my ears.

“Look!” 

Nom shot into view about an inch in front of my nose, gesturing wildly behind me. I turned and looked.

Coming up the dirt road from town was a larger carriage being pulled by four large earth ponies, there looked to be an even split between mares and stallions. The wooden carriage was painted a darker shade of lavender, so dark that I mistook it for black at first glance. It was otherwise unmarked. 

And it was moving. It would be on top of me in seconds. I quickly shuffled to the side of the road, since I wasn’t sure that it would be able to stop in time even if the earth ponies pulling the thing noticed me. Better to be safe than sorry, given that carriage accidents kill an alarmingly large number of ponies each year.

Something was off though, like there was something on the tip of my tongue and I just couldn’t put my hoof on it…

There was a noise— somepony yelled something, I think, though I couldn’t tell what was said exactly— and the earth ponies started slowing down. The carriage passed me, slowing to a halt a ways ahead. One of the windows opened, and a hoof was waved at me. As if to…

...invite me in?

I cautiously approached the dark purple vehicle. As I came closer, I noticed that the smell around it was slightly off. There was the faint odor of dirty fur in the air. I pulled up to the big carriage’s side. A unicorn popped her head out of the open window. 

She was beautiful.

I don’t mean she was pretty, or attractive, or that she had floof in all the right places. No, this mare was beautiful, like she had a team of professionals spend hours doing her mane (which was also a dark shade of lavender) and her makeup every morning. 

“Hello there,” the mare said. She had a white coat, a very blank eggshell white, white in the “Oreo filling” sense. It had an almost visible sheen to it. Her eyes were the exact color of one of those rare blue diamonds that you only see in a museum or in a royal treasury.  “Are you heading to Sweet Apple Acres, by any chance?” 

“Uh, yeah,” I said. I am the best with words.

“Delightful,” the mare said. It was almost a pur. “We’re heading that way as well. Would you like to hop aboard? There’s a lot of room inside, and you look absolutely tuckered out.”

“Sure,” I said.  Was this some sort of Manehattan actress or somepony like that? Why was she riding over to a farm?

The unicorn smiled. Her teeth were perfect too. “Excellent. Tom-tom, Hendricks, if you would be so kind.”

The carriage doors opened and two massive dogs walked out to flank the carriage steps. 

Diamond dogs. They were one of the less common non-pony sapients that inhabited Equestria. They were large, bipedal, dog-like creatures that generally ran around in small packs. They could dig holes faster than any other creature on the planet that I was aware of, and they possessed enough innate physical strength that any one of them could probably pick me up and tie me into a sourdough pretzel if they managed to reach me.

If.

I heard a few soft musical chimes in my ears again. 

Ah, this definitely fits the “non-pony threatening creature” clause.

I shushed Nom. The two dogs glowered down at me. They looked very intimidating, and it probably would have worked if I wasn’t confident I could pick them both up and send them careening off into the nearby woods with a quick spell.

You have to step your game up a bit when intimidating wizards.

I gave them each a blank stare back— politely, of course— and walked up into the carriage.

The interior of the carriage was a simple affair. It was empty except for three large rows of cushioned seats and what looked like an ice box filled with several bottles of (presumably) alcoholic substances. The pony who presumably owned the carriage was sitting at the back, and gestured for me to sit on a cushioned seat on the other end of her own row. I noticed that she was wearing a dress that looked absolutely stunning. It was plain black, with some slits that allowed ample room for her to move while showing off a bit of leg. It looked exceptionally well tailored. Custom design maybe?

I noted with a slight pang of jealousy that I couldn’t pull off a dress like that, not a snowball’s chance in Sunshine.

Grumble, grumble.

“Why hello there, please take a seat over there, if you please,” the pony said. “I’m glad that these gentlemen and I are able to get you out of the summer sun. Rarity is the name. And you?”

I sat down on the cushioned seat. My legs thanked me. The two diamond dogs came back inside and sat down opposite us. I offered my hoof to 

“Twilight. Twilight Sparkle. Nice to meet you, Ms. Rarity.”

“Likewise.” Rarity looked at me from the side as the carriage started moving once again, light from the windows dancing across her eyes, causing them to gleam. Like polished gems. “So, Ms. Twilight Sparkle, tell me: what’s interesting about you?”

Huh?

I had to say, I wasn’t prepared for that question.