Entry Five:
A letter did not come yesterday. To distract me, I went over Twilight's notes again. When Twilight was a filly, I told her that dark magic, in very small doses can be useful. But, she should not go too far down, or risk becoming obsessed with it.
She, against my orders over the years, purchased twenty illegal magic books from the black markets in Canterlot and Manhatten. How this information didn't get back to me when several guards took it upon themselves in a half-baked scheme to infiltrate the black market, is beyond me.
They found hundreds of clients before the mobs from Manhatten caught up with them. Hundreds. How, not once, did any pony pick up that Twilight Sparkle was buying dark magic books? Books filled with horror. Books that I ordered to be burned hundreds of years ago.
Twilight was a wonderful student. She, as she always wrote at the end of every single letter, as if I would forget, was a faithful student.
Yet sometimes, no...
Most times she took things too far. She researched without rest and food for days. Up until I sent her to Ponyville, she didn't socialize. She just kept reading and researching. It was actually the one subject she argued with me about before she had friends.
It seemed, her curiosity became stronger to her than my orders and warnings.
If she was still alive, she would be in deep deep trouble.
Her last entry in the three notebooks she filled up to document her progress in organized thoughts among the chaos, on the date of the storm. Listing the time, merely two hours before the storm hit Ponyville. Five minutes before Twilight left for Fluttershy's, said the following:
"I am very close. I should probably send the Princess my research about this exciting matter! I opened a portal. Although, it didn't look like it went anywhere. Simply a black cold void with pure silence. I admit I felt a shiver up my spine. I thought I would be led to other worlds and nations but this was simply nothing. I thought about going through it. But I haven't perfected the spell and calculations yet. I must wait until it is perfect."
Why would Twilight act as if she didn't know about the void during the first letter? I read that entry this morning. During Solar Court, I was distracted. I couldn't get that question out of my mind. Then, at dinner, I got the letter.
Thankfully, Luna and Spike weren't in the room with me when it came in. They had been avoiding each other to the best of their ability since yesterday's incident. Neither of them wanted to risk seeing the other. So I was alone to read the letter over my evening meal and tea.
Dear Princess Celestia
I am starting this with an apology. I am so very sorry. I am sorry I didn't write to you yesterday and I am sorry I have been spying on you.
No, spying is the wrong word. Watching is more like it.
Yesterday, I was watching the living world. I had managed to control what I saw through my thoughts and I admit I deeply miss you. I missed your insight and I just wanted to see you again. So the scene shifted to you.
I saw you in your room. It must have been morning because you were raising the sun before you turned to the rest of your bedroom. You brushed your mane, put on your jewelry and marched out of your room. Ordering guards around and telling them you were not be disturbed in your study that morning.
So, you went into your study. You grabbed documents, pictures and police reports from Cloudsdale before you sat down at your desk and began to read through them. You kept mumbling to yourself as well. Although I couldn't quite make out what you were saying.
What felt like a few hours passed. You got up and wandered the castle before you paused at one of the rooms in the castle. You gave a polite knock before-
I am sorry.
I am relaying these events to you, even though you lived through them, as proof that this is real. I know you are having doubts I am real. That this isn't some prank. I will explain that part soon. This is how I know I am scared for Spike.
Spike does not look healthy.
Forgive me for saying this, Princess. But, why does he look so dead? Dark circle eyes? Moody slow movements. Dull speech. Harsh words. Denial. Looking like he doesn't want to live. Starved.
Why isn't he in Ponyville?
Anyway, sorry again, this is probably getting annoying. You entered his room and you two sat at one of those fancy tables in the normal castle rooms in silence for a few minutes before you spoke.
"Have you been in Ponyville recently?"
"No."
You seemed like you wanted to bolt from the room but you pressed on.
"Have you spoken to any of the other elements?"
"No."
Why not? Doesn't he want their support? Don't they want his? Don't they want to be friends with him? Why isn't he at least cracking a smile?
"Do you want to try and connect with them?"
"No."
There it was again. The silence. You gulped as quietly as you could. Spike couldn't tear his eyes from the table cloth in front of you both. It was strange. It was almost like he was afraid to look up at you.
"Spike, I understand you are grieving." You started. Carefully. "I understand the need to process your loss. But, Twilight-"
"Don't say her name." He snapped in a raspy voice. Still staring at the cloth but rage filled his eyes. The first signs of any reaction from him. "Just don't.
You didn't look pleased with what he said. But you allowed it.
"She would want you to live."
"I didn't live for her."
"What I mean is live for yourself, that is what she would want. Come to lunch with Luna and I."
He looked up slightly, making eye contact with confusion for a split moment before he looked back down.
"I don't feel like it."
You were noticeably annoyed and angry now. Yet, thankfully retrained. Like a Mother who was about to scold her child. I have seen that look many times from you, Princess.
"You don't feel much of anything these days, Spike. You should. I will make this an order if you don't. I will make sure you aren't delivering lunch to your room. It will be in the royal dining room. 12:00 p.m. on the dot."
"Fine."
"I looking forward to seeing you there, Spike." You said with a small smile not quite reaching your eyes. Then you began to leave. I am not sure you heard what he said when opened the door, princess. I suppose you want to know. He said;
"No, you don't."
Before you entered the hallway and closed the door. Returning to your study to look at those reports again.
Then lunch came around. Luna and Spike fought. The whole castle probably heard them. I-
I don't want to think about that fight.
You went to the throne room to do Solar Court. The entire three hours were filled with nobles complaining about bills and their own property, ponies from Cloudsdale fighting for their jobs at the factory. Protesters shouting about shutting down the factory.
You looked very tired when you returned to your study.
You read my latest letter. You wrote in that pretty journal of yours. Entry four.
You don't think I am actually writing these letters.
Believe me, Princess. I wish I wasn't. It would mean I would still be in Ponyville. learning about the magic of friendship. Or simply nothing. Are all afterlives like this? It is so lonely.
I miss every pony so much.
Sorry, I am rambling. I feel like I am trapped in this void. Despite having everything I want at a thought's notice. Except for my friends. Except for company. Except for a purpose to be. Except for a life.
My only purpose at this moment is to find a reason to exist.
I hope you believe me now.
Your faithful student,
-Twilight Sparkle
That was far too accurate. Twilight always had a brilliant memory. But unless she was watching as she claimed, no pony else could have witnessed this.
What am I supposed to do now?
-Princess Celestia