//------------------------------// // They will rue their existence // Story: Son, what's a conversion bureau? // by aegishailstorm //------------------------------// It all started 2 years ago, when the continent of Equestria appeared in the Pacific Ocean And with it came the barrier, a wall of magical energy that was harmful to almost all living things in our world, however, The Princesses of Equestria came up with a 'solution' of sorts. Through a combination of human nanotechnology and Equestrian magic, they were able to create the ponification serum, a liquid, which, when ingested turns human beings into ponies allowing them to survive the Magic radiation, dubbed "thumetic radiation" by scientists. They set up locations known as "Conversion Bureau's" Across the Globe to help. A human could walk in and get converted completely for free. However, as is human nature, not all were willing to just hand their humanity over to a race of alien's. And as such, rival factions soon began to form. On one side, there was the HLF or human liberation front, violently xenophobic and hell bent on wiping equestria off the face of the earth. On the other side of the spectrum there was the PER or poinfication of earth for humanities rebirth, hell bent on converting all humans into ponies, regardless of whether they wanted it or not. Most sided with neither. And for most life went on as usual, and the world just kept getting worse and worse. That would all end soon. It was a mostly quiet day in the sunny neighborhoods of northern Tennessee, the exception being for one particular house. The residence of one Father and Son. That was their actual names, it sounds crazy, but it's true. They were anything but normal, they were known as the Bread boys, for their fanatic obsession with bread. They were originally a pair of crusaders from the 12th century, however, due to a freak accident, a blessing, or both. They were made immortal. However, they could not be more different from one another, Son was always interested in whatever new 'Fad' was going on in society, be it anime, taxes, or whatever other nonsense the world cooked up. Father on the other hand, preferred to do things the old fashion way, reacting to any new societal developments the same way every time, with pure immensurable violence and that, "Stomp it out" crusader attitude. Usually directed at His son. Once Father had discovered firearms back in the 19th century, there was really no going back. For the last 2 years they had gone about their lives the same way as they always had. However, that was all about to change Son had just finished his homework and had decided to spend the rest of the day watching tv. He grabbed himself a baguette from the fridge, and sat down on the couch, He grabbed the remote, and turned on the tv, It automatically went to world news, and he was about to change it when he saw what it was about. He leaned in closer. "The Barrier is set to make landfall on the coast of California within a few days, so all you newfoals out there, get ready!" "What do they mean by newfoals?" Son thought to himself. The next thing on the tv was an ad for a conversion bureau. "Equestria's getting closer every day, head down to your local conversion bureau before it's to late! Brought to you by the Equestrian Royal Diarchy!" "Ok, this needs further investigation." Son pulled out his phone and typed in "Conversion Bureau" What he saw horrified him. Unfortunately, Father had heard the tv from the basement, and came charging up the stairs, shotgun in hand. Barging into the room with the fury of God himself. "SON, TURN THAT HERESY OFF!" Father raised his shotgun and racked a shell in. "WAIT, you need to see this, it's important." Son turned up the volume of the tv. And Father sat down next to him, shotgun still gripped tightly in his chain mail gauntlets. "Son, why is there a horse talking on the tv!?" "That's What I was trying to tell you about!" "YOU DIDNT AWNSER MY QUESTION, WHAT IS THAT THING DOING ON THE TV?" HE got back up and raised his fist. "Father, sit down, And keep watching." From what he could gather, these colorful horses where slowly replacing humanity with their own kind. "Unacceptable!" He threw a kitchen knife at the TV." What did you that for!?" Son cried, "The TV didn't do anything!" "It was showing heresy." Responded father. "What do we do now?" Asked son. "Nothing, I'm hungry" Responded father. We're going to eat first. He walked over to the fridge, and opened it up. But as he looked from shelf to shelf, his helmeted face grew dark. "Son, where's The bread?" Son looked nervously back at the bread crumbs that now littered the couch. He could feel the sweat dripping down his face. "THAT WAS FOR BOTH OF US YOU HERITIC!"HE punched son in the helmet, knocking him out cold. Father dusted his hands off. "I'M GOING TO GO GET SOME MORE BREAD, ALRIGHT?!" He yelled at his still knocked out son. He walked out the front door, and down the driveway. "Now, how do I drive? Son usually does this stuff. He sighed "I guess I'm walking!" He took off down do the road towards the nearby safeway. A brisk 40 minute long stroll later... Father walked into the Safeway's parking lot, he realized something. There weren't half as many cars as their usually were. He walked through the front door, stopping only to yell at the stupid automatic door. "Open! I command you! Open!" One of the employees rushed over to him. "Sir, That door doesn't open that way." "Oh, I SEE how it is!" He grabbed the 2 doors and pulled them apart by force. He walked into the Safeway, grabbed a basket, and began looking for the bread isle. He had been here before with his son many times. He finally made it to the bread isle, and found it replaced with...flowers? He stormed over to the nearest employee he could find and picked him up by his shirt collar. "Where's The Bread you piece of shit!?"His eyes began to glow red. The worker looked at him in terror. "It's 2 isles down! Can you please let me go!?" He was practically sobbing at this point. Father dropped him." THANK YOU, NOW, please explain to me why there's hay and flowers in my BREAD isle!?" "We were just trying to diversify, what with those Ponies and all." Without saying another word, Father turned, and walked down towards the bread isle. As he did, He caught eye of something blue and fuzzy enter the isle which he had just left. "Hmmmm...He walked into the bread isle, and began to shovel loaves into his basket, as he reached for another bread loaf, he found a blue hoof grab it at the same time. He looked at it with anger, his gaze shifted up, and he found the hoof belonged to a light blue earth pony. "Uh, hi there sir, you don't mind if I have the las-" The pony froze when he saw the soulless gaze of Father staring him down. The poor newfoal could practically feel the anger radiating off him. "You're one of those talking horse things I saw in the TV!" "Well, I suppose I am. P-Please don't call me a horse." Father continued staring at the pony. "Sir, you look like you got plenty of bread already, could you please let me have the last one?" Father growled again. "You're one of those talking horse things I saw in the TV. You Heretic!" Father grabbed the bread loaf from the pony's hooves, and stuffed it into his basket. He pulled his shotgun out and dramatically racked a fresh shell. "Please sir, I don't want any trouble, we can work this out peacefully, right?" Fathers leveled his shotgun at the newfoals head. "I wish I could still swear." The pony turned and galloped as fast as he could towards the exit, Father fired, the red-hot buck shot just missing the newfoal by a few feet. He ran after him. Until he made it to the the checkout station. "You, cashier! Did you by any chance happen to spot a blue talking horse about yay high run through here?!" Motioning to his waist. The cashier looked down at the pony hiding under his desk. Who looked about ready to wet himself. "No sir, haven't seen any. Alright, here's the bread." Father handed the cashier the basket, who in turn began to check them out one by one. "You seen any good movies recently?" Asked the cashier. "No, I'm not a heretic, you'd have to ask my son about that." "Well how about conversion? I'm getting it next month, I can't wait, I hope I get turned into a unicorn." Father looked at the cashier with disappointment. "Anyway, The total's 45 dollars." Father reached down into his pockets and pulled out 2 gold coins. "Here you go." The Cashier looked at the gold with amazement. "Are these real?" He turned back to see Father walking back out the door of the safeway. It was already dark outside when he got outside. He didn't care. He pulled out a loaf of sourdough and began to devour it as he walked back home. "SON BETTER BE AWAKE WHEN I GET BACK!"