Anon Rules The Everfree Forest

by nameundetermined


Chapter Two - Wherein The Devious Machinations Of Two Great Minds Begin

You are Aufpasser Anonymous, and you have to admit, the history of the deer is really interesting. I mean, yeah, it’s a bit fucked up, seems as though they were under the heel of ponies as second-class citizens for most of Equestrian history, but you’ve got to admit it’s a fascinating listen.

The king seems to appreciate the attention you are giving his long-winded retelling of the story of his people and is really putting effort into his oration. He also fortunately does seem to be getting to the point.

“...And so my father King Hickory and his ragtag group of revolutionaries took advantage of the Celestial Schism and moved to break away from our Loyalist brothers in the White Tail Woods and occupy a portion of the newly empowered Everfree Forest to form the Kingdom of Thicket. After several decades of research between him and myself, I discovered a method of harnessing the massive untapped well of latent magical power that had seeped into the area after the Schism to attain Immortality and become the newest of the Eternal Rulers who walk this land.

You nod slowly, leaning forward as you start to get some idea of what might have happened. “And then the Wars of Blood and Soil happened. I imagine that wasn’t great for a newly founded nation that was already in such deep shit.”

The King grimaces at your language but nods. “Er, Indeed. We decided to take an Isolationist approach to the conflict. It was...precarious at times, what with our land being locked between the two main powers of the conflict but direct invasion through the forest proper was rare, and generally easily steered away from our holdings. Unfortunately, since we were not only outside of a position to participate actively in the conflict but also rebels against the faction who was considered to be the victor in the conflict, none of the other nations were willing to risk further angering Celestia by recognizing us formally.”

“Hm, I see…” You say slowly, rubbing at your chin as you stand up out of your desk and pace a bit. “So you are in the same boat as I am huh? You have your land all squared away but you don’t have international recognition.” No that was a bit too simple of a summary, you think to yourself as you ponder further. “Nah, fuck that. You have it worse.”

“Indeed, it has been far from an ideal state for our kingdom. No trade, barely any outside contact. Why, I only found out about your er...occupation of this area by happenstance.”

You smile a bit wider and shake your head, raising a hand. “Hey man, don’t feel the need to be pc about it on my account. We’re basically squatters. Like yeah, I have the paperwork to back it but you guys were very obviously here first.”

Bramble seems to perk up at this, speaking up for the first time since the two of them arrived “T-then will you give us our rightful land and withdraw?”

“No.” You say simply as Aspen gives his son a mildly scornful sideways look before responding. “My apologies Aufp- er, Anon. My son seems to have forgotten himself. He is here to learn by observing the art of diplomacy, not by participating in it.”

As the little twink deer sulks behind his father, you shake your head again “Hey no worries. And it isn’t like that anyway. Normally I would be happy to just give you the place but, for one thing, I have all of these Griffons to look after. They came here for a better life, and well, I kinda owe them one for sprucing the place up and helping me dunk on the Cosmic Posteriors.”

One of the deer guards gives a small chortle at this, being silenced by a quick not so subtle smack on the back of the head by Blackthorn as you continue to speak. “That being said, I think that I have a solution that will make all of us much happier in the long run anyway. That is, if you're willing to play ball…”

~~~~~~~~~~

You are…Not Anonymous, and thank Faust for that! You are in fact Princess Regnant Luna Moonshadow, Herald of the Night Mistress of Dreams, First of Her Name.

And you are...less than pleased.

It has been about three days since your last...major incident. Your sister gave you quite a severe dressing down the last few times you encountered that...damnable son of an ape, Anonymous.

Not that it was not deserved. No matter how uncouth he may have acted, you are well over a thousand years old, and you should have enough fortitude to maintain your composure amidst a bit of ribbing by the common rabble.

Though you suppose that you can no longer call him such. Now that he has forced your hoof in delivering that...decree, his status as a national-level authority is just as valid as the ones backing him, which is to say, you.

You snarl softly at the thought of that ruffian being at the same level as you and your beloved sister. To have to make such a proclamation after being so soundlessly and needly manipulated and humiliated as if you were common schoolfillies…to be made to feel so vulnerable was almost impressive...

No! You will not stand for this. If your sister is unwilling to do anything, you will need to take matters into your own-

Your budding thoughts of revenge are cut short by a knock on your door, a guard from outside speaking reverently. “Princess Luna, you have received a letter from-”

“If it’s from that disgusting stalker with the fake horn and the Prench accent, put it in the burn pile with the others.”

“No, your highness, it is from Aufpasser Anonymous. It bears his seal.”

Your door opens quickly, and the letter is yanked from the poor stallion's hoof faster than he can blink, the door slamming shut again in his face with a resounding thud as you carefully set the letter on your nightstand.

A soft, muffled and mildly irritated “You’re welcome…” and the sound of hooves trotting away can be heard, but you ignore them as you carefully magically probe the letter for glitter or any other such lowbrow antics.

Once she was satisfied that the envelope was safe, she opened it and unfolded the letter, reading carefully.

To Whom It May Concern,

Aufpasser Anonymous would like to personally invite you as a Guest of Honor at his First Annual Free Founding Festival, an annual event to celebrate the independence and founding of the Federation of the Ever Free.

Attendance is open to anyone and everyone, but you have been specially selected as a potential guest of especial significance or importance to the Ever Free either politically, economically, or culturally and will be admitted to a private gala on the final day of the festival, hosted within the illustrious Nameless Castle by the Aufpasser himself!

The festival begins one month from now and shall last three days. If you plan to attend, please make sure to RSVP within a week of getting this letter so that the proper preparations to host someone of your import may be taken care of as quickly and completely as is possible.

We look forward to your attendance at this festival. And hopefully many more.

Sincerely,

-Anonymous, Aufpasser of the Federation of the Ever Free, Based Chad, Master of the Nameless Castle, Tamer of the Woodland, and Chooser of Paper

You click your tongue and draw breath at this last title, your eye twitching slightly in its socket as you fight the urge to simply tear the invite to pieces. No, you are Better than that. Better than Him.

Very well, if he is so keen on playing the fool, perhaps you can oblige him in a slightly more...acceptable manner. You are an exceptionally cunning mare after all, with centuries of experience in outplaying colts like him. His...forthrightness simply caught you off guard. But two can play at this game.

You summon your guard once more, who answers your door, rubbing his slightly swollen nose. “You called for me, your Highness?”

You smile softly as you glance over towards your nightstand and nod. “Yes. Please respond to the letter and let the Aufpasser know I will be delighted to attend his event. I will also have a personally written letter for you to have delivered to a resident of Ponyville post haste. And…”

Your smile gets wider as your plan slowly starts to come together in your head. “Go down to the kitchen and fetch me a cheesecake.”