“So, what do you girls think Rarity wanted to talk to us about?” Pinkie Pie asked as she practically bounced in her seat. Sitting across from her at the café table were Applejack and Fluttershy, the former looking somewhat exasperated by Pinkie’s question.
“Ah’m gonna just go ahead and guess it might have a little somethin’ to do with the realization she had about her and Spike after kickin’ up that fuss last week,” Applejack replied.
“You really think so?” Pinkie asked. “Because Rarity hasn’t said anything about it to me all week. Although, come to think of it, that could be because I haven’t actually seen her all week. What do you think, Fluttershy?”
“I, well, I guess that could be why Rarity wants to talk with us, and she has been acting a little strange this week. A few days ago, Rarity and I had a spa day scheduled and she…said she wasn’t able to make it!” Fluttershy’s revelation triggered a horrified gasp from Pinkie Pie and an exasperated snort from Applejack.
“Rarity never misses a spa day! Not. Ever,” Pinkie said before narrowing her eyes. “Maybe that’s not Rarity at all, but instead she’s been kidnapped and replaced by some evil monster. Did Chrysalis have an evil twin that we didn’t know about? Or, I guess in her case it would be an eviler twin.”
“Pinkie, Ah can pretty much guarantee that Rarity has not been replaced by Chrysalis or her eviler twin,” Applejack said. “Rarity’s just havin’ some troubles sortin’ through what she’s realized about how she feels about Spike, that’s all. Trust me, Ah’ve known Rarity longer than any of y’all, and she’s got a process that’s almost as regular as Twilight’s used to be. Rarity just needs some time to get her dramain’ out of her system and then she’ll be ready to get down to business and deal with this.” As if on cue, it was at that moment that Rarity trotted into the café and made an immediate beeline for her friend’s table.
“Girls! Excellent, you’re all…well, most of you are here at any rate. Where are Rainbow Dash and Starlight?”
“Oh, Rainbow Dash said she was sorry she couldn’t make it, but she had a very important Wonderbolt practice that she had to go to,” Fluttershy explained.
“And Starlight’s busy with some business up at the school, so it’s just the three of us today,” Applejack added.
“I see. Well, I suppose it can’t be helped. In any event, I’m glad the three of you could still make it. I really do need to speak with you about certain…personal realizations I’ve had recently,” Rarity said.
“Y’all mean like the fact that y’ realized yer sweet on Spike now?” Applejack asked, earning an irritated glare from Rarity. “What? It ain’t like Spike’s the most embarrassin’ crush y’all’ve ever had or anythin’. Now that Ah think about it, Spike might actually be one of the more understandable ones. Anyway, the main question Ah’ve got now is when do y’all plan on tellin’ him how y’ feel?”
“That’s part of what I wanted to talk to you all about. This situation…it just has me completely frazzled. I know I’ve had my share of, let’s call them infatuations, in the past, but this is different. I’ve known Spike for so long, know him as well as I know any of you, and now that I realize how I feel about him it’s all I can think about…” Rarity buried her head in her hooves.
“Sounds like y’all’ve got it pretty bad,” Applejack said. “So, why don’t y’all just go up and tell Spike how y; feel? Seems simple enough to me.”
“I only it were,” Rarity groaned. “I know that’s what I should do, it’s just…I’m so nervous.”
“Nervous? About what?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“Its just…what if Spike doesn’t feel the same way about me?” Rarity’s plaintive worry was met by near complete silence from her friends, save for the sound of Fluttershy’s hoof colliding with her face.
“Rarity,” Applejack finally said, breaking the awkward silence. “That there has gotta be the single most ridiculous thing Ah have ever heard anypony say, and Ah’ve known Pinkie Pie for years.”
“And I do say an awful lot of ridiculous stuff,” Pinkie added while nodding sagely.
“Mah point is, Spike has been head over claws fer y’all ever since he and Twilight first came to Ponyville, and it ain’t like he was ever all that subtle about it either. Y’all can’t honestly expect us to believe that y’all don’t already know how Spike feels about y’.”
“How he felt about me,” Rarity corrected Applejack. “True, Spike was rather obviously enamored with me when he was younger, but does he still feel that way now? What if it was all just some infatuation that he’s grown out of? What if he’s found somepony else already and I’m too late?”
“I’m pretty sure we’d know if Spike had found a special somepony,” Fluttershy said. “Knowing Spike, he’d probably tell Big Mac and Discord about it, and then we’d hear about it from them.”
“Mostly Discord, probably,” Applejack added. “Big Mac ain’t really the sort to gossip, but Discord couldn’t keep a secret if his life depended on it.” At first, Fluttershy, looked like she wanted to dispute this assessment, but she quickly slumped back in her seat in agreement.
“Alright, so perhaps Spike hasn’t found somepony else, at least not yet, but my point still stands. I have no way of knowing if Spike’s feelings for me are still the same,” Rarity said. “What need to do is –”
“Talk to Spike and actually ask him how he feels,” Applejack said, already suspecting she was wasting her breath.
“Don’t be ridiculous. What I need to do is figure out some way of getting Spike to say how he feels about me without him realizing I’m listening. The challenge, of course, will be to keep Spike from suspecting – Applejack, are you alright?” Applejack, who had banged her head down onto the table face-first, waved Rarity off.
“Don’t y’all worry about me none. Y’all go ahead with yer plottin’,” Applejack said, not bothering to lift her face off from the table.
“If only there were some way one of us could talk to Spike and get him to say how he really feels about you while you were hiding nearby,” Pinkie Pie mused. “Wait, there is a way! We could do the thing I just said!”
“I guess that could work,” Fluttershy replied. “And it wouldn’t really be like we’re tricking Spike, either, since he’d be talking directly to one of us. But, then who should be the one to talk to Spike? Applejack, what do you –” Before Fluttershy even finished her sentence, Applejack let out a pained groan that let everypony at the table know precisely where she stood on the plan.
“Ooh! Ooh! I could do it!” Pinkie Pie cried out as she leaned over the table as far as she could while waving one hoof in the air. Rarity stared at her friend for a few seconds as she considered her options.
“Fluttershy, darling, what about you? I know you and Spike have something of a rapport, perhaps you could…”
“Pick me! I’m in Canterlot all the time anyway, so Spike wouldn’t suspect a thing!” Pinkie Pie said as she continued to stretch her hoof up as far as it would go.
“Maybe I should ask Sweetie Belle for help with this,” Rarity said. “After all, she and her friends did help Big Mac and Sugar Belle with their romantic escapades.”
“Please let me help! Pretty pretty please with whipped cream and hot fudge and a cherry on top!” As Pinkie pleaded, she proceeded to give Rarity the saddest, puppy-dog-eyed expression she could, to which Rarity let out a defeated groan.
“Pinkie, would you like to be the one to talk to Spike, then?” Rarity asked as she did her best to keep her resignation from creeping into her voice.
For a brief moment, Pinkie Pie’s face lit up with a look of unbridled joy before she rested back into her seat with a sly expression. “I don’t know, I guess I could try talking to Spike. This is, if you really want me to.”
Rarity felt her eye start to twitch as she prepared to hammer out the details of the plan. “Not a single heroine in any romance novel I have ever read has ever had to endure something like this,” Rarity thought to herself.
*********
Meanwhile, in a dimension fifty-three degrees to the left of Equestria’s prior Thursday, a singular Spirit of Chaos listened intently to the plan unfolding at the table. “Can’t keep a secret if my life depends on it, can’t I? Well, we’ll see about that, won’t we Miss Big Mac’s overly judgy sibling. I was going to help Spike out with his little romantic predicament (admittedly so he’d need to devote less time to romantic misunderstandings and have more available for Ogres and Oubliettes), but now I think I’ll just sit back and watch the chaos. After all, when you collide all Spike’s planning with Pinkie Pie, what could go right?”