//------------------------------//
// Chapter 9: Awfully Fine Treasure? 
// Story: Caverns & Cutie Marks: Our House Now 
// by TheColtTrio 
//------------------------------//

Purple Heart scrutinized the collar around his reflection’s neck. A scowl marred his face as he lifted a hoof to poke at the metal binder.
    “You’d think that Twilight is actually trying to make me look like a criminal,” he muttered under his breath, catching the reflections of ponies looking at him in the window. “Why couldn’t she have put on my foreleg? That would have looked cool.” He sighed, turning away from the mirror and set to walking down the street, ignoring the ponies giving him a wide berth. The purple earth pony walked several blocks before he spoke to himself again.
    “‘Put this binder on’,” he squeaked in a bad imitation of Twilight. “‘It’ll help you control your bouts of telekinesis and give me readings on how you’re able to do it’.” He snorted. “‘Control’ my butt. I have perfect control.” A green thread materialized out of his shoulder, coming forward so he could look at the thin appendage. “It’s funny she thinks this is telekinetic. Or that it’s even magical in origin.” The thread nodded in agreement and a smile curved his lips. His eyes lifted from the thread and looked down the road, irises flashing and remaining a poisonous green.
    “She wants me to make friends, hmm?” he hummed, pulling the thread back into his body. “Well then... maybe I should indulge her.” He grinned widely, showing far too many teeth.
“Should be fun.”


* * *


    Two ponies dashed through the forest, casting worried looks over their shoulders as they ran. One of them, a female earth pony with coat and mane the color of burnished copper, kicked at a tree as she passed it, bringing it crashing to the forest floor to block the path. Her companion, a male unicorn steel grey of coat and blue of mane, pulled a vine from the canopy and strung it around two trees, creating a makeshift tripwire. With a shared nod of appreciation for their delaying tactics, the pair resumed their flight. They tore through the woods, not wasting time or energy in looking over their shoulders, as they could hear their pursuers just fine as they tramped resolutely through the brush.
    “I never thought my parents could be so stubborn,” the colt said, wheezing for breath.
    “Nor mine,” the mare agreed. “I knew our families never got on well, but to go crazy all because the two of us love each other? It’s ridiculous!”
    “I hope you know that I didn’t mean to hurt your cousin,” the colt panted. “It was an accident.”
    “I know,” the mare acknowledged. “The rest of her squadmates aren’t going to be happy though. She just managed to get promoted to sergeant.”
    “I’m sorry,” the colt apologized, stopping briefly to wrap a hoof around the mare’s shoulders. They stood there momentarily, basking in the presence of each other. Their moment was broken when a shout sounded behind them.
    “There they are!” The sounds of pursuit grew louder and cries of rage could be heard clearly now.
    “Get away from him!”
    “Get away from her!”
    “How dare you dishonor your family in such a manner!”
“Stop copying me!”
“Curse you!”
    “Mountague!”
    “Canterlet!”
    The mare and colt resumed their flight and dashed away. Branches and bushes thwacked at them as they ran. Panic flooded the duo’s bodies. Subcounsciously, they both started praying, hoping that something or somepony would help them. 
Without warning, they were yanked off the path by some invisible force. The duo tried to cry out in surprise and horror, but their mouths refused to open. They clung to each other as trees whizzed by, in some cases nearly hitting them and ceasing their uncontrolled flight. But they hit nothing and they continued to fly until they came upon a cave. Their flight slowed minutely but noticeably, and they fell to the ground, sliding into the cave. In the darkness, they groaned, their mouths finally free to open.
“Well, well, well,” a voice chortled from the dark. “What have we here? A female earth pony and a male unicorn. How lovely.” The pair of fleeing ponies scrambled to their hooves, looking around the dark cave in panic.
“Who are you? Show yourself!” the mare demanded. The colt stood behind her, horn glowing with blue light to match his coat.
“Ho~? A little spitfire,” the voice chuckled, echoing around them. The mare grit her teeth.
“What do you want?” she snarled, red coat glimmering with the light from the colt’s magic.
“Want? Me?” The voice cackled. “Bah! Here I am, having just saved your hindquarters from those crazy ponies out there, and you start making demands of me?! How adorable!”
The two ponies shivered as the cackling returned and a large form shifted in the darkness. The first thing they saw was luminous green eyes bobbing along in the shadows. What followed was the largest earth pony the pair had ever seen. Besides his purple coat and mane with green highlights, the most identifying feature the stallion had was a large metal collar around his neck. That, and the wide grin on his face.
“Greetings,” he said, inclining his head. “My name is Purple Patches. How do you do?”
The mare stepped forward defiantly, head held high. “I’m Jewel Canterlet.” She jerked her head at the unicorn behind her. “This is my coltfriend, Roam Mountague.”
The large colt arched an eyebrow. “Your families wouldn’t happen to have been feuding for longer than they can remember?” he asked.
“How’d you know that?!” Roam demanded, stepping around Jewel. Patches’ green eyes zoned in on the unicorn, making him take a half step back.
“Lucky guess,”  Patches replied, shrugging. “Now, what brings you two lovebirds to my humble abode?”
“I dunno,” Jewel said, looking around skeptically. “Something just dragged us here.” She gave a gusty sigh of relief. “Whatever it was got us away from our crazy families.”
“Aah, that was me,”  Patches said. “Just had a little help from my friends.” A number of green threads appeared from the blackness behind the purple stallion, waving to the couple cheekily. Roam squeaked and hid behind Jewel. Jewel’s reaction wasn’t much better. She took a recoiling step back, her face a mask of apprehension.
“We didn’t see anything holding us,” she murmured. “They were invisible?” Her face twisted into a look of rage. “How do we know there aren’t any of those things on us right now?”
 Patches chuckled. “You don’t.” He grinned. “But have no fear. I’ve no need to take you or your little friend.”
“Why?” Roam asked, plucking up the courage to speak. “Everypony wants something.”
 Patches blinked at them for a moment. Then he threw back his head and cackled. Roam and Jewel recoiled again, looking at each other worriedly, wondering what this pony was.  Patches’ laughter subsided.
“All lands it seems are tainted by the greed of ponies,” he sighed, looking at his hooves. He looked up, green eyes flashing brightly in the dim light. “Rubbish to one such as I, devoid of all worldly wants.” He sniggered, the cave echoing with his laughter again. He sighed again. “Hmm… I dunno… Maybe it's just the way we are.”
“If there’s one thing my parents taught me that I’ll always believe, is that everypony wants something,” Roam said resolutely. “What do you want?”
Purple Patches squinted at the unicorn, his gaze unnerving the colt. Roam shuffled his hooves and looked away in discomfort.
Patches sighed at the colt’s lack of backbone and shook his head. “Fun, control, a sense of where I am and what I’m doing,” he said.
“Oh… Okay… Not sure how to help you with the last two things, but do you think you’d have fun helping us get away from our parents?” Roam asked hesitantly.
Purple arched an eyebrow. “Depends,” he hedged.
“On what?” Jewel asked heatedly.
The large purple stallion grinned widely. Roam and Jewel shivered, discomforted by the wideness of Purple’s smile.
“Who’s next in line to succeed your parents?”


	* * *


    Lord Mountague sneered at the mare beside him, resisting the urge to resume their earlier conflict. What did his son see in that filly? Why couldn’t Roam find a filly from across the continent instead of within the house of his one and only rival? The blue unicorn exhaled a huff of derision. closing his eyes to the problems before him.
    “Must you breathe so loudly?” a scathing voice demanded. “Shouldn’t a pony of your station know how to control one’s air? Or is there simply a pollen that has taken issue with your sinuses?”
    Mountague opened his eyes to glare up at the female earth pony. Lady Canterlet looked down her nose at him and scoffed, tossing her mane. “I cannot fathom what my daughter sees in your whelp,” she continued. “Clearly, your whelp sees a strong, independant mare ready to take on the court of Canterlot. However, why MY daughter? Aren’t there other fillies your spawn can throw himself at?”
    Mountague drew himself to his max height, the tip of his horn just reaching Lady Canterlet’s eye level.
    “My son,” he snarled, “has excellent prospects and doesn’t need your daughter. Believe you me, he could have done far far worse. But I completely agree that your tart is absolutely not the sort of mare I want my son cavorting with. He’s been tutored by the finest Equestria has to offer and is wholly capable of entering the political landscape. The court is filled with giants.” Mountague’s eyes flashed and he smirked challengingly. “And he will become one.”
    Lady Canterlet’s retorted was forestalled by the approach of two stallions, one draped in the blue robes of House Mountague, the other decked out in the red fatigues of House Canterlet.
    “My Lord,” the blue-robed stallion said, addressing Mountague, “there’s been no sign of the Young Lord.”
    “Nor of the Young Lady,” the Canterlet retainer added. “They may have travelled deeper into the forest.”
    “Widen your search!” Canterlet snapped, grabbing the front of the red-garbed stallion’s fatigues. She shook the pony violently. “Search everywhere! Leave no stone unturned! Find her and the whelp! Look under every shrub, in every tree, every hollow! Go!” Her voice boomed through the trees, sending birds and woodland creatures scurrying alongside her retainers. The blue robed stallion looked questioningly to his lord and received a nod of affirmation.
    “Look for my son,” Mountague ordered. “Send out more scouts. Scour the country road. Go.” The stallion bowed and departed, leaving the two heads of house to themselves. There was nary a moment of silence between the pair when a voice spoke, echoing from all around them.
    “My goodness. What a frightful racket.”
    Mountague and Canterlet whirled around, immediately on guard as they searched their surroundings for this newcomer. Laughter sounded in the forest, sending shivers up their spines. Canterlet set herself, prepared to charge forward as soon as a target made itself known. Magic flickered to life on Mountague’s horn, a spell held ready in his mind to cast.
    “Well, well,” the voice chided. “Both of you are on a hair trigger, eh? What could possibly set you on edge? Mayhaps you’re missing something of value? Something important?”
    The two house heads stiffened, fire igniting in their eyes as they searched for the voice’s source.
    “Where is my daughter?!”
    “Where is my son?!”
    “Aaw, no stereo? One would think, considering your shared situation, you’d join forces to find your respective offspring. But instead, you’re squabbling, needling each other to start a fight.” The voice scoffed. “No wonder your children ran off. You’re both insufferable.”
    “Say that to my face, coward!” Canterlet snarled. A shape dropped from the canopy, landing hard in front of the red mare. Canterlet reeled back in surprise. The pony before her was massive, taller than her by a head.
    “You’re both insufferable,” the purple stallion repeated, green eyes flashing as a grin curved his lips.
    Mountague’s brow furrowed, the male unicorn standing abreast with Canterlet. “Who are you?” he asked. The large purple and green pony tapped his forehead with a hoof as if tipping a hat.
    “Purple Patches, at your service,” the large stallion replied.
Mountague squinted, eyes locking on the metal collar circling the newcomer’s neck. “I don’t recall seeing a bulletin for escaped convicts,” he mused. Purple Patches cocked his head in confusion. Canterlet stiffened, gesturing at the collar.
“You were a prisoner, weren’t you?” she sneered
The purple earth pony lifted a hoof and tapped the ring. He gave a sigh, rolling his eyes. “Ah. This.” He snorted, eyes narrowing at the female earth pony. “I’m hardly a prisoner. Although...” He cocked his head again. “From how the Princess is treating me, I might as well be.” He chuckled.
Canterlet grit her teeth and growled. “What do you want?” she snarled.
Purple Patches blinked, rocking back on his hooves. “I can see where your daughter gets her manners from,” he said. “And her questions.” He glanced at Mountague. “Your son though. Quite the philosopher. When I said I didn’t want anything, he disagreed. Said that all ponies want something or other.”
“Where. Is. My son?” Mountague ground out, taking a step towards Purple Patches. “What did you do to him?”
“Do to him?”  Patches gasped. “I saved him. You two were bringing down a posse on the poor colt. He’s terrified.” He looked at Mountague disapprovingly. “Some father you are.”
“He’s MY SON! I know what’s good for him! And that red tart is anything but good for him!” Mountague bellowed.
Canterlet whirled around to face the blue unicorn. “YOUR son is a spineless whelp who wouldn’t last five minutes in boot camp!”
“At least I’ve trained my son for the rhetoric of court politics and international relations! Can you say the same for your brutish offspring?!”
“How dare you!”
“How dare you?!”
The two house heads were butting heads now, glaring at the other with hatred and no small amount of disdain. Purple Patches sighed as he watched the two growl at each other. With a flick of his hoof, a dozen threads burst from his body and wound around the two confrontational ponies. One small yank later and the pair were separated. Purple Patches strode between the two of them and looked from one stunned pony to the other.
“Hi there, remember me?” he chirped. “Before you two continue your neanderthalic posturing, lemme ask you a few questions.” He looked between the mare and stallion, waiting for some signal of acknowledgement. Slowly, the pair nodded for him to speak. “One: why are you two here?”
“To find my son and take him home.”
“To find my daughter and take her home.”
“Two: who was the last pony to see them?”
“You,” Canterlet and Mountague chorused. They blinked in unison. “What did you do with them?!”
Purple grinned. “Nothing,” he replied. “And while I was doing nothing to them, they told me about a rather irritating feud between their families that prevented them from getting the ‘Happily Ever After’ they want.” He gave each parent a look of skepticism. “Now tell me… what’s stopping me from leaving you two under some conveniently unsound trees and going on my merry way?” The two parents stared wide-eyed at the purple earth pony.
“Nothing,” Purple Patches said grimly, answering his own question. “So, you two have a choice. Either continue bickering about whose offspring is better, or follow me to where Roam and Jewel are hiding.” He stepped back and released the two ponies from his threads, pulling them back into his body.
Mountague and Canterlet shared a momentary look before shifting their respective gazes to Purple Patches.
“Lead the way,” Canterlet said stiffly. “Once all this is behind us, we’ll be having proper words with the Princesses.”
Purple Patches grinned. “I’m sure.”


	* * *


“You live in a cave?” Mountague asked skeptically. Light from his horn cast dancing shadows that lined the stone walls as they walked.
“When one is hiding from a Princess, one can’t be too picky about where one sleeps,” Purple Patches retorted.
“So you are a convict,” Canterlet hummed, eyeing the purple earth pony cautiously. “How’d you escape?”
“Quite easily actually,” Purple replied. “I was also helped by the fact that they sort of let me go.”
“Why in the name of the Princesses would they let you go?!” Mountague squawked. Purple Patches shrugged.
“Good behaviour?” he said. “Lack of resources? Perhaps the fact that I was innocent of my crimes?”
“What crime?” Canterlet probed.
“Having fun,” Purple Patches answered.
“...Really.”
“Aye.”
“I find that rather hard to believe,” Mountague commented blandly, stepping carefully over a fissure in the ground.
Purple Patches shrugged again. “Believe what you will,” he said. “Princess Twilight was getting paranoid about me and decided a restraining collar would be the best way to keep me in check.”
Mountague frowned. “But, that type of band only works on magic users,” he said.
“Go figure,”  Patches sighed. “The Illustrious Princess of Friendship believes I have out of control magical abilities that need restraining.”
“I know next to nothing about magic and even I’m questioning Princess Twilight’s thinking,” Canterlet muttered.
“Indeed,” Purple Patches agreed. He stopped walking and turned to face the two ponies. “Welp, this is where we part.” He jerked a hoof over his shoulder at a ledge jutting out into the open air, illuminated just barely by Mountague’s horn light. “Go this way, and peep past the broken staircase. Some awfully fine treasure’s just sitting there all alone.” He chuckled softly. “It’ll change your life.”
The two parents blinked at the purple earth pony.
“Did you just call our children ‘treasure’?” Canterlet asked. Purple Patches grinned widely, once more showing far too much teeth for the smile to be pleasant.
“What one pony sees as worthless, another pony sees as priceless,” Purple Patches said, stepping aside for the pair to reach the ledge.
Mountague and Canterlet shared a look, then shrugged, stepping past the purple and green earth pony to peer over the edge. Darkness greeted the duo as Mountague’s horn light fought to illuminate what lay below.
“I can’t see anything,” Mountague said.
“Oh, you’ll see something,” Purple Patches crooned. “Just… Keep… LOOKING!”
Mountague and Canterlet barely had the time to turn around when Purple Patches shoved the two ponies over the edge and into the dark abyss below. Silence fell in the cavern. Then a loud crunch echoed up the walls of the pit.
Purple Patches grinned.
“I’ll stick you in my prayers,” he called out to the abyss. “A fine Dark Soul to you.”
There was no response.
Purple Heart sighed contentedly. “Now to address the succession of Roam and Jewel to the head of the combined families of Mountague and Canterlet.” With that, he turned and started back the way he’d come, his threads stretched out like feelers to guide him out of the pit and back to the cave he’d left Roam and Jewel in.