Guard woke me up. It was time for breakfast. He also warned against sleeping in when using Princess Luna's bed. She has no qualms about sharing, and she cuddles with an iron grip. I jokingly asked if he spoke from experience. Told me about how it took four guards to pry him loose. I will heed his warning and take my morning bath now.
***
A very nice morning soak. Shoes got cleaned while I was sleeping too. Forgot they were white they were so dirty. This royal treatment is pretty nice. Walking around with a guard is pretty cool too.
Walked by my original guestroom. Asked the guard at the door if Twilight was up yet. She was still taking a bath. As I walk to the dining hall, I wondered if the guard told her who had her brought to a bed. Probably confused the heck out of her.
***
Wow. That's all I could say to breakfast. A pile of pancakes and scrambled eggs. The only plate bigger than mine was Princess Celestia's mountain of pancakes. I let it slip that food like this just might keep me around. Princess Luna said that my hands and I were more than welcome to stay. She also said her sister would be happy for me to stay if the noises she made yesterday were anything to go by. Which means others in the castle heard our scratching session. Red from embarrassment, Celestia told her sister that she made just as much noise. Luna argued that her sister was jealous that the human slept in her bed last night.
For once, I was happy to see Twilight. She and Spike walked in right as the royal sisters were staring down. They greeted her and changed the subject. Close one. They asked if she slept well. She said yes, but didn't remember going to bed. Luna shot me a "you tell her or I will" glance. I had already finished my plate. I had stood up and told her what I did when I checked on her last night. She asked why I gave up my bed. I told her she looked like she needed sleep. Other than thanking me, she was at a loss for words.
Time for a walk.
***
Feels great to walk around without a broken foot. Not missing the cane at all. My guard sounded hungry, so we're walking to the mess hall. He said he would've been fine, but I gave him an ultimatum. To get some food, or tell me his real name.
Twilight's history lesson mentioned the whole name thing with guards in passing. I guess it was useful after all.
***
While my guard was inside the mess hall eating, I was chatting with three guards outside. The one without wings had been in the castle yesterday when Princess Celestia got her scratchies. His cohorts wanted to hear about it from me. The two pegasi with him were doubled over laughing when I told them about the noises she made. I asked if this 'golden scratch spot' I found was new. Surely a pony had to have figured it out in the past. Nope. Not many creatures with fingers in Equestria. Twilight had begun writing a scientific paper on it after the hospital.
One of the pegasi started to ask something when my guard walked out. He told the other guards the answer was still no. They argued they weren't gonna force me. My guard told them "no scratchies on duty, Celestia's orders". As we walked away from disappointed guards, I asked mine if that was really a thing. Apparently, word spread around really fast after yesterday. I asked how fast. He gave me the morning's newspaper.
Wow. Word really does spread fast in Equestria. According to the article, some guards retold my...sessions with both princesses yesterday. A few nobles in the article say now they wish they had me for my hands. Now I've gone from potential exotic pet, to exotic scratcher. Not sure how I feel about that. My guard mentions that a few other guards have tried to take his position. Whether through abusing their rank, or straight up begging the captain.
I knew the power of scratch was strong. I didn't think it would be this strong. I said that if I was stuck here forever, I should consider selling my services. The guard said I would be as rich as the ponies on this mountain in a week. That's if the royal sisters ever let me leave the castle grounds. Given how they both reacted after our sessions(that still sounds weird to say), he has a point. While they weren't as bad as Chrysalis would've been if I stayed with her, I need to heed the warning I gave myself early on.
Ponies can become addicted to scratchies!
***
Crossed paths with Princess Celestia. She was walking with some well-dressed mares talking about a trade deal. One young, one older. I greeted them as polite sounding as I could. One of the older mares with a French-ish accent was eyeing my hands. Said she had read about me in this morning's paper. She asked Celestia if my hands were as legendary as the newspapers were saying. I could see the question caught her off guard. I had to do something to stop the incoming awkward moment. I offered a quick demonstration to the older mare. Her eyes lit up when Celestia nodded. Her outfit had her back exposed, so easy access.
Don't know who this older French-sounding mare is. So I have no problems saying how hard her eyes were rolling back as I scratched. It only felt super awkward when she bit her lower lip. Celestia took advantage of the situation and asked for the current cost to be halved. If their French is the same as ours on Earth, pretty sure she moaned out a yes. An answer that made the younger mare's jaw drop. Finished off with a quick, deep scratch. The older mare thanked me. Also thanked Celestia for sharing my hands. They said their goodbyes, as they had a busy schedule. I got wink from the older mare, and a glare from the younger one as they walked away.
Apparently I just saved Equestria a lot of bits. Importing high-quality materials from Prance for making clothes is normally costly. Would've taken all day just to get where we got in a minute of scratchies. I guess I really can call them powerful now.
***
Almost bumped into Spike. He was getting Twilight a glass of water. He thanked me for yesterday. Started to walk with him. Gonna have to get this talk with Twilight done with anyways. Might as well do it early.
I took the glass and asked him to wait outside with the guard.
***
Not as rough as I thought it would've went. Gave her the water. Told her to take a break from research because we needed to talk. The look in her eye said she knew this was coming. I pulled up a chair and she turned to face me.
Told her my perspective first. How I came into this world by means we still don't understand, scared and alone. How I broke my foot, making myself vulnerable. When I met Zecora, she took me in. I was an alien, and all she wanted to do was help. She became a friend. She went to the only pony she knew could help, and that trust was abused in the name of science. How I spent a few days hiding from every pony I couldn't trust. How I had to stay hidden because of a bounty that spun so far out of control, Princess Celestia had to intervene. Told her how her desire to capture and study me was obsessive enough to drive me into the care of Queen Chrysalis for a short period.
The only reason anything changed was because Princess Luna gave me a Twilight Sparkle history lesson. Made me rethink some things. Her and I aren't becoming best friends anytime soon. I just wanted her to know that I somewhat understood her reasons, severely misguided as they were.
I asked her if she had anything to say. She started off by apologizing for a rough first meeting. She apologized for trying to put me in a cage. She apologized for the bounties and all the problems they caused. She said "sorry" about a dozen times when she apologized for the whole Queen Chrysalis thing.
She was shocked to hear that Chrysalis and I got along fine. It was only the whole "scratchies for all eternity" thing that was off putting. She asked how her and I got along. The queen was known for being mean. Told Twilight that our dislike for a certain purple nerd was strong. As for how I spent my time with the queen, I said she could draw her own conclusions.
I think she had some kind of epiphany, because her eyes went wide. She levitated a book out of the pile and flipped to a random page. She berated herself for not seeing it before. I asked what she was talking about. She looked at me with an excited smile. The crystal. It was a portaling crystal. As in draw the portal. She kept researching it as a throwing crystal. It also explained why blasting it with her magic sent me off to random places. I asked her what this meant.
It meant I could go home. Hearing that filled me with so much excitement, I pulled her in for a hug. Caught her by surprise. She's running off to tell Princess Celestia the good news.
Drawing a portal. Why didn't I think of that?
***
Twilight's buried herself in the archives again. Princess Celestia is having tea with more dignitaries. Princess Luna had to go see a woodworker in Ponyville. She said she would give Lyra and Zecora an update on my situation while she's there. I asked what the woodworker was for. This princess wants scratchies after I'm gone, so she's having a scratcher made. I think it'll be Equestria's top export if they mass produce it.
My guard offered to show me more of the castle. Told him I was happy to sit in my bedroom and do nothing. A week of running and hiding made me long for boredom. He's posted outside the door. He's probably glad he doesn't have to fend off scratch-happy ponies. I share the sentiment.
I wonder what will happen after I go home. They'll have a way to go to Earth with the crystal. Given my experience, I'm not sure if Equestria is ready. If Princess Celestia is as old and wise as Twilight said she was, they'll probably observe Earth first. Maybe I can convince them to let me visit on the weekends so I can keep my promise to Zecora.
Things to worry about later. I could use a bathroom break and a pre-lunch nap.
***
So I got kidnapped.
Most terrifying alarm clock of my life. I felt hot horse breath on my face. Opened my eyes to see Queen Chrysalis standing on top of me. She covered my mouth with a hoof before I could scream. She had the crystal floating behind her. The way she said she missed me was creepy. She said she forgave me for running away. She had a cage ready to keep my hands safe and to keep me from trying again. She said she had to thank Twilight. The purple pony was practicing portals and the queen had a peek. With the crystal, she could not only take me back to the changeling kingdom, she could go to Earth. More humans all for her.
She drew a portal at the end of the bed. It led to her castle. It went to the inside of a cage. The outside of the cage had numerous changelings around it. I was told to go quietly, or I would never see Earth again. When I got in there, she told them that they had to wait for her to go first. Heard the bedroom door open as the portal closed.
***
At least the changelings got me some lunch. Celery and apples. Back to eating scraps I guess. Having meals made for me the past two days was nice while it lasted.
It's hard to write a lot right now. I'm shaking a bit. One of my greatest fears since I got here was ending up in a cage. The bug queen threatened me with never going home. She said it right after saying she wanted to go to my home world. The initial fear of never going back to Earth made me react before thinking.
***
The changelings are nervous. The queen hasn't come back yet. With the crystal, she should've been here right after me. A part of me hopes she got captured or something. I'm sure once the Royal Sisters learn that the source of scratchies is gone, I'll have my rescue. For now, I just have to be calm.
***
Well that didn't take long. Portal opened up under me, fell onto my bed. I looked over to see Queen Chrysalis dropped through a portal. Didn't have time to even speak because I was tackled by Twilight. She used her forelegs to hug me. I was so relieved I hugged her back. She was also bouncing between "I'm so glad you're safe" and "don't scare me like that ever again". I pushed her off and asked what was going on.
Turns out the bug queen used her shapeshifting to sneak into the castle. She ambushed Twilight and Spike, then used the crystal to portal into my room. Luckily, the nerd already knew a spell to track the crystal. The two battled in my room, which explains the scorch marks.
I told Twilight we need to do two things. First, we needed more protection for the crystal now that a potential danger knows about it. She agreed and said that Princess Celestia was putting something together. She asked what the second thing was.
I needed some lunch.
***
Tilapia with a side salad. So good. Having two alicorns, two unicorns, several guards, and a zebra refusing to leave my side? Not so much. Princess Luna came back with Lyra and Zecora after meeting with a woodworker. The two wanted to meet me for lunch originally. After hearing about what happened, they won't leave. I tried arguing with the full table that our main concern should be the crystal.
According to Princess Celestia, the crystal is now well guarded. Every pony in and out of the chamber it's held in is inspected for the slightest hint of changeling magic. Now their main concern was keeping my new stalker away from me. Twilight said she would need my help locating Earth. Something about me being an earthling making it easier. Whatever it means, I am down. While these ponies have become good friends, I think it's about time I go home. Things are getting a little crazy for me.
***
Testing the crystal was a little fun. The guards in the chamber kept to themselves, so I didn't have any hounding me. Lyra and Zecora are hanging out with Princess Luna. Her new scratching tool is finished and they're trying it out. Princess Celestia wanted to try it too, but she had diplomatic stuff to do. Twilight's been showing me how to draw portals. Not too hard. Focusing on the location I want to go to, and drawing a circle in the air. Her earlier experiments revealed that the portals can be as big or small as we want. The portals close on their own after about five minutes. A bit of magic can shorten or lengthen the time. Simple enough to understand.
Decided to check on Applejack for my first try. She was inspecting a tree. She almost jumped out of her skin when I yelled "boo". After she saw it was me, she calmed down. We caught up for a bit. Despite being fifty thousand bits richer, she was still working hard. A few small purchases to improve life on the farm. They wanted to save the rest of the money for a rainy day. She was impressed with the portal when she walked through. Her and Twilight are chatting about the encounter with Queen Chrysalis.
Applejack didn't stay long. She had farm work to do. She asked when I was leaving. Good question. Told her we were testing the crystal first before I could. She said if we didn't see each other again, she was glad we met. Said our goodbyes as Twilight closed the portal.
***
Tried drawing a portal to Earth. Specifically my bedroom. It felt so surreal. To see home for the first time in over a week. The place I have striven to return to was right there. I didn't realize how long I was standing there because the portal closed itself. Twilight nudged me and asked if I was okay. I needed a minute to collect myself. Something stopped me from waking through right then. A question that was stuck in my mind. Now that I have the choice, do I want to leave? Despite the chaotic nature this week had, it was the most excitement I ever had. I'll see if I can chat up Princess Celestia. Maybe some royal wisdom could help.
***
Her highness was talking to a number of nobles. Real fancy-looking ponies. I would've left and waited until she wasn't busy, but some of the nobles not talking to her saw me, and surrounded me. No guards were near me. They were all watching her highness. A few of the mares around me were eyeing my hands. Some of the stallions were asking how much a session would cost. Some of them had read this morning's newspaper. One or two of them mentioned being a part of the whole bounty mess. They were all unicorns, so I wouldn't get far if I ran. Being only five feet tall, I wouldn't be pushing past them either.
My luck still runs strong. Princess Celestia walked over and asked the nobles why they were harassing her human. Still not a fan of being called "her human", but it got the nobles to apologize and leave me alone. Their chat was finished anyways, so I could talk to her. She initially apologized for them, but I waved it off. I was starting to accept some ponies having more interest in my hands than the rest of me.
I asked her if she could give me some wisdom on a concern of mine. She obliged. I told her about standing in front of the portal. About Seeing my home for the first time in over a week. How I froze up and couldn't bring myself to walk in. Before the portal opened, I longed for home. Now that I had the choice, I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave. I was confused and wanted her thoughts on this.
Her answer was instant. She probably knew I had a concern like this brewing in my mind. She talked about how the past eight days have been some of the most exciting for Equestria in a long time. Being an alien in a new world probably felt equal parts absolutely terrifying, and positively elating for me. She said that deep down, it was probably the aspect of feeling important. To feel wanted. That's what most likely kept me from leaving. She was right. If I go back to Earth, it's back to my old life. My boring life as a boring John Smith. If I stay here, I get to be John Smith, the alien from another world. The alien that tamed the evilest of ponies with just his fingers.
Princess Celestia wrapped one of her wings around me. She said if I wanted to stay in Equestria, I was more than welcome. She would have me inducted as an official citizen. I could live in the castle. It would certainly be a life to live. Even if I didn't stay in the castle, I know four ponies that would open their homes to me without hesitation. I told her highness about my promise to Zecora. A hope to routinely come back in secret so we wouldn't lose the friendship we made. She asked that if such a thing could be accomplished with the crystal, I would be okay going back to Earth. I had taken such a deep breath before saying yes. She said that it could be done.
She was caught off guard when I excitedly hugged her.
***
I went to check on Princess Luna to see how she was enjoying her new scratcher. Princess Celestia finally had a gap in her busy schedule, so she was with me. We got to the moon princess' chambers. It was only Lyra and Zecora. Lyra was using what I assumed was the scratcher. I asked where Princess Luna was. Zecora said she went to get more scratchers made. Apparently it works just as well as me. My unicorn friend was too distracted to say much when I got her attention. Other than "scratchy good" that is. Poor thing's been scratch-deprived. Princess Celestia went to snap her out it. Probably to try it out herself.
I pulled Zecora aside. I told her the good news. She was so excited she almost forgot to rhyme. She was glad she wasn't losing a new friend. I told her I didn't have all the details, I would have something worked out soon. We were joined by Lyra, who had come back to her senses. I told her the good news too. She was equally excited. I told her she was welcome to join us when I visited. She asked what I planned to do when I would secretly come back. The plan was to relax with the company of my friends. We were interrupted by a light moan. We all turned to see Her highness enjoying the scratcher.
We couldn't help but laugh as a confused Princess Luna flew in from the balcony.
***
I decided that today would be my last day. My friends decided to make it an interesting one.
It couldn't have been more fun. Not possible. For my last day in Equestria, I wanted to actually enjoy it. With the fear of abduction gone, I got to take in the city of Canterlot for once. Twilight took me to the Canterlot University's Primatology Department. Got to meet ponies who were as nerdy as her. They had been peer reviewing the paper she wrote on scratchies. They asked for a hands-on demonstration. For science of course.
Some of the rich ponies I had met the other day when Applejack brought me here had crossed my path. Was only nervous for a few seconds. Twilight's horn started to glow and they ran off immediately. Was kinda funny to watch them run away like that.
I had passed by some of the nobles from earlier who now had scratchers of their own. They had bought them from Princess Luna. Others were already asking her where she got them. I swear I saw that older mare from Prance heading to the castle. Maybe she's looking to trade for scratchers.
The princesses took us all out to a fancy restaurant for dinner. Some place called The Golden Feather. It was the fanciest meal I ever had. One of the chefs had cooked fish before, so I had some salmon for my last meal. Dessert was some kind of weird looking fruit smoothie. Whatever it was, it tasted magical.
The day winded down. Princess Luna had raised the moon. As we walk to the crystal chamber, I can't believe I'm writing my final entry. I know I'm gonna cry as soon as I hug Zecora and Lyra. My two friends on an alien planet. Twilight and I aren't exactly best buds, but we came to an understanding. Maybe some time home will make things better between us. Not sure if I'm gonna give a final speech or not. Not even sure how Princess Celestia is gonna keep her promise of letting me visit.
So many questions burning in my head. Just like when I came here. Still don't know how the crystal got to Earth after all this. Still not sure if the crystal is gonna be safe in the long term. I don't even know what I'll do when I get home. I think I'll do the same as when I saw Zecora's house for the first time.
I'm just gonna have to take a chance.