Chapter THREE
Cheese Sandwich didn’t have a room in the Mascar-pony. Not really.
See, before it’d been an inn, it’d been his nonna’s family’s manor, and there’d been servant’s quarters, a bunch of rooms the family hadn’t intended for any of their residence until they revamped the manor to serve the purpose of hospitality. Rooms where his family could always find sanctuary that served as general-purpose, special-reserve guest rooms.
And that was where Cheese failed to sleep. An old room that blurred the line between cramped and cozy and yet somehow seemed to avoid those distinctions. Its main feature was twin beds pushed against the wall, with a kind of tight closeness that ensured anything that dropped between bed and wall would probably never leave those benthic depths where portals sung the darkness feeding into a shrieking morass of guilt.
At least, that was why Nonna said it was best to sleep on the other side of the bed. Those exact words.
Cheese wasn’t a hundred percent sure that was how it worked or what any of that meant, but he got the impression it was best to keep Boneless #3 near the nightstand.
He’d been woken up a little too early. Something that sounded a little too like the claws of a dragon had scratched his windowpane, and he’d been lying down, snout buried in the pillow, unable to think straight.
As Cheese rolled over, yawning, he thought on the events of the last night or so.
On the ache of partying, the familiar dull ache and exhaustion of a night of pure fun…
That hadn’t happened.
‘Really bucked up this time,’ Cheese thought.
For the second time, trying to show his appreciation for Pinkie had blown up in his face. He’d wanted to welcome her into his family traditions. He really had. And, well… he hadn’t known Pinkie knew so much about the Badalisc when she requested to come, but he figured it’d be… nice to be near the Badalisc. To just have the truth laid bare between the two of them.
Maybe the badalisc will say what we’re both thinking. Break down all those little barriers.
But now, that seemed profoundly unlikely.
Last night was painful to remember. So exhausting. It was… it was like being attacked by, uh… an evil chocolate cherry cake!
Yeah, that made sense. Probably. After all, everything he loved, or should have loved, had somehow turned sour on him. A party, meeting the mare he loved cared deeply about, in a town where he’d spent many winter months with his family, lots of food everywhere… It had every reason to be great. It should’ve been perfect.
Parmigiano Reggiano had been suggesting I had two marefriends, and Wheely had just fallen out of the chandelier, and apparently everyone in town knows, even that one stallion that died and came back as a ghost and had a foal somehow… he thought.
Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He’d… it’d been in the heat of the moment. Everything had just felt so overwhelming, and…Ugh. He wasn’t sure how he felt. Especially with the part with that stallion who died and somehow fathered a foal.
How does that even-
It’d all just felt so overwhelming. He wasn’t sure he really believed what he said. It’d all moved so fast, and he felt…embarrassed. Wounded. Exhausted.
“Being among friends is what gives Pinkie her spark. I couldn’t take her away from that.”
There was nothing Cheese wished for more in that moment than the ability to take that sentence back.
Now he’d bucked it all up! Celestia, this was worse than the second time he’d met. He’d nearly spurred her to quit party planning and leaving Ponyville, and now this? This?!
What’d go wrong the next time?
His bedframe rattled a little.
Cheese made a noncommittal grumble.
“Cheese,” Tomato Sandwich said, “You gotta get up at some point.”
Cheese made a noncommittal noise.
“Why bother?” he sighed. “They’re just going to drive her off again, and it’ll be that pageant in first grade all over again.”
“WHY IS EVERYTHING USED IN SCHOOL PLAYS SO FLAMMABLE?!”
Screaming. The entire school gym/auditorium hybrid in flames. The song “La Bamba” only faster.
Also, Cheese, Portabella, and Tomato’s parents had been super embarrassing, screaming in joy at the top of their lungs although they had super minor roles.
The fire was more incidental than anything, all honesty.
Tomato Sandwich shivered. “I still have fur that won’t grow back right…”
In fact, their parents had acted so profoundly embarrassing that Tomato Sandwich had fur loss totally unrelated to the stage randomly bursting into flames.
“Look, they…” Tomato said. “Portabella and I can talk it out with them. We’ll hold them down with your party tank just to make sure you get a moment together if we have to.”
Cheese rolled over to stare at his brother.
To Cheese’s surprise, his brother wasn’t alone. Giovanni and Sans Smirk were there, along with a mare in rather earthy colors - deep browns, streaked with some beige in her mane. This mare was his big sister, Portabella.
Cheese made a motion of his head that could charitably be considered a nod. “But… Pinkie can be…”
He didn’t know how to finish that sentence.
“What if I’ve scared her off?” he asked. “What if…”
He regretted the next few words as soon as that first syllable issued from his mouth:
“What if she doesn’t even want to-”
He couldn’t finish that sentence. Portabella scrunched up her snout a little, making a little ‘pffft’ noise…
And before he knew it they were all laughing uproariously. Portabella was rolling on the floor, Giovanni’s wings had just sort of given up and he had buried his face in a pillow cast off from Cheese’s bed. Cheese’s laughter wracked his body with the intensity of a cartload of fireworks cooking off one by one.
“Okay,” Cheese said, once things had settled down, “That was…”
“Chickish, really,” Giovanni said. “It’s not like this is some schoolyard crush where-”
Tomato Sandwich elbowed him.
“Okay, it is kind of like a schoolyard crush,” Giovanni admitted. “But… stallion, or adult, or whatever… we’re all adults here.”
“And this is somepony who studied friendship, learned, loved, cried, and laughed with Twilight Sparkle!“ Sans added.
“You’re right, all of you,” Cheese said. “I just… everyone was acting like we were already married, then they mentioned Rainbow Dash and… I just felt so overwhelmed. It all happened so fast!”
“...Look,” Tomato Sandwich said. “I’ll admit, our family might have gone a bit-”
“Might?” Portabella asked.
“Okay, they totally went too far,” Tomato Sandwich admitted. “But like Giovanni said, we’re all adults here. Just… I don’t know, she’s Pinkie. She’ll be understanding.”
“You’re right,” Cheese said, “I’ll talk to her today! I’m sure it’ll all be fine.”
***
Pinkie and Rainbow awoke to a knock at the window.
Which was strange, because they were on the 14th floor, and there wasn’t a fire escape out their window.
Tak… tak…. Tak….
“Mrmlyuh?” Pinkie Pie asked, groggy with the weight of sleep on her. She’d been having the most wonderful dream. About her, and…
And…
Oh.
And now I just feel sad.
The knocking against the window seemed to grow more insistent. Pinkie trotted over, before the cold snap of realization struck her.
Wait. A window. And… what am I doing?
Long, sinewy digits like spike’s forelegs (or claws or whatever they were) tapped against the window, scratching the window and tracing jagged through the window’s thin layer of frost. They looked… Pinkie struggled to describe it. Skin was stretched so tightly over those talons, and over the joints the skin looked squeezed so hard it had burst, cracking outward in jagged chunks.
Tak… tak… tak…
Somehow, it seemed insistent. Pinkie trotted up, looking at the Thing that was scratching the window. It was so close. Almost pleading.
Pinkie blinked, as its fingertips reached for the glass, AND-
Nothing.
It was just a tree. Always had been.
“Who’s knocking?” Rainbow Dash asked. She sounded to Pinkie like she’d woken up an hour or two or three and been unable to get back to sleep.
“It’s just-”
“Me!” Cheese Sandwich said, standing on the other side of the door.
Pinkie’s eyes darted from the window to the door. “Wait. How does that even-”
“Ugh, what’re you waking us up for?” Rainbow Dash asked. She suddenly sounded to Pinkie as if she was within seconds of being back to sleep.
“Well, two things,” Cheese said, sounding curiously shy. “First, breakfast is over pretty soon. Second, we gotta get out on the slopes before all the good skiing is gone.”
“Ooh!” Pinkie called out. “What’s for breakfast? Is it good?!”
***
The answer was yes, by the way.
Last night, the Mascar-pony’s restaurant had been packed to the windowsills with his family earlier, but many of them were off on the mountain or enjoying the amenities of the town. And it was towards the tail end of breakfast service, so they had it all to themselves. Maybe it meant a quieter breakfast, but…
Slopes are still going to be a bit skied off, Cheese thought. Least I get a quiet breakfast with Pinkie.
Sans gingerly let himself into one of the seats, looking over towards Cheese.
Oh, and my friends.
Pinkie finally, blessedly broke the silence:
“So, Cheese,” Pinkie said, “What’s the plan for today?”
Her eyes almost glowed in the midmorning light, her smile wide. Her mane was curly and had its typical exploded-cotton-candy look, but it looked so soft. Cheese could imagine running his hooves over it and oh dear Celestia, She’s so pretty. What do I even say?!
“Well. I.. uh…” Cheese started. “We have breakfast, and then we go up Mount Cavallocade for some skiing. When we’re done… uh, enjoy the town?”
Pinkie was strangely silent.
Rainbow Dash (who hadn’t taken a seat yet) fluttered next to Pinkie. “So what’s there to do here?”
“There’s a town history museum, a chocolate store, a bookstore if you want to pick anything up…”
“Most of that sounds kind of boring,” Rainbow Dash said.
“There’s also a club, some other good restaurants,” Portabella piped up. “A couple movie theaters, too!”
Pinkie’s head snapped towards her. “...Who are you?”
“I’m Cheese’s sister. Portabella Sandwich?” she asked.
“He didn’t mention you,” Pinkie said, raising an eyebrow.
“He also didn’t mention Rainbow Dash would come,” Portabella said.
Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “...Touche. So, where were you last night?”
“That colt from the chandelier fell on me and I had a huge headache,” Portabella said. “See, I-
“Ah, the happy couple!” a stallion said, walking up to the table.
***
He was, not to put too fine a point on it, huge. It’d been dark, and Pinkie couldn’t have offered much of a description if she tried, but from his words, from his massive frame which seemed like it ran the risk of knocking over a table, it was obvious that he was the stallion that had suggested Cheese was attracted to her and Rainbow Dash.
Which was ridiculous. Rainbow Dash was already spoken for, wasn’t she? That seemed pretty obvious.
“W-we’re not a couple!” Pinkie protested, flinging her forehooves up in front of her chest, crossing and uncrossing them.
“With her?” the waiter asked, pointing to Rainbow Dash.
“...Reggie,” Cheese said, caught between sighing and what sounded very much to Pinkie Pie like laughter. “Please… no…”
“No!” Rainbow Dash said, “No, Pinkie and I aren’t…”
“She’s probably spoken for anyway!” Pinkie added.
“I what?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Pinkie ignored that. Anyway, uh...” She looked down to the huge stallion’s nametag. Parmigiano Reggiano…
“Parmigiano,” she said. “We’re not a couple. Cheese and I only saw each other a couple times over the course of about four seasons!”
“So about a year?” Giovanni muttered.
“I, uh... yeah!” Pinkie said. “Exactly, Giovanni.”
“I see…” Parmigiano the Waiter said.
Pinkie Pie breathed a sigh of relief. From what Cheese’s parents (their names were presumably Gyro and Pecorino) had said, they’d told everyone in Cavallocade that the two of them were a couple, even an undead pony’s son. Somehow. She wasn’t clear how that worked, and she had the terrible feeling she was better off that way.
“So it’s a long-distance relationship!” Parmigiano said, a big, dopey smile on his face.
In perfect harmony, Cheese, Pinkie and Rainbow’s heads slammed against the table.
“Can we, like… just order breakfast?” Rainbow Dash asked, her voice muffled by the tabletop.
“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” Cheese asked, his voice also muffled. “You have to be, Reggie.”
“I could be,” Parmigiano Reggiano said. “But you’ll never know.”
***
Pinkie had ordered her breakfast on the basis that it had the word ‘pancake’ in it, and what she received wasn’t the traditional Equestrian kind. It was thicker, and instead of syrup, it was festooned with a number of berries (some pureed, some not) that the menu claimed to be from the surrounding hills. There was one that she’d never seen called the Cavallocade Berry, mottled green with swirling white and pink.
Pinkie reached for the fork.
“Pecorino and Gyro can be…” Portabella said.
“...Overbearing?” Cheese asked.
“Total-” Tomato Sandwich started.
“Yeah,” Portabella said, very pointedly interrupting Tomato. “Agreed. But they’re not bad ponies. But they have a tendency to talk over people.”
“Explains why Cheese was so shy as a colt,” Giovanni said ruefully.
“Wait,” Pinkie said. “They’re… his parents?”
“....Giovanni,” Rainbow Dash said, frowning, “Maybe you shouldn’t say that sort of thing in front of your friends.”
Cheese shrugged. “No, he’s probably right.”
A pregnant pause followed.
“I’m… sorry about last night,” Cheese said.
Pinkie just stared at him.
But there was one thing distracting Pinkie Pie. Okay, not one thing, it was all of Cheese’s relatives congratulating them on being together.
Literally. All of them, in unison, with a motion that Pinkie wondered if they’d rehearsed, had turned in their chairs to say “And now, the happy couple!”
Pinkie blushed, turning away. She looked to Cheese for support, but… he’d also turned away, very pointedly looking anywhere but her.
Great.
“Do you… want to go skiing with us?” Cheese asked.
“I thought you already asked,” Rainbow Dash said, narrowing her eyes.
“Yeah, but… it’ll be just me, Sans, my brother, my cousin Portabella… and the two of us on the same chairlift if you want,” Cheese said.
There was Cheese’s family, throwing their weight around. Cheese, looking mortified.
Buck, but it all seemed like so much. Maybe she should’ve gone back to Ponyville. Maybe she should’ve tried to hit on Rainbow Dash again, but-
“You know,” Cheese said, his green eyes practically glowing, “If you want.”
“I…” Pinkie started.
And she realized, with a start, that there was nothing she wanted more on this trip than to have that chairlift ride.
***
The five of them had traipsed through Cavallocade to make their way to the foot of the ski area, a wide expanse that spanned multiple peaks. Pinkie had wondered about a base lodge, but Cheese had explained that was more of an out west thing, and out east, the lodge was far less important. They’d already brought their equipment, so why not?
Cavallocade looked so different in the sun. Instead of a glistening red, the massive tentacled thing that sat atop Cavallocade looked to be an almost frostbitten gray, marbled with red - like veins in one of the hairless mammals that Fluttershy might examine.
The base area was set between two tentacles that splayed outwards and curled back towards each other like a horseshoe, sheltering it from the winds that fed through the chasms and valleys of Mount Cavallocade. Rustic buildings - lodges, apartments, restaurants - hammered together from logs traced the path of the tentacles until they suddenly, abruptly terminated at a flat spillway wider than some roads.
Wait, Pinkie thought. Is flat the right word?
Pinkie’s brain rebelled against describing it as flat. Of course it wasn’t flat. But it sort of felt flat? If that made sense. Racks of skis, snowboards, and other things she had no name for dotted the expanse of snow leading up to the mountain, which gradually curved upwards.
Ski trails fanned out and up the snowy peaks, like tributaries into a river. The mountain’s peaks were stitched across with chairlifts and gondolas and cut through with long meandering trails that traversed or looped in graceful turns, or plunged downhill in straight slashes.
Tentacles from the great beast that stood above Cavallocade laced into the mountain. Mushrooms sprouted from its limbs, hanging above the trails like umbrellas, and icicles that were a bit too bright green hung from the tentacles above the snow.
Somewhere, off in the distance, Pinkie saw areas where the trees simply… stopped, giving way to a spotless expanse of white. Protrusions not unlike horns exploded up from the snow.
“For some reason,” Tomato Sandwich said, “It’s always-”
Cheese Sandwich tapped his brother’s shoulder.
“For some reason, it’s always cold here. Even in the summer! It’s great,” Cheese said. “You can go skiing here naked and get ice cream when you’re done sometimes! Always loved doing that when I was a colt.”
“Sounds great!” Pinkie said. “Ice cream, especially… uh…”
The two of them stared into each other’s eyes.
Rainbow Dash just slapped one hoof to her forehead.
What’s that about? Pinkie wondered.
“So, uh, we’re gonna head up the Stracciatella Quad over here,” Cheese said, stumbling over his words. “There’s a nice, easy green trail heading over to Gnocchi’s Bowl, and a couple blues, maybe even a black diamond… we can try and see how good you all are.”
Rainbow Dash fluttered by, carrying a set of skis in both sets of hooves.
“Do I actually have to go up the chairlift?” she asked. “I can just fly up and carry this stuff…”
“I mean, you could, plenty of other pegasi do it,” Cheese said, pointing up to a few pegasi flying upwards, following the paths of the chairlifts. “But it gets tiring after awhile.”
“Fair enough,” Rainbow Dash said. “Hey, how about you and Pinkie get your own chair?”
“...But it’s a six-pony chair,” Pinkie said, confused.
“No, no,” Tomato Sandwich said, “She’s right. you two deserve some time to yourself. You go ahead, we’ll catch up. There’s a double chair, you can use that.”
“You just go ahead,” Rainbow Dash said. “Just… take the chair. Please.”
The two party ponies pushed ahead. Skiing was…. Awkward for quadrupeds, or semi-quadrupeds like most of the races of Equus. Cheese was on all fours, uncomfortable thought it was, dragging himself forwards with his forelegs, poles at the sides of his barrel. Pinkie, however, had clasped two ski poles to her hooves and pushed herself forward.
Once they had made decent headway into the line:
“Okay,” Rainbow Dash said. “We’re all agreed, they’re made for each other, right?”
The five of them shared a variety of Looks.
“I mean, I thought the two of you had a thing at first,” Portabella said, “But… yeah.”
Rainbow Dash turned to stare at Portabella. “Excuse me, what?”
“You came with her here, you share a room together, you went on adventures together, you talk a lot about yourself in that diary you published-”
“Oh, Celestia, don’t remind me of that,” Rainbow Dash sighed. “That was… a pretty embarrassing time.”
“And Pinkie keeps telling people you’re spoken for,” Giovanni added.
“Not with her!” Rainbow Dash said, exasperated. “I don’t know where she’s getting that from.”
“Are you telling me there’s a heterosexual explanation for all the ways you talked about each other in that diary you published?” Tomato Sandwich asked.
“That one,” Rainbow Dash said, slapping her face with one hoof, “Was a bucking mistake.”
“...Am I the only one concerned that people are staring at us?” Giovanni asked, looking down towards Sans. “Come on, th-”
“They’d obviously be staring,” Sans Smirk said. “Two of the Elements, talking about something so public?”
He didn’t seem that bothered, though.
“Right. Of course, I’m surrounded by weirdos,” Giovanni sighed.
“This town is pretty weird,” Sans Smirk said.
“You know what?” Giovanni asked. “Yes. Sure. That is absolutely it.”
“Agreed,” Pinkie said.
Giovanni’s sigh so deepened that Cheese seriously wondered if there was something wrong with his lungs.
“Look, we had a thing at one point,” Rainbow Dash said. “But….”
“But what happened?” Tomato Sandwich asked.
“Look, I… it couldn’t work,” Rainbow Dash said. “We would’ve been great together awhile back, but… you can’t be a wonderbolt and always have time to party with Pinkie.”
“Cause you’re halfway across Equestria?” Giovanni asked.
“Mostly… I’m just not the same mare,” Rainbow Dash said. “I was happy the first moment I met her, I was happy pulling pranks, but even if I was happy, I wasn’t… going to be happy. Y’know?”
MEANWHILE, ON THE CHAIRLIFT
If Pinkie could’ve heard that, she probably would’ve brushed it off, shrugged, thought about it later, and talked it over with Rainbow Dash later that day. Like a responsible goddamn mare. Because that was what she was, no matter what the gossip rags said.
The two of them shared the chair with three other ponies.
“Look,” Cheese said, “I know my family could be…”
Pinkie stared at him, eyebrows raised, pupils small, head cocked.
“A bit…”
“...yeah,” Cheese said.
“Oh thank Luna, I couldn’t narrow it down to one witty comment,” Pinkie gasped, letting out a massive sigh like she’d been holding a breath of air so massive she could’ve floated away. Which was probably true.
“I’m sorry. But I just… I wanted to spend time with you,” Cheese said. “You’re… you’re this pink bouncing ball of joy that comes through my life like a tornado. You made me who I am today! And when I got that letter from you-”
What?
Pinkie’s mind shifted. No, that wasn’t right.
“....Wait,” Pinkie said. “I came here cause I got a letter from you.”
“No, you sent a letter to me,” Cheese said. “I didn’t even know how you got this address!”
“That’s… really weird!” Pinkie said.
“It looks like someone… wanted us both here at the festival,” Pinkie said, one forehoof under her chin. “But why… why indeedy…”
“I gotta say, I’m bamboozled,” Cheese said.
“Maybe something… wanted us to be here together?” Pinkie asked. “I mean, I’m not complaining! Cause I…”
She was quiet.
The chair juddered under the wheels of a lift tower. Pinkie shook like she was receiving a massage.
“I… wanted to see you too,” she said. “Every time I see you, it’s like my heart skips a beat. I…”
Pinkie thought on times that she’d pushed her friends away - or, now that she thought about it, times she’d pushed herself away from her friends.
I don’t know what the difference is, but it feels important, she thought.
“I can easily… throw ponies off. And you… you seem like somepony that’ll always be thinking like me. I’ll have an idea about a diving punch bowl, and you’ll ask about making a punch waterslide, and then I’ll say how we need showers so our fur doesn’t get sticky…”
“That was a good day,” Cheese said, laughing slightly.
“I just…” Pinkie said. “I don’t want to look this gift horse in the mouth.”
“What gift horse?”
“You, apparently,” Pinkie said, and both of them giggled.
“I do make novelty gifts,” Cheese admitted.
He sighed.
“Pinkie… I was thinking about what you said last night. And… I was thinking about what you said last night,” Cheese said.
“And?!” Pinkie asked, smiling.
“Look, with everyone saying we’re a couple, and what you said about losing your spark…” Cheese said. Pinkie, when I see you, I feel so happy. Like seeing you is a dessert I only get in one or two cities. But what if…”
“Yes?” Pinkie asked, smiling so hard she wondered if her face might break.
“What if I eat that dessert too much?” Cheese asked. “You might’ve been right, Pinkie. I lost my laugh because I spent so long in the same place, doing the same thing. What if meeting you stops feeling… special?”
I’ve made a huge mistake, Pinkie thought.
“It… does make a kind of sense. So does this mean we can’t be…” she started, watching Cheese’s expression. “Friends?”
Suddenly, she felt so… crestfallen. A word that would have more meaning to her if she knew what it meant. But it felt about right.
“No,” Cheese said. “I just… don’t know if we can be what apparently the entire town thinks we are.”
“Oh,” Pinkie heard herself saying from somewhere very far away. “Can we still be super duper party ponies together?”
“Of course,” Cheese said.
He could have said anything there, from ‘no’ to ‘yes’ to ‘I need scissors! 61!’ and Pinkie still would’ve felt as if she couldn’t truly stomach being with Cheese right now.
Buck.
What’ve I done?
***
MEANWHILE
The Thin Stallion stood in a patch of woods with his three compatriots, staring through a set of binoculars down towards the six ponies heading towards Gnocchi’s Bowl.
Something covered in canvas, sat behind one of the mares in this little group. She’d disguised herself as a ski patroller and kept it in a toboggan. She was an odd, patchy maroon color, her fur inexpertly dyed. For some reason, she always wore a hat and sunglasses. She’d given a different name every time he asked - Party Popper, Bright Wonder, a few others.
.
“You’re sure we need to do this,” the Thin Stallion said bluntly.
“Positive, V,” said the mare who served as their leader. The Thin Stallion’s name was a profound irony he was extremely grateful nobody had exploited. ‘V’ was perfectly fine by his standards.
She was unremarkable, as much as anypony could be in Equestria. It had been difficult to tell in the dark, under their cloak, but she was a pegasus. An off-white colored mare with a hot-pink and green mane that reminded him of flowers. She looked sweet. Innocent. Like a young girl just on the cusp of university age, back where he was from.
She’d given her name as Lily Field.
Their final member was a heavyset stallion that looked to have all the bulk that he - Victory - hadn’t gotten in translation, and shopped at the same place for dye as Bright Wonder or whatever her name was. His fur actually looked to be that same maroon color, but he’d dyed it (poorly) with a color that seemed to shift from red-purple to brown to red-brown at random.
He didn’t talk much.
“I’m telling you,” V said. “We just shoot them both. Easy.”
“We can do one better,” said Party Popper, whipping the canvas off the toboggan to reveal…
“A party cannon,” said the heavyset stallion in awe. “One of Pinkie’s party cannons…”
Party Popper stood behind the cannon. Aiming it up towards one of the mountains. “Give us the word, Fields.”
Exactly what happened on the way to Gnocchi’s Bowl was… unimportant. There was more scenery to be watched, more bizarre tentacle trees and freezing mushrooms that lined the winding trails.
“You’re both pretty good,” Cheese had said, “Maybe we can head over to the snowfields in Gnocchi’s Bowl?”
And that had been that. They’d navigated long, winding trails, making their way to the steep sides of Gnocchi’s Bowl. The higher it got, the more it opened up, into what looked from the bottom like vertical walls of snow.
“So… awesome…” Rainbow Dash said. “I wonder what kind of weather you could make, what kinds of updrafts you’d get flying in here…”
She had fluttered halfheartedly. The skis she wore on her hooves weighed her down, but she thought she could get some altitude.
As they took the lift, Rainbow suddenly understood something: buck, it’d be a pain to try and fly with these for very long!
I wonder if I can get something more compact… more aerodynamic, less weight...
There they were at the top of Gnocchi’s bowl. They’d trotted over from the lift for what felt like ten minutes (it was probably more like two)
Pinkie would remember this next moment forever. There was Cheese pointing at what looked like a sheer cliff, little fragments of hardened snow where it looked as if part of the mountain had just given up and slid off, revealing an expanse of white beneath. The chairlift was so far away from them that it looked like it was on another mountain entirely.
Off in the distance, Pinkie could see the plume of steam from a locomotive, and - through several peaks - the blue glint of the ocean.
“You think you got what it takes?” Tomato Sandwich asked. He had a huge smile on his face. “You think you’re tough enough for Mahogany Ridge?”
“Oh, I know she’s tough,” Rainbow Dash said.
“How tough are you both?”
“Wait, no, I was kidding!” Tomato said. “It’s not even called mahogany ridge!”
It was too late. By the time he’d said ‘kidding,’ Pinkie was already plunging down the hill.
“WHEEEEE!” she laughed.
“Well, guess we’re going that way,” Rainbow Dash said, and flung herself over the cliff.
“Wait, I didn’t think we’d actually-” Cheese said, after nearly half his friend group had flung themselves over the near-cliff.
“Well,” Tomato Sandwich said, “No matter what, when you’re dating, you’re never gonna be bored.”
“We’re not dating, and this was your fault!” Cheese yelled.
“How was I supposed to know she wouldn’t know I was kidding!”
“Because Pinkie… loves jokes,” Cheese said. “There’s nothing she loves more than a good punchline, and running with it, and…”
A dreamy expression slid onto his face, just as Tomato Sandwich opened his mouth.
“You’re about to ask if I’m sure we’re not dating, aren’t you,” Cheese said.
***
Pinkie didn’t even fully know what she was doing here, but skiing felt kind of like ice skating. Just faster.
“WHEE!” she yelled.
Skis actually felt easier to use than skates, come to think of it. She had so much more balance, she wasn’t going to fall on her face, and it all just felt so natural. Slide to left, dodge tree, slide to right, dodge mogul, then forward and-
Pinkie abruptly felt absolutely nothing under her skis.
She was flying, she realized. She saw the snow speed by underneath, bent her hinds, and-
-landed, surprisingly smooth, on both skis.
This is fun!
All around her was an expanse of white. Her jacket and fur coat flapped against her body in the wind. She turned, using her flank to fling herself to the left, her barrel almost parallel to the pitch of the slope.
But she felt herself drawing to a stop. Her hindlegs did hurt, she was a little tired, but whatever was slowing her felt like something beyond that.
I need to think.
Yeah, that made sense. She needed to think about… her. About Cheese. She’d been so excited, and they’d just agreed they wanted to just be friends?! After all that time she’d spent thinking about spending time with him, party planning, that was all!
And maybe he hadn’t even sent that letter?! Maybe this was all an accident and she’d burst in, hurricane Pinkie, and scared her friend off all over again!
But she also thought about Rainbow Dash. Sure, Dashie was beautiful, and…
Nah, she already had something going. Besides, Dashie had been out of Ponyville back when this all started. And she spent all that time talking to Applejack.
But what if I was to…
No, that wouldn’t work.
Or how about-
No.
I could even-
Sweet Celestia, no. Absolutely not. Never. Besides, she and Rainbow hadn’t even gone pranking together in years.
As that last thought trotted through Pinkie’s mind, she felt herself stopping. She felt her skis pressing into the snow,
“I’ll catch up!” Pinkie called out. “I need time to-”
THOMMM
***
Whatever Pinkie yelled down to Cheese Sandwich was lost in the roar as the mountain above her transitioned from rock and snow into a weather system with a speed and scale no unicorn could hope to match. Waves and clouds of snow, a tsunami and blizzard all at once but bound to the mountainside, roared down towards all of them…
And to Pinkie, who stood, staring at this juggernaut. Rainbow Dash couldn’t see the expression on her friend’s face, but she assumed that the party pony was frozen in stark terror.
“AVALANCHE!” Portabella screamed.
“NO!” Rainbow Dash yelled, but she was still heading downhill. I can’t take the skis off until I stop, she realized to her horror, I’m stuck, stuck with these BUCKING WEIGHTS CUFFED TO MY LEGS-
Snow was cascading down the hill behind them, with all the kinetic energy and subtlety of several freight trains derailing and falling down a mountain all at once.
But she couldn’t just do nothing.
Rainbow Dash turned, ready to stop despite the protestations of everycreature around her, staring up towards Pinkie.
“Don’t just stand…!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
Pinkie had already exploded down the mountain like a pie out of her Party Cannon by that second syllable.
***
Buckbuckbuckbuckbuck
Pinkie shot down the face of the mountain. Turns, moguls, trees, none of that mattered. She had to outrun it.
She jammed her poles into the snow and pushed, even as she flew forward. Anything at all for more speed.
She wasn’t sure, but she was almost certain she felt snow licking against her back, rattling along her helmet.
***
Rainbow Dash, Cheese, the other ponies and griffin that had come to Mount Cavallocade, flew downhill, towards the flat spillway at the base of the bowl.
Almost there! Cheese thought. Pinkie, for the love of Celestia, please be okay-
***
Everything became a blur to Pinkie Pie. There was a cliff coming up. She couldn’t turn, what if the avalanche went over her! But she couldn’t go over it, what if…
Buck it.
The only way out was through. Pinkie bent down, feeling wind rush over her, as she headed straight for the cliff.
***
They’d drawn to a stop. The avalanche was slowing, ever so slightly, but Rainbow Dash had assured them they were probably fine.
Pinkie, however, was not.
“What’s she doing?!” Rainbow Dash yelled as Pinkie rushed towards the cliff.
Cheese realized it before she did.
“Ohhhh no,” he groaned.
***
Pinkie rocketed up into the air. Somehow - maybe there was a rock, maybe something strange happened - there was a natural ramp just above the cliff. The ground blurred away beneath her, and all she could think was the phrase ‘oh, buck.’
“DAAAAASHIEEEEEEE!” she screamed, head darting from side to side as the wind beat against her, the ground an indistinct expanse of white.
I hope the snow is soft-
***
“PINKIE, NO-” Cheese yelled.
“Look!” Rainbow Dash yelled. Frantically, she started hammering against the buckles of her boots with her forelegs. Gotta get out of these BUCKING SHACKLES-
Pinkie arced through the air above them, flying faster and further than Rainbow had ever seen of an earth pony.
How in the buck did she get that much air? Part of Rainbow Dash wondered, distantly jealous.
But before Rainbow could escape the prison of her ski boots, she heard a thud and a yell. Instinctively, her attention slipped from her boots and she turned to see Pinkie...
….Who had slammed into the top section of a tree, bouncing off and landing on a branch. It bent under, shedding snow like a dozen little fractal avalanches, before Pinkie slid off…
“Nononononono BU-”
And hit another branch. This one broke, a cascade of splintered wood and snow.
“I-”
Another branch. Another thud.
“HIDEBU-”
“...This is a really tall tree,” Portabella said, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh, buck this,” Rainbow Dash said, exploding out of her boots and rushing towards Pinkie.
She shot forward like a unicorn Guardspony throwing a fireball. Snow, trees, all was reduced to a blur. She wondered if she was flying fast enough to create a sonic rainboom. And, as she drew closer to Pinkie, the pink earth pony mare mere millimeters from her outstretched forelegs-
Pinkie fell in the snow, facefirst. She sat, motionless, in the snow, balanced like a tennis ball impaled on a unicorn’s horn, before falling gormlessly onto her side.
The wind howled.
Nopony said a word.
The pink pony was silent.
“Pinkie!” Cheese yelled. “Are you okay, did you- come on, speak to me, you’re going to be fine!”
He touched her with his forelegs. He didn’t know what he was going to do, what he could do.
“Somone, Rainbow Dash, Giovanni, go find a ski patroller!” he yelled.
“On it,” Rainbow said, taking a breath and steeling herself to fly with speed enough for a sonic rainboom. She readied her wings, tensing her muscles and-
“Didn’t hurt!” Pinkie chirped, springing up to all fours.
At that moment, one of her skis fell out of the tree, crashed onto her helmet, slid off, and landed weightlessly in the snow beside her.
She didn’t budge.
“WHAT?!” Sans Smirk asked, raising his intonation slightly. You had to know him, he was practically screaming.
“...Okay,” Rainbow Dash said, eyes wide, because at that moment what else could you say.
“I, um… huh,” Cheese said. “I… do we need to take you to ski patrol?”
“Nah, I’m good,” Pinkie said.
“Don’t worry,” Rainbow Dash said, having recovered from the initial shock, “You don’t grow up in ponyville without learning to be durable!”
“I’m not sure that’s how that works,” Giovanni said.
“Scientifically speaking, she’s correct,” Sans Smirk said.
“Cheese, while I was being flung through the air, I was thinking,” Pinkie said. “About… us.”
Rainbow Dash wore a huge smile on her face.
“....yesss?” she asked, leaning towards the two of them.
“I think we should spend as much time together as we want,” Pinkie said.
“Yessssss…” Rainbow Dash said, rubbing her hooves together.
“I think that even if we live far away from each other, there’s nothing stopping us from being…”
“Yesssss….” Rainbow Dash hissed through her smile. Portabella drew in a sharp breath.
“The best friends we can be, Cheese!” Pinkie yelled.
“...oh, COME ON!” Rainbow Dash yelled.
It was just bad luck that another avalanche started with that scream.
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU CREATURES?!” Giovanni yelled.
“Let’s… pick this one up later?” Cheese asked, looking vaguely sheepish.
Rainbow Dash looked up towards the cascade of snow rushing down the mountain.
“....Yeah,” she said, hanging her head in shame.
***
The trail to the nearest lift was long and flat. It was something you didn’t do for the fun of it, it was more like a byway than anything. A function of utility for other, more interesting runs.
“Can we head up towards one of the glades?” Pinkie asked, arm-wrestling a measure of cheer into her voice. It wasn’t necessarily something she wanted to do, but she wanted to be happy, and she figured that this sense of disappointment couldn’t be maintained if she threw her all into skiing. If she pushed through, if she tried, she’d probably find herself smiling again soon enough…
...and, well, if she did what she wanted (which was ‘go back to the Mascar-pony, check for a train ride home’) then she’d just be wallowing in sadness, and nopony ever became more happy by acting more sad.
At least, Pinkie was pretty sure of that, and anyone who was only happy when they were sad didn’t seem like somepony she’d enjoy. Even Mudbriar would be less of a stick in the…
Ohhhh, Pinkie thought, gracefully carving through the snow, her hock coming dangerously close to the corduroy of the groomed snow. Stick in the mud! NOW I get it!
The chairlift that she came up towards looked old. It would hold three ponies. There was a steep pitch of a trail that almost looked like a cliff, walled with pine trees and aspens. Or aspen. Pinkie, for reasons she could neither comprehend nor explain, knew that a forest of aspens was all technically the same tree.
But before the two of them could get on the chairlift, Pinkie saw a ski patroller. Well, she wasn’t sure and didn’t know what a ski patroller was, but they looked like nurse Redheart with that red X symbol, and they looked like emergency personnel.
Something felt off. Pinkie inched a little closer to them.
“Cheese,” Sans Smirk said, “Can we uhhh… take the same chair up? I want to talk to you.”
“Sure,” Cheese said, smiling.
Sans just sighed.
“We’ll catch up with you in a bit,” Rainbow Dash said. “Pinkie and I are gonna go talk to this ski patroller.”
“Do you want us to come with you?”
“Nah, they’ll probably be fine,” Rainbow Dash said. “Besides, I have rescue experience, do you, ah…”
“I took a course on worker safety,” Sans Smirk piped up.
“Look, don’t worry about it,” Rainbow Dash said. “If it takes too long down here, just… take another run, we’ll be fine.”
***
For whatever reason, the two of them found that Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were taking awhile to get up onto the lift. Cheese watched them standing at the base, talking to the ski patroller, pinkie punctuating each sentences with exaggerated gestures, bounces, and periodically floating in midair.
“I wonder what they’re talking about down there,” Cheese said.
He looked over at Sans.
“Come to think of it, what did you want to talk to me about?” he asked.
“Cheese,” Sans said, placing one foreleg on his friend’s shoulder, the hoof edging towards his elbow. “It is obvious. To anyone. How you feel about Pinkie.”
“That she’s one of my best friends?”
“Yes,” Sans said, “But actually no, Cheese. A relationship like what you and Pinkie could have… that’s never been something I’ve had the urge to look for. I’ve never found it important, but I can recognize when it’s important to others.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that even if it’s a step forward to admit that you can visit each other as much as you want,” Sans said, “You shouldn’t be afraid of… whatever it is you’re afraid of.”
“Look, as it is, we’re happy as friends,” Cheese said.
Sans considered this.
“Maybe,” he admitted. “But there’s such tension between you two. For whatever reason, you seem afraid of it. I think…. You need some time together to talk it over.”
“Just the two of us? Alone?” Cheese mused.
“Yes,” Portabella said, placing a hoof across Sans and onto Cheese’s shoulder. “That’s perfect, absolutely. You should just get a room-”
“We’d have plenty of time to talk things over, have a nice dinner together, just enjoy each other’s company…” Cheese mused.
Portabella just sighed. “Good Celestia, is this how you felt talking to Reggie?”
***
The chairlift wasn’t smooth.
Skiing, for whatever reason, had struggled to catch on out in mainland Equestria, so Pinkie didn’t have much in the way of experience. But she could tell this one was old. The towers rusted slightly, the chairs seemed to shake a little too much, and seemed to be perennially a month or two or three past time for painting.
It was towards the top of the lift when this one relevant interaction would happen:
“Might be a nice way for Cheese and I to have some private time,” Pinkie said.
“Oh, one of your best friends?” Rainbow Dash sighed.
Rainbow Dash leaned forward slightly. Her jacket came with a sort of cape, something that could be used to cover her wings if they got cold, but it was uncomfortable having it between her wings and the back of the chair.
Then again, sitting on anything but a stool could be uncomfortable for Rainbow Dash. And so did sitting so ramrod straight. So really, it was sort of a no-win situation.
She was right about to say something when:
“What’s wrong, Dashie?” Pinkie asked.
“...that’s what you’re going with?” Rainbow Dash asked. “After everything you’ve done, you’re just saying you could be best friends?”
“And what’s wrong with that?” Pinie asked, narrowing her eyebrows.
“Nothing!” Rainbow Dash said, spreading out her forelegs. “It’s just… I wonder if…” she sighed. “Look, I’ll settle it at the top of the chair. I’ll tell them what the ski patroller said when we’re done.”
A pause. The chair slid up to the wheel, ready to unload.
The five creatures they’d been skiing with all day all stood in close proximity, eagerly talking amongst themselves.
“Cheese,” Rainbow said. “I need to settle something.”
“What’s that?” Cheese asked.
She scratched her mane with one hoof. “How many times did you have a duet?”
“...Three,” Pinkie said.
“Yeah, that one time in ponyville,” Cheese said, reaching out with one hoof, “that other time in ponyville-”
(Punctuated with another hoof)
“-that time at the factory, and….”
(Cheese reached out with another hoof, balancing himself on his front foreleg)
“...that one time in Manehattan at the karaoke bar where we decided to sing some Flank Zappa?”
Cheese held out a fourth hoof, floating above the ground.
“Other time in Ponyville?” Pinkie asked. She was also floating.
(“Wait,” Giovanni said. “How are they-”
“That’s not important right now,” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s just… they’re both party ponies, they always do this.”
“...Really?” Sans Smirk asked. “We hired a clown for my mark mitzvah, and he couldn’t warp the fabric of reality.”
“So it’s not normal for party ponies to do this?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Nope. Our friends are just very unique,” Sans said.
“...Huh,” Rainbow Dash said, scratching under her chin with one foreleg.)
“Why do you ask?” Cheese asked, gently floating back towards the ground.
“Don’t you see?” Rainbow Dash asked. “You’re-”
“Oh, by the way,” Pinkie interrupted. “Something weird happened when we talked to that patroller. He said they didn’t need help, and we were probably the only ones in the area. But…”
***
“There’s one weird thing about the avalanche,” the ski patroller said.
“And what’s that?”
“Well, weirdest thing. In the middle of the avalanche, we found a cake, half-frozen.”
“That’s weird! What flavor was it?”
“It was, uh…” the ski patroller said. “Well, weirdest thing. Chocolate-raspberry cherry with chocolate shavings and buttercream icing.”
“Interesting,” Pinkie said. “Very, very interesting.”
She stroked her chin with one hoof, the fur of her fetlocks brushing just beneath her mouth. “That… is the same cake I use for my Party Cannon ammunition. How strange.”
***
“...Your party cannon’s ammo caused an avalanche that nearly killed you?” Giovanni asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Yupperoonie,” Pinkie said, uncharacteristically solemn. “And then there’s the letter that brought me and Dashie here.”
“I still can’t figure out the deal with that,” Cheese said.
“What do you mean?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“It turns out someone sent us a fake letter to get Pinkie here,” Cheese said. “Our current theory was that something really wanted us together, but…”
His voice trailed off.
“The accidents, the avalanche…” he said. “I don’t know, it’s making me think that something’s wrong here. That maybe…”
“Maybe what?” Pinkie asked.
“That someone has it out for us,” Cheese said. “Maybe they even want to kill us.”
“I’ll call Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said immediately. “How can I get in touch with Ponyville?”
“Well,” Cheese said, “There’s a phone in the station, a semaphore tower, letters…”
“Any messenger dragons?” Rainbow asked.
“No dice,” Tomato Sandwich said. “Only royals and the like have those, and this…”
He gestured sort of generally around Cavallocade with one foreleg.
“I get it,” Pinkie said. “So… what do we do now?”
“Well,” Cheese said. “I don’t know if I’m ready to answer that. How about…. We do some more skiing and think it over?”
“And that is?” Pinkie asked.
“I’ll tell you if you tell me what you think,” Cheese said.
“Well… I want to be safe, but,” Pinkie said. Her mind raced. “But… But I want to be with you, Cheese. I don’t know if someone wanted me dead in an avalanche or not, but clearly you wanted to plan the festival of the Badalisc, and even if it was fake… I want to… no, I’d love to do it with you.”
“Why do you keep doing this?” Giovanni asked.
“What do you mean?” Cheese asked.
“You act so close, so lovey-dovey, then one of you says something like that,” he sighed.
“G,” Cheese said. “Just because we happen to be party ponies doesn’t mean… we have to do anything with each other. At the end of the day, I’m happy with her as one of my best friends, and I… just feel like this all happened suddenly. I’m not really sure how to handle my feelings on this.”
Giovanni nodded. “This is… very well thought out. I-”
(At that same time: “I agree,” Pinkie said. “So…. do we go investigate today, or tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow’s good,” Cheese said.)
“It’s a date!” Pinkie said.
“OH COME ON!” Rainbow Dash yelled, not for the last time.
***
The rest of the day passed without real incident. It was, not to put too fine a point on it, an excellent ski day. The seven of them traversed the mountain, had a number of humorous pratfalls, and enjoyed terrain from bowls that were curiously bare of trees and studded with moguls, to steep glades that felt nigh-on vertical.
There’s no real point in describing all of it. Why would there be?
Let’s skip forward a bit.
To the seven of them dragging themselves into the Mascar-pony, Pinkie with a slight limp and a weary yet wide, shining smile on her face.
“Any plans for the investigation tomorrow?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Well,” Tomato Sandwich said, “There’s an oracle creature that lives down in the hole behind the Rahul’s. I was thinking we could go ask it for… advice. Or maybe we could go find the Badalisc themselves!”
“Why not just do that last one?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Because it hides in the woods, caves, anywhere it can find,” Portabella said. “Maybe even this basement. Plus, it’d be…” her voice trailed off.
“Rude?” Cheese asked.
“Exactly,” Portabella said. “It’d be rude to interrupt him before the festival. I mean, we could if we had to…”
“Wait,” Rainbow Dash said. “Are we sure we shouldn’t just leave it to you two?”
“Nonsense!” Pinkie said. “It’ll be like doing a scavenger hunt or escape room together. We can also spend the time investigating, then we’ll be a party of detectives, all while we’re planning this party! It’ll be great! We can even split up into-”
“Everyone who’s not with pinkie or cheese, nose-goes!” Rainbow Dash interrupted.
Cheese and Pinkie were, all of a sudden, surrounded by ponies touching hoof to snout with hooves, talons, and wings in Rainbow Dash’s case.
“Yay!” Pinkie cheered. “We’re partners, Cheese!”
“We can only hope,” Tomato Sandwich muttered.
“What?” Pinkie asked.
“What?” Tomato Sandwich asked back.
“If you say so, Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow Dash said. “So, I can get out a call to our friends. I know they were all pretty busy, but if we’re in danger, they’ll come running.”
“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” Pinkie said. “But that’s a great idea!”
“Ah, you’ve been through worse,” Portabella said. “I’m sure that with you on our side, we can handle anything!”
“I mean, that seems like… the kind of thing you really shouldn’t say,” Rainbow Dash said. “But you’re not wrong. We’ve gone up against Discord, Chrysalis, that horrible filly… Whatever we’re going up couldn’t be any more dangerous.”
“That filly,” Pinkie said. “Dashie, you know how I like everyone and everything except breaking promises and brussels sprouts?”
“Yes,” Rainbow Dash and Cheese said at once.
“I,” Pinkie said, drawing in a breath, “didn’t like her.”
Dead silence.
Then everyone in the room gasped in horror.
Someone dropped a mug of hot cocoa, only for it to shatter to the floor. A random foal cried out in unspeakable horror, tears of blood springing forth from his eyes. The song la Bamba played, but faster.
“SWEET CELESTIA!!!” Cheese exclaimed, horror in his eyes. He looked as if he’d seen a ghost, but not the normal kind like Old Stallion Livio that somehow either fathers a child while dead or has their wife cheat on them while they were either gone or undead.
“Oh thank Celestia, someone finally said it,” Rainbow Dash said. “I’ve never seen a more punchable child.”
“Why are you wanting to punch a child?!” Giovanni exclaimed.
“Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Demonstration?”
Pinkie bent over a napkin, reaching for a pencil in her saddlebags, and produced a rough free-hoof sketch of Cozy Glow with a pencil she’d taped to one forehoof.
Pinkie took a deep breath, holding up the rough sketch. “You know, you ponies got it all wrong. Friendship isn't "magic". Friendship is power! With Twilight and her lackeys out of my way, all of Equestria will bow to me: The future… Empress of Friendship!”
Her impression of Cozy Glow was, from Rainbow Dash’s perspective, spookily accurate. This didn’t matter so much to Cheese and his friends, as they’d never seen or heard the filly.
“This is much more convincing than it has any right to be,” Cheese said, laughing despite himself.
“I know, right?!” Pinkie said. “She called me a lackey! A lackey, can you imagine?! It was really offensive.”
“What do you mean?” Sans Smirk asked.
“Well,” Pinkie said, eyes narrowing, voice uncharacteristically serious. “I am not a lackey! I’ve put so much work into being more than even just a wacky sidekick. I have dreams, I’ve spent hours with my friends trying to be more than that… and this filly is just going to say I’m less than a wacky sidekick?! That’s TOO FAR!”
She slammed her mug on the table. The table cracked ever so slightly.
Everyone found themselves laughing at that. Even if they didn’t quite understand it, there was something so captivating, so infectious about the deadpan humor Pinkie had injected into that claim.
They’d sit like that, trading stories and laughing, for quite some time.
Afterwards, things would go as you expect in a story like this, as much as you can. But for now, it was seven ponies, enjoying the atmosphere of the Mascar-Pony as they sat around their table, sipping on over-brewed, over-flavored coffee.
And that is enough for now.