Chapter $
By: LIGHTNING FLARE
"You know, the quicker you pull your jaw up from the floor, the quicker we can get a move on." she said with a sly grin and a surprisingly Hispanic accent.
"Oh... was I-I staring? My mistake my lady,” I took a moment to bow here “I just couldn't help but notice how stunning you look." I said regaining my composure and returning a grin of my own.
She turned back with a small laugh and entered the helicopter. She truly was beautiful, everything a guy could want in a girl. Long brown curly hair, legs that seemed to never end, and not to mention a rather attractive face....
She was too good to be true.
"Hey man, I know what you're thinking." Nick said on a side note, "And all I have to say about it is, one she's too old for you bro, two she's too old for you bro, and three, hmmm what was three, oh yeah! She's too old for you bro, even if she wasn't she's way outta your league."
"Hey man. I got a few tricks up my sleeve. Trust me when I say I'm good with the ladies." I replied sending two pointed thumbs in the air with a nerdy smile.
Nick sighed.
However there was absolutely no truth in the words I had just spoken. I was hopeless when it came to handling situations involving the opposite sex! Ever since my first girlfriend in sixth grade (which ultimately amounted to a pen pal) I haven't ever had a random stroke of luck with girls. Maybe I was thinking this was my lucky break.
As we entered the helicopter the first thing I noticed was the fact that it was a Boeing Chinook, the likes of which I was to believe was only purchased by military. The fact the a supposed airline, of which I did not know the name, gave me a bit of confidence back. I was still suspicious though.
That should have been a HUGE red flag.
The second thing I noticed about the vehicle was how crazy fancy the inside was, seriously this thing probably costs as much as a mansion. We sat down on a row of luxurious tan leather seats across from a bar. Nick seemed to be eyeing something but I couldn't tell what it was.
As we began to ascend into the sky I felt a nudge against my left rib where Nick was sitting. I turned to look at him with confusion on my face until I noticed the fear on his. He cocked his head to the left as if to point at the bar, and that's when I saw the pistol grip subtly hidden under the bar.
"This is not my contact." he whispered before the woman sat down in a chair to the right of the bar with a wine glass in one hand... and a pistol in the other.
"So boys, let's make this quick... and painless." she said in a low sultry voice that just about amounted to a whisper.
"Look, eeehhh... sorry I never caught your name." I said cautiously.
"Victoria."
"Look, Victoria, we don't want any trouble. We just need to"
"SHUT UP" she commanded raising her weapon.
So... just as anyone else in my shoes would have done, I shut up.
"We have long enough been trailed and spied on by you DEA scum! It’s time for this to come to an end. “ she screamed, then continued on a little more composed. “We have tried everything to make you understand that we do not take kindly to your kind of work. Killing, shooting, dismembering, even decapitating your agents… and yet you still come after us.”
Wait.... Da fauq? Am I about to be shot for a little pink pony?
“But I guess we can always try again..” a devilish smile dawned her face as she put down her drink on the bar and pulled out a large machete from behind it.
Correction to the last thought that I had, I’m going to be stabbed for a little pink pony.
"We're not DEA! You think we're DEA!?" Nick asked very nervously.
"Do not lie to me pig! Or will gut you like you are one!"
And then it was Nick's turn to shut up.
"We have been watching you two. You're the ones the Federales have been 'looking' for! But we both know it is just another of your tricks!" she spit, as she finished that last sentence, right on my shoe.
"Look! All we want to do is get to the damn Mall of America so I can be told by a magical pink pony named Pinkie Pie how to save her home from complete destruction by pie!" I screamed back at her.
Confusion hit her like a brick to the forehead and right as it did so I jumped up tackling her to the ground knocking the gun away. I pinned her arms to the ground. When the weapon hit the floor it discharged and the bullet struck an apparent vital pipe inside the chopper.
Suddenly we were sent into a spinning motion.
We were going down.
Victoria suddenly headbutted me and jump up to her feet in a fighting stance.
No me being a gentleman I didn’t want to hit the girl, until she pulled out the machete, then I just wanted to get away from her. She ran at us in full sprint, spinning and jumping the sword doing a spinning motion around her fingers.
“Screw that!” I screamed as I just bulled her over Nick right behind me.
I saw two parachutes on the wall next to the back of the helicopter. We sprinted over to the ramp, slamming the button to open it and putting on the chutes.
Deciding she wanted to stop the two idiots who ruined a perfectly good stolen chopper and attacking one of the greatest and most powerful drug cartels in Mexico. She reached for the pistol and sent five shots our way.
We so narrowly dodged our heads being popped like balloons by jumping out the back. I watched the helicopter continue to descend faster and faster before I decided I didn't want to see how it ended. Looking down I noticed not only that we were about to hit the ground but that we were in a heavily populated area. We pulled the chutes and landed soon after. I face planted and Nick nimbly rolled onto his feet.
A soft groan was all that left my mouth as I ate asphalt.
We quickly ditched the chutes and ran to the side walk panting from the run.
I decided now was as good a time as any to sit down and take a break for a while. Saving a world of ponies is hard work!
"Hey.... Look at that..." Nick said between breaths, I then took notice to a small green sign pointing right in front of us that read 'Mall of America'.
"OH, COME ON!!!"
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We entered the mall soon after that in our tattered clothes. We both decided it was time of some new apparel. We went into Macy's and shopped around for a bit finally finding some new duds.
Nick had gone with some dark blue jeans and a simple black t-shirt. Over it he wore a brown leather jacket.
I had gone with a similar pair of jeans along with a dark blue hooded sweatshirt and a grey jacket over it.
Minnesota is rather cold this time of year.
Regardless we looked like bad asses and were ready for whatever this mission is to throw at us next. Just then a certain pink pony decided it was time to jump out of a computer in a shop next to Macy's and come right up to us.
"Hiya!"
"And YOU get facepalm and YOU get a facepalm!" I screamed at the small crowd gathering around us.
A small instance of silence fell upon us, until a bubbly voice told me I was very silly and giggled afterwards.
The whole crowd made a simultaneous gasp.
"Pinkie, remember what I you about these kinds of things?"
"Yepper deppers!" she replied.
"You're not doing it... at all."
A woman in the back screamed. "ALIEN! RUUUUUUUUUNNNN!"
Just like that the whole mall exploded into chaos. People running every which way and scrambling to try to grab stuff from stores.
All three of our jaws dropped at the incredible display of crazy before us.
I turned towards pinkie determination in my eyes. "Pinkie, what's the next step? What do we have to do?"
"Ummmm I don't really know!" just as she ended her sentence her tail started pointing in a direction. "oh! My Pinkie sense! It's gonna lead us to what we need, Let's go!"
Then the unmistakable sound of gunfire filled the mall.
We looked towards the origin of the noise and saw what most would say was the impossible.
Victoria, burned, bruised, and battered, was walking slowly towards us with a gang of cartel members armed to the teeth.
"We are so fu...." Nick was not allowed to finish his sentence for it was cut off by a barrage of bullets ripping our surroundings to shreds.
Without thinking I picked Pinkie up and tossed her behind a wall where her tail was pointing us to. Nick followed her and I followed him. I picked Pinkie up and hiked her up on my back like a back pack, letting her tail point us towards our goal.
The world around us was exploding into dust and debris. Pillars and couches and windows all around us turned to shreds in an instant.
"Right!" Pinkie commanded. So I went right, which led us right into the middle of the Mall where the park was located.
"This is where we're supposed to go?!" I yelled
Another few rounds struck a garbage can next to us so we continued sprinting.
"Alright! I'm done with this! You guys go! I'll hold them off!" Nick yelled over the gunfire.
"Are you loco in the coco!?" Pinkie asked.
"Yeah man, what she said! It's suicide!" I supported.
"You guys are gonna need time to find it, whatever it is! I'll by you that time!"
"Nick you don't have to..."
"Just go man! I got this!"
He started to scream and wave his hands like a mad man and the whole gang followed him. Where he went I had no idea, but he got them off our trial and that's all the mattered.
I let Pinkie down and we started to follow her tail again.
"Landen... I'm sorry about, Nick." she solemnly said.
"It's alright, he'll be alright! It won't matter because everything will be alright." I stated confidently.
Even though nothing was alright.
I had made many enemies in this journey so far and not enough friends. It felt like everything was against me. Every odd possible tipped towards my failure in this journey, and I knew it. Not to mention the fate of an entire race depended on my success. I was shutting down; I fell to my knees exhausted not knowing what else to do, so I just sat there. I had forgotten what I was fighting for and why. I didn't want to do anything anymore. I just wanted to be alone for ever never bothered to save a world ever again. The stress of it all was just too much in that one instant.
And then it all melted way when a pair of hooves wrapped around my neck and pulled me into an embrace.
Pinkie was giving me a big hug, she wasn't asking me why I had stopped or yelled at me to get going. She just hugged me and I returned the favor.
I remembered what I was fighting for right then and there. I wasn't just fighting for a world, or even to prove to myself I could do it, I was fighting for friendship. For my friendship with someone who I hold dearly to my heart.
Suddenly I was jolted with energy. I was ready to take on the world!
"Let’s do this."
We sprinted to where her tail was pointing until it just laid down limply. We both looked around confounded by the lack of our pink fluffy compass to guide us to our destination.
"I-I don't get it, it should be right here!" she exclaimed.
I started to search our surroundings. There were food stands and a roller coaster but nothing that looked important, and then I looked up.
There it was, the object of our desire. Whatever was inside of the giant Pepsi ball right above our heads was what we needed and I just knew it. I could only really tell because of the slight luminescent glow coming from within the ball.
"Pinkie! Look!" I pointed up at the ball and she nodded smiling.
"But how are we going to get up there!?"
"Oh I know just the thing!" she then proceeded to pull out her signature party cannon, load herself up, and launch up into the ball.
"That mare is going to put me in an early grave."
"I don't think it's her you have to worry about DEA dirt bag."
I slowly turned my head around to see Victoria standing there with that same large.... and I mean LARGE... machete.
"This is gonna hurt... a lot... isn't it?"
"Oh more than you could even imagine!" she smiled insanely.
I knew I was staring at certain doom. Maybe it was just the fact that it didn't matter because Pinkie had what she needed and my mission was over, but for whatever reason I just stood there completely frozen.
Then I saw Nick.
"HEY BITCH! I SAVED SOMETHING FOR YA!" he screamed from the top of a coaster and threw a small object at Victoria.
She caught it with a look of pure fear and stumbled back into a food stand. The next thing I saw was the food stand blow up into a million pieces.
"Wow... grossly effective. Nice job Nick!"
Suddenly he was being shot at again and took off running around the coaster yelling, “Get outta here guys!”
"Catch me Landen."
Suddenly I had a pink pony in my arms.
"Aww! My hero!" she said sweetly.
I deadpanned and dropped her.
"Ouch!"
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As Pinkie and I left the mall I was cautiously yet curiously examining the small blue orb. It seemed to not be harmful considering I hadn’t been hurt by it yet. It gave off little tiny electric bolts of energy that seemed to travel to your finger tips when you touched it.
"So what's with the orb Pinkie? What's it gonna do?" I asked curiously.
"Well your government has been working on a portal type thingy that can transport me and all the pies back to Equestria! The only problem is they haven’t been able to find a proper power source for the doo dad. This blue orb is the answer to their energy problem."
"So that's why we need the President huh?" I concluded.
"yup!"
"Well then all we need to do is catch a ride to DC! Can't be that hard right?" I exclaimed.
As if on cue what looked like an entire army now had us surrounded and were point lots and LOTS of weapons at us.
"Not hard at all apparently."
((A/N: Now I know exactly what you're all thinking, "Hey Flare! What the heck man! This is crap, and it's not even long!." and while I know this is true i would just like to tell you one thing... one simple little word.... Stickaroundforthefinale. K THNX BAI.))