Dear Journal,
I've just been staying at home, doing nothing. I've been losing sleep. I fell during a run last week and my arm still hurts, but I just don't feel like going to get it checked out.
I've been doing some thinking.
Y'know, my mom told me that someday I'll find someone to love. Someone who'll love me back.
But it doesn't seem like that will ever happen. Who could possibly love me if they knew the real me? The me who isn't great at everything, who isn't super confident, and who isn't twenty percent cooler than everyone else.
I've never felt like I deserved much, but it's funny that I just seem to lose everyone close to me.
Eventually, everyone leaves... Does that mean that she will leave me too?
I hope not, but... I'm afraid that she will.
...
Everyone thinks I'm a great person, but I'm not even a good person.
It's all a lie!
I feel bad for anyone who actually thinks that I'm a good role model.
I've lied to my closest family and friends. Just thinking about all the people that I've lied to makes me sad.
She would hate me if she knew.
I think one of my biggest fears is that one day my closest friends are going to discover that I'm not as good a person as they thought I was. I don't know if they would even still want to be friends with me after that.
Especially her.
I feel like I'm not truly needed, or wanted, and I never will be. I've got all these thoughts in my head saying all these negative things, and I'm starting to believe them. I don't know what to do anymore. Things get worse and worse every day.
I feel so alone.