Topaz’s home was rather unremarkable. Perhaps too unremarkable. So unremarkable that some ponies may have suspected she was hiding something. However, it was only a coincidence that she frequently hid several princesses, the Captain of the Royal Guard, at least three changelings, and several other interesting characters. As it was, Topaz simply didn’t spend much time decorating the outside of the house.
Today was not so unusual for her. In her living room, two couches faced each other with a small table in-between. A smaller chair was situated near an unoccupied side of the table, with a roaring fireplace on the other. Laid across the table’s surface were a large variety of snacks and drinks, meant to service a rather varied crowd.
On the larger couch, to the left of the fireplace, sat Twilight Sparkle, Shining Armor, and Cadance. She only has the one name — shush. Idol Hooves, Topaz Showers, and Thorax were on the other. The small chair only held one occupant: Viridian Virga.
“Sorry, but I can’t make it to game night tonight,” Shining said. “Getting married to a princess means I have to get my finances in order and go through an audit first.”
Idol placed a half finished mug of hot chocolate onto the table. “Sounds taxing,” he replied flatly.
Thorax snorted, but it was mostly muffled by the food in his mouth. “Taxes are taxing.”
Topaz raised a hoof. “It’s more the auditory issue I’m curious about.”
“Just don’t give them more credit than is due,” inserted Cadance, apparently deciding Shining needed just a little more pain in his life.
Shaking his head from the betrayal, Shining glanced at Thorax. “Since when do you make tax jokes?” he asked.
Thorax shrugged. “I pay taxes, too.”
“Do you?”
Viridian stood up suddenly, knocking an empty bowl from her lap to the floor. “Boo!” she shouted.
Everyone but Topaz and Idol jumped. Flatly, Idol said to Viridian, “You should avoid the topic of finance at gatherings. There is generally a great lack of interest.”
Viridian, having just sat down, jumped up again. “Boo!” she repeated, then paused for undramatic effect. “With compound disinterest!” she finished. Shining buried his head in his hooves.
Twilight looked between the two creatures that had just spoken. She clearly did not get any of the jokes. “Idol, how do you feel about compound interests?” she asked curiously.
Shining spoke through his hooves, “He probably hates it: making more money by not spending any.”
Cadance smirked. “Taxmares hate Idol. A pony who spends so little yet lives so well within his means simply must be up to something.”
Ignoring the pair, Twilight continued, “Do you get tax benefits for being a guard?”
“He is considered a vital service to the kingdom,” replied Cadance.
There was a long pause as everyone in the room considered the information.
Finally, Idol spoke up, “I firmly believe in giving to Her Highness that which is Her’s.”
There was another equally long pause as everyone took the moment to not be surprised.
Viridian asked, “So, everything under the sun?”
“Auntie, on the other hoof,” Cadance began, looking at Idol, “firmly believes Idol is overzealous in his support of her.”
Topaz rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Well, you could always pay off other ponies’ tax debts if you were so inclined.”
For the third time this week, Idol sat before Celestia, hoofcuffed to a cold metal table. Idol was the one hoofcuffed, not Celestia. Obviously. As was customary, a bright light was pointing at him at a most uncomfortable angle. Celestia’s head was in her hooves, as was also customary.
Idol, for his part, appeared obliviously to the trouble he was in, instead candidly recounting his tale. “And that is the story of how I became involved in a money laundering scheme,” he finished.