A Variant Season
Four Letters
To: Prince Blueblood Heart,
I have in the past done you injury by slighting your family's bravery and loyalty to the Crown and Equestria. Recently I have discovered evidence which may exonerate the Loyalist branch of your family - including the possible corruption of Rebel Leader Broken Heart, known as 'General Heartbreaker' during the Lunar Rebellion. I will also be petitioning Princess Luna to confirm that none of your family ever had any direct dealings with Nightmare Moon herself.
Please do not thank me for this. I have done you a wrong and, whatever justification I felt at the time, I feel I must make reparations. We may never be friends but I could certainly do with fewer enemies.
Humbly yours,
Asst. Prof. Rarity Bell
"Are you sure these transfer spells are ok for you, Heathspike?"
"...Rarity, please call me 'Spike', ok? It sounds dorky when you call me 'Heath', that's like a... field, isn't it?"
"Young dragon, I will call my adorable little child whatever I like, but I will take your concerns into consideration. Now, are you sure these letters aren't upsetting you unduly?"
"Oh, yeah, sure I can take it. I'm tough."
"You are not doing a good job of reassuring me."
"Rarity, I'm fine. Besides, I get my own magical power this way, how cool is that?" Further discussion was interrupted by the mystic 'un-digestion' of a new letter. Rarity caught it with her magic and began reading.
"Oh, of all the... He wants me to accompany him to the Grand Galloping Gala! Oof, I CAN'T refuse right after apologizing. Ok, new tactic... Spike, take a letter. Dear Prince Blueblood, of course I would be delighted to attend, but in order for me to be able to make such an arrangement it would be necessary for me to be able to bring my five closest friends and my son, whom I simply could not entrust to childcare for such an occasion. I'm certain you understand, and if this is an imposition I'm willing to simply sit this invitation out, however much it might disappoint me." Spike gave her a flat stare, she smiled and shrugged at him.
The reply came ten minutes later, and had seven tickets attached. 'Of all the... well, at least this has to be the worst of the lot.'
Three ponies contemplated an entire orchard inundated under apples. Mackintosh, still recuperating from the town siege sported an extensively bandaged torso. To his left Twilight took in the view with a mixture of wonder and trepidation. "I don't think I've ever seen this many apples on the trees before..."
"So, ya reckon this is some kinda side effect of the whole sun thing?" Jackie asked from the other side of Big Mac.
"E-maybe." Both ponies eyed him, suspicious. "What I do know is it's too many for you two to handle."
"W-what're you talking about? I can handle all of this myself! Twai can play nursie to ya while you recover and we'll be rollin' in apples before you can say 'Antidisestablishmentarianism'."
Twilight parsed the word, "Why is there a word for stopping anti-government groups?"
"Don't you try and use your fancy grasp of the Equestrian Language to muddle the issue. This Apple can handle those apples."
"Why is this even an issue? Thought you two made up bah now." Mackintosh backed away as the two mares began glaring at each other.
"I'm not sure what's going on, but I really think Jackie should settle down before she embarrasses herself."
"Maybe I'm not the one who should be concerned about bein' embarrassed."
"Oh hohoho... are we doing this? Are you going to make a promise your mouth can't keep?"
"Missy, you best back down before you get put down. In a Fair contest I'd beat you any day of the week ending in 'y'."
"All days end in 'Y'!"
"Well, at least you've got your wits to console you."
Mackintosh made the mistake of trying to defuse the situation. "Girls, this ain't the way to get apples picked. We got to-"
Jackie gestured at the central path that divided the north and south halves of the farm, "Ok, North half and South half, you pick either one, I'll get the other done before you and then there won't be no argument. No magic, no outside help. Deal?" She spat on her hoof and held it forward.
Twilight only stared at the hoof for a moment before closing her eyes and shaking it with her own, "Deal, I'll take south, and you are going to lose."
"Ohh, we'll see. And may the best Apple win."
"Ha, this contest will be over by Twilight."
'Now this just can't be good.' Mackintosh thought, leaving the two to stalk away while trying to glare behind themselves.
Dear Miss Bell,
The hospital staff regret to inform you that patient 1307, Mrs. Subtle Glamor is currently undergoing Extensive Magical Therapy and is unable to reply. We will inform her of your letter as soon as she is well enough to read it. It is the experience of the Staff Nurse that letters of reparation can have a marked improvement of patient mentality in the case of ongoing healing.
If you wish to continue a set of correspondences with Mrs. Glamor we can arrange for a private mailing address, although we are certain you will understand that a certain amount of pre-reading will occur, in order to maintain a positive mental attitude in the patient. It is the experience of our senior staff that excess stress can result in a markedly negative...This is an illusory image that will only be triggered an hour after this letter has been scried for hidden messages. My name is not 'Subtle' for nothing. You have had some experience in your life and now you seek forgiveness. Well, for my part I hold you as blameless for my injury as you had best hold me for my misinterpretation. But, I will not forgive you for what you DID do to my daughter. I have not heard from her since that 'incident', a handful of rumors are all I have to even believe she is still alive. If you want absolution, you will find my precious Trixie and you will bring her to me. Until such time as that happens I will resist every attempt to heal me. My death will be on your conscience, so consider my state of health your time limit. You always were a bright girl, in your brittle way. Do this thing, you owe it to me.
...For the most part we have had far more success with repeated hug therapy than electroshock but we maintain that direct neural stimulation has its place in practical medicine. Dear me, we seem to have gotten far from the subject.
In conclusion, it is a wonderful thing you are doing, and we trust you will see it through to the end.
Staff Corespondent,
General Practice - Canterlot Northface Magical Reconstructive Hospital.
The illusion was foal's play to disenchant before Spike or anypony else could see it. What she couldn't hide were the tears, but it was fairly easy to play them off at concern over the condition of one of her dear teachers. 'And in the end, isn't that really what I am crying for? Of course in her place I would be just as bitter.' The problem was, she had tried to find Trixie before. The scrying protection made it likely the unicorn was still alive, but also made locating her directly impossible. 'Wait, what about that location magic that Twilight used to find Jackie for Apple Bloom? Perhaps there is another way...'
"Well ah think it's neat you two can have a friendly competition like this." Apple Bloom trotted after her sister, marveling at the wagonload of apples Jackie was hauling. The contest had been going on for two days now and neither pony was showing any signs of giving up.
"Oh yeah, real friendly like. Just got to settle a minor disagreement. Ufh. You might just go on and make sure she ain't hurtin' herself taking this too seriously though." 'Heh, if Granny Smith thinks Twi is straining herself, she'll make Twilight quit.'
"Now, see, that's funny. Twilight just sent me over here to make sure you weren't skipping meals or sleep. The two'a y'all are more alike than y'let on. It's great, like I get to have TWO sisters." Apple Bloom remained oblivious of the strain in Jackie's face, or thought it was related to apple harvesting activities.
'Concerned about me, huh? Pshaw, more likely she was trying to get me disqualified. I know how to pace m'self. I had a drink of water not four hours ago... maybe I should take a little break at that.'
"I'm sorry, it's called what again?"
"Applebucking season."
"Oh, I see... well, Mackintosh, when she has a moment, please tell her that I would very much like to discuss one of her spells. I believe it could help me a great deal. I, err, don't suppose the two of them need any help, do they?"
"More'n either will admit, but good luck getting them to accept." Big Mac rumbled.
"Well, not much that can be done about that, I suppose. Ah, while I'm here, Mackintosh, Sweetie Bell and Spike had a wonderful time playing with your youngest sister and the other one, Scooter I think? At the celebration. We must see about getting them together. What class is little Apple Bloom attending this year?"
'And there it is again. Just off regular, so I know it's not mechanical. If I didn't know better I'd say it sounds like somepony with the hiccups. And I don't know better so...' Rainbow Dash stalked the storage room of her workshop. For the last ten minutes a sound had been creeping into her awareness, and it was driving her crazy. Creeping through the collected boxes with a near silent tread - rubberized horseshoes for increased safety while using an arc welder - she located the likely source of the noise.
Grabbing the box and pulling in upward quickly, the cyan pegasus beheld an orange filly and half a bag of bread. Then the scream started. 'Augh, somepony needs to do a study on how foals can produce so much noise in such a small package.' "Whoa, whoa whoa kiddo. Mercy, please. 'm not going to hurt you. That, uh that bread looks pretty stale, wouldn't you rather have a grilled cheese and daffodil sandwich?" Mercifully the noise stopped. 'Ok, food first, then I figure out what the hay is going on here...'
Granny Smith had indeed put her hoof down. Both mares were to take a day off from their contest, and she seriously urged them to consider the entire affair. On the farm, her word was law, but Twilight had already made arrangements to talk with the perplexing pegasus of Sugarcube Corner and help her make muffins. Since Jackie didn't have anything to do, Twilight had offered to let her tag along - she was frankly surprised when the orange pony accepted.
Sea Foam considered the carnage. With two ponies helping her on her first solo project, she should have had a 300% workload, and a 50% increase over the improvement simply having Twilight help had offered. 'Am I doing the math correctly?' she considered, taking one more precious second before returning to the field of Armageddon the kitchen had become. Earthworms, lemon juice, salt for sugar, soda-pop instead of baking soda... actually I may try that one again later - why were there potato chips in the kitchen in the first place? Mr. Cake is forbidden to eat them by his wife...'
Sheer pandemonium, there were nearly five dozen muffins and not a single one was safe to serve to a customer. At least she had made the two of them help her clean up. The dragon had an odd digestive system, perhaps he could help dispose of the 'baked bads' while she made up for lost time.
"Heathspike Bell, I don't care if you did get those disgusting things for free! You are not eating something with insects in it!"
"Technically and earthworm isn't an insect. No legs-"
"We are not quibbling about classes of Arthropoda, I am telling you what will and won't happen."
"Fine, fine, I'll throw perfectly good food away."
"That is the good little boy I raised. And when you get back, dear, I have another letter for you to send."
Dearest Princess Luna,
I hope this letter finds you in good humor. Your friends in Ponyville send their regards and we all keep you in our thoughts. I understand that your reacclimation to modern society requires you to spend most of your time in Canterlot these days, but we would most certainly love a chance to see you again. I have a few ideas if you are interested, your Majesty.
I have also been considering your sister's ... fascinating proposal that the six of us in Ponyville send periodic reports regarding our friendship amongst the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. My proposal is that we send the reports to you, both so that you can keep up on our activities and feel more connected with us the 'little ponies', and because quite frankly your sister - hallowed be her name and all the days she and you walk upon Equestria - sounds like she wants to keep tabs on us and I'd like to know that we have at least one friend in the palace. Oh dear, I do hope that doesn't sound conspiratorial - they don't read your mail, do they?
In any case, I do want to compliment you on your excellent work. The night sky has never looked more brilliant, and the moon positively glows... which I suppose is the point. In any case, I write this letter with the best wishes of your six friends: Twilight, Diane, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Jackie, and of course myself:
your friend,
Rarity Bell
"Shall we review?" Diane stalked back and forth as the two mares crouched down. Twilight had her hooves over her head and Jackie was using her hat to avoid looking anypony in the eyes. "It had been noted to me, in passing, that the two of you were suffering some sort of competitive mania. I, in turn, invited both of you here to talk about it, over tea." She paused in her pacing, making sure she achieved eye contact with both ponies. "Are we all on the same page so far?" Both ponies nodded, glumly.
"Then, with all the love and tolerance I can muster, I must ask: What, under the Blazing Orb of the Sun, possessed you to start terrorizing the local rabbit population!?"
"Y-you mentioned that it might be convenient to take stock of how many new bunnies there were."
"I was speaking off-hoofedly, and I'm fairly certain I never broached berating bouncing baby bunnies-snrk!" Diane's face underwent a mesmerizing series of contortions as she began laughing and shouting at the same time. "This is not, ahahahahaha! You will not make me, hihihihihi! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! HAHEHEHEHE!" She began flailing around, her wildly swaying hair seemed to curl and uncurl on its own, so violently was she shaking. Without a word both ponies leapt to their hooves and restrained the panicked pink pony.
She stopped laughing and jerking about. "Please, please, you must be at peace, there has to be a way to end this conflict..." Still without speaking Twilight loaded Diane onto Jackie's back, opening the door and helping put the pink pony to bed. After making sure she was asleep, both ponies left.
Dear Rarity,
To be entirely honest, I don't think I've even thought of you in the last six years. I think we were all responsible for behavior we have no cause to be proud of that year, so if you seek my forgiveness, you have it.
What is this rumor I hear that you helped save the world? It would certainly be a coup for the Allumni, but it just... doesn't sound like the unicorn I knew. I suppose that is the point though, isn't it? The unicorn I knew wouldn't be sending out letters like these, oh of course I don't flatter myself that I'm the only one you're sending a 'heartfelt apology' to.
You know, I said I don't give you much thought these days, but at the time I think it was almost all I considered. You cut to the quick, go straight for the heart, and show mercy only by your surgical prescision. Oh, there I go again, that's what you used to do, right? I'm sure now you've tempered that razor tongue of yours, put away your icy sword and frost-shield.
And your family, that was always your sore point, wasn't it? Got you in such fights with the nobles, what with their snobbery, never mind that it was all they'd known at home, what had been drilled into them since foalhood. And you never went after the weak ones, nopony could ever question your bravery, oh no, only the largest targets were even worth your time. Silly me, of course you never picked a fight yourself, did you? It was always self defense, or-even better-defending some helpless lower-class mare.
Looking at this letter, I find that perhaps some of my feelings were not so much forgotten as buried. I was never one for editing, so I'm going to send you this letter even with my hypocrisy written blatantly on it. I'm sure you'll appreciate the honesty. And I truly will try to forgive you, if only because the thought of entrusting the welfare of Equestia to the Ice Princess makes me think we missed our best chance with Nightmare-
She tore the letter to pieces, unwilling to take any more of the bile onto herself. 'Well, nopony said this was going to be easy. I think I need a break from this.'
"So, do you have a name, or do I just keep calling you 'Hungry'?" The filly mumbled something from around her second mallow-dog. "Ok, that's beyond even my lax sense of manners. Chew and swallow. Ok, now, again with the answer."
"I said, my name's Scootaloo." Rainbow Dash just continued to look at the filly. "What?"
"You got a second name to go with that?"
"That's what my parents call me, so I figure it's enough."
"Ok, since you brought it up, where ARE your folks?"
"..."
"Oh, oh mare. I'm so sorry kid, I didn't mean to-" Rainbow felt a sinking sensation.
"They're Not Dead."
"Did, did I say they were? Tell you what, why don't you just hang around here until they come back for you?"
"I Said, they're NOT dead."
"I don't see anypony disagreeing with you. All I'm saying is, I find you hiding here with a half a loaf of week-old bread. So, obviously there's been a mix-up somewhere along the line, right?" 'Oh, this one's a fighter, I can feel it. Please, you've got to let me help you kid.'
"Now, don't get me wrong. I ain't running a social benefit organization here." '...Liar 'Shut the buck up.' "So what we're going to do, I'm going to let you stay here, you're going to eat and I'll give you clothes and junk you need, and in exchange you're going to learn a trade. How's that sound? Square, right? No handouts."
The orange filly's eyes shifted as she tried to see the downside of the proposal. The automatic assumption there was a catch nearly broke Rainbow's heart. Mare, what the hay has happened to you, kid?'
"Ok, deal. But I'm not making anything frilly."
"Wouldn't dream of it, Scoot. Shake?" She put her hoof out, and the filly hesitantly took it. 'Ok, I can work with this. Ok, ok, ok...'
"And, ha... and then she looks straight at us and says..." Twilight couldn't finish the sentence she was giggling so hard.
"She said 'Do you two need another shower before this ends?', it was priceless." Jackie fell of her seat, again.
"Well, I suppose I'd have had to be there to understand." 'What I understand is that the entire town owes that mare for saving us Again. Is this going to be the end of it between these two? Hmm... I may have to take more drastic measures. Spike is going to that convention next week, perhaps I can corral the two of them into a sleepover...' "What I'm glad of is that the two of you, finally, started thinking about the good of Sweet Apple Acres. Imagine if you had let the apples go bad in your drive to finish with only two ponies?" The two quieted and hung their head... at least until Twilight snorted again and they were back to laughing.
"Well, ah've got to get back. Thanks fer the clean towels, Rare. Hah, never callin' that girl's bluff again."
"Now, Twilight, I did have an ulterior motive for asking you to stay behind. I'd like for you to help me find a pony..."