During their long and extremely tedious trek to the pegasus city of Zephyr Heights, Sunny and Izzy took a break and rested at a rocky valley near the city.
"You know," Izzy said as she and Sunny sat down, "Not to freak you out or anything but you do know Princess Pipp is a puppet for Cozy Glow, right? I'm pretty sure she's the one that stole all the magic."
Sunny sighed, "For the last time, Izzy, Cozy Glow is either dead or still a statue. The royal pegasus family have nothing to do with the magic disappearing. For all we know, Tirek could have come back and absorbed all the magic in our sleep."
"Actually, that's part of the article I read on how Cozy Glow teamed up with the pegasi to take over Canterlot and rename it Zephyr Heights," Izzy retorted.
Sunny groaned at how gullible her unicorn companion was. And then she heard a crunching noise.
"Didn't you say you wanted a unicorn friend?" a male voice asked her.
Sunny turned around and saw a familiar-looking unicorn eating a packet of crisps. With his crimson complexion and unkempt mane and tail, he was a dead ringer for the unicorn she saw when she was a filly. But because the unicorn before her looked like he hadn't aged a day, the possibility of him being the same unicorn was unlikely.
"I speak from experience when I say be careful what you wish for," the unicorn said before eating another crisp, "I once hoped to profit from the ruins of this society but, unfortunately, we live in a society...where intelligence is a distance memory. And because I'm stuck with a gherkin that used to be an Earth pony."
The unicorn pulled a pickle out of thin air. For some reason, it had a mane that looked exactly like Argyle's. In fact, it even looked like it had Argyle's face.
"Hey, Sunny," the pickle said.
Sunny stared at the pickle in shock, "Dad?"
"My, look how you've grown," Argyle said, "Sorry for all the birthdays I missed."
"What happened?" Sunny asked.
The red unicorn placed Argyle on the floor and sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, "Yeah, funny story about that. When we finally got to Bridlewood and after I had my leg fixed, I showed Argyle my private collection of hashish. Then we got high and I maaaaaybe accidentally turned him into a gherkin."
Sunny stared gobsmacked at the unicorn before her, "How do 'accidentally' turn somepony into a pickle?!"
"Same way I accidentally turned myself into a human female," the red unicorn casually replied, "I got high. Speaking of which, wanna toke?"
The unicorn pulled out a spliff.
Four hours had passed as Sunny, Izzy, Argyle, and the strange unicorn stared at the clouds, high out of their little pony minds.
"Dad?" Sunny asked dazily.
"Yeah?" Argyle replied in an equally dazy tone.
"You know how everypony back home believed unicorns could fry ponies' brains?" Sunny asked.
"Yeah?" Argyle replied.
Sunny picked up her spliff and smiled at it, "I think they might have had a point."
The strange unicorn took a puff from his doobie before coughing, "Actually, it's more like baking rather than frying."
Sunny giggled, "What's the difference?"
"Baking is for bread, cakes and cookies while frying is for Prench fries and other fast foods," the unicorn replied.
After much sky-gazing, Izzy got up and gave Sunny a great big hug.
"Did I ever tell you how much I like you?" Izzy said lovingly, "And you smell like oranges."
"Aw, I like you too," Sunny said as she wrapped a hoof around Izzy.
Unfortunately for the high little ponies, Sprout and his angry, angry mob showed up and harshed their buzz.
"Ha!" Sprout scoffed, "GAY!"
The angry, angry mob surrounded Sunny and Izzy and pointed their pitchforks at them, with Sprout joining in by pointing a harpoon gun at Izzy's head.
"We're too late," one of the mob ponies said as he pointed as Sunny, "They already friend this poor pony's brain!"
Sunny giggled, "They didn't fry my brain. They baked it."
"What's the difference?" the mob pony asked.
"As Sheriff," Sprout announced, "I say these two unicorns should hang for their crimes."
"Okay, my crimes, I can understand," the strange red unicorn said, "But what has Izzy ever done?"
"Smoked weed!" Sprout arrogantly replied.
"You do know marijuana's been legal for centuries now, right?" Sunny asked.
Sprout gave a befuddled look, "Is it?"
Amidst the commotion, an exhausted Hitch showed up.
"What part..." Hitch panted, "Of not start any wars...Did you not get?"
"This isn't starting a war," Sprout said as he pointed the harpoon gun at the sky, "This is."
As soon as one of the royal pegasus sisters flew into the air out of nowhere, Sprout harpooned her with the harpoon gun.
The strange red unicorn stared at the dangling corpse before him, "Lead-poisoned idiots. We live in a society of lead-poisoned idiots."
"Need I remind you that you turned me into a pickle while high?" Argyle pointed out.
The red unicorn looked down at the talking pickle, "Oh, yeah."
Hitch looked at the red unicorn, "Wait a minute. I know you."
Both Sunny and the red unicorn looked at Hitch, "You do?"
"Lion Dude," Hitch said as he trotted up to the unicorn, "You are under arrest for several counts of piracy, using illegal mind-control spells, and having cannabis on your person."
"I'm pretty sure weed is legal nowadays," Lion said, "Besides, I gave up piracy centuries ago."
"Wait," Sunny said as she pointed at Lion Dude, "If your hundreds of years old, shouldn't you be dead?"
Lion shrugged, "I dunno."
As if the day couldn't get any weirder, a giant mechanical behemoth that bore a small resemblance to Tirek rose up from the horizon. Everypony stared in silence as the gargantuan beast stared down at them.
"UNICRON ATTACK!" Hitch yelled.
And then everypony died because Unicron ate the planet.