Spike knew better when he said it! He was just curious how it would turn out.
Now he was significantly less curious, although honestly still kinda OK with the results.
Morning was just barely breaking over Canterlot's main rail station, Celestia's sun cresting up past the horizon and turning the streets and mountains alike into royal shades of purple and gold. The birds in the distance were raising a surprisingly melodious song despite their disparate species, and the air was crisp and bracingly cool. Meanwhile on the station's platform, a dozen ponies were having one of the most awkward standoffs equinely possible.
Backing up a little bit to the moment of their arrival...
Spike's first sign that his earlier off-handed joke had been another bit of 'Laughter Sense' at work was when he saw the Guard detail leaving the other train in the station. You didn't grow up in the shadow of Princess Celestia without learning to recognize a rota: The Guards in question had all of their travelling gear present and accounted for, which means they weren't just inspecting or coming to the train, they came from it.
The list of ponies that could possibly need a retinue of that size was narrow and tight, and given what Spike had guessed on the trip here? He went for broke. Cupping his claws around his mouth and maxing out his volume (at least as far as he could without disturbing too many bystanders) he sent a shout towards the central cars on the opposite track.
"Hey Shining! Hey Cadance!"
Rainbow Dash probably wouldn't count this as getting the Guards to break character, but it was still worth it to watch their glares sharpen and grow dark in a sudden mix of panic and practiced responses. When they saw who was actually calling their expressions grew more confused, while seeing Twilight clearly made some of them relax. Then seeing Princess Luna step off the train car behind made most of them freak out all over again, faces pinging between expressions like an old-school paddle game.
Twilight turned to Spike to chastise him for poking fun at the Guards with such an obvious lie...
"...Spike!?"
At least, she was going to until that muffled reply came from the car behind the guardsponies. Then she frowned and paused, calculating in her head. Eventually she nodded a few times before yelling across the way herself.
"Funny time for a detour, don't you think big brother?"
"TWILY!?"
Spike could clearly hear Cadance's frustrated groan even at this distance, and despite the sheer ridiculousness (or maybe because of it) he managed to bite back his laughter. There was absurd and then there was whatever was happening now.
There was a series of confused shuffles, attempted shovings, the clattering of armor, and the bemused smirks of both the Ammunitions (who weren't even here on duty, and thus had no real reason to care about their fellows' despair) and Princess Luna, who probably always found this kind of thing comical after her return. Eventually the reason for the heavy protection detail made their way out of the traincar, and some of the Guards filed back inside after a hushed discussion.
That left the station in its current state where we left it: A dozen ponies (give or take one dragon) in an impossibly awkward standoff. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza shuffled her gold-plated hooves back and forth with an unusual nervous energy. At her side Prince-Consort Shining Armor was frothing like a draft horse as Twilight Sparkle stared him down, her mane already starting to stick up in a few places. Princess Luna and both of her off-shift Night Guards were having a little bit of a detente with the Day Guards that remained on the platform with their charges. Finally Spike and Pinkie Pie were off to one side, Spike (barely) resisting the urge to Inventory up a bag of popcorn.
Twilight was the first one to break the silence, but she definitely didn't make things better.
"I thought you wouldn't be back home for a few more weeks 'at least', right?"
Cadance tried to smooth things over to limited success, leaning in to break Twilight's death stare.
"We had a... stopover to gather particular supplies and deliver an eyes-only to the Princess."
Her sister-in-law replied so fast it almost cut the previous sentence to the bone.
"I wonder what kind of stopover brought you both back to Canterlot from outside of Equestria?"
That caught the youngest Princess off guard, and she failed to find a reply for a moment before Shining Armor stepped in.
"Twily, this isn't another case of... you know. We're on our way up North past the Galloping Gorge: Our last few stops were in much warmer territory, so we need to swap out for cold-weather gear."
Spike snorted.
"You always were the best with terrain and maps: Got anything fun going on that's not classified to bits?"
Shining turned to face him for the first time since stepping off the train, briefly free from his sister's lingering fury over the whole 'late wedding invitation into national emergency' combo-fiasco.
"Oh my stars little dude you have no... OH."
Casually flexing his claws, Spike looked across the glinting tips of his fingers to lock eyes with his (kinda sorta) big brother: Eye to eye for the first time that didn't involve a ladder and a dream.
"Oh?"
Shining Armor was already crushing him in a hug before he could react, and tensions broke down from there. For the most part, at least: Princess Cadance had made her way past Spike's lowered guard and was now having a stare-down of some kind with Pinkie Pie. Over the noogies and other signs of affection from Shining, Spike could just barely hear both of the mares constantly going 'Hrmmm' at each other with ever-increasing volume.
"We have got so much to talk about, my man! Growing up like a dang shoot over here! Hey, let's go hit Joe's and-"
One of the Guards leaned over and did a quick look around before whispering to his Captain.
"Sir."
Shining's expression deflated.
"Right. Schedules. Train schedules too: The one kind I still can't get anypony to budge about."
Spike shrugged and smiled at him. In the background he heard Cadance and Pinkie escalate to full-blown 'HRMMMMMM's of suspicion and distrust... immediately before both breaking into a fit of the giggles. He knew trying to keep that new fact about his life secret was a fool's errand with the Princess of Love around so he let it slide.
"Don't sweat it big bro: It's good enough I got to see you two before next time. Speaking of which..."
The Guards (at least the ones which had gone back into the train) had clearly been busy: In the background Spike could see large fur-lined masks and heavy coats being loaded and other crates offloaded in return. Thinking about the places Shining Armor must have been over the past few months, all the very real adventures he was having like in their old O+O campaigns...
"Yeah? I imagine we'll have a ton to talk about!"
Shining would have capped off his next quip with an activation of his Nascent Combat Discipline, but he didn't feel like causing another incident with the Guards quite so soon. The first one was already going to be plenty for the scoreboard as it was. And this line didn't really need emphasis.
"When you get back? I want to fight you."
There was a second where Shining almost seemed like he was going to laugh, and something in Spike's gut twisted at the thought... But that never came to pass. Instead, the look they were sharing subtly changed. Spike hadn't turned on his Discipline out of concern before, but clearly his brother... No, clearly The Captain of the Guard could recognize some of the changes and strides he had made. He looked at Spike with something different in his eyes before he slowly nodded.
"Count on it: I'm expecting great things, Spike."
Twilight butted back in with plenty of fake venom in her tone.
"What, no dramatic speech or fond bonds of battle for your little sister, huh?"
Rarity chose this moment to step in and try to play the mediator, waving her hair to draw as much attention as possible on her way into the conversation.
"Twilight dear, I am sure you have guilt-tripped everypony present more than enough for just one unexpected train stop-"
Shining raised a hoof to cut her off, smirking at Twilight even as Spike stepped out of the way.
"Oh don't worry Miss Rarity: The Sparkle household has rules about this kinda thing. Are you gonna make this a formal challenge Twily?"
"Clearly not! You don't have time for the real deal, and baiting me as if you did is unfair. How about a one-shot winner-takes-all..."
Spike left them to work out the stakes for a contest that would almost certainly never happen: At this point it was basically tradition. Any time the two of them met up without enough time to get some ridiculous bonding activity under the saddle, they'd substitute for it by just discussing the plan instead: A battle of wits about a battle of wits. He could appreciate the meta element of it!
More pressingly for his personal wellbeing, Cadance and Pinkie Pie had dived off to the side of the group and were having a rapid conversation unheard by anypony else. The number of hooves being pointed his way definitely implied the subject, especially since at least six of them belonged to Pinkie Pie... He blinked a few times and counted again.
...Yeah, that was definitely Pinkie Pie being very Pinkie and extremely Pie.
Spike sidled his way into the conversation with a smile.
"I'm sure there's some stereotypical line I'm supposed to use here like 'And here comes the colt of the hour', but I just don't feel like it. Sup?"
Princess Cadance gently cuffed him on the side of his quills with one hoof, sticking her tongue out as she did so. Pinkie Pie gasped in mock offense before breaking down into giggles again.
"About the only thing up here is my expectations! I really cannot believe you, getting into a relationship before Twilight..."
She trailed off as if expecting something that never came. Had she been hoping to get them to give her some kind of hint about Twilight's love life? She went barking up the wrong tree in that case: Pinkie had an unbreakable poker face at the ready (even if it was mounted on a popsicle stick) while Spike sat coolly behind the Dragon's Mind and stared at the taller pink pony dead-on.
"Huh! I thought for sure that would work. You two are good at this, I've got to admit!"
"Game night with Maud back home was always a recipe for tragedy if I couldn't keep my face straight! Or at least held on the right way around."
"Whereas I'm cheating and I will fully admit it."
Cadance rolled her eyes before she stomped off towards where Rarity stood with Princess Luna.
"No fun! I'm going to go pick on easier targets: Be safe you two!"
He turned to look at Pinkie, and she looked back at him. Neither of them could quite manage to make straight-on eye contact, even after his marefriend eventually cleared her throat to speak.
"We're just gonna pretend she was talking about that armor you gave me last night, yeah?"
"Yeah, of course."
The armor in question had been one of two major drops from yesterday's big boss battle with the Bermites: The drop from the King, to be specific. After calling it quits in the social cabin for the night but before retiring to their separate cars, the two of them had finally divvied up all the spoils from that battle, and Spike insisted that Pinkie Pie keep this one. Not only was the other item not useful for her, but he really wanted to ensure her safety where he could. And Spike wasn't dumb enough to think that keeping her away from his combats would be a good idea (much less help keep her safe) so she got the armor.
Bermbelt
Rating: Rare
Defense: Special
A thick brown belt of a tanned material, meant to be used as the anchor for saddlebags and the like. While the belt itself has no special defenses the user is safe in a potential earthen grasp.
(+) Rising Rocks: When presented with various threats or concerns, the wearer can mentally command any nearby stone or earth to swing out in sheets and plates to block the danger.
(-) Silk Shirts: The belt itself is not particularly useful for defense, and is in fact easily destroyed if attacked or cut apart directly. Its extremely mundane appearance makes this unlikely, however.
The belt had been the only piece of equipment from the entire loot pile. Both of the creatures had dropped a lot of bits (they split those evenly), assorted earthy materials (Spike took them all, as Pinkie insisted she didn't need any for compensation), and... well, the last piece of loot caught him by surprise. It probably would've surprised the creature that dropped it too, if she had still been alive. Or if she had ever been intelligent enough to feel surprise as a concept.
Paradoxical Bermite Egg
Rating: Unique
Some games, for some players, are considered an escape from reality: A refusal to accept things for the way they currently are. Other times that refusal is not escape, but the seed of creation! This living and thriving egg, surviving with no parents nor ties to bind it, is proof of this potential. No eggs survived the battle and this one was made from thin air by the Gamer's power. This does not mean the egg is artificial or fake however: Whether resurrected or manufactured, it is real. One reality was refused and now another exists in its place, the same way that all decisions work.
This particular egg is absolutely unnatural and should not exist in this world: Whether that is a commendation or a condemnation can only be determined by how the creature within is raised.
At the time he had been horrified and personally insulted by the Bermite dam's openly destructive behavior, ending her bloodline out of nothing but spite. Maybe his system recognized his emotional response and changed the flow of things to make this possible? Regardless of the intention behind it, the later parts of the description were really concerning: Words like 'unnatural' and 'resurrected' didn't get thrown around, especially not both at the same time, without good and terrible reason.
Before he could let himself spiral down into concerns and worries, Pinkie bumped up against his side. She didn't say anything, and he didn't say anything back. On the other side of the platform, Cadance's first attempt to direct one of her 'Hrmmmm's at Luna was shut down with a nose boop, while Twilight and Shining had apparently decided on some kind of unicorn magic guessing game to settle their confrontation.
Pinkie laughed at the display, and Spike pulled her a little closer. It was nice to just take a moment to stand together and watch the chaos around them.
...Speaking of chaos, he made a note to detour through the statue garden during the trip today. He trusted the Princesses completely, but he also knew what he'd been experiencing in dreams had been too weird not to check up on. Mark down another item on his ever-growing list of quests!