‘And that’s what and how I think and feel about it.’
*LOUD LAUGHTER*
‘What… what’s so funny?’
‘Oh Max, do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounded?!’
‘What…?’
“Max, no one cares about what you think or feel!! It shouldn’t even matter any way!!’
‘Then… then WHY DID YOU ASK ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!’
‘Because I wanted to see if you would come up with the most ridiculous thing ever, like you always do!!’
‘BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE, KEVIN!!’
‘YOU don’t make sense, so get over it!!’
*FOOTSTEPS WALING AWAY FOLLOWED BY A DOOR SLAMMING*
*LOW SOBBING*
‘Why did I even bother? It’s clear no one cares about what I think. Maybe I should learn to keep all to myself …
‘Yeah, THAT’S WHAT I SHOULD DO!! NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO KNOW WHAT I’M THINKING OR TRY TO INFLUENCE ME AGAINST MY WILL!!
‘NO ONE!!’
**************************
‘Hey, boy!! Can you tell us what you’re thinking? Wait, don’t tell me! It must be something stupid, as always!!’
*LOUD CHORDS OF LAUGHTER*
‘I’m not tell you…’
*LAUGHTER ABRUPTLY STOPS*
‘What did you just say?’
‘I said I’m not telling any of you what I’m thinking.’
‘I’m afraid you don’t have a choice.’
‘And I’m afraid to tell you that I do have a choice and it’s none of YOUR business to know what I’m thinking. There’s an invention called “keeping it to yourself” and I’m using this wonderful invention.’
‘Tell us or else!!’
‘Why? So you can laugh and mock me for how ridiculous it would sound to you? Yeah, I don’t think so, old man!!!’
‘Max, I am your father and you will-’
‘How about you SHUT YOUR TRAP!! I will never tell you what I’m thinking ever again!! My mind is my own sanctuary, my safe place and you will NEVER take that away from me!!’
*ANGRY FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY*
‘You will never know my thoughts… ever… again…’
*THE NEXT DAY*
I let out a gasp as my eyes shot wide open. I begin gasping for air like I had just ran for hours. My heart’s beating so rapidly and hard in my chest that it hurt. I notice that everything is blurry and I blink in an attempt to clear my vision. Something wet trails down my right cheek. I must’ve been crying in my sleep again.
I begin taking slow, deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself down. As I do, I think back to what happened just seconds ago. That name… I… I remember that name… It’s my real name; my real name is Maxson Thompson. I really want to smile, knowing that I remember my real name, but I don’t. That’s not who I am anymore. My time as Maxson Thompson had ended. My name is Selina Lunar. I don’t care if I used to be male. This is my new life now. I refuse to let something like that get in the way of my future.
After taking a few deep breaths, my heart returns to normal and I feel at peace. I then take notice of something soft wrapped in my forelegs. I look to see Twilight looking up at me with concern present on her face. I must’ve woken her up somehow while I was reliving that memory.
“Selina, are you okay?” Twilight asks with clear concern. I stare at her for a moment before I slowly nod my head.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I say. “I just remembered something else from my past.”
“You did?” she asks with surprise. “What do you remember?”
I suddenly feel uncomfortable with having to answer that question. I can’t just try to derail the conversation and start it with something else entirely different. Am I feeling this way as a result from regaining one of my lost memories? It’s the only logical explanation as to why I’m suddenly feeling this way.
I push this feeling aside, look Twilight in the eyes and take a deep breath.
“When I was little, I used to express my thoughts, feelings, and opinions much more openly,” I begin to explain. “The only problem is that whenever I did, I would have others laugh or mock me for how I think, feel, and see things. Even my former family would laugh and mock me for those very things too.
“It didn’t matter where; school, home, the store, or pretty much anywhere, everyone treated my thoughts, feelings, or even opinions like they didn’t even matter. The worst part is that they would ask for it, only to throw it in my face. They would always say ‘because we wanted to see if you would come up with the most ridiculous thing ever, like you always do’.
“Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I figured that if I learned how to keep it all to myself, then I wouldn’t be ridiculed for it. That’s exactly what I ended up doing. When I was 7 years old, I began learning on how to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, keep it all locked away in my head. Whenever someone tried to guess what I was thinking or even feeling in the slightest, I would glare or threaten them to back off. I despised it with every fiber of my being."
Silence fills the entire room. I watch Twilight closely to see her reaction, growing curious to see how she would take it. An expression of utter shock is plastered on her face, her eyes blinking rapidly. I don’t have to be a mind reader to know that she is having a hard time trying to take everything I said in. I suddenly worry that I might have broken her.
“Twilight, is everything alright?” I ask worryingly. Twilight jolts, like I just snapped her out of her shocked state. She blinks a few times before looking me in the eyes.
“Yeah, I’m just… surprised by what you told me,” Twilight replies. Her eyes widen a bit as if something clicked in her brain. “That answers everything.”
Confusion hits me like a ton of bricks. What does Twilight mean by how it ‘answers everything’? Does she know something I don’t? It’s a possibility. It’s the only logical answer I can come up with.
I snap out of it and give Twilight a curious look.
“What do you mean by that, Twilight?” I ask.
“Selina, when you left to go to the spa with Rarity, I went to the library to see if I can find any books about supernatural gifts,” Twilight begins to explain rather quickly. “I found a book that mentioned about different types of mental shields and I found something that caught my eye. The book mentioned that ponies, who grew up to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves, have shown to create and develop mental shields unknowingly and subconsciously. This is a result of their desire of keeping their thoughts and feelings to themselves. That is where the interesting part comes into play.”
She gives me a slightly serious look. “The interesting part is that you have Meta Psychic Immunity, something that has been written to be impossible to have or possess. It’s a power so rare that Starswirl the Bearded was the only documented pony to ever possess it and that was over a thousand years ago.”
Over a thousand years ago?!?! Holly crow!! I had no idea that such a power was that rare!! But, that still doesn’t explain how that answers everything anyway.
“Do you see where I’m heading, Selina?” she asks. I shake my head since I really don’t know where she’s heading. She takes a deep breath. “Selina, do you remember telling me about how your father killed you a few days ago when you regained some of your memory?”
The memory of that day hits me hard. I do remember telling her that, but what does that have to do with anything?
“Yes? Why?” I ask.
“I think I know why you can’t remember anything and why your shield is the way it is,” Twilight replies. “I think somepony brought you back to life by using a resurrection spell. Instead of bringing Nightmare Moon back, for whatever reason, the spell brought you to Equestria, placing you in Nightmare Moon’s body. The thing with resurrection spells is that the one you want to bring back from the dead might not want to come back to the world of the living so the spell might resurrect somepony else instead.
“When the spell brought you back, you lost your memories and since you were reborn into Nightmare Moon’s body, it strengthened your mental shield quite immensely, which resulted with it becoming what we all know as Meta Psychic Immunity. Don’t you see, the spell gave you a second chance and your rebirth strengthened your power since you created/possessed that mental shield right before your death.”
I stare at Twilight, my eyes a little wide. I see where Twilight is getting at now, and yet at the same time, it all sounds crazy. Crazy as it sounds, it was good of a theory as any to me. It does explain my amnesia, at least. But that begs the question; why would somepony try to resurrect Nightmare Moon to begin with? What was the goal? I don’t think we will find the answer any time soon.
My stomach growls, interrupting my thoughts. My face grows hot as Twilight giggles lightly.
“Sounds like somepony is hungry,” she says.
“I guess I am,” I reply. I unwrap my forelegs from Twilight and she rolls off the bed. She lands on her hooves and gives me a warm smile.
“I head to the kitchen to start breakfast,” Twilight says. “While I’m at it, why don’t you go freshen up in the bathroom.” She points to the door at the door with the arched top. “I installed a bathroom in there yesterday so we don’t have a repeat of what happened yesterday morning.”
I smile a little bit. My very own personal bathroom right here in my own bedroom. That will make things so much easier. Instead of having to leave my room to go searching for a bathroom, I can use the one that I have right here.
“Thanks, Twilight,” I say. Twilight nods her head.
“See you in the kitchen,” she says before walking out of my bedroom. I lay on my bed for a bit before looking to the bathroom door.
I roll out of bed and walk over to the door. I grab hold of the handle with my left hoof and push it all the way down. I push the door open and step inside. The bathroom looks exactly like the other one except the tub is much bigger. I walk over to the tub and peek inside. There is a built-in seat if I ever wanted to soak in it.
I step into the tub and twist the left silver wheel to the right and the right wheel to the left. Seconds later, water comes flowing from the shower head above me and my body becomes soaked in seconds. I let out a contented sigh as the water smooths out my fur and hair. I feel my heart beating hard and rapidly in my chest as a powerful feeling of excitement flows throughout my entire body.
Today will mark the first day of me spending the day with Twilight and get to know her better. I’m very glad Twilight agreed to spend the day with me. Not only do I want to spend time with Twilight as much as possible, but I also want to see if my crush on her will turn into something like love. To spend the rest of my life with her will be a dream come true. There’s really no negative qualities about Twilight, not that I can think of at the top of my head. Spending the day with her will help me see more of her personality. That will be very exciting.
‘Let’s hope I don’t screw this up,’ I think to myself as I grab hold of a bottle of shampoo.
I step out of the bathroom, feeling like a new mare. Obviously, I plan to take a soak after spending the day with Twilight. I haven’t soaked in the tub since the day before moving here to Ponyville to live with Twilight. To be honest, I feel like soaking in the tub is better than taking a shower in general. I love the soothing feeling that the water provides and if anything, it puts me at ease and I love that.
I let out a contented sigh as I walk over to the bedroom door. I grab hold of the knob and turn it. I pull the door open and step out, closing the door behind me. I walk down the hall that leads to the kitchen. My bedroom isn’t too far away from the kitchen since it’s right around the corner. Basically, all I have to do is go straight and then left. The library and the kitchen are like next door, which is convenient, to be honest.
As I walk down the hall, I try to think about what me and Twilight can do for today.
‘Maybe we can go on a picnic?’ I shake my head at the idea. We’ll have to come back just to prepare for such an occasion.
‘Maybe we can go out shopping?’ I shake my head at that idea too. I don’t see the purple Alicorn as the type to go out shopping, so that’s out.
‘Maybe we can go take a walk through town?’ I slightly smile at the idea. It does sound like fun, though the last time I walked through Ponyville with Twilight, it didn’t go so well.
‘Maybe we can go for a swim?’ I really don’t see a problem with that with the only exception being that we will have to find some place where we can take a dip. Sounds like fun, though.
‘Maybe we can go out for lunch or dinner?’ My face heats up as I take the left turn for the kitchen. That can work if Twilight agrees to it.
‘Maybe we can go stargazing tonight?’ I smile brightly at that idea. Looking up at the stars sounds like something we can do after spending the day with each other.
I turn to my left and come face-to-face with the kitchen door. I grab hold of the doorknob and twist it to the right. I push the door open and enter the kitchen. I pick up a delicious smell and I feel the saliva building up in my mouth. I look to see Twilight placing a plate of pancakes on the table and I go wide eye at the sight.
There is a bowl filled with apples, bananas, and grapes. Surrounding the bowl are small bowls of what look like oatmeal with plates containing what looks like fried hay and eggs. Twilight did a very good job.
“This looks delicious, Twilight,” I say with surprise. “You did great.”
“Thanks,” Twilight says. “You came just in time too. I just finished making the pancakes.”
I look to Twilight and notice that her cheeks are red. She must be blushing from my compliment and honestly, I would blush too if somepony said the same thing to me. I turn my attention back to the large sums of food on the table that happen to be waiting to get eaten. I have to ask Twilight to teach me how to cook someday. That way, I can make something special for her one day. She has done a lot for me…
I snap out of it and turn my attention back to Twilight.
“So, what do you want to do today, Twilight?” I ask. She gives me a warm smile.
“Do you have something in mind?” she asks. I think about it for a moment before remembering the ideas that I came up with on my way here. One of my ideas was to go take a walk in the park, so maybe we can do that.
“Well, we can take a walk through Ponyville?” I ask shyly. Her smile grows a little bit at the idea.
“Sure, that sounds like a great idea,” she says beamingly. I smile brightly at her approval. Something deep down tells me that today is going to be a wonderful day. “Well, let’s eat before the food gets cold.”
She doesn’t have to tell me twice as my stomach growls loudly. The both of us giggle in unison. This is going to be a great day.
A bright smile spreads across my face as we exit out of the castle and head in the direction of Ponyville. Happiness bursts within my heart and it flows throughout my body. My eyes begin watering as the surreal of the situation sinks in; I’m spending the day with Twilight, the pony who I harbor feelings for. It was really happening.
“Selina, are you okay?” Twilight asks. “And why do you like you’re going to cry?”
I snap out of it and turn my attention to Twilight. An expression of worry and curiosity is present on her face. She must’ve taken notice of the tears building up in my eyes and is thinking that something’s bothering me, having no clue as to what the real reason is.
I wipe away the tears that were building up in my eyes with my right hoof while keeping the smile on my face.
“Yes, Twilight, I’m okay,” I reply. “And don’t worry about why I was about to cry. It’s nothing to worry about.”
“Are you sure?” she asks.
“Yes, I’m sure,” I answer while nodding my head. She eyes me a little bit before turning her attention away from me and focusing her attention to the path ahead.
It’s a good thing that she can’t read my mind because if it wasn’t for my mental shield, she would’ve been able to know the true reason and the last thing I want is for the both of us to become embarrassed. Plus, I don’t want Twilight to know about my crush on her as that would make things way more awkward between the two of us. I absolutely do NOT want her to know anything about it.
We enter Ponyville and the moment we do, the ponies all turn their attention to me and begin whispering amongst themselves. I try my best to conceal the annoyance I am beginning to feel. Something deep down is telling that they must be whispering bad things about me. I won’t be surprised if that is the case. I already had to deal with that in my previous life so this shouldn’t really be anything new, but despite that, it’s still annoying as heck.
‘Just ignore them, Selina,’ I think to myself as I turn my attention away from them. ‘I’m not going to let this get in the way and ruin our day.’
I collide into something, the force of the impact snapping me out of my thoughts. I fall onto my flank and let out a groan of pain.
“I’m terribly sorry,” I begin to say as I look to see who or what I bumped into. “I wasn’t watching where I was-”
I stop and my eyes wide with recognition. Sitting on her flank and rubbing the right side of her head with her right hoof is Sunny Days, the mare that I somewhat befriended the previous day.
“It’s okay,” she begins to say before turning to face me. “I wasn’t watching where I was going either so don’t-” Her eyes goes wide as she recognizes me right away. A smile spreads across and I allow myself to smile as well. “Oh, it’s you!!”
I get back onto my hooves and walk over to her. I offer her my left hoof and she grabs hold of it with her right hoof. I pull her back up onto her hooves and immediately brush her off with that same hoof.
“Thanks,” Sunny says.
“You’re welcome,” I say. “It’s good to see you again.”
“It’s good to see you too, Selina,” Sunny replies beamingly.
“Wait, you two know each other?” I hear Twilight ask. I turn my attention to her and see a confused expression plastered on her face. She has no clue about what happened yesterday considering the events that took place a bit later after going out to lunch with Sunny.
We turn our bodies around so that we are facing her and point with my left hoof at Sunny, who has that smile remains plastered on her face. Twilight turns her attention to me.
“Twilight, this is Sunny Days,” I begin to say as I point my left hoof to Twilight. “Sunny Days, this is my friend, Twilight Sparkle.”
Twilight walks over to Sunny, refusing to take her eyes off her. I take a few steps back to give them some space. She stops about a foot away before holding out her left hoof. Sunny looks at it for a moment before taking it in her right hoof. They both shake hooves but that’s when I notice something odd. I take a closer look and notice that there’s something different in Sunny’s eyes. I don’t know why but something about her eyes makes me a bit alert.
“It’s nice to meet you, Sunny,” Twilight says in a polite tone.
“It’s an honor to meet you, Princess Twilight,” Sunny replies in a polite tone, though something seems off about it, though I can’t pinpoint what it can be. “What are you doing out here in this fine day?”
“Just taking a stroll through Ponyville with Selina,” Twilight says as she and Sunny let go of each other’s hooves. “It was her idea.”
Sunny turns her head to face me and I take that moment to take a closer look at her eyes. Right off the bat, I notice something I didn’t catch sight of before. There is what seems to be something pink in the eye rims of her eyes. It’s so faint and barely noticeable that you would miss it entirely. Seeing this makes me more alert than ever before.
“Is that so?” Sunny asks curiously. I nod my head. “Well, I hope you enjoy your little stroll. It was nice seeing you again, Selina.”
“It was nice seeing you too, Sunny,” I say. Sunny begins walking away and soon after, disappears out of sight.
‘What was up with Sunny?’ I think to myself. ‘There was something off about her. It was like something was influencing her, but what can it be?’
“Selina, are you alright?” I hear Twilight ask. I snap out of it and turn my head to face her.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I reply. “Let’s go.”
Twilight stares at me for a brief moment before she turns her back towards me and begins walking down the path. I follow close behind her while trying not to think about what happened with Sunny.
Twilight and I are sitting on a wooden bench in the Ponyville Plaza to take a break from all of the walking. By this point, the ponies have lost interest in me and are now minding their own business, which is both good and new at the same time, I guess. Good because they have stopped giving me those looks and new because it’s the first time that the ponies have lost interest since I moved. In all honesty, it’s nice for once.
As we sat on the bench, I try to keep my thoughts from shifting to what I saw in Sunny’s eyes. I really don’t know why this bothers me so much and it is starting to get on my nerves. It is like my brain is refusing to let me think about something else and just think about that in particular. I hate not having any control of my thoughts.
I scowl slightly. This is starting to get ridiculous. Why can’t I just let this go? Why can’t I-
“Selina?” I snap out of it and turn my attention to Twilight, who is sitting by my left.
“Yes, Twilight?” I ask.
“Are you sure that you’re alright?” she asks. “You have been thinking about something and I can tell that it’s really bothering you. Can you please tell me what it is that you’re thinking about?”
I stare at her, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with sharing what it is that I’m thinking. While she is incapable of reading my mind, Twilight can still read the emotions on my face. She can obviously tell that something’s indeed bothering me and honestly, I hate it.
“It’s nothing, Twilight,” I say flatly. From the look on her face, Twilight didn’t buy it.
“Selina, don’t try to act like it’s nothing,” she says a bit sternly. “You know you can tell me anything. You know I can’t read your mind so I have to hear it from you.”
I can feel annoyance begin to bubble within me. She’s right, of course; I indeed can tell her anything and how she is incapable of reading my mind, but what can I say to her? That I notice something pink within Sunny’s eyes and how I have this bad feeling that something is going to happen? That will sound very weird.
An idea pops in my head. Maybe I don’t have to tell her exactly. Instead, I can just ask her if she ever saw something similar to what I saw in Sunny’s eyes. That way, she can figure out what it is I’m thinking without me having to say it. It’s worth a try.
I take a deep breath and look Twilight in the eyes.
“Twilight, can I ask you something?” I ask. The stern look weakens a bit and I can see a tiny hint of curiosity in her eyes.
“Sure, what is it?” she asks, her tone both stern and curious. I have to choose my words very carefully because if I ask the question wrong, Twilight might get the wrong idea.
“Have you ever had moments where you suddenly more aware and notice things that you never noticed before?” I ask carefully. The stern expression leaves her face and a look of confusion takes its place.
“I… guess,” she replies in slight confusion. “I did have moments like that before. Why do you ask?”
I feel everything come crashing down. Dang it, why did she have to ask that question? I try to think of something that can ask so I don’t have to share what it is I’m thinking, but I come up with nothing. I feel defeat seep in and I let out a low sigh. There is no way out of this.
I look Twilight in the eyes.
“I ask… because I saw something weird, something that is giving me a very bad feeling,” I reply in a low, defeated tone. The confusion leaves her face and alertness takes its place.
“What did you see?” she asks. I stare at her for a moment before I let out another sigh.
“It’s about Sunny,” I say. “When you and her shook hooves, I thought I saw something odd about her eyes. I didn’t know why until Sunny turned her head to face me. That’s when I saw something… pink. It was so barely noticeable that anypony would’ve missed it if they didn’t look hard enough. I just… I just don’t know why, but something about seeing that in her eyes gave me a very bad feeling. Like something bad is going to happen.”
Twilight stares at me with wide eyes. It looks like she is taking in what I just revealed to her. I don’t have to be a mind reader or even a full-out genius to know that she realizes that this is what has been on my mind this entire time. Come to think of it, I never asked Twilight if she had noticed anything off about Sunny after the mare walked off to leave the two of us alone. Why didn’t that ever cross my mind?
Twilight snaps out of it and looks me in the eyes.
“Is that what has been on your mind, Selina?” she asks. I stare at her for a moment before slowly nodding my head. “Now that you mention it, I did feel like there was something off about her, although I didn’t see what you’ve seen. I will have to look into that later.”
I feel slightly relieved. Although she didn’t see what I had seen, she did get the feeling that there was something off about Sunny. To top it all off, this conversation can be dropped since I told her about what was in my mind. So in a sense, it’s a win-win.
“Is there anything else on your mind?” Twilight asks. I shake my head.
“No, not really,” I reply in a low tone. “That was all I was thinking about and should I say has been on my mind for too long. I really couldn’t think about anything else other than that.”
“And did talking about it help you?” she asks expectantly. I have to admit; talking about it did help me. At least talking about it is better than have her try to read my mind to see my thoughts.
I smile lightly.
“Yeah, I guess it did,” I reply. A smile spreads across her face.
“Shall we continue with our walk through town?” she asks. I allow the smile on my face to grow slightly.
“We shall,” I reply. We both hop off the bench and resume our walk through town, this time, with my mind clear from any thoughts.