//------------------------------//
// Chapter 4: …Are These The Colts We’re Looking For? 
// Story: Caverns & Cutie Marks: Our House Now 
// by TheColtTrio 
//------------------------------//

Pinkie froze in mid hop, which Rarity would have liked until she noticed the specific set of Pinkie Sense she hated being familiar with: a friend getting terribly injured. A few minutes after that, they saw the column of smoke. That caused their hurried pace to break out into a frantic run. They closed in on the source of the smoke quickly and could just barely make out the burning house. Shortly, they found themselves close enough to feel the heat of the fire as it consumed the house.
    “Oh dear,” Rarity said as she watched the fire for a few moments. “I do hope no pony was hurt.”
    “Y-yeah, me too,” Pinkie chimed in. The two looked around the apparently deserted farm beside the house, but their eyes kept being drawn back to the raging fire.
    “I do wonder what happened here. I hope it was an accident,” Rarity said. She forced herself to look away from the house.
    “I agree. I wish I could just chalk it up to an accident or something but... If it was, why isn’t any pony trying to put this fire out?” Pinkie asked, her eyes darting to and fro. “You don’t think it was ban-” Pinkie’s sentence died as she heard something just barely making itself heard over the fire. She started to walk around the house.
    “Bandits? I’m not sure. I hope not. We don’t even have any bits.” Rarity giggled slightly at the small joke but noticed the lack of Pinkie’s giggles joining hers. She looked around and saw Pinkie moving around the house. “Wait! It wasn’t that bad of a joke!” Rarity hurried to catch up, only to run into Pinkie when the pink mare suddenly froze. “Ow! Why did you stop?”
    “It’s Light Patch.” Pinkie whispered. Rarity’s pupils shrank and she looked around her to see a battered and bruised Light Patch lying unconscious in the snow. The two ponies quickly tramped through the deepening snow to get to their friend.
    “This looks really bad,” Rarity said, trying to open the small medical kit Pinkie had pulled from her hair. As Rarity fumbled with the kit, Pinkie set to gently move Light Patch onto a small blanket also pulled from her hair.
    “I don’t think he’s got any cuts, just bruises and whatever's going on inside,” Pinkie said with her ear against his chest. Her head shot up when he coughed and opened his eyes.
    “You’re a little late to the hitting party,” Light Patch joked weakly. A gasp escaped Rarity. The mare bopped him on his nearest shoulder without thinking. Her chastisement died in her throat when the stallion gasped in pain.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t think, I just-” Light Patch gave a pained couple of laughs.
“Laughter heals so they say. Hah, ow, hah, ow,” the grey stallion wheezed as Rarity did what she could with what was in the medical kit.
    “What happened to you?” Pinkie asked, alternating between assisting Rarity and digging through her mane for anything useful.
    “I fought the bandit law, and the bandit law won,” Light Patch half sang before coughing again. He leaned his head up to take a sip from the water canteen Pinkie provided. He winced in pain as Rarity checked one of his rear legs. “Ow. That felt bad.”
    “Do you think it’s broken?” She asked the stallion, only earning a shake of his head.
    “No, but walking has been demoted to whimpering and limping,” Light Patch replied. Then she touched the other leg. His eyes bugged out and he ‘hngh’ed in pain. “That. That one might be broken.”
    “Oh dear... I’ll have to find some wood to splint it.”
    “This would be easier if there wasn’t so much snow… or the house wasn’t on fire,” Pinkie chimed in as she jumped around, digging through the snow looking for anything of use. Her head cocked to one side. “Or, you know, you could use your healing magic. If you still have it. That would really simplify things.” Pinkie turned away, shoving her head into the snow.
    Light Patch and Rarity looked at each other questioningly. With a painful shrug, Light Patch held up a hoof and tapped himself. A light shone out from his hoof to encapsulate his entire body. Several pops and cracks echoed from within as bones readjusted and fixed themselves. His broken leg stretched out and then popped back into place. Most of the bruising remained, but he felt better than he had before.
    “What was that?” Pinkie asked, her head popping out of the snow near the two ponies.
    “Good news. I got my healing magic back, but it’s weaker than it used to be.” Light Patch said going to do a thumbs up. He paused, blinking. “Right, hooves. Gonna have to get used to that again.” Light Patch sighed, laying his head on the snowy ground. The three ponies quietly digested that information before a loud noise dragged their attention to the house which had burned enough for it’s upper floors to collapse into the rest of the house. “You guys didn’t run into the farmers, did you?”
    “Come again?” Rarity asked looking back at Light Patch.
    “The farmers that lived here. I tried to help them against some bandits, then held the bandits off while they fled when everything went wrong.”
    “No. I’m sorry, we didn’t see any ponies. We just noticed the smoke and hurried over.”
    “I hope they're okay. I already failed to try and protect their home,” Light Patch muttered into the snow. “Thought I was gonna win the fight too, porting all over like... Well, like Pinkie.” Rarity looked at the stallion in shock and Pinkie had a flurry of emotions, first surprise then anger and finally settling in on curiosity.
    “So, you were the one stealing my schtick,” Pinkie said contemplatively. “Was it just teleporting or were you able to do anything else?”
    “Teleporting. It was the main reason I was winning the fight. I was doing fairly good too. Until I went and pulled a Thor and chuck my hammer to save Winter Sun.”
    “Who’s Winter Sun?” Pinkie asked, cutting off Rarity’s same question.
    “Youngest daughter of the family,” Light Patch replied, finally pulling himself off the ground to stand up.
    “Sounds like a dramatic moment happened. That’ll disrupt our powers faster than you can believe,” Pinkie said, piecing things together as she tapped a hoof against her chin. “So... just teleporting then?”
    “Oh. Uh, no. I also have access to hammer space too,” the stallion said, putting a hoof behind himself and drawing out the warhammer he had back in Roania.
    “Cool. Is it only hammer space or do you think you can pull anything else out? Ooh, maybe medical stuff because of your skills! You should give it a try!” Pinkie said, bouncing around excitedly.
    “I can try.” Light Patch bent his hoof back again and tried rooting around behind his back before he felt something in his hoof’s grasp. When he pulled it back, he pulled out the warhammer he had towards the end of their time in Roania. Scrunching up his brow in concentration again, he tried a third time only to draw out Just Duty’s warhammer. He started to reach back one more time, but Rarity’s hoof caught a hold of his.
“Light, I think you’ve supplied us with more than enough warhammers. Do you think we could go back to the bit about you sharing Pinkie’s abilities?”
    “Oh, but he’s not sharing them, Rarity. Those are all his own. I’d know if someone was using my abilities without my permission,” Pinkie cut in. She turned to Light Patch. “Hey, show me some teleporting.”
    With a shrug, Light Patch stood up and started to walk forward, trying to make himself teleport. By some happenstance, all three ponies blinked at the same time. Rarity and Light Patch’s eyes suddenly flew open when they both suddenly felt something touching the end of their muzzles. Opening their eyes, they stared in surprise at each other. Both of them jerked violently away while Pinkie broke out into giggle fits.
    “What the?! How did- I wasn’t even walking this way!” Light Patch sputtered. Then his, now fixed, but still weak leg gave out on him and he collapsed to the ground.
    “Perhaps you two should save the experimenting until after Light Patch has had a little more time to heal up,” Rarity sniffed, walking over to sit beside Light Patch.
    “We should probably rest up before trying to trek anywhere in the snow right now,” Pinkie agreed, suddenly on the other side of Light Patch and watching the house again. “Since we have a little time...” Pinkie dug through her hair and pulled out three cupcakes.
    “I can already guess the answer, but what are those for, Pinkie?” Light Patch asked.
    “For your congrats on getting to Equestria and finally getting a cutie mark!” She cheered, passing one cupcake to Rarity and then holding the other out to Light Patch.
Blinking in surprise, the grey pegasus stood up and turned to look at his flank. There, on both sides of him, was a pair of folded sheets of paper made to look like one sheet of paper. A nagging feeling that he should recognize that mark tugged at his mind but was being beaten by both tiredness and the headache still plaguing him.
    “Well, I guess I’ll have plenty of time to figure out what it is and what it’s supposed to mean while we wait,” he grumped, sitting back down and pushing the cupcake back towards Pinkie who happily ate it as well as hers.
    The fire was nearing the end of it’s time consuming the house, starting to throw less heat around. It had also grown significantly more quiet, which easily let the three sets of ears pick out the sounds of a group approaching them. They turned to see several ponies in snow gear and armor approaching along with a group of airborne pegasus pulling a sleigh that landed nearby.
    “You three okay?” the lead pony called out. “We were out on patrol when we saw the smoke. We ran into some farmers who said some mercs had a fight over their place and a pony stayed behind to hold them off. That one of you?” the pony continued as he approached.
    “That would be me. I stayed behind. Luckily I got a little healing magic,” Light Patch said, standing up.
    “Huh... Well... looks like the fire is mostly out at this point. Almost feels like we oughta just let it finish on it’s own,” the pony said. And yet, he motioned for the pegasi to use the clouds to dump a little more snow on it.
    Rarity eyed the stallion’s uniform closely, noting the robust design of the coats and the careful placing of the armor plates. “Those are nice snow uniforms you have there. And you mentioned you were on patrol. Are you by any chance guards from one of the local cities?”
    “We might be,” a small smile on his lips. “We’re from Longest Day, the largest town north of the Crystal Empire.”
    “Sounds like a perfect place for an all day party record,” Pinkie said eagerly.
    “Hah! We’ve held that record for near... forty years now,” the guard confirmed proudly. “I don’t suppose you’d like to join us as we head back?” His question prompted eager nodding from all three of them.
    “I’m barely able to walk as it is. A lift sounds really nice.” Light Patch said. He stood and limped forward a couple steps.
    “Sounds good. And, I can even get you a drink as you fill me in on what all happened here,” the guard said, his tone friendly. His next words were said with a serious undertone. “And, you can share why two of the Elements of Harmony are this far north.” With a simple nod from Light Patch, the guard led the trio to the sleigh and the pegasus that were hooking themselves back up to.


* * *


    The curious stares of passing ponies and deer alike weren’t enough to keep Wits from sneaking through the streets of Midton. A flash of purple appeared in the corner of his vision, and he leapt through a nearby food stall to hide amongst the apple barrels. The shopkeeper glanced back at him.
    “I’m over there,” Wits said, pointing one forehoof across the street. A mote of white magic entered the stallion’s forehead, and he looked away immediately. The mint-colored unicorn scanned the crowd for any sign of Twilight and her guards—anything purple or alicorn-esque—and eventually found…
    ...A purple piece of cloth, hanging from a stall and waving in the breeze. Wits sighed, taking one last look around before relaxing. That was close, he thought. I’ve gotta react faster. If that had really been Twilight, she would’ve seen me before I was hidden.
    You realize how silly that sounds, right? another thought process cut in. You’re hiding from theoretical dangers that you’ve built around one of your only friends in this world. You should be looking for her, not hiding from her.
    Wits paused. “You make a good point, me,” he muttered, starting to stand.
    Are you insane? the first train of thought interrupted. If Twilight really is after you, you’ll be making yourself a sitting duck! Get back down there! Wits sank back into the protective cover of the barrels.
    This is ridiculous. The more logical thoughts seemed to sigh and shake their metaphorical head. Look, Twilight’s right over there. Go talk to her and you’ll see that-
    “What?” Wits realized that the Princess of Friendship in question was right in the middle of his sightline, still searching for him but not finding him. She had her wings fully extended in an attempt to look extra princessy. “Oh yeah, that’s her alright.”
    Panic! the frantic thoughts screamed. Eject! Get out of there before she sees you!
    Or what? the logical thoughts replied. Try looking with your eyes, moron. The only creatures with her are Fluttershy and Spike.
    It was true. Twilight, Fluttershy, and Spike were asking the ponies and deer something, although he was too far away to hear what. There didn’t seem to be any heavily armored ponies with magical lazguns or oversized swords that were more like large hunks of iron. Just two ponies and a miniature dragon. “I guess I could ask if they’re maniacal tyrants to their faces,” Wits mused.
    The frantic thoughts tossed their hypothetical forehooves up. I give up. Call me when she’s got you strapped to an operating table and is reenacting Cupcakes with your pancreas. I’m out!
The logical thoughts seemed to shrug. Sounds like you’ve got the gist of this, so I’ll head out too. ...Honestly, stormtroopers? Was that the best he could come up with?
Wits blinked. “That was weird, right?” he asked the shopkeeper. “Like, that kind of thing is totally weird, right?”
“I thought you were over there,” the shopkeeper replied without looking.
“Thanks, buddy.” Wits stood, stretching his back after having been crouched down, and began walking towards the two girls and dragon. Once he was directly behind them, he cleared his throat.
Fluttershy was the first one to turn around. Her face lit up with relief. “Wits!”
“Wits?” Twilight turned, a similar smile quickly forming on her face. “Wits!”
Wits began to smile, but it quickly turned into consternation. “Aw man. I had a reference all ready, but now I’d just feel bad for ruining the mood.”
“I think that ruined it already,” Spike said. “Wanna try that reference anyway?”
“Nah, the moment’s pa- GWAHK.” Wits was cut off as Fluttershy threw her forelegs around him, half-strangling him in a sudden hug.
“What are you doing here?” Twilight asked.
“I just walked in,” Wits wheezed, one hoof hovering over Fluttershy’s back in a halfway attempt to pat her.
“You just walked in?”
“Is there an echo in here? Fluttershy, I’m dying.” Wits gasped as the pegasus released him. “I wasn’t complaining. That would have been a good way to die.”
“We were so worried about you!” Fluttershy cried, grabbing the unicorn for another, less lethal, hug. “Twilight came back from the human world and said you three were gone, and all we could think of was that none of us got to say goodbye!” The rest of her words devolved into blubbering as her emotions overflowed.
Spike looked between the incomprehensible Fluttershy and the stunned Wits End. “I think she missed him,” he said to Twilight.
“I think so,” she replied.
“Do you wanna do that too?”
Twilight hesitated for a moment. “I saw them at Equestria High. I think I’m good.”
“Yeah, but this means that all of your work wasn’t for nothing.” Spike thought for a moment. “And if one of them is here, the other two are probably safe too. Are you alright?”
“Y-yeah.” Twilight’s face was hidden by one of her wings. “Just… something in my eye.”
“Really? What is it?”
“I don’t know! Probably tears!”
“Hang on,” Wits said. “Did you say ‘the other two’? So Purple and Patchy are here too?”
Twilight sniffed, wiping her eyes. “Yeah. Sunset, Starlight, and I cast a spell to summon you three from wherever you went after fighting that Hydra.”
“Starlight? The equality pony? Is she good now?”
“You didn’t know?”
“I’ve missed a lot, I guess.” Wits looked down as Fluttershy pulled herself off of him. “So, when do we go after them?”
“We?”
“Well, I assume the other mares are looking for them, but more eyes are better, right? Besides,” he looked back at the marking on his flank, “maybe this thing is good for tracking or something.”
Spike raised an eyebrow. “Wait, you have a Cutie Mark? I thought you three were supposed to be blank flanks. Man, the CMC are gonna be disappointed.”
“Who makes hoofwarmers with extra bits like that?” Fluttershy asked.
“Ahhhhh… Alright, look,” Wits said. White wisps flowed from his horn into Twilight. “If my friends are out there, I wanna help find them.”
Twilight hesitated, then sighed. “I was hoping to run some tests to make sure you were okay first, but… Alright. We’ve gotta teleport back to my castle first to find out where they are, then we can join the rest of the girls in searching.”
Wits grinned. “Awesome. Beam us up, Scotty!” Twilight rolled her eyes as her magic charged. “Hey, have you guys ever heard of the teletransport para-”
The three ponies, and Spike, appeared in the Crystal Castle’s map room in a flash of light. “Alright,” Twilight said as she moved to the map. “Let’s see where everypony is. It looks like-”
“One sec.” Wits grabbed a wastebasket, turned away from the girls and Spike, and unceremoniously vomited.
“Uh… Is he alright?” Spike asked.
“Some ponies get teleportation sickness,” Twilight explained. “Unicorns usually don’t because uncontrolled magic will tend to cause spontaneous teleportation, but I guess if you’ve never done it before…” She winced as Wits made another attempt to empty his stomach into the basket. “Ew.”
Fluttershy gingerly patted his back. “Can I get you something?”
“Hang on.” Wits shuddered, and spat into the container. “Eugh. When’d I last have curry?” He shook his head, a mote of magic flying off his horn. “Water’d be nice. And, uh… probably cleaning that up.”
The mote melted into Spike’s head. “I got it!” He called, holding the wastebasket at arm’s length as he left.
Wits took a deep breath, steadying himself against the map as he did so. “Sorry,” he muttered. “Dunno what happened there.” He blinked; each eye slightly out of sync. “Why’d you build this room in a merry-go-round?”
“It’s fine,” Twilight said. “Now, about your friends-”
“Um, Twilight?” Fluttershy interrupted. “Maybe Wits should take it easy for a bit? It seems like teleporting took a lot out of him.”
Twilight stared at her. “Huh? But what about finding the others?”
“Well, um, I thought you said you wanted to make sure Wits was alright first…”
“I did, but…” Twilight frowned, her eyebrows knitting together. “I mean, we could bring a bucket with us. Or I could use some sort of anti-nausea spell…”
“Twilight, why is this suddenly so important to you?” Fluttershy’s question was innocent, but her concern was obvious.
Twilight’s frown deepened. “I… don’t know. It just…” She fell silent. “Hang on. Wits, can you use magic here?”
“Huh?” Wits shook his head. “No. I mean, I haven’t really tried to yet. I just-” His face grew pale. “Uh oh.”
“Are you going to throw up again?” Fluttershy asked.
“No. Well, I might, but that’s not the big concern right now. “ Wits turned to Twilight. “Twi,” he said, his horn glowing white again, “you should dispel any magic spells on you and Fluttershy right now.”
“There’s no magic on-” Twilight blinked as the wisp of light reached her. “I mean, I guess it wouldn’t hurt.” Her own horn glowed as she cast the spell, causing white motes of energy to shed from her like water. She shuddered. “Woah. What was that?”
Wits drew in a breath through his teeth. “Not good is what that is.”
“It looked like you were using magic on her,” Fluttershy said. Nothing seemed to come off of her.
“Yeah, that’s the ‘not good’ part. I wasn’t. I mean, I wasn’t trying to.” Wits was focusing on looking straight at the floor. “I think that whatever happened after the Hydra messed up my brain. Or horn. Or… brain horn. I’m not trying to use Guiding Sunlight, but I think I’ve been using it ever since I landed.”
Twilight’s eyes went wide. “The mind control spell? The one you got from Sol Eater?”
“It’s something like mind control, I guess.” Wits tisked. “I must’ve used it on that deer guard too. Why couldn’t I be cursed with suck by something like One for All?” He glanced up at the mares, then quickly back down to the ground. “It’s… probably safer if I stay here or something. Wouldn’t want to accidentally brainwash anypony.”
Twilight and Fluttershy watched the colt closely. No magic seemed to be coming off of him. “Well,” Twilight started, “there’s some spells for unicorn foals I can use to keep magic from leaking out of you. I’ll want to run some tests first, and try to figure out what triggers it.” She sighed, looking back at the map for a moment. “Let’s start by putting you in one of the guest rooms.”
“Great,” Wits said with a half-hearted smirk, following behind Twilight. “First day in Equestria, and I’m being locked up by the SCPony Foundation.”


* * *


“I swear,” Rainbow Dash growled as she and Applejack entered the village of Anchorhoof, “if Purple Heart isn’t here, I’m going to punch him.”
“I wouldn’t punch him too hard,” Applejack warned. “I don’t think the two of us can carry him if you knock him out.”
“He’s a big colt,” Rainbow said. “He’ll be fine.” For most of the morning, the two mares had been stopping by settlement after settlement, inquiring at each landstead if they’d seen a large purple earth pony going by or stopping by to visit. All of the landowners had responded in the negative and warned the pair to watch out for the Tusken Raiders, never explaining to Applejack and Rainbow the reason for their warning. It was at the landstead they found prior to coming to Anchorhoof that the old couple there actually told them what the Tusken Raiders were and begged the two mares to look for their nephew, a pegasus named Buck Skykicker.
“Have you ever heard of elephants that raided while you visited relatives?” Rainbow asked. The pair were walking down the main road, casting cursory looks over the vendors and stalls bracketing the street in search of their primary quarry.
“Nope,” Applejack replied. “My relatives live pretty close to Appleloosa and there are only a few outliers that live just inside the borders of the Badlands. Ah’ve never heard anything about elephants raiding fer food during any of our reunions.”
“They must only operate in the southern parts of the Badlands,” Rainbow Dash mused. “It's pretty far away from any influence the Princesses have.”
    The orange mare arched any eyebrow at her friend as they paused for a card to pass by. “That… actually makes some sense,” she commented.
    “Hey, I may not be the best at geo-political mapping, but I’m friends with Twilight,” the blue pegasus sniffed. “Hang around her long enough and I’m sure anypony will learn at least one fact about something or other.”
    “Touche,” Applejack remarked. “Now, who d’you think would be the best pony to ask about newcomers?”
    “Uhhh...” Rainbow’s eyes crossed. “I unno...”
    “Well I do.” The orange mare raised a hoof and pointed down the street. Rainbow Dash’s eyes followed the foreleg and alighted on a low roofed building an intersection away. On the overhang above the entrance sat wooden planks that spelled out the word ‘Cantina’. The blue pegasus’ brow furrowed as she subconsciously followed Applejack down the street towards their new destination.
    “A bar?” Rainbow asked.
    “A bar,” Applejack confirmed. “Ya can always rely on a pony to get a drink after a long tromp through the desert.”
    Rainbow arched an eyebrow at the orange mare. The two stopped at the double doors to the cantina.
    “Personal experience?” Rainbow asked.
    Applejack nodded. “And some familial opinion,” she added. “Hopefully, somepony’ll be able to help us here.” With that, she pushed open the doors and strode into the establishment.
    The two mares squinted once they stood inside. The harsh difference in light was disorienting. The cantina was dimly lit with only a few lanterns anchored to the walls and behind the bar. It was early afternoon. Several patrons sat at the tables scattered about, but the room was hardly full. Those present were there for conversation and a friendly drink. Once their eyes adjusted, Applejack and Rainbow made their way to the bar. An old-looking female earth pony looked up from her wiping of the counter and arched an eyebrow at the pair.
    “What can I get you fillies?” she inquired, her voice gravely and rough.
    “Two ciders,” Applejack replied. “And ah was hopin’ you’d be able to help us.”
    The mare scowled as she flipped her cloth across a shoulder and grabbed two glasses.
    “What kind of help?” she asked, beady black eyes scrutinizing the two of them as she blindly free-poured cider into both glasses.
    “We’re looking for a pony,” Rainbow said.
    The bartender hummed and placed a pair of sliders on the counter followed by the glasses of cider. “Best get yourselves over to the bounty office,” she suggested. “Somepony mayhaps have already got your pony.”
    Applejack recoiled in shock and disgust while Rainbow’s jaw dropped.
    “What do you mean?” Rainbow asked. The bartender shrugged, walking away to grab a bottle from the shelf behind her.
    “This here is the Badlands, dearie,” she explained. “Ain’t many places you go to find ponies other than the bounty office. Or the jail for that matter.”
    Applejack shook her head vigorously. “The pony we’re lookin’ for ain’t being hunted. Or in jail.” She balked. “I think.”
    “He’s a big earth pony,” Rainbow piped up.
    “You’ve described a fifth of this town’s population alone,” the barkeep deadpanned. “A little more?”
    “He’s purple? With blue tattoos?” Rainbow added.
    The old mare frowned. “I dunno about blue tattoos, but there’s a purple earth pony playing cards with some other fellas.” She nodded to a corner of the cantina at a table under a lamp. Five ponies sat there. Three wore massive hats reminiscent of Applejack’s, the fourth wore a bowler hat, and the fifth was the large purple earth pony they were looking for.
Applejack placed some bits on the counter. “Thank you,” she said to the bartender and turned, pulling Rainbow Dash with her towards the table. As they drew closer, they could hear the conversation between the ponies.
“Yer tellin’ me that you got old Hathi to stand down?” one of the big hat ponies asked. “Ah’m impressed. Ain’t a stallion in Anchorhoof could stand against Hathi’s crew afore you set ‘im straight.”
The purple earth pony shrugged. “All I did was appeal to his better nature,” he said, sipping at his tumbler of amber liquid. “And pulled rank on him.”
“You aren’t really a part of the Princess’ military, are you?” another of the big hat ponies inquired shrewdly.
“Nope. But what Hathi doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
“I’ll drink to that,” said big hat pony three, saluting with his own glass. The rest of the table raised their glasses and drank. Bowler Hat blinked over the hatless colt’s shoulder and smiled.
“Something we can help you with, ladies?” he asked cheerfully. The other four ponies turned to look at Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Of the five, they only recognized one.
Applejack stepped forward slowly. “Purple Heart? Is that you?” Purple Heart blinked at the orange mare and arched an eyebrow. He looked down at himself.
“I should be,” he replied. “Nopony else like me.” He glanced over his shoulder. “Except for this little birthmark.” He shifted his haunches for the mares to see. A tree with a pair of masks hanging from its branches was stamped on his rump.
“You got a cutie mark!” Rainbow cried, zipping over to stare at the purple earth pony’s hind-end.
Purple Heart wrinkled his nose at the scrutiny and gently pushed the sprightly pegasus’ face away from his rear. “Indeed,” he drawled. “I don’t know how or why I have one, but I do now.” He looked back to Applejack and his table companions, all of whom were wearing the same stunned expression.
“What?” he asked.
“You know them?” one of the big hat ponies asked, gesturing to Applejack with a hoof.
“Yeeeeeess?”
“Ye don’t sound so certain.”
“Listen. I’ve had a rough day. I crash landed in a forest in the middle of nowhere, I stopped some elephants from raiding the place, I have a reeeeally bad headache, and to top it all off, I now have a cutie mark.”
“I don’t think having a cutie mark is a bad thing,” Bowler Hat said.
“I haven’t had a cutie mark for over two decades,” Purple Heart retorted. “I got along fine without one.”
“What’s the last thing you remember before waking up in that crater?” Rainbow Dash asked.
One of Purple Heart’s eyes twitched. “How’d you know I landed in a crater?” he asked in return.
The blue mare snorted. “C’mon. You crash landed. Who's to say that crater was there before you landed?”
“Fair point. My question remains unanswered.”
“So does mine,” Applejack returned. “Well?”
The purple earth pony sighed and sat on his haunches. “Last thing I remember before waking up was trying not to get sucked into a portal. Happy?”
“Ecstatic.”
“Wonderful. Now, how’d you find me?”
“Twilight’s Friendship Map told us,” Rainbow answered. “She tried to summon the three of you from wherever the hay you’d gone after going through the portal. The spell worked, but it scattered you three across Equestria. We’re here to bring you back to Ponyville.”
“What do you need him in Ponyville for?” asked one of the big hat ponies. Purple Heart blinked, remembering there were others listening.
“Oh, my apologies,” he said, ignoring the question. “These are some of the town’s council members.” He gestured at each pony in turn as he introduced them.
“That’s the sheriff, Colt Thornton.” Big Hat Pony One tipped his hat.
“Mayor Jaunt Ford.” Big Hat Pony Two raised a glass.
“Big Hat Logan, the local magic pony,” Big Hat Three nodded under his huge hat.
“And Doc Boone.” Bowler Hat raised his glass and smiled widely at the two mares.
“What do you need him in Ponyville for?” Logan asked again.
Rainbow and Applejack shared a look. “Princess of Friendship business,” Applejack said finally.
The four stallions blinked once.
“There’s a princess of friendship?” Logan asked, his tone one of puzzlement. “Last I heard, there was only Princess Celestia and Luna.”
“But… that doesn’t make any sense...” Rainbow frowned. “What about Princess Cadence?”
“Who?” the four stallions chorused.
“Uhhhh, Purple Heart? Time to go,” Applejack prompted.
The purple earth pony arched an eyebrow at the mare. “Go where? Ponyville? So that Twilight can cast a spell that goes wrong and sends me to Tartarus? No thanks.” He stood. “Any of you gents need a refill?” Boone and Thornton voiced yes and Purple Heart took their glasses to the bar, leaving Rainbow Dash and Applejack by the table in stunned silence.
“Ah’d forgotten how much of a pain in the rump he is,” Applejack growled as she stalked after him.
“It has been a while since we saw him,” Rainbow agreed, following close behind.
“Two more Old Fashioneds, Stella, and another Sounten for me, please,” Purple Heart was saying as the two mares reached the bar. The bartender, Stella, gave a craggly smile at the large earth pony and nodded. Purple Heart glanced at Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
“What part of ‘no thanks’ do you two not understand?” he sighed.
“The part where we were sent here because the Map told us to come,” Rainbow snipped. “Light Patch and Wits End are somewhere in Equestria now and we’re hoping that we can get you all back to where you belong without too much trouble.”
“Hmm,” Purple Heart huffed. “Certainly sounds planlike. But is it possible? Does Twilight have any idea how to get us back to our home dimension?”
Rainbow Dash balked. “Uhh… no, but-”
“Then I’ll wait here if you don’t mind. You’ll know where to find me if she thinks of anything.”
“Why?! Why do you insist on staying here?!”
Purple Heart whirled around, eyes flashing green for the briefest of moments.
“Because if I don’t, who is going to keep the Tusken Raiders in line, hmm?” he demanded. “I’m sure the locals have at least clued you in on what happens around here. The Tusken Raiders go about challenging towns for food and supplies, but do you know why?”
Rainbow and Applejack shook their heads silently as the purple earth pony loomed over them.
“Because the Fifth Pachyderm Brigade of Their Majesties’ Desert Army have been forgotten,” Purple Heart snarled. “They’ve been here, performing to the utmost of their ability to complete a mission that they cannot seem to complete! Do you know how long they’ve been at this?”
They shook their heads again.
“A hundred years,” he spat. “Quite frankly, I’m surprised the Elephants haven’t revolted. By all rights, they should have. It’s been long enough. They could sweep into Equestria proper with little warning or opposition. But they haven’t. Because they’re stubbornly loyal and they never forget. So forgive me if I’m not too confident in the abilities of the monarchy at the moment.”
The bar was silent as Stella and the other four ponies tried to ignore the confrontation happening before them.
“Did something happen to ya when you went into the portal?” Applejack asked, concern evident in her voice.
Purple Heart blinked once, then shrugged. “I unno,” he admitted. “One minute, I’m getting sucked into a portal with Bael, Light Patch, and Just Duty after watching Sunset fly away. The next, I’m waking up in a crater in the middle of nowhere wondering if I’m back in Discord’s game or in Equestria. Not sure if anything could have happened to me during the intervening time. It seemed immediate.”
“You’ve been gone for nearly a month,” Applejack said. “Twi, Sunset, and Starlight were researching some way to pull you three colts outta wherever the hay you went.”
Purple Heart blinked. “Oh.”
“‘Oh’ indeed,” Applejack echoed. She inhaled deeply then exhaled. “So, why don’t we all go back to Ponyville and you can tell Twilight about what’s happening down here?Ah’m sure we can get everything straightened out.”
Purple Heart stared silently at the two mares for a long while. Then, he let loose a sigh.
“I suppose,” he admitted. He pulled a number of bits from a pouch around his shoulders and placed them on the bar counter. “Let’s get moving. The sooner we get this over with, the happier I’ll be.”
He inclined his head to the table of colts. “Thank you for the drinks,” he said.
“Not at all!” Boone waved a hoof dismissively. “It is us who must thank you for negotiating with those elephants!” The colt raised his glass in salute and Purple Heart stifled a grimace as he walked out of the cantina.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack shared a look as they followed him. “We need to tell Twilight. Something’s off about him.”
“Agreed,” said Applejack.