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// Entry 20 
// Story: Diary Of A Closet Romantic 
// by Lunar Spice 
//------------------------------//

Dear Journal,


I'm kinda freaking out.

Not so much in that "omigosh, omigosh, omigosh, omigosh" sort of way, but more in the quiet freakout way.

I went over to Fluttershy's a couple of days ago. We caught up, chatted, drank wine (really, she drank the wine. I don't really like it).

The conversation just had to turn to her.

I was complaining a bit at how I hadn't gotten any sort of reply from her, especially not since I humiliated myself in front of her. 

She asked me if that was how I truly felt about her. I answered her without even thinking, but she interrupted me and asked me if I truly had feelings for her. She said that she had some doubts about whether my feelings toward her were real or not.

I told her in the past how I had confessed my feelings to a few crushes, but they all rejected me. And, when I finally went out with somebody, he was just using me for my body. I ended things with him before they even began (it still makes me uncomfortable to think about), but it was also a failed relationship.

She thought that since I felt like I couldn't 'get' anyone, I fixated on one girl who I knew liked me, at least as a friend.

I...

I'm not sure what to believe right now.

It's true that I've chased after a few guys (and one or two girls) in my past, and it's also true that none of them felt the same way about me. But it can't be true that I'm just making up my feelings for her. It just can't!

Right?