My Life as a Post-Adolescent Pony

by Unicorncob


11 - Spooky Scary Equestrians

A few weeks had passed since I was nearly eaten by that timberwolf, and I still found myself reeling at that pun. Whoever created this world had a twisted sense of humour. I expected to next find a bugbear that was an actual bear with extra legs and insect wings.

It had started getting chilly, the trees becoming coated with brown and red leaves. With how pleasantly warm it was when I first arrived, I assumed the seasonal cycle was the same here as it was back in the human world. The familiarity was just as comforting as it was question-raising. What else was the same here?

In those few weeks, I had been taking odd jobs around town. Delivering desserts for Pinkie, some modelling for Rarity's stallionswear, sorting some books at Starlight's place and the like. I spotted that Lyra mare following me around as well, popping her head out of a bush or from behind a wall. Either she used to be a human, or she had some kind of strange agenda. I wasn't in a hurry to find out.

Either way, I was making some decent scratch for myself. I kept most of it for necessities, while putting some aside to pay off the house. I didn't know why I was getting eager to have my own home in a world full of talking Ponies, but at the same time, I wasn't exactly rushing to get back to my old world either. Strange.

I'd been seeing Rivershine around town as well. We said hi to each other in passing, waved when we saw each other at a distance, even got coffee together once as her way of thanking me for saving her. Despite not being a fancy café in Canterlot, the coffee at this small local place tasted far better. We got to talking, and when it got to where we were from, I elected to simply say I was from out of town. I didn't want her to think I was crazy for saying I was actually a human from another dimension. Curiously, all she said on her end was the same--she was from out of town. I elected not to pry for now.

While we partook in some warm, al fresco caffeine, she asked me if I was going to take part in the Running of the Leaves. Since I'd become accustomed to strange looks pointed in my direction, it barely affected me when she raised an eyebrow at my asking what she was talking about. She explained how it was a hoof race through the White Tail Woods to encourage the autumn leaves to drop from their branches via the ground shaking from a few dozen Ponies running by. When I asked if it really took just that many to cause the trees to shake, she simply shrugged and said it was local tradition. Even non-Ponies were joining in this year, she'd heard. I wasn't too keen on joining in when she offered, but as soon as she mentioned that she was taking part herself, I was overwhelmed with the urge to change my answer.

When the day came, I cursed my brain for that decision. Many participants treated the run like the race of their lives, but Rivershine and I simply moved at a brisk jog. I was never really an athlete as a human--didn't join any sports teams or anything like that. Clearly that had passed over to my new body, because by the end, my hooves were on fire and I think I nearly choked up one of my lungs. Naturally, we were among the latecomers to the finish line. Rivershine stuck around until I felt able to walk back to Ponyville with her. Something she was not obligated to do, nor did I ask her to do, but she did, and I didn't mind it. Even if it took longer than most other competitors.

As much as I appreciated it, I wasn't going to do any jobs for anypony, not even her, until my hooves stopped screaming at me for subjecting them to physical exercise.


A week or so after that, I began noticing changes around Ponyville as I walked around. Not just that it was colder, but some houses and shops had started sporting abnormally large cobwebs. I felt my ears flop against my temples in terror at the thought of an infestation of giant spiders all over town.

But when I saw the marketplace's pumpkin stall showing off jack-o'-lanterns and offering personal carvings, the penny dropped. Or, well, I suppose the bit dropped.

Oh, they have Halloween here!

A little grin crept across my face upon the realisation. Halloween was always one of my favourite holidays; cool costumes, awesome decorations, schlocky B-movies and the overall air of whimsical spookiness. Just a shame such a fun time of year has become an afterthought to most, thanks to a certain other, apparently more marketable holiday.

But not in Ponyville, by the looks of it. Mayor Mare was walking around the town square saying things like "Let's put the apple bobbing here," and "Let's make sure the stage isn't too big." Carousel Boutique was displaying fashionable costumes in its windows, and Sugarcube Corner was advertising pumpkin pies and mouldy (read: minty) chocolate-chip cookies.

My excitement grew as I wandered around, and--bzzt! "Wah!"--was stifled a bit by a sudden sting on my backside. I jumped a few inches into the air and quickly turned around to find the culprit, but anypony nearby looked just as surprised as I was. Until they looked up, knowingly rolled their eyes and continued on their way. I glanced up as well, and spotted a mare sitting on a tiny black cloud, snickering into her hoof.

"Sorry, dude," she called down to me. "I'm just practicing some pranks for Nightmare Night and you just happened to be the perfect target!"

She spread her wings and swooped down to the ground in front of me, allowing me a better look at her. A Pegasus with a light blue coat and a mischievous glint in her purple eyes, and I've definitely seen that rainbow hair around town. Rainbow Dash, if I recalled correctly.

The mare furrowed her brow, tilting her head as she studied my face. "Say, have we met before? Like, before you came to the School of Friendship?"
I found myself mirroring her expression. "I've been wondering that myself."
We both shrugged, and she held out a hoof. "Just in case, 'sup, dude. I'm Rainbow Dash. Element of Harmony, teacher at the School of Friendship, and local Wonderbolt." She put on a smug smirk, apparently particularly proud of that last bit.
I looked at the hoof and, after a quick perusal of the "Equestrian Etiquette" portion of my brain, bumped mine against it. She looked satisfied.
"Sharp Sight," I said, offering a little smile.
"Oh yeah," Dash said, nodding. "One of Twilight's 'other dimension' pals, right? She told us about you."
"That's me," I said, then blinked. "Wait, 'one of'?"
"Yeah, the ol' Princess of Friendship has even made friends in other worlds. She has this book she uses to send messages to one of 'em."
I cocked an eyebrow. "A... book? Like, the paper kind?"
"Yeah, weird magic stuff." Dash shrugged with one leg. "So yeah, I'm just making sure my aim's on point for Nightmare Night. What's treats without a few tricks, eh?"

I figured Nightmare Night was what they called Halloween here. A cool name, if maybe a little too on the nose. I didn't linger on Dash's little transgression, although my butt cheek was probably going to sting for at least a week.

"Makes sense," I agreed. "Looks like the whole town's in the spirit."
"Oh, we're always down for Nightmare Night!" Dash grinned. "Weeeeell, except Fluttershy. It's not really her thing."
That made sense. Fluttershy seemed the type to jump seeing her own shadow on the wall.
"She's not into scares?" I asked.
"Nope, though she did try to get into it one year," Dash recalled. "Oh man, you should've seen it."
One side of my mouth upturned a little. This I had to hear. "I'm guessing it was stuff like 'Oh no, the milk's about to go bad'?" I asked, putting on a falsetto which got a snort of laughter out of Dash.
"At first," she explained, "but later on, she really cranked it up."

Rainbow Dash began telling me the story of one Nightmare Night where Fluttershy tried to scare her friends, and I found myself a lot more enthralled than I expected myself to be. She had a 'monster' chase them in a corn maze, locked them in a cellar, and even became a 'Vampire Bat Pony' to top it all off.

I tilted my head a little, more impressed than amused. "Huh, where was she hiding that?"
"Right?" The Pegasus grinned, her wings ruffling. "I always knew my Pega-sister had it in her!"

Pega-sister. That's adorable.

"But she's still not a fan?" I asked.
"Nah, she decided it's not for her," Dash said. "Which is cool with us. I'm just glad she gave it a try."
I nodded. That was a fair enough take. "I'm definitely giving it a try myself."
Dash grinned. "They got Nightmare Night back where you come from?"
"Sorta."
"You're gonna love the festival," the Pegasus said with a grin. "It's a big town-wide party that goes on all night!"

For a moment, I thought I'd had my fair share of parties when I first arrived. But on the other hoof, a party that wasn't restricted to the tiny confines of my house sounded a lot more appealing. Especially since I wouldn't be the guest of honour. Not that I didn't appreciate Pinkie Pie's 'Welcome to Your New Life' surprise party in retrospect, but it would be nice to be able to just slink into the crowd and slip home if things got too wild.

"You got a costume yet?" Dash asked. "If not, Rarity can hook you up. She's real good at knowing what's right for you."
"Yeah?" I smiled. "Thanks for the tip."
"No biggie." Dash grinned back, then both our ears pricked up when we heard a bell chiming. Given by the lack of panic from the surrounding Ponies, it certainly wasn't an alarm bell. Must've been the top of the hour.
"Oh crud," Dash gasped. "I've got a Wonderbolt flying drill. Spitfire'll have my feathers if I'm late. Catch ya later, Sharp. Oh, and watch your back at the festival."
With a cheeky wink, the Pegasus spread her wings and hopped into the air, performing a loop-de-loop before flying off toward the horizon, me watching from the ground. The conversation concluded, I decided to take her advice and visit Rarity to see what kind of costume I could grab for myself.

And on the way, I began to wonder.

...what's a Wonderbolt?


Before I knew it, Nightmare Night had arrived, and the festival was in full swing the moment the sun had set. From inside the house, I could already hear crowds gathering and feel the thump of loud music from the town square through the floor. I peeked through the curtains, seeing locals going around in costumes of their own. Everypony was decked out, which put a smile on my face. It was good to see a community that actually gave a rat's behind about a cool holiday.

I went to my bedroom and stood at the full-length mirror, checking out my own costume. A white shirt with a matching jabot, a long, black leather coat and a wide-brimmed fedora to go with it. Strapped to my back was a plastic crossbow, painted to look like the real thing.

After all, what's scarier than what scares monsters?

I heard some small, rapid knocks at the door, and my heart sank.

Social interaction with children. That's what's scarier.

I was hoping I could get out of the house before any trick-or-treaters would come and harmlessly mug me for candy. Luckily I'd thought ahead and had a big bowl of the stuff by the door for just such an emergency. I slowly opened the door.

"Nightmare Night! What a fright! Give us something sweet to bite!"

I blinked as the four cavity tax collectors sang a little chant at me. I supposed "Trick or treat!" was too much of a mouthful.

"What's your costume, mister?" asked a Unicorn colt wrapped in toilet paper.
"Are you a gangster?" the male griffin next to him asked, cocking his eyepatch-and-bandana clad head.
"Nah," the Pegasus filly said, dressed in a black, lightning-themed superhero costume. "Hasn't got the right kind of gun, see?"
"Maybe he's a vampire, like me," the Earth Pony filly guessed, wearing a long old-time ballgown with cardboard bat wings taped to her back. "But where's your fangs?"

A little smirk crossed my face as I decided, in the spirit of Nightmare Night, to get into character.

"My name is, um... Furlong van Prancing," I said, lowering the tone of my voice a bit and dipping my hat in greeting. "Monster hunter extraordinaire."
"Oooohhhhh," the kids chorused, nodding in understanding.
"I've come to Ponyville tonight in search of monsters who might be stirring up trouble," I went on, making sure to eye the mummy and vampire specifically. The two exchanged glances. "This house is clean, but I'm certain there are some bad monsters around."
"No bad monsters here, sir," the mummy said, his big eyes shifting.
"But we'll keep an eye out," the vampony assured me.
"And show 'em not to mess with us," the superfilly added, punching the air with her front hooves.
"Maybe you kids can be my eyes and ears around town," I say, holding my bowl of candy into view and watching their faces light up. "I'll pay, of course."
"Don't skimp on the malted milk balls, and you've got a deal," the pirate griffin said, the four eagerly holding out their plastic buckets.
"Sounds fair to me, Captain," I agreed, and gave each trick-or-treater a generous serving of candy. "Keep vigilant--monsters could be lurking anywhere to try and steal your candy."
"I'd like to see 'em try," the griffin said, a smirk on his beak as he patted the plastic sword at his side.

The kids thanked me and went on their way, and I decided to head out myself. I turned off the lights inside before closing the door, leaving the bowl on the porch with a note saying "Leave some for the others." Because like heck was I going to write "Please take one". What kind of soulless machine makes kids only take one piece of candy?

"Well well," I heard, "never would've guessed you were so good with foals."
I looked up and felt a joy in my chest as Rivershine walked up to me. Her face was painted a sickly green, her mane frizzy and unbrushed, and she was wearing a dirty, torn wedding dress.
"Your zombie husband leave you hanging?" I asked.
"Apparently eating brains with his friends was more important," she remarked, earning a snort from me. "How about we check out the festival together instead?"
I was originally just going solo, but I certainly wasn't going to turn her down. I appreciated knowing somepony I could have a good sarcasm fight with. Plus, I didn't see any reason she'd come to my part of town, so I could only guess she was coming to invite me anyway.
"Well I've got monsters to hunt," I said. "Maybe I'll stick an arrow through that deadbeat's if I see him."
She smirked. "Would you? I'd appreciate it."

We chuckled and walked toward the town together.


The two of us walked around Ponyville, taking in the Nightmare Night festivities. The square was all decked out--light strings with paper skulls were strewn from lamppost to lamppost. Stalls were set up for selling all kinds of Nighmare Night-themed goodies--cookies shaped like spiders and skulls and the like, cupcakes with faces drawn with frosting like they were lamenting every moment outside of the oven, and pumpkin pies with jack-o-lantern faces drawn on the top. I was tempted to buy one for the novelty, but Rivershine wanted to eat it and I couldn't let her deface a work of art with her face.

There were even carnival games set up. I tried my hoof at tossing a toy spider at a web net, which was more diffcult than it looked. The ones that didn't just flop on the ground were nowhere near the bullseye, but the mare running the game wasn't about to stop me from setting bit after bit in front of her for another shot. At my fifth bit, Rivershine decided to step up and nailed it the first try. I could've sworn I saw her horn glow for a split-second during her turn, but I wasn't paying attention. Neither was the other mare apparently, who was happy to give her a plush vampire fruit bat as a prize. That being a red bat with little fangs, a strawberry-styled body and leaves for ears. Adorable.

I had more luck launching a pumpkin at a target. The fundamentals were simple; just load a big pumpkin on a catapault and launch. Not exactly rocket science. While easy to learn, however, the difficulty to master came in adjusting how far back you wound back the catapult for the perfect shot. I just happened to get lucky the first time, without possibly cheating by bending the laws of physics, thank you very much. Rivershine had a go next, but she wound too far back and the pumpkin went slamming into a stallion's face. We both flinched and exchanged looks before scurrying off while the poor guy was left spitting out seeds.

While the both of us were bobbing for apples, however, we could hear a commotion and we saw a crowd gathering at the big stage. We took our sweet-tasting prizes over to have a look at what was going on. We saw the mayor take the stage, decked out in... a cute, pink princess dress and matching tiara. Rivershine shrugged at the look I gave her.

"Thank you all for coming to this year's Nightmare Night festival!" the mayor said, receiving some applause. "Now, all the little ones who have been collecting sweets tonight, follow our friend Zecora and learn the legend of... Nightmare Moon!" Her evil cackle was impressive, but the dress wasn't doing it for me.

We watched as a green mist covered the left side of the stage, and out stepped a striped Pony dressed as a druid.

A zebra? Yeah, that's definitely a zebra.

"Come, little ones, and you soon," she said, with an air of mystery in her voice, "will learn the tale of Nightmare Moon."

"We should go too, Sharp," Rivershine suggested, grinning. "Zecora does a great show."
I looked over at the young ones excitedly gossiping to one another as they followed Zecora down a street.
"You sure? Seems like it's a 'kids only' deal."
"Nah, adults just don't go because everypony knows the story," she explained. "But I love the way she tells it."

I shrugged and joined Rivershine, the two of us bringing up the rear. I didn't want to say I had no idea what a Nightmare Moon was, since it seemed to be common knowledge and my ignorance might have raised some red flags. Besides, I did want t know the story anyway. Something with the name Nightmare Moon certainly promised a spooky fun time.


"You ever heard of the Everfree Forest, Sharp?" Rivershine asked as we walked.
"Can't say I have," I admitted, shaking my head. "Is that where we're going?"
"Well, the edge of it," she said. "The Forest itself is really dangerous. Animals and plants live on their own without Ponies to help them, and the weather moves by itself!"
I furrowed my brow as I looked at her, but she didn't seem to be messing with me. "Um, the horror...?"
"And there's the monsters that live deeper in," she went on. "Sea serpents, manticores, cragadiles, and our friends the timberwolves."
"Oh." I felt myself pale. The monters sounded a much more reasonable fear than the rain coming down by itself.

Wait, do Ponies control the weather?

Zecora led the group to a large, withered stone statue of a slender Unicorn with wings. Like Twilight, but taller and much more menacing, sneering as it reared up as if it were going to come to life and attack. t was also wearing some kind of helmet. Nighmare Moon, I presumed. Rivershine and I kept to the back as the kids gathered around Zecora, who stood by the statue and told the story. It started out with some creepy rhyming, but then she started pulling out green smoke bombs and illusions of glaring eyes bearing down on the kids. She talked about how this demon of the night prowled for Ponies to eat, passing by anypony in costume and assuming they were one of her army of darkness or something. Kids would also leave a piece of candy at this statue to appease her and stop her from going on a voracious genocide on the populace.

"Told ya she knows how to tell a story," Rivershine said, noting the look on my face.
"You were right," I admitted. "That was awesome."
"Right?!" She beamed ear-to-ear. "I know Nightmare Moon isn't around anymore, but that story still gives me chills!"
I went to agree, but I caught onto something she said. "Wait, 'anymore'?"
"Oh, yeah," she said, sounding like she'd just let something slip she wasn't supposed to. "That was a whole thing a few years ago. You probably didn't see it."
I blinked. "I didn't. What was that about?"

Rivershine opened her mouth to answer, but was distracted by the wind suddenly picking up. The trees shook and rustled, the silhouettes of their branches making them almost look like giant slender demons. She had to catch my hat in her magic and put it back on my head. I put my hoof on it to keep it steady. The night sky grew even darker as black clouds swirled and eclipsed the stars overhead. Brown leaves flew off the grass and swirled around the statue as the wind grew stronger.

"Citizens of Ponyville," a booming voice of the legion spoke up, like it was coming from every single possible direction. "You were most wise to bring these offerings to me."

The darkness seemed to melt from the clouds and coat the statue, covering it in black. The kids slowly backed away in terror as a pair of glowing white eyes shot open. Lightning crashed down from the sky.

"I am quite pleased," the voice went on, now finding a home in the personification of nightmares manifesting before us. Its mane and tail began to glow and glitter like they were made of a piece of the night sky. "So pleased, that I may eat it... instead of YOU!"

The statue suddenly slammed its front hooves down in front of the kids, who screamed in terror before dashing past me and Rivershine. I wasn't sure why I wasn't following them, and instead letting this beast from the darkest depths of Tartarus approach me.

"What is that?!" I yelped, reaching for the crossbow on my back. I pointed it at the monster and pulled the trigger, only to find it wasn't moving due to being grafted onto the frame. As was the arrow. In the moment, I'd forgotten the weapon that could save my life was actually a toy, and I threw it at the creature out of desperation. It simply phased through its head. I took a few steps back as it loomed over me, its razor-sharp fangs looking poised to strike. I closed my eyes and silently said my prayers.

"Goodness," a mare's voice said. "I've never scared an adult that well before!"

I blinked slowly, all the malice in the air fading away like it hadn't been there at all. The large creature turned white, then started to shrink in size until it was just a few inches taller than me. Then the white faded to reveal a dark blue Alicorn, still sporting the flowing mane and tail, but none of the evil in her light blue eyes, and a little black crown instead of a helmet. She spat out the fake rubber fangs into her hoof.

"I hope I didn't traumatise you, sir," she said, her voice much softer.
"U-uh, no, it's fine," I murmured. "Aren't... aren't you a princess?"
"Princess Luna, yes," she said, as if I'd just asked a stupid question. I probably did. "Well, former Princess. My sister and I have taken to retiring after Princess Twilight took to the throne in our stead, but I enjoy being part of the Nightmare Night celebration. It was created in my honour, after all."
"Oh," I muttered, my heart still racing. "Well, it's nice to meet you. I'm Sharp Sight."
"I'm Rivershine," the mare next to me said, wearing a cheeky smile.
"A pleasure to meet you both," Luna said with a warm smile. "It's good to see the older Ponies taking part. Especially taking part together." she added with a smirk of her own.

Rivershine and I looked at each other, and began pelting Luna with beginnings of sentences like "We're not--" "This isn't--" and "We're just--" which only served to amuse Luna even more. We looked over our shoulders and saw the kids from before peering from the trees and bushes, some giggling at our expense. Little jerks.

"Well, I shan't get in your way," she said, not buying our lack of flimsy excuses. "I believe I shall go and attend the festival while it's still going. I've been posing as that statue all day and I'd really like to 'cut loose' while the night is still young."

We watched as Luna strode toward Ponyville, the group of kids doing the same. Once we were alone, I turned to Rivershine.
"You knew, didn't you?"
"Knew what?" Rivershine grinned.
"You know what."
"No I don't."
"You knew that was going to happen."
"What?"
"The Luna thing."
"Oh, that. Yeah, I totally knew that."
"And you didn't tell me."
"Nope."
"So I would have a heart attack."
"Yup."
"I hate you."
"No you don't."

I glared at her, and she responded with a big toothy grin. She was right, I didn't hate her. Not for subtly getting me an audience with a member of royalty. Even if it may have caused me to become a laughing stock amongst the youth of the town. A strange monkey paw if there was one.

"The bar should be open by now," Rivershine said as we began walking to town. "How about a drink before we head home?"
"Sounds good," I said. "You're buying, though."
"Well aren't you a gentlecolt," she remarked, "making the lady buy the drinks."
"You made me almost have heart failure."
"I got you to meet a princess. So really, you owe me a drink."
"How about we buy each other a drink and say no more about it."
"Deal."

We walked back to Ponyville and travelled across the square, spotting Princess Luna get in on the festivities. This was certainly a night I was going to remember, but I was sure looking forward to a drink and a lack of surprises.

bzzt!

"Gah!" I yelped as a small shock tingled my backside, making me scurry a few steps ahead. Rivershine snorted into her hoof.

"Told ya to watch your back!" Rainbow Dash cackled from above.