//------------------------------//
// Entry 17 
// Story: Diary Of A Closet Romantic 
// by Lunar Spice 
//------------------------------//

Dear Journal,


I know I'm an idiot.

I know I'm dense.

I know that I'm pathetic, lazy, and just a general fuckup.

But I can't let anyone else know I'm feeling like that. I have to be confident. I HAVE to be perfect!

Why can't I just learn to stop acting with my emotions? Every time I act the way I feel, it ends badly.

I feel like a fool.

Is it possible to shut down your emotions? Like, just think logically without any feelings at all? I think I need that for the rest of my life.

At least that way, I won't feel like a complete basket case whenever I talk to her. Seriously, just THINKING about her in a romantic way makes my hands start to sweat and my heart skips a beat. I wish I didn't have all these stupid emotions, but I do! So, how am I supposed to deal with them?!

...

I still haven't apologized to her for the awkwardness over our 'date'. We've texted a few times since then, but it's only been funny pictures. I think I should know I should apologize, but I think I should wait until I can say it to her face.

I hate the way that texting doesn't really help show what you're feeling. I tend to be kinda casual in my texting, but that just comes off as passive-aggressiveness. I just don't want her to get the wrong idea.

I've been regretting it again. Hard. I called in sick to work, so I could just lay in bed for two days, just looking at the ceiling and doing nothing. Whenever I left to use the bathroom or get some food, I just felt... lifeless.

I'll get over it eventually. I always do, sooner or later.