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// 2 - In the Thick 
// Story: Return to Equestria 
// by David Silver 
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A burger sat before him. It smelled good, but also not of meat. It was more of an explosion of carbs, a thing David had learned to care about. Still, it was also new, and one time wouldn't kill him, he decided. The freshly toasted bun wrapped what tasted like a big thick hashbrown with bits of something he couldn't quite put a finger on. Was this a hayburger?

There were some fishsticks also provided, and a diet soda. "Thanks again. You don't owe me anything, I know that."

Hitch waved a hoof away. "Nonsense. You seem like you want to be a reasonable citizen... whatever you are. It's my job to help. Now, you mentioned being an omnivore. I am obliged to check if that includes ponies?"

"Technically. But in all practicality, no. First, you can ask me not to, which rules you right out because I'm not an unthinking monster. Second, even if I was starving and a pony fell over in front of me, I have no idea how to... prepare them." David gestured around vaguely. "I'm just as used to modern living as you are. If my food isn't in a package, I get confused. I know how to cook, but not how to butcher."

He took a sip from the soda. "Funny how that tastes different." Not corn syrup? The odds were very high the ponies were not using corn syrup. That was a human thing. "But good." Oh god, what did ponies use as artificial sweeteners?

Hitch considered the tall, yet slight, creature. "I'm glad to hear that, you having basic manners. Wouldn't wanna chew on nothing that asked me politely not too either."

"I'm curious." David was looking at the crab that was standing on the bar just past his plate. "You ever try talking to them?"

"Huh?" Hitch leaned in closer to the little crab. "I talk to them all the time. They usually listen, why? I don't know why, and they aren't always doing what I say." He thrust a hoof to the floor. "You know you don't belong on the counter."

The crab scuttled off the bar, taking up a new position near Hitch, looking ready to take action like a little shelled warrior.

"Just to place myself properly." David scratched at his beard a moment. "Ponies got their magic, right?"

"Huh? Yeah." Hitch inclined his head towards the window, where no such hints were visible. "Pegasi can fly. Unicorns can float things."

And earth ponies got nothing, David heard spoken silently. "Alright, so, you've talked at your animal friends, but have you tried listening to them?"

Hitch's brows fell in unison. "They're animals. You know that, right?"

"Animals that listen to what you say and do what you ask." David shrugged gently. "Pretty smart. Besides, we're animals too. We just have words. Not that big of a difference."

"Why don't you talk to them then?" Hitch plucked  up the crab between his hooves and held it out towards David. "Here you go."

"Hello there." He considered the angle a moment before getting a finger in to rub at the crab's shell carefully. "Thanks for helping Hitch." The crab didn't seem overly pleased or displeased by the attention. "I'm not you, Hitch. You have that knack. Cute crab, but he's not listening to me."

Hitch placed the crab right where he had said for it not to be, on the counter. "Well, what do you think?" He looked at the crab pointedly. An ear twitched up. "Huh? Oh, yeah. He says we're wasting time." He swiveled his stool towards David. "We have to get you settled in. Now, you seem reasonable enough. You know how money works, right?"

"I'm used to doing it digitally, but I know how to use coins too." David shrugged softly. "Don't suppose that's a thing?"

"Digital? Oh, right. Yeah, that's a thing. I think it's more popular with the pegasi." Hitch frowned with renewed thought. "They love their contraptions. Great, you know how it works. Now--" He coiled on himself, producing a bag he set on the counter. "I'll--"

"Hey, boss." A new pony arrived. "No trouble on the west side." He hopped right up onto the next stool. "You leaving?" His eyes were on the jingly bag of likely coins.

"Hey Sprout. Maybe you could help." Hitch turned his chair towards the new pony. "See the creature behind me?"

"Hard to miss." Sprout squinted at David with clear suspicion. "You... have that under control?"

"He's as scary as a random unicorn." Hitch looked entirely unworried.

Unlike Sprout. "Yeah, random unicorn... I know we've, uh... made friends with those, but what about those." He thrust a hoof at David at the last word. "I don't remember anything about that."

"Seems alright." Hitch knocked the bag over with a swipe of his hoof as he turned back to David. "You can have these, to get you started. Sprout, help him find a cheap place to live."

"Me?!" Sprout fluffed up. "I don't know anything about... whatever it is."

David held up both hands flat to Sprout. "Sorry for the trouble. Not trying to make a fuss."

Sprout squinted, but also hopped down to his hooves. "Well, alright then. I'm on the case, boss. But if he goes berserk, I'm runnin', just so we're clear."

"Crystal." Hitch nodded at David. "He'll get you somewhere safe. We'll talk more later, alright?"

David snatched a fishstick for the road. "Thanks for being awesome." He jingled the coin bag, wondering how much value he actually held. "Not to look a gift horse in the mouth." The pun struck him a moment after speaking it, but he went right ahead. "But do you normally spend your own money on things you find on patrol?"

Sprout snorted loudly at that. "He's like that. Besides, he'll write a full report on it and get recouped by the city so long as it's not for anything crazy." He threw his head towards David. "Like inviting a strange creature to rent a house!"

"Shoo." Hitch waved Sprout away, a gesture the crab emulated without prompting, both dismissing Sprout.

"Whatever. This way." Sprout led the way out of the little eatery up a hill towards what seemed to be many houses and apartments. "How many bits did he give you?"

An excellent question! David began plucking coins free. They had a number on them. A value, he had to assume, and he realized that counting them all would be a pain. So, out came his phone... or so was the plan. The phone was still sitting on his desk, a world away. He rarely had it on his person unless he was leaving his house, and going into the backyard to care for the animals did not count as that.

"Dang it."

"What?" Sprout moved to his side. "You can count, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I just forgot something at home." And he got to counting the old fashioned way. "Sixty-so bits," he eventually arrived at after being forced to restart a few times. "How good is that?"

"Good enough." Sprout advanced past David. "You're kinda tall."

"Guilty." No argument against that when facing a pony that was small to begin with came to him. "Is that bad?"

"Means you need a tall place, unless you want to crawl around." Sprout rolled his eyes as if explaining something obvious. "So..." He turned slowly, pointing at each building before shaking his head and moving to the next. "No... No... Oh! He started forward anew. "You said you like digital stuff, right?"

"Sure do." David fell in without being told. "What have you got?"

"New place." Sprout nodded as they closed with a building with bright neon signs in its front window. "You'll like it, probably. High ceilings."

It turned out to be a public computer room. An Internet café, with ponies in the various stalls, clicking and moving their mice, quite focused on whatever they were doing. Some sounded like video games, others issued music, videos, or nothing at all.

"Huh..." David's eyes wandered slowly but curiously. "They have apartments here?"

"About to find out." Sprout reared up on the counter. "Hey, toots."

The mare behind the counter raised a brow at the law enforcing deputy. "Hey, Sprout was it? You need something?" Her cutie mark was that of an old-fashioned Atari joystick. Her mane drooped over one of her eyes, a brilliant purple streaked with red. Her pelt was a light green in quite the contrast. "Hitch said you're not allowed when you're on duty."

Sprout puffed in indignance. "I'm not here to play games." He pointed back at David. "This big creature needs a place to stay. Got something? Oh, he's paying."

"Well..." Her eyes shifted to David. "Aren't you a big thing. You know anything about computers?" She pointed in a slow wave across the many in the room.

"Yes," he said without pause, only to then immediately pause. "I'm comfortable with technology, but am new in town, and this... country." World felt like too big a word to spring on a random shop-mare. "I'll need a little bit to catch up on the specifics of how they work here."

"Great." She leaned over the counter, looking up at him. "The name's Joypad. You?"

"David." They met, fist to hoof in a friendly greetings. "Nice to meet you."

"Same. Most ponies around here get all glassy eyed when you ask them how a computer works, so getting tech support? Hard, and expensive. I'll give you a week." She directed a hoof upwards. "You can stay with me upstairs, come with me down here to work during the day. You figure it out and help me keep them running, we'll make it a long term gig."

David clapped his hands together. "That sounds great. I've done tech support before. I'm not opposed to that. I'm also a writer."

"Sorry." Joypad shrugged at that. "Don't have much use for writing. Let's stick to tech support, alright? What are you anyway?"

Sprout began for the door. "Mission complete. Have fun." And he was gone without any hesitation, glad to set that responsibility aside at the earliest opportunity.

David leaned faintly. "Sorry if this is rude, but that." He directed towards her cutie mark. "You play console games?"

Her visible eye shined. "You know the difference between a console and a PC game? We are going to get along just fine." She stepped down from her chair and came around the counter. "Since we're asking awkward questions about bodies, your hair." Her eyes were on his, his beard and mane. "Those natural colors, or are you as old as you look?"

David began to color faintly, difficult to see under his dark skin. "I'm not that old."

"For this place." She waved over the area. "You are a fossil. But you seem to know what you're talking about, which is impressive. So, gonna guess you are a grey-mane. Awesome. Speaking of that." She reared up to poke him in the chest. "What are you? You look like you stepped out of Warriors of Evermarsh 3."

Not a franchise David was familiar with... "Human, actually."

"Get out!" She began to dance in place. "You are from Evermarsh!"

David put the pieces together. "Evermarsh has humans then?" Crap, he was a videogame race... "I come in peace?"

"Well, that's good to hear." She laughed as she trotted away. "That's totally awesome! Oh oh! You have any wild magic? Are you reading my mind? What number am I thinking of?"

Alright, so the humans of Evermarsh were not Earth ones... "I have no idea, and the magic I do have is super subtle to the point of being deniable."

"Nerts." She grabbed a doorknob in her mouth and pulled the door open, pointing up a flight of stairs. "My place is up there, which is now your place too. "You can go hide up there and relax, sit yourself at a station down here, or even get to work figuring things out. It's your first day, not gonna be a jerk about it."