//------------------------------// // Ch. 3 :: Knock Knock // Story: Harmannoyed // by Tirimsil //------------------------------// "Hoooooowdy y'aaaaaall!" someone guffawed in between songs. "Yer listenin' ta Harmonoid! But ya already knew that! Guh-HUH-HYUCK-HYA-HOOooOo!" Izzy walked the gilded streets of Zephyr Heights with Linking Lonely Hearts surrounding her from all sides, blasting off the walls of every sufficiently tall, digital screen-covered building. This sure became a big hit, she thought semi-bitterly. Then she smiled, thinking about how flat-footed the dumb executives must have been when the random sixth song on the disc was the hit and not Everyone's Rainbow, the one they put first on both albums and centered all the advertising on. Mmmm, she sighed. Corporate pain. Then she winced again, her brief reprieve over. While uncomfortable, Izzy wasn't all that bothered by being smushed between strangers' bodies. But when she looked up at the towers of glass and metal stretching into the sky, with their gaudy digital displays of every color imaginable, she felt nauseous and claustrophobic. The fact that the different copies of Linking Lonely Hearts weren't in sync due to unpredictable wireless lag and each display being a slightly different distance from her exact position didn't help. As Izzy neared the castle, the massive skyscrapers giving way to parks and outdoor diners, she sighed in relief as the smaller structures had less room for noisy ads, most of which were all behind her and thus all on the same side now. But with Merciful☆'s bright "Until next time, Best Friends!", the song was over, and Izzy recognized Pipp's self-absorbed voice delivering another stupid ad. "Oh-em-gee I love Harmonoid!" Pipp squealed, causing Izzy's head to fly up at once with a glare. She struggled to hold her temper, lest she involuntarily blast the digital display into bits with her mind. Princess Pipp was one of her best friends - she shuddered as she said those two words. She could definitely hear the capitals now when the Harmodolls said it. How dare they?! They were taking something precious, something sacred, and turning it into a slogan for Big Beeswax. They're friendship-signaling, she huffed to herself. I won't let them ruin the idea of "best friends" and turn it into an ad for burgers and typewriters and swag with their stupid songs and their stupid bad jokes. "I loooove Harmonoid," Pipp repeated, wriggling her hooves against her face, her wings fluttering rapidly. "They're so dope, I'm dying! If I could, I'd pass a law making everybody listen to them, true facts! You're so not a Pippsqueak if you don't stan Harmonoid." It was a confusing feeling. She was shocked, and yet, she wasn't really surprised. She just hadn't stopped to think about it. Of course Pipp and her smug grinning face would promote this weird popular thing with her weird popular words. They might even do a concert together, their styles were pretty similar, except that Pipp didn't suck. Her heart fell with guilt. She shouldn't think such negative things. Whatever she chose to call her, Izzy liked Pipp. Pipp knew how to pretty herself up like no one else she'd ever met. She was a great singer, and the way she fluttered her wings like a hummingbird when she was excited was adorable. But if there was one thing she could hardly stand about her, it was how willing she was to cross-promote just about anything, just so her face would be on a TB screen. Pipp was absolutely full of herself, even if she was a little bit tiny and thus it probably didn't take much, and there was nothing Big Beeswax loved more than ponies who were full of themselves. Izzy fretted with her brows low. Maybe in another timeline Pipp was the crazy megalomaniac who almost killed them with a giant robot instead of Sprout. Where was Sprout, anyway? Guys like that didn't just disappear, but they hadn't heard a single "Mommy!!" from him since the magic came back. Maybe he went to the moon. That'd be nice. She heard there was a whole kingdom up there. She wanted to see it sometime. Unless Sprout had turned it into the Sprout Kingdom, anyway. The Moonbow Kingdom would be way better. Free space donuts. She sighed with frustration, forced a smile back onto her face, and made her way up to the well-paved terrace leading to the castle. At least she could trust one royal sister not to be into this dopey stuff. Right? Click click. Tap, swish. Ratatatatatatatatata. Click! Kachunk. A certain someone's headphones began playing a strained punk song from an emo unicorn band, with heavy, sharp percussion and bad words delivered in a nasally whine ending in a heartbroken warble, or sometimes a shrill scream. I wanna take you to Tartarus I wanna take you away Leave this kerfuffling life behind Like rotting festering may...onnaise They say bingbong I say WINDIGO! They say bingbong I say daffodil YOU! Daffodil YOU! Daffodil YOU! Daffodil it AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL-AAAAAH!!! On her laptop screen were bright, saccharine clips of two Harmonoids interacting in a manner that most ponies would write off as "platonic, if a bit comfortable". The first, Generous☆, has already been well-introduced. The second, Honest☆, has only been heard in voice until now, and was orange with heavily-braided yellow hair in huge, poofy pigtails, making her head look like a boomerang. She had a denim skirt over black tights with huge cowboy boots, and a yellow shirt with a brown vest jacket. This was topped off with a fat brown cowboy hat with a navy belt around the base, a golden apple gracing the front as a buckle. Honest☆ was asleep standing up in over half of the clips used. The viewer did not realize how incredibly misfitting this music was to these clips, or perhaps, did not care. She sniffled with watery eyes. "They're so perfect together," she deluded herself. Then she scowled and stopped sniffling. "Ah, this transition is still glitching out. What the heck. Stupid Fillygree, how can a program costing 1000 bits a year be so freaking buggy." Furious clicks resounded as she struggled to fix the problem with raspy sighs. "Aaaahh daffodil it," she soon relented, and sat back. CRASH! There went her door. "Aagh!" Zipp cried, falling out of her gamer chair. "B-bingbong, bingbong!" "What're you talkin' bout? Don't appropriate me, missy," Izzy huffed, then stopped and combed through her hair with a hoof. "Ahem-hem-hem. Zipp!" She pointed at her accusingly. "Please tell me you're not into these Harmodrone things!" She began walking all around the room, scanning her walls, and rifling through her things. "You're a jock, right?" "I'm a what?!" Zipp protested, scampering up with a red face, scrambling towards her laptop. "Whaaaa!" Izzy had already seized it in her magic with a massive gasp. "What the heck is this?!" she cried, staring at the screen. Her mouth slowly closed and she tilted her head, one way and then the other, like a confused puppy. "No really, what is it? It looks complicated." "None-of-your-business," Zipp snapped, swiping the laptop back and smacking it shut. She mumbled to herself. "... it's called an AFV..." "AFV??" Izzy repeated. She looked at the ceiling in thought. "Appalling Family Visits?" She tilted her head the other way. "All Feathers, Verily?" "What --" "Aaah! Flaming Vipers!" she bellowed, sweeping a forehoof illustriously. "Animated Friendship Video," Zipp huffed, looking away. "L-look, just forget you saw anything, okay?" "What's an Animated Friendship Video?" Izzy asked sincerely, blinking with big curious eyes. "It." Zipp put her face in her hooves at her computer table. "... it's when ya make a video about what good, uh, friends, some characters from a movie or something are." "Awww, that's nice. I wouldn't think you were into something so non-violent," Izzy pepped. "What the heck does that mean," Zipp scoffed, her hooves slapping the table as she looked up in irritation. "Am I a violent kind of pony?!" "Well, when we met, you were running from the cops," she smiled. "Those were my own guards! And that was totally different!" "Was it, though..." Izzy pouted, tilting her head again. "You were really beatin' up those defenseless rocks." "Were you 'beating up' the floor when you walked over here?" she demanded. "Oh no! Was I?!" Izzy worried. "Oh geez, I didn't even think about it." "L-look, just go!" Zipp pointed out the door. "You shouldn't barge in on ponies, Izzy. Who are you, the freakin' fun police?" "Hmm," Izzy thought, cantering back out and looking back over her shoulder, "Is there a position available?" "Bye," Zipp answered, and closed the door in her face. Izzy blinked at the closed door, then turned, scowling. "The Harmomatics have even got Zipp thinking they're actually friends," she whispered to herself moronically. "They're corrupting everyone. I gotta stop this." She looked both ways, lowered her stance, and "snuck" out of the castle with a serious face and little bird hops, with each guard she passed staring at her curiously.