//------------------------------//
// Anon in Canterlot Part 2 
// Story: I Am Anonymous 
// by IWasAnonymous 
//------------------------------//


Chapter 7



When Anon lived in Ponyville, he was usually awoken by the sunlight on his face. Today is different. Anon's eyes open as someone pounds on his door. He quickly sits up and jerks his head towards the door. Anon sits there for a moment before eventually getting up. He walks over to the door and opens it. Standing there is none other Corporal Flash Sentry.
"Why in the wide blue fuck are you pounding on my door this early morning?" Anon asks.
"Early in the morning? Anon, it's 10 am."
"10 am?! Oh, shit! What time was breakfast?!"
"The princesses typically eat around 8 am."
"Damn it. I've grown accustomed to waking up at six o'clock. It must have been my bed."
Flash shrugs.
"Let me get dressed, and I'll scrounge around for food in the kitchen," Anon announces. 
"Scrounge? You can get room service," Flash replies.
"Why would I inconvenience people because of my lazy ass?"
Flash shrugs again.
"Wait here," Anon says.
Anon closed his door so that he could get dressed. Flash awkwardly stood outside Anon's room. Some off-duty Lunar Guards give Flash strange looks. He weakly smiles in return. About two minutes later, Anon opens the door dressed in his usual attire. 
"Follow me," Anon says. 
The two acquaintances make their way toward the dining hall. They walk in silence, but the silence is broken by Anon occasionally by Anon's yawning and mumbling curses about being tired. Eventually, they arrive at the Royal Dining Hall. Anon and Flash go through the doors that lead into the kitchen. Few cooks in the kitchen don't even notice the Royal Guard and his human companion. It is only when Anon loudly clears his throat to get the attention of the cooks that they catch him standing there. They stand there in shock because they've never seen a human before. 
"Can...we help you?" one of the cooks asks.
"Do you have any breakfast leftover from this morning," Anon responds. 
"N-no. The princesses typically make their breakfast."
"Well, shit. Is there any fruit around?"
One of the cooks, a green mare, pointed her hoof at a bowl sitting on a counter nearby. The contents of the bowl are an assortment of fruits. Anon takes a large green apple. Flash and Anon leave the kitchen, but as they go. Anon raises his apple to thank the cooks. They nervously nod in return.
"Breakfast of champions, wouldn't you say, Flashy-boy?" Anon chuckles as he takes a bite. 
Flash looks up at Anon. "Flashy-boy?"
"Just a nickname."
"Okay, the apple by itself is not a champion's breakfast. A true champion would have a well-balanced breakfast. A single apple is more of a mid-morning snack."
"Something tells me you are a health nut."
Anon pushes open the dining hall doors and lets Flash walk through first. "I'm not a health nut. Just something we do as Royal Guards."
"Ese no es la impresión queue tengo." (That's not the impression I got.)
"What did you say?"	
"Nothing. And by the way, the 'breakfast of champions' bit was sarcasm."
"Good to know. So that you know, Princess Celestia wants to meet with you in her study at 1:00 pm. You have some time to yourself." 
"To myself? I find that statement hard to believe, considering I haven't been truly alone since I arrived in Canterlot, besides the time Captain Tempest left me in my room to when you escorted me to the dining hall."
"I didn't peg you to be such a loner."
"Not many people do." 
Silence falls as they walk down the hall. Eventually, Flash decides to take Anon to the barracks. After walking down a series of stairs and endless hallways, they arrive at the castle's West Side. 
Outside are several large, rectangular buildings, and a vast courtyard surrounds the barracks. Around the courtyard are ponies dressed in metal training gear and other groups in full Solar Guard battle armor swinging their swords in synchronized unison. One group is thrusting and swinging spears in the same manner. What catches Anon's attention is that the pegasi and earth ponies have their swords in their mouths. He stops and watches them for a moment. It didn't appear awkward or uncomfortable, either. 
"How the hell do you fight with a sword in your mouth?" Anon asks. 
"It just comes naturally to us. Most of our daily tasks require pegasi and earth ponies to use our mouths," Flash responds. 
"Interesting. What about marching and fighting with a spear?"
"That was the difficult part. We have to march like we are walking with a cane. We put it underneath our wing when we pegasi fight with a spear. Earth ponies stand on their hind legs." 
"Because of their magic being channeled into their strength in their legs."
"Right. For a non-pony, you seem to know a lot about ponies."
"I read a lot in my spare time." 
"You remind me of Princess Twilight."
Anon is taken back. "In what way?"
"You read a lot. Honest. Uh-"
"Hate to tell you this, dude, but we have nothing in common."
They are silent until Anon turns around to walk back toward the castle. Flash doesn't notice Anon's departure until he spots him walking into the castle. Flash takes flight and flies toward the castle. He manages to get to the door before it closes. He catches up with Anon. Anon asks Flash if he knows where the library is located. Flash replies with a nod. Within a few minutes, they arrive at the castle's main library. 
The library looks like a standard library. Rows upon rows of tall bookshelves line the room. Off the side of the entrance is a small rectangular desk with a small lamp. Behind the desk is an elderly unicorn mare. She is wearing glasses that a grandmother would wear. Close to the entrance are circular tables with several chairs around them. A large chandelier hangs from the ceiling. Large windows that face the east are in the very back. Anon notices that a few bookshelves don't have books but rather large scrolls stacked in a pyramid. All the scrolls look like they haven't been used in a few hundred years. 
Anon walks over to the librarian, who reads a book enveloped in a grey aura. She looks up and smiles. 
"Can I help you?" she asks sweetly. Her voice is very warm and welcoming. 
"Yes. Do you have any books on the Equestrian Armed Forces?" Anon asks.
The librarian pauses to think. "I believe I do. Follow me."
Anon motions for Flash Sentry to wait; he follows the librarian a short distance to one of the bookshelves. She scans the titles of the books before using her magic to remove a book and hands it to Anon. He opens the book and flips through the pages. 
"Is the book to your liking?" the librarian asks. 
"It is Mrs..." Anon trails off, realizing he didn't know the librarian's name.
"Ms. Bookend."
"Okay, thank you, Ms. Bookend. This book is what I was looking for. I'm Anonymous, by the way."
"A pleasure."
Anon nods and walks over to a table where Flash is sitting. Anon sits next to Flash, opens the book, and starts reading. Occasionally, Anon will make a noise to show interest or grunt. Flash sits in silence as Anon reads. Very quickly, Flash becomes bored. He pulls his sword and lays it on the table, even though it is against EAF regulations to draw one's sword in a public place without a viable threat. The sword makes a clanging sound as it makes contact with the table. Flash begins to inspect it for any wear and tear. He picks up his sword to put it back in its sheath when nothing is found.
"May I see your sword?" Anon asks suddenly.
Flash looks at Anon. He nods and sets his sword back on the table. Anon picks up the sword and begins examining the sword. To Flash, it seems small in the human's hands.
"How long is this thing?" Anon asks.
"About 16 inches," Flash replies.
"This sword looks like a sword from my world. This one is smaller, though."
"How big is your world's version of the sword?"
"The xiphos, including the hilt, was 18 to 30 inches long." Anon hands the sword back to Flash. "However, our militaries don't use swords anymore. Nowadays, they are for show or ceremonies."
"What do you fight with?".
"We fight with guns. A gun is a weapon that has a metal tube from which tiny projectiles called bullets are fired. They make a loud, cracking sound when fired."
"It sounds complicated."
"To ponies, I guess it would."
Anon continues reading his book. Flash eventually gets bored and goes to the librarian to get a book. The two read for a while until the clock shows 12:30 pm. Anon checks out the book and follows Flash Sentry out of the library.
Flash leads Anon to the West Wing of the Canterlot Castle. When they approach the door to Princess Celestia's Royal Study, Anon notices two Royal Guards standing on either side of the door. They narrow their eyes as they look at Anon but relax when they see Flash.
"Corporal Sentry, what is that thing," one of the guards asks, pointing his spear at Anon.
"This is Anonymous, Sergeant. He has a meeting with Princess Celestia at one o'clock," Flash replies.
"Okay, I'll let the princess know," the other guard says.
The guard opens the door with his mouth and pokes his head into the study. He says that Flash and a "tall, green monkey" a there to see her. After a few seconds, the guard beckons Anon and Flash to enter the study. 
Princess Celestia's office looks much like a small library. Bookshelves line the walls. A large window is next to her desk, and a fireplace is in the corner. A large armchair sits in front of Celestia's desk. The princess is sitting behind her desk, her horn glowing with its majestic yellow aura. She looks up and smiles as Anon and Flash Sentry enter the study. Flash snaps to attention and salutes her.
"I brought Anonymous as requested," Flash says. 
"I appreciate it, Corporal Sentry; thank you. You may leave us. I need to speak to Anonymous privately."
Flash Sentry pauses. Why on earth would Princess Celestia need to speak to Anon alone? Is there something going on that he didn't know about? Flash pushes those thoughts out of his head. He wasn't trained to question orders; he was trained to follow them. He salutes and leaves the study while closing the door behind them.
"Well, Anon. Did you sleep well last night?" Celestia asks.
"A little too well." Anon rubs the back of his neck.
"I can tell," Celestia chuckles and smiles teasingly.
"Let me guess how you knew. I didn't show up to breakfast at eight."
"Perhaps." Princess Celestia still has her teasing smile on her face. "Okay, enough with the teasing. I wanted you to come here to give you a gift."
Anon is intrigued.
Princess Celestia uses magic to pick up a black leather tool belt and hands it to Anon. The belt has all the tools he'd need for his handyman job—a hammer, nails, screwdrivers, pliers, etc. Anon smiles and puts it around his waist. The belt fits him perfectly. 
"How'd you know my waist...? Wait a second. You asked Rarity, didn't you?"
"Yes, I did. I gave it to a leatherworker  here in Canterlot so he could custom fit it for you."
"Thanks, Tia. It's perfect."
"You're welcome. In regards to your job, your first project will be tomorrow at Fancy Pants' house and-"
"Hold up. You said I'd be working AT the castle, not anywhere else." 
"I know, but the letter I sent mentions the change."
"I never got a letter. I bet that cross-eyed, wackjob of a mail pony forgot where the fuck I lived."
"There's not a problem with the change, is there?"
"Not at all; I wish I had known about it sooner."
"As do I. Anyway, you will have an armed escort tomorrow. Captain Tempest will be your escort."
"There's a problem with that. Isn't escort duty a little below her pay grade? I can understand the first time you sent her to escort me. This time around, escort duty is more of Flash's area. And look, I know you are pairing her up with me because she acts like I did when I first arrived in Equestria. You want her to learn how I went from a self-isolated asshole to everyone's favorite human."
Princess Celestia is astonished. "How did you know that?"
"I'm not stupid, Tia. It was pretty fucking easy to figure out after observing Tempest a bit."
"Well, I'm still assigning Captain Tempest to be your escort. She and Corporal Sentry will alternate every two days."
"Fair enough. So, what time do I need to be at this Fancy Pants' house?"
"10 o'clock. You'll have plenty of time to eat breakfast and go to his house."
"Sounds good. Thanks again for the belt."
"Your welcome, Anon. I'll see you at supper."



The following day, Anon wakes up to the sound of his new alarm ringing, which rattles when it goes off. Anon sits up quickly and throws the clock against the wall. The watch breaks apart into several pieces.
"Shit. That was a waste of 15 bits," Anon grumbles.
Anon throws off his sheets and slowly gets out of bed. He groggily gets dressed. He stops every once in a while to yawn or rub his eyes. Soon, Anon is dressed and makes his way toward the Royal Dining Hall.
He waves at passing off-duty Lunar Guards; some are too tired to notice him. Captain Blossom briefly passes by and chats with Anon before returning to her room.
Eventually, Anon arrives at the dining hall. He eats with the princesses, including Cadence. When Anon finishes eating, he talks with the princesses while waiting for Captain Tempest to arrive. Finally, Tempest arrives at the dining hall. Anon can see that she isn't happy. It probably has something to do with her being put on guard duty. Tempest salutes the princesses and motions for Anon to follow her.
"Are you okay?" Anon asks they leave the castle.
"No, I'm not," she responds gruffly. "I am a Captain in the Royal Guard, for Tartarus's sake, and I get stuck with escort duty. I've got more important things to do than this."
"If it's any consolation, I tried to talk Princess Celestia into putting Flash Sentry in your place, but she wouldn't budge."
"Not in the slightest."
"Trying to help you out, Captain."
"Help by shutting up and making this day as painless as possible."
Anon remains quiet for the remainder of the trip to Fancy Pants' house. When they arrive at his house, both Anon and Tempest aren't surprised at the size of the white marble, castle-like mansion due to knowing about Fancy Pants' profession as an investor. A sprawling lawn and hedges surround the house. A large black metal fence borders the yard.
They walk over to a gate, where a servant lets them through after Tempest states their business. Anon knocks on the house door, and Tempest waits a few moments. A unicorn stallion opens the door with his magic.
The stallion's body is caramel-colored, while his mane and tail are dark brown. The stallion is wearing a suit and a blue bow tie. 
"Good day, sir and madame. How may I help you?" the stallion asks.
"Good morning. I am Anonymous, and this is Captain Tempest Shadow of the Royal Guard. Fancy Pants hired me via Princess Celestia for a job. Captain Tempest is my escort."
"Oh, yes. Follow me. Master Pants is out in the gardens. I'm Butter Scotch, Master Pants' butler."
"A pleasure."
Anon and Tempest follow Butter Scotch through the mansion. The villa's interior reminds Anon of Filthy Rich's estate back in Ponyville, except most of the stuff inside this mansion looks more expensive. The amount of servants around also proves that point, as well. Last Anon checked, Filthy Rich only had one butler. Tempest, however, is not impressed at all. She has lived at the Canterlot Castle for over a year, which outshined this mansion.
Eventually, the trio arrives at the gardens at the back of the mansion. It looks like the front yard, except for a large fountain at the center and a giant white marble horse statue at the back. A large pool sits on one end of the garden, and a croquet course on the other. Around the park are groves of oak trees, shrubbery, and other flora. Then, a well-dressed unicorn stallion wearing a monocle approaches them.
"You must be Anonymous," the stallion says.
"That's me. And you're Fancy Pants?" Anon responds.
"In the flesh. And who is this?" Fancy Pants gestures toward Tempest.
"This is Captain Tempest Shadow of the Royal Guard. She's assigned to be my escort."
"It's an honor, Captain." Fancy Pants gives a slight bow towards Tempest. Tempest is surprised, but she doesn't show it.
"What job do you need me to do?" Anon asks. 
"Oh, yes. My wife's flower boxes need mending. They are old and are lacking paint."
"Okay. Can you show me where the boxes are?"
"Sure."
Fancy Pants dismisses his butler and leads Anon and Tempest to one of the groves of oak trees. Underneath them are five dilapidated boxes. As Fancy Pants had mentioned, they didn't have paint on them. The wood itself looked molded and rotten.
"To be honest with you, Mr. Fancy Pants. These boxes are too old and rotten to be repaired. I will have to build you some new ones," Anon announces.
"I was afraid you'd say that. Just in case, I bought supplies so you can build some new ones. I had measured the old planks and had the new ones cut to save you the trouble."
Anon is surprised. "Thanks. You just cut the time it would have taken to build the boxes in half or even more."
"No problem, Mr. Anonymous. Besides, I don't mind getting my hooves dirty every time. The materials are in the shed over there."
Fancy Pants points to a small shed that sits about 500 feet away in the very back corner, out of the way and out of sight.
"Thank you. I appreciate it," Anon, thanks.
"The pleasure is all mine. Can I get you any drinks?" Fancy Pants says.	
"Do you have any bourbon?"
"Of course."
"I'll take that. What about you, Captain?"
"Water will do fine," Tempest says flatly.
"Okay. I'll be back with those drinks."
As Fancy Pants walks away, Anon and Tempest walk to the shed. Anon carries as many wood planks as possible in his arms while Tempest uses her magic to bring the rest of the supplies. By the time they return to the grove of trees, Fancy Pants is back with the drinks. Anon takes a couple of sips before beginning his work. 
Within two hours, he finishes building all of the flower boxes. He decides to take an extended break before painting the boxes. He pours another glass of bourbon and walks around the garden. Tempest begrudgingly follows him. After looking at the flora in the garden, Anon decides to let Fancy Pants know of the progress that has been made. He hears voices coming from the croquet course. As Anon and Tempest get closer, they notice that well-dressed unicorns, Fancy Pants, and a younger unicorn mare occupy the course. They are playing croquet but stop playing when Anon approaches.
"Fancy Pants? What is that thing?" one of the stallions gasps.
"This is Anonymous. He is a handy pony I hired to build Fleur-de-lis some new flower boxes," he responds. "Did you need something, Anonymous?"
"I finished building the flower boxes, and I need to ask your wife how she wants them painted."
"Fantastic." Fancy Pants turns to the younger mare. "Do you mind going with him? I'll come with you if you want me to."
"I don't mind going alone. He seems harmless," she responds.
Anon's eyes widen. "She's your wife? I thought she was your daughter."
"Of course, she is his wife, you ignorant dolt," one of the mares snaps.
"Don't be condescending, Swan Song. He just met us today. Besides, I'd show him some respect. He is a friend of the princesses," Fancy Pants says.
"How did the princesses befriend such an ugly beast?" one of the other stallions asks.
"He's not a beast or an 'ignorant dolt,' you dickheads," Tempest snarls. "Anonymous is very kind and intelligent. The fact that the princesses befriended him shows he is friendly and trustworthy. The princesses are only nice to you assholes because they have a moral obligation. Talk down to Anon again, and I will not hesitate to put your asses in the dirt. If you will excuse us, I will escort Anonymous and Fleur-de-lis to the new flower boxes so she can properly assess the paint job."
Tempest turns around and begins walking toward the grove of trees. Anon and Fluer follow her, but Anon hesitates due to shock and slight confusion. Two hours ago, Tempest acted like she didn't want to be associated with him. Now, she stuck up for him. The high-class ponies, excluding Fancy Pants, are angry that a former traitor turned Captain had talked to them like that. Calling them lewd nicknames only adds fuel to their proverbial flame. Fancy Pants wasn't surprised at all. It wasn't the first time he'd seen or heard of soldiers of the EAF set the members of Canterlot's elite in their place. 99.99% of the time, they deserved to be taken down a notch.
For the rest of the job, Tempest remained quiet while Anon worked. He, too, remains calm, aside from talking to Fleur initially. Apart from that, Anon didn't say a word.
At around three in the afternoon, Anon finishes painting the flower boxes. He and Tempest carry them to where Fleur wants them. Fancy Pants pays Anon sixty bits for his work. Fancy Pants thanks his new friend for his work. Then, Tempest and Anon begin their way back to the castle.
For the most part, they walk in silence. When they near the castle grounds, Anon speaks up.
"Hey, thanks for sticking up for me back there," he says.
"Don't mention it," Tempest replies flatly.
"Did you mean those things you said, or were you talking out of your ass?"
"Some parts I meant."
"Either way, allow me to buy a drink after you get off duty."
"For what?"
"As an expression of my gratitude. We could go to a place called Flasks and Mugs, owned by a cousin of a friend of mine."
"Oh, I've been there a couple of times. I'm not much of a pony person, but I'll humor you for the sake of a drink. After today, I could use one."
"Amen to that. What time do you want to meet at the bar?"
"Solar and Lunar Guard transitions are at six, so I'll meet you at 6:15."
"Sounds like a plan."




It's 6:20 at night, and Anon is running late. He had taken a nap, and thanks to not having a clock, he had woken up late. He asked for directions to the bar from a passing off-duty Solar Guard. Now, Anon is sprinting down the street towards Flasks and Mugs. Eventually, he arrives at the bar.
The bar looks very similar to Hard Cider's Watering Hole, minus the multitude of windows and the noise. Anon pushes open the doors and gets an exciting sight. The bar is full of off-duty soldiers. Anon stands there for a minute to see if he can find where Tempest is sitting. After a couple of seconds, he spots her sitting at the bar. He walks to the bar and sits on a bar stool next to her.
"You're late, Anon," Tempest says bluntly.
"Glad you noticed, Captain Obvious," Anon replies.
Anon waves his hand to get the bartender's attention. The bartender, a brown pegasus that looked to be in his thirties, sees the green-skinned human and walks over to him.
"What can I get you?" he asks. The bartender has a smooth, Boston-like accent. 
"Bourbon on the rocks for me, and I'll let my friend here tell you what she wants, and I'll pay for it. Open me up a tab while you're at it."
The bartender nods to acknowledge Anon's request and then looks at Tempest.
"I'll take a mug of light beer," Tempest announces.
"One bourbon on the rocks and one light beer coming up," the bartender says.
The bartender turns around to fix the drinks. Anon is impressed by how the bartender can fix the drinks with his mouth. Of course, the bartender avoids putting his mouth where Anon and Tempest would put their lips. He puts the glasses on a tray and carries the tray to his awaiting patrons. Anon and Tempest take their drinks and thank the bartender.
"You must be Anonymous," the bartender says nonchalantly. 
"That's me, but most ponies call me Anon. And you are?"
"Smooth Bourbon. I'm Hard Cider's cousin."
"Oh, yeah. Hard Cider told me about you and your bar. How'd you know who I was?"
"Hard Cider sent me a letter telling me you would stop by, and he described you well."
"That a fact? I must say, you are doing pretty good for yourself." Anon motions at the bar.
"You could say that. You open a bar close to the castle and announce an EAF discount; alcohol-craving troops will come running. I make at most 5,000 bits a week."
"Holy shit, man."
"For five months in a row, Flasks and Mugs were voted the #1 bar in Canterlot by its patrons," Tempest adds.
"Not bad for an Appleoosa-born colt," Smooth Bourbon says, running his hoof through this slicked-back mane.
"Don't you run this place with your wife?" Anon asks after finishing his glass of bourbon. 
"Yes, I do. Sweet Mimosa is in Baltimare visiting her sister, but you'll see her here next week." Smooth Bourbon pours Anon another glass of his drink.
Then, a Solar Guard sits down next to Anon. He uses his hooves to remove his white-crested helmet and sets it on the seat next to him. The stallion has a highly curly, orange-red mane, tail, and green body. When he grins, Anon sees a golden tooth.
"Ay there, Bourbon. A mug of lager for me," the stallion says in a strong Irish accent.
"Sure, thing," Smooth Bourbon turns around to grab a large wooden mug. "Oh, Anon. This is Sergeant Major Lucky Charms of the Solar Guard. Sergeant Charms, this is Anonymous."
Anon sticks out his hand and shakes Lucky Charm's hoof. "It's nice to meet you."
"Charmed." the Irish stallion replies. "If you don't mind me askin', what in fuck are you. You're too hairless and green to be a monkey."
"I'm what you call a human. We come from a different dimension," Anon explains.
"Interestin'." Lucky Charms picks up his mug and takes a long drink.
"Where are you from?" Anon asks.
"I'm from a city up north called Hooflin. Me family has lived there for generations. 'Bout you?" 
"I'm from a city named Longview. When I arrived here in Equestria, I lived in Ponyville for a few months."
"That town in the fuckin' sticks?"
"Watch it, Sergeant Major. That's my hometown," Tempest says.
"My point still stands, Captain." Lucky Charms takes another swig. "So, what brings you to Canterlot, Anonymous?"
"Princess Celestia hired me to work as a handyman at the castle, but I hire out for other people in Canterlot," Anon replies.
"Hired by the princess, eh? I'm surprised you were able to pull that off. No offense, mate."
"None taken. Princess Celestia is a friend and saw my handiwork in Ponyville, so things fell into place. She lets me stay at the castle, too."
"Lucky bastard. The guard barracks aren't exactly the nicest places to sleep in Canterlot. Some of those fuckers don't know how to sleep."
"Sounds like a fucking summer camp to me."
"Exactly." Lucky Charms takes another long drink of his beer. "We need a drinkin' song goin'."
Smooth Bourbon looks over at the green stallion. "On a Tuesday night? Isn't that like a Friday night thing?"
"Who fucking cares. I'm in the mood. Not THAT mood, though. Bring me a mare I can bed, and we'll talk. Now, what to sing?"
Lucky Charms sets his head in his hooves and begins to think. He goes through the songs that he learned over the years. Some were too slow, and some ponies didn't know the words. Finally, he finds one that almost everyone in the bar knows. His father taught him one on their first night drinking at a Hooflin pub. He picks up his mug, chugs the remaining liquid, and slams the mug down on the bar. 
He takes a deep breath and begins to sing. 

"In the merry month of June from me home, I started. Left the girls at home nearly broken-hearted. Saluted Father dear, kissed me, darling mother. Drank a pint of beer, me grief and tears to smothering. Then, off to reap the corn, leave where I was born. Cut a stout blackthorn to banish ghosts and griffins. A brand new pair of pants, rattlin' o'er the bogs. Frightenin' all the dogs on the rocky road to Hooflin. 1,2,3,4,5."

(Link to lyrics. The High Kings – Rocky Road To Dublin Lyrics | Genius Lyrics)
By this time, almost everypony in the bar had begun to sing along. Even Smooth Bourbon is singing along. Anon feels compelled to sing along. Back home, his friend Silas Ray is Irish, and he taught him that song. Anon has a "fuck it" moment and sings with every pony else. Tempest remains quiet and drinks her beer silently, but she listens to the soldiers, and Anon sing.
Eventually, the song ended with a roar of laughter.
Lucky Charms raises his refilled mug and yells, "Cheers, ya fuckers!!"
"Right back at you!" a Royal Guard stallion shouts from behind.
"We love you, Sergeant Charms!" a Solar Guard mare calls out from a table nearby. 
"Haha. I love these drunken bastards," Lucky Charms chuckles.
"We know you do," Smooth Bourbon says.
Flasks and Mugs are filled with drinking and singing for three hours. Of course, Lucky Charms leads the half-drunken and drunken soldiers in the singing. He even stands up at the bar a couple of times. Along with that, the alcohol keeps on flowing. Even Tempest, who isn't a heavy drinker, drinks more than she intended. It turns out that Anon is more coherent than everypony else. Eventually, Anon closes his tab and pays it. Tempest stumbles after Anon and out of the bar. When they arrive at the castle, they part ways for the night.
Anon walks back to his bedroom. The Lunar Guards stood guarding Anon's first night in Canterlot beside his door. They open his doors and let him into his room. The dark, empty room envelopes Anon as he closes the door. However, Anon walks into something. He backs up and tries to look at what he walked into. The figure spreads its enormous wings, and its eyes glow in the dark. However, Anon already knows who it is.
"Luna, what in holy hell are you doing?" Anon asks, unamused.
The lunar princess uses her magic to turn on the lights. "I'm surprised that you weren't startled."
"Don't be obvious when you are trying to scare me. It usually works when you do it discreetly."
Luna pauses for a moment. "Huh. Thank you for useful advice, friend Anonymous."
"Holy shit. I've just created a monster. Why can't I keep my mouth shut?" Anon mumbles.
"See you in the morning, Anonymous," Luna says. In a light blue flash, the moon demigoddess disappears.
Anon shakes his head and goes to take a shower. As usual, Anon soaks in hot water and thinks about his day. What he thinks about the most is Tempest sticking up for him. Since arriving in Equestria, no one, not even Tia, has stuck him like that. His being an asshole at the beginning of his stay had something to do with it, though. Tempest seems like a cool mare. Maybe Tia had the right idea to put her as his bodyguard. Perhaps he made a new friend. Shit, he made a few new friends: Fancy Pants, Smooth Bourbon, and Lucky Charms. The grumpy asshole that landed in Sweet Apple Acres all those months ago had no one. No friends and no home. The only thing he had was his clothes on his back, his backpack, and his wits. Today, he had many friends and lives in a capital city castle. Never in a million years would Anon have imagined that he would be in this situation. 
Anon stops contemplating and cleans himself up. He finishes his shower and pulls back the curtain. Then, he gets an unpleasant surprise.
"Hello, friend Anonymous," Luna says slyly. 
Anon freezes in shock as he locks eyes with her. For some reason, Luna's gaze goes to Anon's member. It isn't as big as she imagined, but applying pony anatomy to humans isn't a good idea. Luna didn't know why she looked down at his crotch. Perhaps it was her curiosity to see human anatomy, but that wasn't the point of her standing in the bathroom. She is there to startle Anon. Just as quickly as she looks down, Luna looks up and locks eyes with Anon again. Her dark blue cheeks blush with embarrassment. Anon glares at Luna.
"What. The. Fuck. What are you doing in here?" Anon growls as he grabs a towel to cover himself. 
"I...took your advice?"
"Obviously. How'd you get in here?"
"I teleported back into your room, and you left the bathroom door open. It was pretty easy."
"You can't walk in here while I'm fucking naked. It's called privacy, Luna. And gazing at my dick is not something you do."
"I apologize, friend Anonymous. I must've forgotten your species' customs." 
Anon relaxes his gaze. "It's okay, but when you're are doing your startling prank, which is fine by me, don't invade my privacy, especially when I'm naked. Now, if we were done messing around, if you catch my drift, it wouldn't be a problem if you saw me naked or took a gander at my dick."
"I see. I promise I will no longer invade your privacy, and your...appendage will not be stared at."
"I hope so."
Luna teleports in a flash of blue light. Anon rolls his eyes and puts on his underwear and shorts. He writes in his journal about his day at his desk. The entry is longer than usual, but it helps Anon grow tired. His eyelids grow heavy, and his ability to spell even simple words begins to fail. Once he is finished with his journal entry, Anon goes to bed. Within a few minutes, Anon falls asleep.