Dear Journal,
Well, I'm still here. I think I prefer to be asleep over being awake.
It turns out that a spiked ice cream float (vanilla ice cream with spiked seltzer) works kinda, but I think I just prefer opening up an ice-cold can and drinking from that. I drank way too much, which helped me forget my worries and just enjoy my cartoons.
...
This is stupid!
I'm stupid!
I hate that I can't control my emotions when I'm around her or when I'm even thinking about her!
Not even watching bloopers are helping me feel better.
I need to find something that will help me get my mind off of her. And it probably shouldn't be as destructive as getting piss-drunk every day. But I can't think of anything else that will help.
I'm so tired of being me. I can't take it anymore!
I can't trust myself. I'll make the same damn mistakes over and over again because I just won't learn.
I... don't think I should visit her again for a while. I'll just end up humiliating myself again.