"There are some things that cannot be tolerated. Sometimes, matters HAVE to be taken into one's own hands. When that happens, all the red tape, all the rules and regulations, every little bit of bureaucracy that holds up society has to take a backseat at that very moment. There's a time when you have to go all-out, and everything holding you back, whatever it may be just needs to... be put to the side. For a while, at least."
"This time keeps coming. Over the course of history, it just keeps repeating in newer and more terrifying ways to challenge us. But me, I love a challenge. So, let me pass on to you and everyone else what I've learned. Simply put, there's a time you will be tested. You will have to use everything, every resource, skill and bit of knowledge at your disposal to simply survive. The toughest tests in your life will be tests of survival. But, I have also learned the best way to hedge your bets against such situations for when, not if but when they arise."
"My friends, it pays to be prepared."
-Burt Gummer
After everyone got churros, Dan unveiled his lure to sucker in the griffons. A giant banner attached to the side of New Pegas, one with lights that would be visible for miles. And it read:
NOW
OPEN
"Really? That's it?" Chrys asked. "I don't think it's... quite as catching as it could be."
"What?" Dan asked. "This banner is visible from Ponyville! There's no way the griffons aren't going to see it. Now, we just wait."
"I think what we need is some incentive," Twilight said.
Dan nodded. "Way ahead of you. That's why I prepared a second banner." He hit a switch on his remote and another banner unfurled, right next to the first one. And the second banner read:
LIVE
NUDS
He beamed, grinning with confidence. While most of his friends frowned at them.
"Dan," Chrys said, "That's not a good idea either."
"What? Why not?" Dan asked.
"Well, for one, ponies, griffons, zebras- we're all usually not wearing clothes, anyway," Applejack said, tipping her hat. "For two, pretty sure there's an "E" in nudes."
"Exactly!" Dan said. "It's technically true! Truth in advertising, that's another selling point!"
Twilight tapped her chin. "I think I have another idea." And in just a minute, Twilight used magic to fashion a new banner out of the first two, a banner that read:
FREE
FOOD
(and churros)
Dan looked at the banner, then frowned. "Oh, like that has any chance of-"
And then, instantly and in the most cartoony fashion possible, the rest of the Griffon Kingdom appeared off the starboard side. The New Libertalia arrived and connected to New Pegas via multiple boarding ramps and gangplanks. Some griffons walked, many flew and some brought camping equipment with them as they flooded the gambling city. In moments, they were in a see of gawking hawk-headed, hawk-eyed griffons shuffling around and past them.
"Welcome! Welcome, yes, welcome! Who's feeling lucky?"
"Where's the free food?"
"Yeah, where's the free stuff?"
"In our lovely casinos, of course! Step inside, have a bite and try your luck!" Dan said. With those very words, the few confused or contemplative griffons began making their way inside the buildings. Disguised vendors were set up with various quick edibles for the unsuspecting griffons throughout the casinos.
"I'm not sure which was more enticing to them- the free-ness or the food-ness," Dan remarked, grinning. "Either way, good thinking, Twilight. You get a happy sticker on the board for helping Dan when we get home."
"So, they're here, now," Twilight said. "Now, what? We just let them gamble our own money back to us?"
"Basically," said Dan. "We have slot machines, card games, roulette tables, craps and high stakes DnD and Magic: The Gathering."
"Don't you mean Hocus Pocus: The Get-Together?" Phoenix asked.
"Probably. Also, Cadence and Shining are gonna want those cards back when we're done with them."
"Uh, we may have a slight problem," Spike said.
"What?" But it became evident quickly- Applejack, still in disguise, tromped over to them. Stomped over to them.
"FREE food?" She did not sound happy.
They all parted and pointed at Twilight. "It was Twilight's idea," announced Dan.
"W-well, umm... we needed a way to lure them here," Twilight said. She shrugged. "What better way to do that than with free food? Hot, fresh, Sweet Apple Acres baked goods. Besides, Sugar Cube Corner is..." she paused for a moment. "...Closed."
"Where's Pinkie?"
"Blackjack table. She's one of the dealers along with Derpy in uh, Gamorrah, I believe it is" Rarity said.
AJ rolled her eyes. "I would appreciate a little warning BEFORE y'all go giving away my product. We DO have a surplus, though."
"And we appreciate your contribution," Dan said. "You will be reimbursed pending our tremendous success."
"Good to know," AJ said, her tone on the edge of sarcasm. She returned to her stall.
In truth, there was plenty of food and baked goods throughout Equestria, and the surplus was being given away to the griffons right now. Despite the economic crisis, a lot of supplies had still been produced, crafted and even shipped, they just hadn't been sold. There was nothing to do with them, and ponies were quite proficient and prolific bakers. Twilight knew this and that's why, at the very least, there was something so that all that food wouldn't go to waste, with the help of Tangy Top.
The purveyor mare's larger size and weight prevented her from being there personally, but many of her employees were working to keep things running smoothly in the casinos. Many of the griffons brought sacks and other containers to stuff full of free grub, so it was a good thing they made so much.
Within in minutes, it was clear the plan was working. Griffons in all the casinos began spending money on slots, card tables and games of chance. Even video poker, and if that's not an obvious scam, nothing is. Of course, the entire concept of a casino is a scam so it all should've been obvious.
Greed and fear are both powerful emotions and they do have their uses. Desire and caution are good in appropriate amounts, but like everything else, too much of a good thing is a bad thing. And right now, greed weighed more than what little common sense the griffons had.
"So what do we do now?" Rainbow asked.
Dan slicked back his hair. "Now, we hit the tables, keep an eye on things... and find the wealthiest marks and get them to raise the stakes. Chrys, you know what to do."
"Oh, do I... wait, do I? Oh yeah, that thing, yeah, got it." Chrys changed into a completely anonymous griffon and flew off.
And Twilight noticed this and watched her as she flew towards the griffons' parked airships. "Wwwwwwwwwwhat's that about, exactly?"
"You'll see," Dan patted her. "Now, let's find the head sucker."
They didn't have to look long. As could be expected, the leader of the griffon thieves was gray griffon with a purple puffed robe and wide-brimmed hat adorned with a golden feather... and a magnet in the front. Boss De Gauss himself strode through the crowd at the front gates. Dan spotted him, and made his way opposite through the crowd.
"Welcome sir! Welcome to fabulous New Pegas!"
"You are the owner of this... establishment?"
"I am, good sir," Dan bowed. "Wellington, Biff Wellington, at your service."
"Grand Sky Marshal Gauss De Gauss," the griffon said. The two shook hand-to-claw tightly.
"Thanks for coming to see us, care to take a tour?"
A smile, an almost sinister-looking smile spread across De Gauss's beak. "I think I'll be able to find my way around, thank you. I trust our vessels will be safe moored off to the side, like this?"
"Of course, of course, we have everything taken care of. Valet!" He snapped his fingers. Rainbow Dash and Twilight both appeared, both with churro dust still on their muzzles. They went back for extra churros before the griffons took them all and it was noticeable.
"I am terribly sorry for the lack of professionalism from my valets, here!" Dan said through gritted teeth. He quickly produced a handkerchief and rubbed cinnamon off of them. "Where's Fluttershy?" he asked in a lower voice, teeth still gritted.
"You're not going to be happy with this, Biff."
"She's over with Nightshade and some sugar-free sugar-gliders, rocket flying squirrels and base jumping spiders in the back," Rainbow Dash said.
Base Jumping Spiders, Stevia Gliders and Rocke-
"Stop. Stop it, we DON'T NEED an explanation of every asinine animal this crazy world has come up with!" Dan shouted, interrupting the narrator.
"Yeaaah," Rainbow admitted, rubbing her neck. "Fluttershy's gone a little... loopy since her animals had to get jobs. Even though Angel Bunny's one of the poker dealers."
"Aren't base jumping spiders endangered?" Rarity asked.
"They're endangered because they're idiotic thrill-seekers that won't stop base jumping!" Dan growled. "ALL THREE OF YOU. Park the birds' ships. Now." He spun back around to De Gauss. "Where were we?"
"Did I hear something about poker?" De Gauss asked, eyebrows raised.
And Dan smiled an almost-sinister smile. "You did indeed, Mr. De Gauss. Right this way." Gleefully, Dan led the lead griffon to the Gamorrah casino, Phoenix and Spike tailing carefully behind him.