//------------------------------// // One if By Land: Part 8 // Story: Spike of All Trades // by Ariamaki //------------------------------// A few hours later... Spike and Pinkie finally had a little time to themselves after the Whatever They Were Going To Call That Entire Mess in Retrospect. The Diamond Dogs had all heard the commotion from the start of the final fight, and certainly noticed the swift collapse of the nests beneath their tunnel home. The two of them were hailed as heroes on their return to the warrens, and it turns out that heroes who make their own celebratory feast are even more beloved than the normal type. Rather than actually head out to eat with the Dogs, they stayed back in the kitchens and treated themselves to the chefs' plates. It was an uncharacteristically silent meal for the both of them, but as the deserts died down they looked at each other across the crumbs. "So like, we both agree that was absolutely a set-up, right?" "Thousand percent and change. I don't think the Diamond Dogs were involved either: Somebody out there is playing both sides." "OK thank you for saying 'somebody' in this case, because like, it absolutely isn't something!" "RIGHT? Right. The pace of it all was too neat, like it was begging to be attacked and tackled just the way we did it. The timing's too neat, and the nature of the entire situation..." "Not to mention the narrative sensibilities! I've seen plot hooks (not like that) before but that one took the entire cake. Nearly took the Pie, come to think of it." "I dunno if it did, actually. The thing that really clinched it for me? The Bermites were hostile to us from the first to the last, that was never in question. But the 'Antlion' at the end didn't trip Detect Bloodthirst at all... and the cave collapse didn't trigger Sense Danger. I could get the first one if it was like, really good at hiding its intentions. But in the face of a clear and present wave of crushing rocks, if Sense Danger didn't trigger that implies it was never a threat to begin with." Pinkie Pie booped his snout with her hoof from across the makeshift cooking-counter-cum-table. "Don't think I didn't notice those conspicuous air quotes Mister: What was so funny about the Antlion? I thought it was perfectly anty and entirely lionlike, and even a little scary!" He stabbed a forkful of remoulade-soaked bug leg into the air to punctuate his own point. "Exactly! Which is really interesting because Antlions are fictional. Bugbears are real, we both know that. But I've read articles in Ogre magazine from the stallion who made them up: Antlions are just supposed to be a stronger and more intelligent Bugbear-equivalent for higher-level adventures." "So we've got an obvious setup with weird timing, which looked threatening but didn't actually pose any risk of hurting us, connected to a fake monster that is probably the very cause of the Diamond Dogs being pushed into Ponyville territory to begin with. Do you know what this means Spike!?" "Somepony intelligent is manipulating the Diamond Dogs as a catspaw to threaten Ponyville?" "We need to get a lime green panel van and a quirky-but-marketable talking animal sidekick!" "...What?" "What?" The inexplicable joke passed over both of them like a fog, and then Pinkie Pie shrugged at him. "Well it's not like that was your only reason: Out with it Spikey, I totally bet you saw more gaps." "Actually yeah: Monsters don't usually get titles, although I saw the potential for them on the rulers just now. But they definitely never get nameplates as far as I have seen. That Antlion had both and they were excessively obfuscated... To a degree where I wonder if the whole thing was fake." "What, like not just a made-up pretend monster but an entire illusion monster?" "Illusion monster and illusory cave-in. Sure it seems unlikely, but did either of us get hit by any falling rocks, or actually feel the walls closing on us?" Pinkie frowned and looked off into the distance. "My Pinkie Sense was super-duper certain something was falling and collapsing at the same time: Only had that twitch a few times before, it's pretty distinct." "Right, and I saw a title. Which is actually what makes this just an idle wonder and not a real theory. Because if it was an illusion..." "...then it must have been somepony who knows plenty about Pinkie Sense and a lot about your Gamer abilities. Not just knows about it in, like, a general sense, but well enough to fake a title." "Which would make the only possible culprit Twilight: You're the only pony who's shown the ability to see titles, but you can't do magic like that. I've shown Twilight extensive mock-ups of all my menus and all the related stuff... But I would bet you bits to bagels that she's busy." "Theory goes alibi-bye?" "Exactly: Heck, lemme prove it!" Spike extended a party invitation to Twilight (she accepted immediately, which said a lot about how the two of them had spent the past few weeks) and then tried to establish subvocal communication. And just like he expected, he got... a... reply? "Oh! Hello Spike. I assume you have some news for me?" "...Uh. Yeah. Kinda surprised you're in range: I'm still out-" "At the warrens? I figured as much! I went to go pick you up from Sugarcube Corner when I figured out what you meant about your hat earlier, but by then the two of you were already gone: Mrs. Cake told me you'd left with a Diamond Dog so I figured you were busy helping them out." "Right. Right on the money, actually. Funny question-" "Congratulations by the way!" His blood went a little cold(er than usual) at that. Was she really implying... "Congratulations... on?" "Spike, don't tell me you named your party with Pinkie something that sappy and then forgot about it." He actually had forgotten: 'Another First Kiss' was the name on top of their party in the menu, a title that felt more than a little awkward with Twilight added into it. "Haha right! Yeah. Um. Surprise?" "Hardly! Pretty sure anypony with functioning eyes knew you two were working up to something." "You wound me, Twilight! Sibling treachery. I must inform Captain Armor of this rank betrayal!" Pinkie Pie cut into the call abruptly, which made him realize that A.) they were on an open line and not using private communication (after all, he hadn't expected Twilight to reply) and B.) this was now even more awkward than just the party title. "Oh my gosh do you keep track of backstabbing too? I swear Limestone's never ever gonna forgive the time I dropped her diary and broke the lock. Also hi Twilight!" "Hello Pinkie Pie: Should I save the traditional big-sisterly warnings for when we meet face to face again?" "Oooh that'd be great! I've got a script and everything. 17b, So You've Gone And Started Dating One Of Your Best Friends' Little Sibling And-Or Sibling Surrogate Figure." "...Oddly specific." "It needed revisions on the off-chance silly stuff happened with Scootaloo." Under normal circumstances Spike would have laughed at the obvious joke. Problem 1: Pinkie and Twilight, his marefriend and his (lack of proper word), were the ones talking. Problem 2: He wasn't entirely sure that was actually a joke, given that Pinkie Pie was Pinkie Pie. Problem 3: After the conversations he'd had with Scootaloo about her romantic prospects, he had a growing concern that she might not take it as a joke at all. Not that Spike was entirely against the idea, but... Off topic! Banishing all thoughts of that forbidden triad from his mind, he prepared to edge his way back onto the unstable shores of the conversation. Then a Category 4 Pinkie Pie slammed into his footing and turned the shores into so much dust and chaos. "Quick question first though: Did you come down here and fake some kind of giant monster attack to test Spike or something? Cuz we got into the weirdest encounter earlier and I just wanna make super-duper sure we're still okey-dokey on the low-key." "...Uh. What?" "Nope, wasn't her, Spike!" "Are we just gonna take that on advisement? Because I trust Twilight with my life and like, the lives of everypony I know. Once every couple of weeks on average. But if we're going so far as to make accusations then that seems like a bit of a quick abandonment." "Au contraire, mon frère! I've got a surefire way to know it wasn't Twilight." "Do tell." While Pinkie's jibe was quick and snarky, Twilight's voice was drier and more sarcastic than he'd heard in a while. That was a sure sign that she was busy assembling details in her head: Her vocal replies were running on automatic. Pinkie giggle-snorted both in the subvocal call and in the flesh, rumbling against his side. "If it was you, you'd have a way better excuse prepared in advance! It'd be totally unlike you to leave something like that up to chance or faking innocent. Plus we both knew you weren't involved, it was just dinner-time chatter! See previous note in re: sibling betrayal." "...I really hate that you're right. Not about the me-being-obviously-innocent part, but just about the me-being-obvious bit. Am I that predictable, or are you that perceptive?" Spike and Pinkie's replies rolled over each other almost simultaneously. "Bit of column A bit of column B." "One doesn't preclude the other." "Oh my gosh you two are already doing the couple thing way too well." It took Spike a moment to realize why Twilight's voice sounded different at the end there: It wasn't through the chat. He looked up from his plates to see the unicorn standing in the kitchen's doorway, smiling wide at them. Pinkie Pie waved cautiously from her seat, while Spike sprang up to hug her. "Pretty sneaky sis." "Slash mom slash warden slash employer, etc, etc. She treating you right?" He rolled his eyes at that, all of his eyelids fully retracted for emphasis. "It's way early for that kind of thing Twilight: Thanks for the vote of confidence." "Hey, I only get to rib my younger whatever about this once. Shining was the big sibling, and he still hasn't heard about me and Celestia so-" "Wait, please don't tell me you're going to spring it on him like he did to you with Cadance." "Hah! No, I'm going to at least do him the courtesy of telling him before the wedding... Not, uh, not that I'm thinking that far ahead or anything! Honestly I'm planning to tell him very soon." Spike did some mental math and made a quick leap of logic. "Like in the next few weeks or months kind of soon? Maybe during a trip up to Canterlot?" Twilight smiled and sparked a little checkmark in the air with her horn. "Got it in one: We finally got the news back for when they'd be in town, so we're going to make our initial planning trip tomorrow and come back to Ponyville a day or two later once everything is figured out." Spike looked back over his shoulder to Pinkie, who was picking at her remaining food and trying not to make eye contact. Despite the danger they'd been having a lot of fun (and other experiences too) getting comfortable with one another. She'd even taken vacation from the work she loved in order to spend more time with him in these early days, so he felt... pretty weird having to leave immediately. "Which is why you're out here: You wanted to tell me in advance?" It was Twilight's turn with the Awkward Ball, because as soon as the Gamer's Mind calmed his roiling veins he saw her eyes darting back and forth between him and Pinkie Pie. "Technically? But once I realized what had been going on, I also had the idea to... extend the invitation?" Pinkie Pie shot up from her chair, eyes brightening and mane poofing out even further than her already voluminous base state. "Wait, ser-real-iously?" Twilight held up three train tickets in her telekinesis, quickly raising them higher to avoid the crushing force of Pinkie's impending tackle-hug. Spike joined in on the affection pile after only a moment of delay, cuddling up to both of them. They didn't bother pulling apart at first, instead all leaning into the group hug. Eventually Pinkie pulled back just enough to get her head clear of Twilight's ears, because talking otherwise would have been uncomfortable for everypony involved. Subvocal communication just lacked that certain emotional weight, yaknow? "So did you know about our whole thing in advance or what? You definitely aren't the type to just get an extra train ticket on a whim or 'just in case', after all." The unicorn of the pile (shame he didn't have wings, or he'd be able to fill in for a pegasus in a nice little pony trinity hug) smiled weakly. "Well, I uh... I hadn't been certain, exactly? The signs were obviously there. I think what tipped me over to the decision was thinking back over all the time I've been spending with Celestia this last year, and how important that was to making our relationship what it is today. Denying you two the chance for something similar felt really sad, and since you don't have to hide your relationship..." "Better that we get the honeymoon phase all in at once instead of stretching it out over months?" Pinkie and Twilight both blushed at his phrasing, filling him with a burst of prideful excitement. "Aheh! More or less. That and I figured if you didn't manage to get over the hump to actually asking her today? This would give you two a chance to be together privately. Train rides are romantic, or so I've been told." He would have normally thanked Twilight for that courtesy and forethought, but the way she phrased it made his new Pinkie-adjacent senses tingle. He turned to look at his marefriend, watching as her head cocked back and forth and one ear flopped. Spike shot her his best deadpan and switched back over to private subvocals. "That felt weirdly ominious to you too, right?" "The most ominous. ...Om-most-nous? They looked at each other, silently laughing, while Twilight watched in confusion. Iiiii gotta workshop that one."