Chapter Forty: Of Pickles and Peanut Butter Kisses
Written by TheCrimsonDM
Trixie could feel it. Something felt different about today. She woke up in bed next to her loving, sleeping, and beautiful marefriend and knew that today was going to be weird. She wasn't even sure why or what just yet, but she knew it. Going downstairs to get some coffee something to eat. Spike was already down there and reading the newspaper.
She took a seat. "Good morning, Spike."
"Good morning, Trixie."
She looked at the paper. "You reading anything good?"
"Meh, mostly boring stuff about Ponyville. I mean, I guess one thing is exciting."
Trixie poured herself a cup of coffee, filled it with sugar, cream and some more coffee. After sitting down she took a drink and hummed. "Oh, and what is that?"
"Seems that someone found out that Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie are getting married."
She blinked. "All three of them, to each other?"
"Yeah, it’s becoming a real scandal. Oh well, they can deal with that themselves. I guess Rarity will be excited though."
Trixie nodded. "Trixie must agree, she will be excited. Still, something feels off today, and Trixie is not sure what or why."
"You too huh?"
He set the paper down. Pulled out a fancy card covered in rainbows and bunny rabbits. "Here, this is for all three of us."
She took it. It was an invitation to Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash's wedding. She let out a quiet squee. "Twilight will be so happy, after she wakes up of course."
Spike rolled his eyes. "You know I've just moved to the first floor now that the two of you began screwing each other’s brains out."
She pouted. "Sorry for interrupting your private life like that. Trixie is happy though, she loves her little Twilight and will make love to her any chance she gets."
Spike rolled his eyes. "That much seemed obvious. Still you’re right. Something feels off about today. I looked outside, it's bright and beautiful like always, but I can feel it. Maybe this wedding coming up on Friday is an omen."
She looked at the invitation. "Friday... wait a minute, that's only five days away. Spike! This may be a serious problem."
He looked up at her, then went back to his morning paper. "Why?"
"Because neither Trixie, nor Twilight are prepared for such a wonderful event. We can't go looking like this? We'd look like just normal plebs, and Trixie is the Great and Fancy pony."
"You’re the Great and everything pony. By the way how is Trixie Two: Trixie in 3D, doing now?"
"You mean Applebutter?" She rubbed at her still growing belly. "She's doing wonderfully. I may need more apples for her though."
He shrugged. "Well those aren't in short supply here."
Trixie took another sip of her morning elixir. She wanted something to nibble on too. Using her telekinesis she opened the fridge pulled out the pickle jar and levitated it over to herself before opening it and grabbing one of the sweet and sour green delicacies. Taking a bite she smiled, this was almost perfect. She then used her magic to grab the jar of peanut butter dragged that over and then dipped her pickle into it. As it turned out, the mixture of peanut butter and pickle was just what hit the spot. She could easily ignore the looks of horror Spike gave her when this tasted just too good.
He forced himself to look away. "You know what, you can just have that entire jar of peanut butter to yourself. You've pretty much just ruined it."
"Thank you, Spike. You are so considerate."
He rolled his eyes. "No, I am sane but what does that matter in a town full of crazy ponies?"
Twilight's voice came from the entrance nearby. "Not a great deal, I'm afraid.”
Trixie looked over. "Yay, my Twily is awake!"
Twilight walked over, pecked Trixie on the cheek and then went about getting her own cup of coffee. "Do you guys feel like today is a little off?"
Okay, now Trixie was worried. If it was just her and spike that was one thing. But if three ponies were feeling the same way, then she was concerned. Two ponies was an accident, three ponies was a thing.
Spike sipped at his coffee. "I think today is probably going to suck then."
Twilight took a seat nearby Trixie. "Why's that?"
He took a drink of his own coffee. "Because both me and Trixie felt the same way."
That made Twilight frown. "You know, it's not very scientific to say that because three ponies in the same household feel weird that something is bad. Maybe we're all just coming down with a cold?"
Trixie nodded. "Or we're all just about to witness more insanity. You know your friends, my love."
Twilight nodded. "That I do... I expect something is going to explode today... would it be too much to ask you to stay home today?"
Trixie looked at her. "Trixie is afraid it would be. After all, you and Trixie need to go to Rarity’s today. With Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash being married on Friday, we need proper dresses."
"What’s wrong with the ones we have? I like my green one?"
Trixie giggled. "Of course you do, and for a simple occasion such as your birthday or a friendly get together that green dress is simply marvelous on you. The problem, love, is that this is a wedding. We must be fancy for this gathering, or else we will look like the worst party. Trixie refuses to be the worst at anything, especially parties."
A pink head popped out of the toaster nearby and Pinkie Pie asked, "Who said parties?"
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Sorry, Pinkie. False alarm."
Pinkie Pie sighed. "It always is. Today just feels so weird, I must be off my game." Her head went back into the toaster and disappeared.
Trixie stared at the toaster very hard. Unplugged it, levitated it to the trash can and dropped it in there. "We can get a new one of those."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "If you throw away everything Pinkie interacts with we are going to have no furniture."
"So just to be clear, everyone else saw that. The pink one just summoned herself into our toaster? Is she some kind of demon?"
Twilight shrugged. "I always thought she was more like a gypsy myself. A Gypsy Bard perhaps."
Spike nodded. "That or a sorcerer."
Twilight giggled. "I could see that, perhaps a wild sorcerer. Personally I prefer the wizard class myself."
Trixie stared at them. "No, seriously, this is strange and wrong. She should not be able to do that."
Twilight looked at her. "Listen, Pinkie is Pinkie. She does weird things and we kind of just have to accept it and not think too hard about it or else we'll go mad. I once saw her drive Queen Chrysalis insane from her antics."
Spike shivered. "Let's not talk about that shall we?"
Trixie grumbled as she took another bite of her peanut butter pickle. "I don’t like weird things... but I guess I like Pinkie..."
Twilight stroked Trixie's back. "There you go. Just accept the madness and you'll get used to it in no time. It's just like that thing we did last night, where I had to relax and just accept it before it began to feel good."
"That is quite different, and you asked Trixie to show you how that stuff worked... it was a lot of fun though. Next time it is Trixie's turn."
Twilight met her eyes. "If you think you’re up for it, then I'd love to give you the same pleasures."
For a moment they stayed like that. Staring deeply into one another's eyes, feeling each other’s love their sheer gaze alone. Trixie had finally found the one thing she'd never thought she'd be lucky enough to have. She found a home, and a family. Trixie felt herself leaning forward, her lips were cold, and they needed the warmth of Twilight's to feel better.
Spike cleared his throat. "Girls, I'm right here."
Twilight waved a hoof. "Close your eyes then."
Trixie smiled. "You know exactly who's the boss here."
Twilight leaned forward. "Yes, it is me."
"Oh really?"
"My house, my rules."
Trixie's lips were only centimeters away from Twilight's. "Then Trixie should be a good girl shouldn't she?"
"I don't know, I like it when you’re naughty sometimes too." Their lips met and electric tingles across Trixie's face. This was pure bliss. If only this moment could last forever.
Of course like all good things the kiss had to end eventually. It ended when Twilight pulled back making a sour face and she quickly looked away. "Oh goddess. Peanut butter, and pickle juice. I'm-" She covered her mouth with her hooves. "Maybe we should wait until you brush your teeth."
Trixie giggled. "You’re a wimp." She went back to her morning meal feeling a small victory. Maybe she should feel bad, or guilty even, but honestly it was just perfect that when Twilight tried exert power over her, she'd get punished with the most delicious combination of tastes. She just needed to acquire Trixie's wonderful taste... perhaps Twilight needed to get pregnant too.
***
Celestia stood in her office walking back and forth while staring at the fireplace where she'd tossed the vile singing book. She was neither a lumberjack, nor okay, and she was most certainly not a tranny. At least she wasn't the last one for most of her life. She ignored the bright smile and proud eyes of her old student, Shadow Heart. He was happy as could be having delivered the package, and she was shocked he'd managed to do it. Then again, he did unlock immortality some time ago, much like the Doctor down in Ponyville, her old apprentice was never going to die of age so he'd have to have found it eventually. She just figured it would take another decade or two.
She finally turned to face him. "Thank you for finding that thing. I needed to prepare the ritual fire for it in my office... why in my Equestria was it singing though?"
Shadow Heart shrugged. "Honestly, I thought I was hallucinating that part, so I just kept singing with it."
She shook her head. "Well, you’ve redeemed yourself. Now what will you do?"
He looked at her. "Why, serve faithfully under you of course. I have learned the errors of my ways, and although I know you won't allow me to teach again, I would ask you help find a use for me."
She frowned at that. She knew he didn’t have much out here. His family was long gone, the one pupil he'd taken under his hoof was now pregnant, had memory loss, and dating her newest apprentice. Finally he was as he had always been, truly faithful and loyal to her. Maybe not always to her exact word, but to her spirit. He would serve her until the day he died, and although she desired to give him freedom, he would likely not handle that well. He needed someone to give him a purpose... she just, didn't have much use for his talents at the moment. That was why she put in him a teacher role in the first place. A mistake she would not repeat.
She smiled as she found another idea. "I have one. My first task for you is to serve my sister. Princess Luna has returned and she may need some of your more... lucrative abilities. Once she wakes up this evening I'll assign you to her. Once you've finished any all tasks she has you may return to me, unless I call for you sooner. Is that understood?"
He nodded. "I have always wanted to meet Princess Luna. This is going to be so much fun!"
Sure it would, and Luna was going to get to experience her nightmare of trying to aim a tactical nuke at a single pinprick on the wall. Celestia wished her sister luck.