//------------------------------// // 65536: 16 // Story: They're EVERYWHERE! // by Nameless Narrator //------------------------------// The Nightguard barracks is dark, the heavy curtains draped over all the windows are letting in exactly zero moonlight from the outside. Nopony is on guard today, as Night Hunter and Steel Glimmer are asleep after spending the recent days working on their assignment from Sharp Biscuit regarding the recent assassination attempt, and the reversed day-night cycle has been taking its toll on them. As far as 65536 knows, Pink Sunset and Gloom are on duty, and Sharp Biscuit is... somewhere. As Gloom told the drone before “The Commander moves in mysterious ways”, which was weird to 65536 who thought Sharp’s walking wasn’t strange at all.  Speaking of the drone, it’s nowhere to be found, although clues to its whereabouts could be the faint light coming from under the door leading to the showers and the faint, repetitive grinding noise accompanying it. All in all, things are peaceful and quiet. That is, until an ethereal tear made of such pure blackness that it contrasts even with the darkness of the room opens in the air.  A slender leg, charred and caked with blood, reaches out of it, followed by a tall and terrifying, equine figure. Parts of its muzzle are a simple bone cleaned of all flesh, one wing is stripped as well, leaving behind only its skeletal frame, and chunks of its horn are missing. The creature looks around, its mouth opening to scream but no sound other than a quiet gurgle comes out. That’s enough, though, and in the next moment, Night Hunter is on all fours with a knife in his mouth while Steel Glimmer has her emergency combat horseshoe on. The blade clicks and slides out of it.  *** It’s been several days since the Summer Sun Celebration, and life for 65536 has returned to what the drone would call the new normal. The new normal that lacks digging but also lacks the danger of being crunched in too many horrible ways to describe so the drone accepted the state as ‘you win some, you lose some’. Right now, 65536 is in the showers polishing the armors of the two Nightguards snoring in the barracks. Why in the showers? Two simple reasons. One - it didn’t want to wake them up. Two - the cleaning solution makes bubbles and bubbles are only shiny under a light. Now, polishing is no digging, but its hooves quickly adapting to get rid of the grime even without the cleaning solution feels close enough. Plus, the armors are big but not particularly heavy for a drone, so 65536 couldn’t be happier at the moment. In short, since the Celebration, 65536 found itself an occasional job that combines carrying, digging… kind of, and bubbles! Yes, it bears repeating. Plus, it’s repaying the Nightguards for how nice they are to it. Sudden commotion and stomping of hooves from the common room make it look up from the several piles of metal, trot over to the door, crack it open, and- I WAS WRONG! I COULD BE SUPER MEGA HAPPIER! *** Night Hunter gets teleported into the corner of the room, stumbles, but recovers quickly just to charge at the monster. His advance gets blocked by Steel Glimmer getting teleported right in front of him. He reacts quickly enough, vaults over her, and- -finds himself in the corner again. The shower door slams open, and a buzzing blur blasts out of the lit room, calling: “LUUUUUUUUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Contrary to the two Nightguards, 65536 does not get teleported away and clamps its forelegs around the “intruder” who, if it’s actually a pony, should by all means be dead.  “Thefluffyearedponiestookmetoacelebrationandtherewereponieseverywhereand-” Night Hunter points twice at the door. Glimmer nods, darts past 65536, unimpeded this time, turns on the lights, and gasps. Night Hunter grits his teeth as he finally takes in the details, namely the occasional patches of dark blue hair on the otherwise flayed and burned body and one tiny, quivering, still working pupil. “P-Princess…?” he breathes out. “-andIgottopetwoolyfluffersandthumpersandmeowyhissersandcatbirdsandIateALLTHECANDY-” Wait, I thought we batponies had fantastic night vision, yet 65536 recognized her INSTANTLY. “Stop staring!” Glimmer barks, her voice shaking, “Push the beds together!” Stumbling over his own legs, Night Hunter pushes the nearest three beds together so that someone alicorn-sized can fit. When he looks around after a few seconds of doing so, there’s much more of Luna’s blue coat back, and the princess is regenerating right in front of his eyes. Could it have something to do with 65536 slobbering all over her neck? “Here, Your Highness,” Hunter points at the beds. Luna limps towards him, step by exhausted step, until she keels over onto the not exactly soft mattress… ...and 65536 who hasn’t stopped talking for a second. “-andItotallyforgotbutIwanttoshowyouBluebutIleftherintheshowercanIgogether?” With one simple flash of Luna’s reconstituting horn, 65536 finds itself lying not only under her but also a plush toy of Celestia. “NononoIdidn’tmeanNot-BlueImeantBluethat’slikeyoubutsmaller-” *Flash!* “-yeahthat’sherisn’tshesuperprettylikeyoubuttiny?” Luna doesn’t reply on account of falling asleep. *** 65536 slept better than possibly ever before. It’s not that drones usually sleep poorly at any point of their lives anyway due to having time to sleep only when it’s either that or collapse from working. However, the combination of its muzzle buried in the coat rapidly regrowing on Luna’s neck and being buried under two plushies, one so filled with love that a drone could probably live off of it for years, simply worked wonders in creating the perfect environment. Still, nothing lasts forever, and 65536 wakes up with the knowledge that it’s time to get to work. What the work would be today is yet to be determined but there’s no more point in going back to sleep. All in all, 65536 is refreshed, filled with love, and ready to start a new day.  Or, as its internal clock tells the drone, a new early evening. Once again, time of the day isn’t particularly a concept for drones - there’s worky time and there’s sleepy time, and sleepy time is now over.  Step one - wiggle out of Luna’s embrace without waking her up. One, two, three - aaaand switch! With Luna now tightly gripping Blue instead of 65536, the drone inches itself under the blanket towards the nearest edge. Soon, black, teal-eyed head peeks out from under the covers and, with a final push, drops on the floor. Did I wake anyone up? No? Good. A quick check of itself and its surroundings reveals blood and other stains on its carapace including Luna’s drool all over its head. As for the Nightguards, Night Hunter and Steel Glimmer are gone, Gloom is sleeping in her bed, and Pink Sunset is hanging by his tail and the fetlocks of his hind legs from the rafters. Alrighty, shower time! That should be a new time but really it’s just a part of worky time. For a changeling, smells and mess of this kind aren’t a bother but ponies don’t seem to like those and ponies know all kinds of things so it can’t be healthy. Plus, 65536 needs exactly zero reasons to persuade it to go take a shower. It has warm water, it has cold water, it has bubbles, it has soap… Gloom said not to eat it but, on the other hole, she liked 65536 burping bubbles afterwards so that subject is still awaiting the final decision. Luna should get to judge too. Half an hour later, 65536 walks out of the shower, pristine albeit still unsure what to do next. Drawing something sounds like a grand idea, or possibly improving its Nightguard armor which, with the amount of added goop from 65536’s saliva is slowly gaining actual protective properties.  Oh! Silly me, Gloom and Pink will need their armors cleaned.  With the course of action set, 65536 tip-hooves into the common room and heads towards Gloom’s bed when- *Crackabooooooom!* “Eep?!” 65536 clamps its forelegs over its mouth in the middle of its spooked jump caused by the rumbling of thunder from the outside despite it being heavily muffled by both spells and the architecture of the Nightguard barracks. Whowhawazzwhichwherewhat?! 65536’s head spins from side to side as the drone looks around whether either its reaction or the strange, loud noise itself woke someone up. Thankfully, that doesn’t seem to be the case, so 65536 does its best to slow down its breathing, and eventually its ears twitch as there seems to be some commotion outside. Not just outside the barracks but outside the castle entirely. Taking care to make as little noise as possible, 65536 sneaks towards the door leading to the balcony where Glimmer sometimes put burning sticks into her mouth that made her puff out smoke. 65536 was unfamiliar with the process but she always tried to blow the smoke into funny shapes for the drone. The door opens, momentarily letting in much louder noises of someone arguing before 65536 shuts it as quickly as it can and the sounds from the courtyard way below get drowned out by loud screeching. Curiosity completely winning over caution, 65536 hops onto the balcony railing and looks down. Princess Celestia is there, looking in utter puzzlement at a black pony swinging their head around. Their head is on fire and it’s screeching. Several ponies are scattered nearby, one facehoofing, and the entire courtyard is packed with Royal Guards as well as several paladins. 65536 shimmies a little backwards.  Royal Guards are not supposed to see me. Princess Sunbutt and everyone else said so. The screeching stops, 65536’s jaw drops, and its eyes open wide. Without the ring of fire enveloping the equine figure and now being completely centered on the top of their head, 65536 can recognize that it’s a-    That’s not a pony! THAT’S A HIGH RANK! And she has a fire floaty on her head! The changeling is blankly staring at Princess Celestia as the pony next to her is waving his forelegs in attempts to convey something 65536 can’t hear from so high up. The living fire floaty spreads its wings, jumps into the air, and after a quick circle around lands on Celestia’s back. New objectives received: 1 - see the changeling to feed her. 2 - ask princess Sunbutt about the fire floaty.  Huh… usually, when I did that back home, these pointy things appeared on the hive mind map and I just went where they told me.  “...oh no…!” 65536 finally realizes something critical and rushes back into the barracks, right towards Luna, and starts shaking her, “LunaLunaLunaLunaLuna!” “Nnngh?!” “There’sachangelingoutsideandshewasonfirebutshe’sahighrankandprincessSunbuttisthereandthey’lleather-” “Whuh?” Luna gives it a bleary look, “Wanna plushie… or something…?” she groans. “There. Is a. Changeling. Outside. Surrounded. By. Guards!” 65536 slows down, following each word by pointing at the balcony, “Big. High rank!” “Hrrgh!” Luna grunts, pushing herself up and quickly limping after 65536 leading her outside where she looks down, grits her teeth, and hisses at the drone, “Thanks!” With a flash of her completely reconstituted horn, she vanishes and, in a moment, 65536 can see her striding from the castle entrance towards the spectacle. Short exchange of words between her, Celestia, the changeling, and the surrounding group later, the princesses lead the group into the castle where 65536 loses sight of them. What was that all about? Back inside, 65536 simply plops its plot on the floor and waits. And waits. And waits… Perhaps the high rank was scary. Oh no! Is Luna in danger? Do I wake Gloom or Pinky up? What if Luna isn’t in danger? They all get super grumpy when they don’t get enough sleep. 65536 straightens up as an idea crosses its mind before rushing to the corner where it’s storing all its drawing supplies and the faux Nightguard armor. A few moments later, the armor is on, straps are tightened, and a helmeted head peeks out of the barracks door. 65536 has no idea what’s on the top two floors of the castle but during its few trips outside it saw only a few Royal Guards in comparison to the bottom floor where they were usually patrolling all the time. Ears? Got nothing. Time to scuttle. Someone as used to the incredibly complex network of tunnels under the hive can never get lost in the simple layout of Canterlot castle, especially when their target is one floor down. Not even three minutes later, 65536 pulls on the handle of a door atop which hangs a simple silver plaque reading ‘Sharp Biscuit’. “What’s- are you crazy?” Sharp suffers a minor heart-attack as he jumps from behind his desk and the words turn into a shocked choking, “Luna will hang me by my balls from the tallest tower if she finds out you snuck out on your own!” “Luna went outside when a changeling arrived. A high rank!” 65536 gives Sharp a pleading look, “A really scary one, I could feel it from all the way up on our balcony! Everyone was there, even Princess Sunbutt, a ton of guards, everyone! We gotta make sure Luna is okay!” “Elaborate.” “Uhh, Luna said she had E laboratory somewhere in the castle! What do you want there?” 65536 tilts its head.  “Nevermind. Tell me what happened in the courtyard,” Sharp corrects himself. After an exceedingly brief explanation of what 65536 saw, Sharp rubs his chin. “Hmmm… this might actually be good for you.” “How come?” “If everypony, and especially the Royal Guards in general, saw Princess Celestia publicly accept a changeling into the castle, even if only for questioning, without setting them on fire it might put a stop to them thinking they have her silent approval in regards to their way of ‘solving’ the survivor situation.” 65536 doesn’t say anything but keeps fidgeting until Sharp sighs and asks: “And you are sure Luna might be in trouble? I don’t want to barge in on another simple changeling assessment. It’s Blazing’s job to be there.” “I’m not sure but we gotta go!” 65536 scrunches its nose, hopping up and down, “High ranks aren’t nice and this one was super high! Like top top top!” “Fine. It can’t hurt to look. Hop on.” *** Sharp’s authority gets him and 65536 hiding under a cardboard box on his back through the groups of Royal Guards chatting about the recent occurrence as well as a Nightguard and a paladin duo now guarding the entrance to the dungeons. After a quick knock, Blazing lets them into the interrogation room. The usual squad is there in addition to a stallion sitting next to the changeling being interrogated and Bright Star, the paladin who accompanied Grandmaster Beacon when they rescued them from Tankard’s tavern. “Is anything wrong?” asks Luna. “You tell me. 65536 was worried out of its mind,” says Sharp, which is followed by the upturned box on his back dropping down and revealing the drone riding on him. Everyone looks at 65536 who starts nervously kneading Sharp’s back with its forelegs. “I… umm… you weren’t coming back… and… umm… she’s a really high rank… and I got scared… umm… that something bad happened...”  “Yeees, I am incredibly spooooky and if I don’t start getting more respect from everyone I’ll mind control all of you with my hypnotic gaze,” says the changeling mare sarcastically, “No, wait! I’ll roll my eyes meaningfully at you.” “SHE CAN DO THAT!” 65536 nods vigorously, pointing at her with a shaking hoof, completely ignoring the mare’s milky white eyes and the fact that whenever anyone speaks she looks only vaguely in their direction. “Ahem,” Luna clears her throat, “I think there is a question we might have all missed so far. What is- was your rank, Miss Fury?” “I’m afraid to answer just in case that idiot’s head blows up when it hears it,” the changeling mare in question nods in 65536’s vague direction, making the drone hide behind Sharp’s neck. “Miss Fury, refrain from calling 65536 names,” says Luna coldly. “When you decide to give it one, I’ll be sure to refrain from using it,” Fury shrugs. The stallion accompanying her slams his face against the table, “Oh don’t be such a drama queen, Crest. We’d need at least three more players to get two balanced drone ball teams.” “Meanie!” 65536 puffs out its cheeks, glaring daggers at Fury. “Mini what? Mini changeling? Yeah, that’s you.” “Pfpfpblblblb!” 65536 sticks its tongue out at her. “Really mature,” comments Fury. “You’re not one to talk...” Crest moans in despair. “Oh my gooosh, he’s right!” Fury swings her foreleg sideways to pat Crest’s head and misses, “Motherfu-mmhp,” he catches her as she slips off of the chair, “Your Princessness! I’m nine years old. This pony right here is a filly-fiddler! Loligagger… I mean, he’d need a lot more to make me gag, but the spirit is there. OFF WITH THIS FILTHY CRIMINAL’S HEAD!” “Why do I put up with this...?” sighs Crest. “This booty right here!” Fury grins, “See the chair I’m sitting on? That could have been you if only you got better grades at school.” “I’m so confused...” mumbles 65536, “He seems to like her but she’s a high rank and she keeps saying mean things.” Crest smiles at the drone. “She doesn’t mean it… sometimes,” he says, “She’s just a bit sharp.” “A bit? Damn, I need to step up my act,” Fury crosses her forelegs on her chest. A devious smirk grows on Sharp Biscuit’s face, he turns his head and whispers something to 65536’s ear. “Ooooh, that makes perfect sense!” the drone jumps from him onto the table and then into Fury’s lap before giving her a tight hug. “Ow! Stop that! I’ll eat you!” protests Fury despite not daring to physically stop 65536 in current company. “Nu-uh!” replies 65536, “I’m gonna give you love and then you won’t be hungry and grumpy! I don’t have much but I can get more later. Or we can get you a plushie like mine! Do you want a-” “Help, Crest! I’m being unconditionally loved! It burns, IT BUUUUURNS!”  “Now who’s a drama queen,” Crest pats 65536’s head, “Keep going, little guy. I think it’s working.” “Aaaaaaaaah-” “Miss Fury,” Luna raises her voice. “-yeah?” she cuts her act as if nothing happened. “Your presence here might be a blessing in disguise, as shocking as it would seem. Thanks to your detailed recount of events in Riverside, I don’t doubt my sister will be much better prepared for what a task force sent there might discover.” “They won’t find anything. Or maybe unconscious villagers depending on how many Chrysalis’ stooges dragged off,” Fury shakes her head, “We know how to clean up after ourselves. ” “Leave that to us,” Luna nods to Bright Star, “Relay the summary of Miss Fury’s witness to my sister, and accompany the task force she sends as a… an observer enlightened in regards to the nature of changelings.” “I will have to clear it with the Grandmaster,” says Bright Star. “Please, do,” Luna nods. Bright Star leaves immediately, “As for your situation, Miss Fury, I believe that general knowledge about you might be a shield for little 65536 here. I will arrange for Common Crest and you a guest suite in the castle, and you will be allowed to walk around the entire castle proper. With company, of course. Wandering around on your own would be too dangerous for more reasons than just your sight issues.” “I’m a changeling. I may be blind but I could sense that everyone we passed on our way here would like to see me impaled on a spike.” “Your Highness,” Crest bows his head curtly, “May I request that 65536 can accompany her in my stead when I’m busy?” “Yaaaay!” 65536 only hugs her tighter, “Love will un-high-rank you!” Fury stops struggling against 65536 and just sighs. “What? Why?! Is it because of all the nasty things I said?” “Yes. Yes, it is,” Crest nods with complete honesty. “Fuuuuck...” groans Fury. “What’s that mean?” asks 65536. “I don’t need eyes to feel everyone glaring at me,” says Fury. “Yes, so choose your next words with caution,” says Luna. However, something as simple as concentrated hatred doesn’t faze Fury at all. “A method of extracting lust, sometimes even love. Right, Crest?” Fury smirks. “Oooh, like Tendy’s brothel place. Gotcha,” 65536 nods knowingly. “However-” Fury opens her mouth again, much to the horror of Crest who knows precisely where that’s going, “if you want to know more details, Crest and I can demonstrate right here on the tabl-” *Psst!*  Fury freezes as a spray of water from a spritzer held by Crest hits her face mid-word.  “It’s a trick I learned over the past few days. It works shockingly well,” says Crest simply. “I WILL BITE YOUR COCK OFF!” Fury bares her fangs at him. 65536 gasps.  “Don’t do that, cocks are big and warm but they don’t taste good.”  The temperature in the room plummets instantly, lights flicker, and everyone can hear Luna’s neck creak as she slowly turns her head almost hundred-and-eighty degrees from Fury towards Sharp. Then Luna starts counting:  “Ten… nine… eight... ”  Faced with imminent annihilation of his body and possibly even his soul, Sharp’s brain works overtime to decipher what 65536 was talking about:  “We took 65536 out during Summer Sun Celebration and we visited a petting zoo. 65536 tried to nibble on most of the animals… and visitors.”  Luna breathes out, lights stop flickering, and the area stops requiring the attention of an exorcist. There’s only one thing that can make everything go wrong again and she’s currently sitting next to Crest and holding in laughter. “Oh my holes, I just know I’m gonna love it here!”  Luna looks at Common Crest with a suddenly sadistic smile.  “Mister Crest, I advise you fill that bottle with tabasco sauce. It could be a learning experience. For all of us.”  “No offence, Your Highness, but with how often I have to use it she’d be living in the shower.”  65536 gasps:  “That must be amazing! All the bubbles you want whenever you want.”  At this point, everypony twitches with nervous anticipation whenever Fury opens her mouth, but there’s an unspoken agreement that they’ll never admit it in front of her.   “If you’re so interested in bubbles, drone, do you want me to tell you what angry dragon i-” she suddenly finds her head inside a magical bubble which isn’t letting any sound out.  “Fury, there are things I will not tolerate. Count what you just said as strike one. You get to three, you won’t see the punishment coming. Got it?” growls Luna. Stoically, Fury stares her way for far longer than the rapidly diminishing air in the bubble should allow. After a seriously unfair staring contest, Luna simply makes the bubble vanish, adding “So?”  “Huh? I was waiting for someone to start laughing at that ‘see it coming’ line while counting how long it would take you to realize I can grow air holes anywhere on my body.”  Crest sprays her again.  “STOP THAT!”  He looks at 65536 . “Is it a changeling thing?”  “Dunno, try me,” replies the drone happily. Crest sprays its face, “Eeeee! Again! Again!”