//------------------------------// // Chapter 22: Taverns, Truancy and Taunts // Story: Hazy Days and Magical Ways // by Dogger807 //------------------------------// The law of the chalkboard jungle was an unfortunate but universal constant. Inevitably, a child or a gang of children would be bullies. Even in the most prestigious of schools, there were students who made it their lives’ mission to belittle others to make themselves feel superior. While sticks and stones may break bones, any youngster can tell you that words can hurt even more. In this jungle, however, appearances can be deceiving, and bullies sometimes choose the wrong target. “Well, if it isn’t the hopeless quartet.” A plum-colored unicorn filly stood a few steps in front of her two friends as she confronted the younger fillies who had just made their way onto the playground. “Fissle.” The little white unicorn wilted visibly at being accosted by the older students. Thistle took a menacing step forward. “What are you, blank flanks doing?” she demanded. “Shouldn’t you be in the library or something? Finding your cutie marks instead of wasting your time playing?” “Leave her alone, Thistle,” the newest member of the younger group growled. “What are you going to do about it, wimp?” Thistle sneered and her two friends let out cruel laughs. “You think just because you dye your fur, you’re hot stuff? You’re just a dweeb like these other three.” “We’re not dweebs,” complained Constant Flow, the cherry red unicorn filly. “Dweebs, all dweebs,” Thistle’s two friends chorused. “You blank flanks are such dweebs.” “Are you done yet?” the newest filly asked coldly. “My teddy bear is scarier than you.” A scowl crossed Thistle’s muzzle as she used her magic to push the white unicorn out of her way. “What did you say?” she demanded, stomping forward to push her nose close to the upstart's. “I think you need to be taught a lesson on how things work around here.” The yard monitor had witnessed the confrontation and was hurrying over to deescalate the confrontation. “You think It’s all right to pick on ponies smaller than you?” the newcomer asked sweetly, not at all intimidated by the larger pony's threat of bodily harm. “I’m going to make sure you know that big means you rule, small means you drool,” Thistle snarled, pulling back a forehoof to reinforce her words. “Thistle!” the Yard Monitor yelled, increasing her pace and lighting her own horn to catch the leg in her own magic. “You got lucky; we’ll finish this later,” Thistle whispered, turning her head to look at the approaching adult. “We were just talking Miss Jadepool,” she called out. Whatever else she might have been meaning to say was cut off as she abruptly felt herself being picked up. Turning back in shock, she found herself staring up into a pair of eyes into which she had just recently been staring down. “Start drooling,” said the newcomer. “Ewww! Wrong end!” The yard monitor skidded to a halt; a figurative wrench thrown into her thought process. “What’s going on here?” she asked reflexively. “Nothing,” said seven children simultaneously, including a golden unicorn filly who had transformed into a furless abomination wearing a formerly white dress. “Astoria Greengrass?” Miss Jadepool questioned cautiously. “Yes ma’am?” came the innocent reply. “What are you doing to Thistle Coat?” “Err . . . petting her.” Astoria shifted the pony in her arms and proceeded to demonstrate. "Soft fur." “Are you carnivorous?” Miss Jadepool ventured. “Carnivwhat?” “Do you eat meat?” “Yes.” Thistle started screaming. There might have been some begging for her life involved as well. There may even have been encopresis. “Do you eat ponies?” Miss Jadepool asked cautiously. “No.” Astoria held the struggling filly at arm’s length to avoid the flailing limbs. “That’s just gross, even thinking about it.” “I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear that.” Miss Jadepool sighed in relief. “Would you please put Thistle down?” Looking at Thistle, Astoria said, "You stink, and your mother dresses you funny." Jadepool resisted the urge to facehoof. "I meant put her down on the ground." *Whump!* “Arrrrrrgh!” Thistle left an afterimage as she attempted to reach relativistic speed. “'Put down' does not mean drop,” Miss Jadepool chastised. “Sorry.” “And did you have to aim for the yellow snow?” “I wasn’t aiming.” “I just stood here and watched you do it,” Miss Jadepool scolded. “I may have aimed a little.” Astoria shuffled a foot. “Wow!” Constant Flow interrupted the yard monitor. “How’d you do that? Can you teach me?” “I have a ring.” Astoria took something off one of her claws before leaning down and holding it out to Constant Flow. “You have a ring that allows you to turn into . . . whatever it is you are right now?” Miss Jadepool questioned. “Yes ma’am.” Astoria, nodded her head. “Witch.” “What you are right now.” “Huh?” Astoria asked. “What species are you right now?” “A witch.” “A which?” Miss Jadepool crinkled her brow. “Oh, a witch. No dear a witch is a profession, not a species.” “Oh?” “How’s it work?” Constant Flow asked around whatever she had in her mouth. “You just have to concentrate on changing.” Astoria told her. “What exactly are you?” Miss Jadepool asked firmly. “Um . . . a human?” “Are you telling me or asking me?” Miss Jadepool prompted. As the two spoke, another abomination appeared, this one wearing a skirt, blouse, and trainers, each in a shade of pink that was just different enough from the others to be jarring. “Look at me!” Constant Flow swung her arms wildly in glee. “Whoops!” *Whump!* “There’s a whole yard of nice clean white snow and you just had to pick the one patch of yellow snow, didn’t you?” Miss Jadepool sighed. “Ewww!” Constant Flow complained. “May I try duh ring now?” asked Sudden Flake, the white unicorn filly. "Fis looks fun." “Why don’t we all turn back into ponies instead?” Miss Jadepool shot a glare at Astoria and Constant Flow. “I’ll be confiscating that ring; your mother will need to see me to get it back.” Two men were standing in front of a video arcade in a mall, having a conversation while watching some children playing games. “Let me see if I have this straight,” the bobby said to Dan Granger. “The reason your kids aren’t in school is because they’ve been suspended.” “Yes.” Dan nodded glumly. “For stockpiling explosives?” “Yes.” Dan nodded again, looking even more downtrodden. “Because they are afraid of werewolf attacks.” “That’s what they claim.” “And you believe them?” “They did get in a fight with one not too long ago.” Dan winced. “They got in a . . . Wait; are they the little ponies from the news?” “Yes,” Dan sighed. Reflexively, the bobby's thighs slammed together. “Before this conversation goes any further, I am going to have to have you stay between me and whichever one of them turns into the neon orange unicorn at all times,” the bobby said. “That would be my daughter,” Dan noted. “Your daughter? You didn’t teach her to . . .” “No! No, I most certainly didn’t.” “Where’d she pick that up, then?” The bobby winced. “I don’t know. She reads a lot.” “Which books? I’m going to steer my daughter away from them.” “Anything she can get her hands on,” Dan said. “You’d have to ban your daughter from the library.” The bobby sighed. “Back to the subject at hand. They aren’t playing hooky. I understand that, but why are you treating them to an outing if they are being punished by their school? Sends the wrong signal if you ask me.” “I’m just getting them out of the town for the day,” Dan said. “They’ve been harassing the local hydra, and the guards don’t want it getting spooked and deciding to live somewhere else.” The bobby stared at Dan in disbelief. “I am painfully aware of just how many things are wrong with that statement.” Dan sighed. “Is that normal behavior?” “Not even remotely.” “You said that exactly like Lyra Heartstrings did on the telly,” the bobby noted. “The lad with glasses is hers,” Dan admitted. “Should I worry about the mall coming down about our ears, then?” “I wish I could honestly say no to that.” “You are not making me feel better.” “Don’t worry; they aren’t willfully destructive.” Dan reassured him. “We are, however, working on their concept of collateral damage.” “So, you’re saying that letting them anywhere near heavy machinery would be the least wise choice of my life?” “No; the least wise choice of your life would be letting Sweetie anywhere near the kitchen. Yours is a distant second.” The bobby stared at him a second before starting to laugh. “It’s not funny.” Dan shook his head. “It should be, but it really isn’t. Her cake is scarier than a hydra.” The pub was average by any standard, despite its location in a college town. The furniture was average. The drinks were average. The lackluster decorations adorning the walls were average. Heck, even the customers were average. The grey pony playing a cello for the entertainment of others, well, that, not so much. Neither were the two ponies sitting at a booth, human watching. “I can’t believe her,” Vinyl Scratch sighed, reaching for her cider. The humans were wicked in that regard; they let the stuff ferment. What she was drinking would not be out of place in Berry’s bar. True, it wasn’t as tasty as what the Apples produced, but taste was a secondary trait here. “I know,” Cloud Kicker said, amused. “I mean, I don’t have a wing in this race, but I was under the impression you two came along with the intentions of snagging yourselves a colt or maybe two if you were lucky.” Vinyl nodded and took another sip of her cider. “I mean the first thing she does is find a quiet bar near a college, then asks the owner if they just happen to have a cello. Which I might add, it is surprising that the human actually had one. But that point aside, instead of chatting up the unattached stallions, she plants herself in a corner and starts showing off her remarkable musical skills.” Vinyl nodded and took another sip. “She’s managed to gather quite the crowd of admirers,” Cloud Kicker said. Vinyl nodded and took another sip. “I said, 'of admirers',” Cloud Kicker emphatically repeated. Vinyl looked up from her drink, Cloud Kicker couldn’t see the DJ's eyes behind her shades, but she was willing to bet they were very wide at this point. “Sweet Celestia, I’m going to be outnumbered.” Vinyl slammed the rest of her cider. “Octavia!” With that word, she leapt from her seat. *Whump!* “Hmm.” Cloud Kicker looked at her own half empty mug. “This stuff has a bigger kick than I thought.” Bellatrix Black lay on a too-short bed with her two sisters standing on either side of her. Looking up, she added "too low" to her assessment of the furniture’s description. Looking back down, she stared at her crystalline arm, her unmarked crystalline arm. “It’s for the best,” Andi said, reading her sister’s mood. Bella held back tears. “You wouldn’t understand.” “You’re right.” Nissy answered, “We never understood why you followed that crazed maniac.” “He promised to make everything better, make those beneath us know their place,” Bella growled. “He made everything worse,” Andi snarled. “He protected our birthrights,” Bella snarled back. “He killed indiscriminately, enemy and ally alike,” Andi shot back. “Would you rather they chip away at our traditions uncontested?” Bella snapped. “Bella,” Nissy said softly, “traditions that only benefit a few at the top are not worth preserving.” “You’re a traitor,” Bella stated. “If standing against subjugation means I’m a traitor, then I’ll wear that badge proudly,” Nissy said, not raising her own voice. “You’ll let everything our family built collapse into dust,” Bella snarled. “Yes,” Nissy acknowledged. “This is getting us nowhere.” Andi sighed, also lowering her voice to a normal speaking volume. “Let me put it into perspective. On the most basic level, purebloods believe it is their birthright to rob muggleborn and halfbloods of their own birthrights. They consider all those who will not submit to that theft to be threatening the traditions you speak of. “ “That’s not true,” Bella snapped. “It is,” Nissy said. “What’s more, purebloods cannot survive without everyone else. Could you see my husband tilling the fields to feed his family? Could you see any of his allies doing even the most basic jobs needed for survival? Muggleborn, on the other hand, do not need purebloods.” “We give them magic!” Bella screamed. “We do not,” Andi snapped. “Their magic is their own. It is their birthright; they do not steal it from purebloods “You lie! They steal their magic from purebloods!” Bella said with conviction. “They do not,” Andi insisted. “They do too!” Bella snapped. “Why would there be squibs otherwise?” “First of all, inbreeding,” Andi said. “Secondly, the muggles have been tracing the families of muggleborns. They aren’t done yet, but it looks like at least half can be linked to disowned squibs just a few generations back. In all likelihood, that is probably an underestimate. The Death Eaters have been killing off their own distant relatives.” “You lie!” “Of course, Bella, everything I say that you don’t like is a lie.” “They still couldn’t do magic unless we taught them how,” Bella said stubbornly. Andi actually snorted at this. “Hording knowledge? That’s the pureblood contribution? The muggles just needed the basics, and they went wild. Did you know that they had already all but invalidated wizarding astronomy long before the statute fell? They’ve only known magic is real for a short time, yet they’ve already figured the advantages of casting certain rituals during certain times has more to do with the angle of your spot on the planet and the alignment of gravitational fields, than stars whose light take an unimaginable amount of time to reach your eyes.” “What?” Nissy asked, “Where did you hear about that?” “Haven’t you been paying attention to Twilight when she starts explaining something she’s read?” Andi queried. “No, I can honestly say I’ve learned to tune her out,” Nissy admitted. “You shouldn’t,” Andi admonished. “Take the astronomy mess for an example. We know through Arithmancy that certain spells work better at different times. We used to use the stars and seasons to calculate the best times. With the pony's concept, there are different planes of magic running through reality, sort of like how ley lines run through the planet. Well, the angles that you intersect those planes can be easily determined, which, by the way, explains why the hemisphere of the planet you occupy matters so much in those regards. There are some kinds of both shrinkage and magnification caused by the fluctuations in the gravitational field of the planet. That is why knowing where the other planets in the solar system is also important, but . . ..” “Okay, okay.” Nissy held up a hand. “You’ve proven you have been listening to Twilight, and while this would be an interesting tangent to explore later, it is nonetheless a tangent. Let us get back to the subject at hand.” As one, the two standing sisters turned to look at their bedridden sibling. “They would still need to acquire wands,” Bella said weakly. “Purebloods own just about the entire range of magical animals.” Nissy blinked and looked toward the open window of the room. “Really? Is that the best you could come up with? Open a salon here, and you’d have enough tail hairs to outfit every witch and wizard in Magical Britain by the time the day was out.” “There weren’t exactly that many unicorns running around from what I saw.” Bella pouted. “Perhaps not here, but in Canterlot, you can’t go five feet without tripping over one,” Andi said. “Besides, you saw what they did with that crystal heart. You can’t tell me that the tail hairs of these crystal ponies wouldn’t make a good core material.” “They should still know their place.” Bella lifted her chin. “They do. They are knowing it better and better every year,” Nissy said. “That’s what has the purebloods so worried.” “You simply will not believe what I just went through,” Jadepool said as she collapsed into a cushion in the teachers' lounge. Orange Slip looked up from the homework she was grading. “You look flustered; which foal did that to you this time?” “Thistle Coat.” Surprise Quiz snorted, placing his coffee mug on a nearby table. “Were she and her friends bullying the younger foals again? Has she crossed the line?” “She came close, actually raised her hoof to the new filly, Astoria Greengrass,” Jadepool said. “Even her mother couldn’t save her if she had connected,” Orange Slip said. “I hear that filly has connections at the palace.” “So does Thistle’s mother.” Surprise Quiz sighed. “In case you forgot, that’s the main reason we have difficulties reining her in.” Orange Slip shook her head. “By connections, I mean her own mother has the ear of the princesses -- easily trumps whatever officials Step Right can drum up.” “Those are just rumors.” Jadepool snorted. “If I had a bit for every student that claimed they have had tea with the princess I could afford to retire.” “I’m just warning you,” Orange Slip said. “Whatever,” Jadepool replied. “If it’s true, she’s going to need that political pool, because Astoria just yanked Thistle around the room by her tail. Step Right isn’t going to like that.” “Figuratively or literally?” Surprise Quiz asked. “I’m kind of hoping for literally.” “Figuratively.” Orange Slip snorted. “Astoria isn’t large enough to do that literally, nor does she have enough control of her horn. I swear it is almost like she has only recently discovered she has one.” “Wait!” Jadepool gasped. “Say that again.” “I said Astoria sometimes acts like her horn is a new addition.” “Ooooh.” Jadepool shook her head, “No, it couldn’t be.” “Don’t leave us hanging,” Surprise Quiz said. “How did Astoria yank Thistle’s tail?” “She had a ring that allowed her to change her form.” Jadepool held up the object in her hoof. “Who lets fillies have things like this?” Orange Slip blinked. “A shapeshifting ring? That must have cost a small fortune.” “From what I hear, she can easily afford it,” Jadepool said as Orange Slip levitated the ring out of her grasp. “Thistle is going to learn the hard way to be careful whom she targets.” Surprise Quiz smiled. “Her mother is going to be upset that she is alienating somepony with more political and financial leverage than she has herself.” “How does this thing work?” Orange Slip slipped the ring onto her horn. “You have to concentrate on changing,” Jadepool said, eyeing her coworker. “That might not be such a good idea; we have no idea if that will work for a full-grown mare.” “Woah!” Orange Slip cried out. “My udders are on my barrel!” Jadepool rolled her eyes. “You turn into a towering monstrosity, and the first thing you say is ‘my udders are on my barrel’.” “They feel weird,” Orange Slip insisted. “You try it.” “I’ll pass,” Jadepool said. “I recognize that,” Surprise Quiz gasped. “You’re a human!” “A human?” Orange Slip experimentally poked at her misplaced body parts. “Oooooh!” “Yes, there were some up near the palace around Hearth’s Warming.” Surprise Quiz nodded. “Caused a considerable amount of fuss, as well.” “Do they all have such horrid taste in clothing?” Jadepool turned her nose up at Orange Slip. “Constant Flow was wearing the same thing when she changed.” “Worse.” Surprise Quiz shuddered. “The one I saw was wearing her kills as clothing.” Orange Slip shuddered. “These things are dangerous, then?” “The princesses wouldn’t let them in the city if they were,” Jadepool replied, “If it helps any, Astoria was repulsed by the idea of eating ponies.” “That helps a lot, actually.” Orange Slip continued prodding at her interesting body parts. “I wonder what kind of prey these humans hunt and whether they can be coaxed into giving that up.” “Just a sec.” Surprise Quiz hopped off his cushion. “Let me get a closer look at your teeth.” “My teeth?” Orange Slip questioned. “Yes, your teeth.” Surprise reared on his hind legs and placed his forehooves on Orange’s new playthings. “You can tell a lot about an animal if you look at its teeth.” “Aaah!” Orange Slip said reflexively. “You need to keep your mouth open so I can look.” Surprise Quiz scolded as she clamped her mouth shut. “C . . . can’t help it!” Orange Slip stuttered. “M . . . my teats! C. . . . cold hooves!” Surprise experimentally shifted his hooves to one side. "That's strange. Nopony would complain about that. There's no way they should be that big without any milk." “Aah!” Orange Slip agreed. “that’s weird!” “Open up and say 'aah' again,” Surprise Quiz commanded. “And this time keep your mouth open.” “Ahh!” “Well, offhoof, I’d say humans are omnivores. You have the hint of proper fangs as well as underdeveloped molars.” Surprise dropped back down to the floor. “Overall, they are probably safer to be around than griffins.” “That’s a relief,” Jadepool said. “It’s not going to cut back on the counseling that Thistle most likely needs right now, but it’s still a relief.” At that moment, right on cue, the school’s counselor strolled into the teachers’ lounge. “Hey Jadepool,” the newly arrived mare said. “I have some questions for -- Sweet Celestia!” “If you want to ask the princess some questions, you’d be better off heading off to the palace,” Jadepool replied. “Aaa . . . Daa . . . Hmm . . . Is that what Astoria turned into?” The counselor quickly recovered. “No wonder she’s traumatized. Who is that by the way?” “It’s me, Orange Slip.” “I see you couldn’t wait to play with the toy you confiscated.” The counselor tsked. “This is what Thistle encountered or does that thing have more than one setting?” “Astoria was the same, only less than half Orange’s current size.” The counselor sighed and turned to leave. “Do me a favor; go drag Astoria to the nurse’s office to make sure there were no adverse effects. I’m going to go and stuff a pint of ice cream down Thistle’s gullet. That should hopefully get her to stop shaking.” “Brain freezes will do that.” Surprise Quiz nodded his head sagely. “So,” Jadepool ventured to the room at large, “wanna put ten bits on whether antibully rings get banned or not?” Lyra was grumbling as she led a pair of ponies into the Leaky Cauldron. “I can’t believe you two.” She seethed. “Backing traffic up with a heartsong or two wasn’t enough. No, you had to try for an encore.” “We didn’t know,” protested Cider Stout. “They really looked like they wanted out,” added Kindle Flame. “You are so lucky none of them got hurt.” Lyra seethed. “How were we supposed to know?” pouted Kindle Flame. “They really looked like the cows back home,” Cider Stout stated defensively. “They seemed uncomfortable in the back of that truck.” Kindle Flame nodded. “They didn’t even have scarves.” “Lyra!” Elisa Bates said, rushing over. “I’m glad you’re back. I need to take you to the airport; there’s an overeager pony causing a commotion.” “Airport?” Lyra asked. “Yes, I have her description here somewhere.” Elisa started to swing her purse open. “Don’t bother.” Lyra waved a hoof. “That would be Cherry Berry; let’s go get her.” “Why are we stopping here, Mr. Granger?” Abagail asked as she was the last to exit the Knight Bus. Dan smirked as he started herding his charges towards the entrance of a nursery school. “Well, I was talking to a policeman and he made the point that I shouldn’t be rewarding you for breaking the rules. He was kind enough to make some calls and you are going to spend the rest of today and all of tomorrow doing some community service.” “Community service?” Apple Bloom asked warily. “Are ya’ll having us clean this here building?” “Eh, I don’t mind cleaning.” Harry shrugged. “Not exactly.” Dan smirked. A woman walked out the front doors, holding her hand out to shake Dan’s. “Mr. Granger? I’m Madam Franks. Please, allow me to welcome you and your children to our school.” “Hello Madam Franks, it’s nice to meet you.” Dan obligingly shook her hand. “Thank you for your willingness to accommodate us on such short notice.” “Please,” Madam Franks chuckled good naturedly, “as if I’d pass on the opportunity. The little ones are going to be so happy. They will be thrilled to meet ponies in real life. I've made arrangements for all the children in our sister facilities visit as well.” “Wait,” Dean broke in, “Are you telling me that you’re making us into a mobile petting zoo?” “Pretty much.” Dan nodded. “It’ll keep you busy.” “Daddy!” Hermione whined. “Hello and welcome. We interrupt your normally scheduled program for yet another edition of 0921 SAW PONY.” The anchorman smiled winningly at the camera. “It sure has been a busy day here for us,” said his blonde partner. “For the most part, there have only been a few bumps along the way,” said the anchorman. “However, there do appear to be a few bad apples out there.” The blonde frowned as if she were mortally offended. “To them, we express our wish to keep the international incidents to a minimum, as in zero,” said the anchorman. “Let us make it perfectly clear.” The blonde seethed. “Nairing ponies is not funny.” “Charges shall be filed,” added the anchorman. “Luckily, the wizards were readily available with a potion that turned the unfortunate victim into a giant fluffball.” The blonde smiled. “Likewise, skelegrow was made available for the perpetrators.” The blonde added, "And reports indicate the pony victim was later taken to a local salon." The anchorman quirked an eyebrow. "I thought that was a barbershop." The blonde smiled. "Now that's just splitting hairs."