//------------------------------//
// Choosing a New Path 
// Story: The Immortal Dream 
// by Czar_Yoshi 
//------------------------------//

I blinked at my friends, and they blinked at me.

"So... you actually wanna help us with our research now?" I frowned up at Graygarden and Elise. "Thanks, I guess? Kind of the last thing on our minds at the moment..."

"What are you proposing?" Corsica cut in. "I'm all for some due recompense."

"That's up to you," Graygarden said. "But let's start things off with the most obvious option. Nicov, come in."

The door to the extra waiting room swung open, and in stomped a partially-mummified yak. Over half of Nicov's body was covered in bandages, and he wore an eyepatch that looked beastly cool. "Science ponies!" he greeted, enough of his face visible to grin.

"Nicov?" Ansel tilted his head. "What's up?"

"Due to certain... developments," Elise said, choosing her words carefully, "we need to think twice about who we can trust. Investigating the last week's happenings might normally be done through official channels, but after discussion we've decided to send Nicov to Ironridge in person. The yaks, blessedly, we know to be on our side. And as Nicov is due for some rest and relaxation after last night's explosion, yet still capable of action, we thought he would make a fine candidate."

"Still capable?" I gaped at the yak. "You look like you should be on life support!"

Nicov flexed with only a tiny little wince. "Yaks buff. Easy injuries to walk off. Besides, not leave for month or so anyway."

"The reason this concerns you," Graygarden added, "is because I know you've been wanting to run experiments and take measurements outside of Icereach. Any experiment you can compress and simplify to a form Nicov could easily run... He'll have a lot of downtime. And he's indicated he's willing to do this for you."

Ansel chuckled nervously. "Easy there, old-timer. For a moment, I thought you were going to offer to have him be our bodyguard on a research trip."

"We assumed that would be in poor taste, given what you've just been through," Elise replied. "But, if you desire it, that would be possible to arrange too."

I almost sat down, only just managing to remember my hurt side in time. No. Nope. No. This was exactly how all our troubles had began, barely a week ago...

"Whatever." Corsica shrugged. "If it happens, it happens."

"Tell me more," Ansel requested.

Wait, were neither of them...? I blinked. Right. Corsica allegedly didn't care about anything, and Ansel had a crisis of faith with his previous position of no-travel-not-ever.

Elise frowned. "How so?"

"You know what I mean." Ansel pointed a hoof at her. "You're right about it being bad taste right now, and yet you basically just offered anyway. That means you've got some hidden circumstances up your sleeve we don't know about that might make this not sound completely off-the-wall insane. That, or you're more changelings. Believe it or not, I actually wouldn't mind a change of pace, but it'll take a good bit of doing to convince me it's a good idea."

"That wasn't an offer and we weren't trying to convince you," Graygarden sighed. "It would cost a fair bit of money and leverage to get you there and ensure your safety. It's only on the table if you demand it, and you'd be the ones doing the convincing."

Elise nodded. "The last thing we wish to do is foist more stress upon you when this should be a time for relaxation. I merely said it would be possible, if you have a sufficient desire."

All of us were quiet. Part of me insisted this was exactly like Aldebaran's offer, where we appeared to have a choice but saying no revealed it as an illusion. But no reasons we would have to go appeared.

"Take your time and think it over," Elise urged. "Whatever you need for your research, we are at the very least open and listening to your requests. But this is not an offer for today alone, and there is much more to discuss."

"You know, if you really want to repay us, you could just give us answers to whatever we feel like asking," Ansel suggested. "If anything you've got to say is that important, odds are we'll cover it anyway. Besides, you were just going on about how you owe us one."

Elise closed her eyes and bowed. "Very well. Ask away."

Ansel, predictably, asked his question first. "What's the big idea with that hidden facility sitting so close to Icereach? Someone here must have known about it."

"It was constructed by a previous Icereach administration," Graygarden said. "Yakyakistan has used Icereach as a research colony on multiple occasions. After the treaty that founded the institute, it was converted into a storage area for some of Yakyakistan's old projects. Someone else must have found it and moved in."

I had a different direction I wanted to press. "And what about Icereach and Whitewings? Did you really make those?"

Elise and Graygarden shared a glance.

Ansel nodded. "I think it goes without saying that's a question from all of us."

"I'm not sure I can tell you," Elise eventually apologized. "Yes, if circumstances haven't made it clear enough, many Whitewing components were being made in Icereach, and I do know about them. However, you observed the Composer targeting me with the intent to learn more about the body it was inhabiting. Given that it is still loose in the world, I can't in good conscience tell you anything it might come after you to learn."

"Not like it isn't interested in me already," I pointed out. "And how's it gonna know what you say in this room? Windigoes aren't mind readers." I hesitated. "They can't do that, right?"

"Whether they can or can't, they're also blasted windigoes," Ansel added. "If one does come to town again, we're not exactly rolling in options for making them go away." He glanced at Corsica. "Whatever she did aside, you yourself told me our best chance was to play its game and appease it." He fixed Elise with a look. "By that logic, wouldn't we want to know as much as possible so as to satisfy it and make it go away?"

"Trust me," Corsica grunted. "Wasn't an it. Was a he."

Elise shook her head. "We did what we could with the tools that we had, but it wasn't an enviable situation and I wouldn't do it the same if we get a chance to prepare. Already, I've been drafting letters to some acquaintances who might have better ideas about how to chase those creatures off in the future. If there is a next time, we will be prepared, and we won't give them any information we don't have to."

I sighed. Elise probably believed her reasons were sound, but whether she was right or wrong, Icereach's curtain of censorship was apparently here to stay.

"So what's the real reason for all the censorship?" I asked, frustrated. "You danced around it before, but seriously, it feels like we never get to know about anything around here. Especially anything supernatural."

Elise glanced at me. "I was under the impression I already explained this to you during our exile."

I thought back, remembering our talk about how the Church of Yakyakistan had a vested interest in keeping what windigoes were really like under the rug. "Yeah, but that was on a case-by-case basis."

"That is how it always is," Elise said. "We don't strike anything from records without reason. Which case are you particularly interested in?"

"The chapel," I told her instantly. "Who built it, when and why? And why doesn't anyone care about it anymore?"

Graygarden shook his head. "That isn't a question of censorship. It's a question of nobody caring. The chapel predates the batpony race. Icereach's natives, all batponies, must have found it when they got here and started using it for their own purpose. Any original meaning it had is long departed."

"Someone cares," I said. "It's what the Composer was here for, the way it told things."

Elise folded her ears. "Worrying, but it does not magically endow us with more knowledge to give you."

"Then who would know?" I pressed. "Come on, there's gotta be someone in Icereach who's old enough to remember back then. It was only sixty years ago!"

Elise raised an eyebrow at me, questioning how I knew this.

"The chapel is thousands of years old," Graygarden said. "Far outside the memory of any living pony."

I narrowed my eyes. There had to be something more to it than that...

"Look, I've got one," Ansel said stepping in and taking advantage of the silence. "Back at the beginning, before we got on that airship, you wrote Hallie and Corsica a letter outlining why they shouldn't go. That was you, right? On the topic of censorship, why was the law pertaining to me and Hallie redacted when they went to look them up?"

"...Oh." Elise's face fell. "The Starlight rule."

Ansel and Corsica both looked at her curiously. Starlight rule... I felt like I had heard the name Starlight before, but where?

"It's simply a rule that prohibits us from placing foreign refugees in potentially risky situations," Elise said, looking away. "Nothing more. The reason it's off the books is so that I can use my judgement in determining when to and not to apply it. That is all."

"I'll bet it is," Ansel scoffed. "Just how many refugees does Icereach harbor, anyway? This isn't exactly the kind of place most ponies run."

"Today? Three." Elise continued looking into the distance. "You, Halcyon, and your mother."

"Why?" I asked. "That can't be all there is to it. Why go to the trouble of making such a small rule? And why's it so specific? And why Starlight?"

Elise looked uncomfortable. "That is an extremely personal question."

"You don't say?" Ansel raised an eyebrow. "If it only applies to the three of us, I'd say it's personal for us, too."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Have you got history with Mother, or something?"

Elise sighed. "This is going to be a bit of a story. I have... rarely talked about my special talent. Ansel, you heard, last night during our exile, but Halcyon and Corsica wouldn't. My talent strengthens my magic the more creatures are relying upon me. It is why I was trying to calm you and help you trust me during our exile, and how I was able to empower myself once Ansel did so. In my youth, I used it often. In a rougher, more dangerous world, it was the duty of the strong to watch over the weak, or so I believed." She shook her head. "Icereach has little need of that, of course. While we do have the yaks to provide security, this incident was the first time they have been called upon in over four years. We have no violent crime. In fact, most of our scientists are so self-reliant that this was also the first time I've been able to use my talent in even more years. It's hard not to wonder what someone like me is doing in a city where my talent is entirely unneeded."

"I'll say," Ansel agreed. "I was going to ask about that later, even. But what's this got to do with that rule?"

"Patience," Elise urged. "In years gone by, I optimistically and fervently believed that even though we may not be able to achieve a perfect society, we could at least have one in which the creatures with the will and ability to do good could rise to the challenge when the need arose. I recall telling you of Blazing Rain, Yakyakistan's folk hero during their war of imperial collapse. Her story served as a role model to me. I thought that as long as good won in the end, everything would be fine."

My eyes widened in realization. "But nobody did rise to the challenge when the Empire collapsed. And then Mother and I came along, refugees..."

For a moment, Elise looked very much like she wanted to nod and leave it at that, but eventually she took a breath and continued. "Not quite. The Empire actually did have those fighting to save it, and their efforts are why it still exists in the capacity it does today. But, regardless, that isn't what changed my mind. The tipping point came during Ironridge's Steel Revolution, the period of upheaval shortly before the Icereach treaty was signed. And, caught up in that turmoil, there was a young filly named Starlight, whom my system failed."

I tilted my head. "What did you do? Must have been pretty bad to give up on your purpose..."

"I allowed her to shoulder a burden that wasn't right for a filly, by virtue of being unable to stop it." Elise bowed her head. "She, herself, was a runaway. Most of what I learned about her came after our brief meeting. She was exceptional, talented, incredibly resourceful, and also very lonely."

Ansel frowned. "So you let yourself get all down in the dumps because there was one kid you couldn't help? I appreciate the ideals, but that seems like a pretty slim margin for error..."

"You misunderstand," Elise said. "The system I believed in was one where the strong protected the weak. I thought it to be the image of an ideal world, one where ordinary folk could go about their lives without fear despite the dangers in their world. But, I didn't fully understand that ponies can be strong in some ways and weak in others. Starlight may have had more power than even some professional soldiers and more luck than the winner of a lottery, but she lacked many things necessary to a foundation in life. For someone like me, who was prepared for the responsibility of safeguarding others, such a society let me contribute to my fullest. For someone like her, given the choice between protecting for others what she did not have herself and standing back and letting them lose it... it was unbelievably cruel."

Corsica actually was paying attention now. "Why didn't you just give her what she needed?"

"Would that I could." Elise shook her head. "But some things are not so easily replaceable. A sense of community? Parents? Lifelong friends? Much of this, I only learned of after she was long gone. There was nothing I could do, though believe me I would have tried. And, now, I do try. Did you know that I came to Icereach to accept my posting on the same airship that brought Halcyon and Nehaly?"

My ears perked. "Really?"

"Yes," Elise said, her mane quietly blowing. "Your mother reminded me of Starlight. She had lost everything except her own determination and something to fight for. She was incredibly strong, and yet so brittle at the same time. And there was no doubt she should never have been in the situation she was. I thought up the Starlight rule because I wanted to ensure that if the time ever came where I could step in to protect her - and, now, you - I would have all the authority of the law allowing me to do it."

I slowly nodded, and tried to meet her eyes. "For what it's worth, you did protect us. Things got pretty rough for me and everyone else, but if you hadn't come along and taken out some of the changelings, I... I didn't have a plan. It was all I could do to stay on my hooves."

Ansel nodded firmly.

"I appreciate you saying it." Elise bowed, earnest. "One of my greatest hopes for Nehaly's children was that they would grow up better than the circumstances they were born into. Your roads may have been rougher than I tried to make them, but your hearts have arrived at this point sufficiently intact. I thank you for your own strength."

Corsica rolled her eyes. "Easy on the sap, there."

"There's one thing you've got all wrong, though," I said, before Corsica could start anything. "Everyone relying only on themselves? That isn't the kind of world I want to live in at all. I just want someone to look up to. You used to be some kind of superhero, you're saying? Or soldier, or whatever? That's what I want. I just want someone to look up to. That's all I've ever needed."

Elise met my eyes. "I said your mother reminded me of Starlight, but I think you do, as well. Perhaps more mature and better-adjusted, but she, too, was lacking in the relationships around her. Like her, you have a single parent who cannot fully meet your needs. I suspect that is the root of your desires."

I took a step back, the pain in my side twitching. "I know Mother doesn't do much, but you can't blame her-"

"Rest assured I wasn't going to." Elise gently held up a hoof for me to stop. "Sometimes, there are problems with no party to blame. As was the case with her as well." She closed her eyes. "Well. I suppose this brings my story to a close. Carry on with your questions."

I stared into the distance, more interested in having some time to think. This Starlight... Where was she now? If Elise knew her before coming to Icereach, she had to be way older than me. Did she feel the same way as I did about our problems? And how much did Elise know that she wasn't saying? I wondered what she knew about my bracelet, about how I really could push myself if the situation demanded it.

"I've got one," Corsica said, breaking the silence. "You ever heard of magic that can make someone supernaturally lucky?"

Elise looked concerned. "Are you referring to Ludwig's rambling about a death curse?"

Corsica nodded. "Any power that can just randomly cause you to be in a position where you can accomplish what you need to. Like he was talking about the curse doing."

"May I ask what you told this windigo, prior to your separation?" Elise asked.

"That..." Corsica took a breath, then set her face. "Is between me and Ludwig. So no."

"Very well." Elise sat back in her chair. "Then, unfortunately, I have no ideas."

"Well, do you believe in fate?" I asked, following up on Corsica's question. "Think it exists to be manipulated in the first place?"

Elise pondered this. "As a scientist, I am not sure. The world does operate by clear rules which sapient beings can use to make their will happen. But, the deeper you dig, the less clear those rules seem to be. Certainly, we can model and predict many things, so I would say yes insomuch as that all actions have consequences. As a pony, however, I have always felt that even though the world may have a current trajectory, it is up to us to change it. So, no. I do not believe in fate."

"Well, you stick to your opinions if nothing else," Ansel said, taking a seat. "I remember you going on and on in that hideout about how you hoped Aldebaran would be better than their nature."

"Than what their circumstances suggested," Elise corrected. "But yes, I did."

"As important as all this is," Graygarden suggested, "perhaps we might keep things moving along? I've a meeting in fifteen minutes."

Elise blinked, then bowed. "Of course. All of you, if you have more questions, please feel free to approach me at other times. Graygarden?"

"Your housing arrangements," Graygarden sighed. "Since yours is out of commission. I've found some good options..."





The rest of our meeting passed without incident. It wasn't that I was uninterested in practical affairs. My brain just... didn't seem to want to focus. Maybe it was a consequence of exhausting myself so hard, but it felt much more pleasant to drift in a haze of half-formed thoughts, not quite asleep on my hooves but not fully lucid, either. I may have just slept for twelve hours, but I kind of wanted to go back to bed.

"Can't say I'm feeling up to lugging our stuff up to a new place just yet, even if it's fancier than our old one," Ansel was saying, rolling his shoulders as we walked. "Nyeurgh... Probably not ready to hit the surface either..."

Corsica shrugged. "Unless you've got ideas, I'm going back to the lab. Practically my home."

"Don't suppose this would be a good time for me to drop by, would it?" Ansel raised an eyebrow. "Get me up to speed on what you're doing down there? A dose of normalcy couldn't hurt."

Corsica tossed her limp mane and led the way. "Suit yourself."

We arrived at the lab some minutes later. It still had our sleeping bags strewn about from me and Corsica's sleepover, with a half-eaten crate of junk food sitting nearby, and the movie projector right where we had left it.

Ansel gave it a look. "I could swear this was less of a girl cave last I beheld it..."

Corsica flicked him with her tail. "Shut up."

"Well, excuse me..."

I wandered into the lab. There was a corkboard, used for correlating events with fault plane dates using tacks and string. There was Corsica's custom terminal, along with a shelf full of pattern cards. I still had the pattern cards I had looted from the hideout, I remembered. Was there any point to looking at them again, or were they just detritus of a finished adventure, clues that would never again be needed? Odds were, I would check them out anyway once I had a little more energy.

The table where we usually stacked our used cafeteria trays was empty. We must have done a dirty tray run recently before we left. Two chests against the wall holding equipment were closed. Three lights lit the room, two along the ceiling and a third desk light designed to illuminate our microscope trays as evenly as possible. Somehow, the room felt small, like it didn't quite fit. Like it was a relic of a past life, when I had been a different pony.

Well, technically, a week ago I had been a different pony. During our exile, alone in the alicorn statue room, I had taken off my mask and changed it, unblocking my memories of Ansel being not my original brother. Was that why I felt the way I did now, like everything was different? Or was this a way a normal pony could feel, after going through my circumstances?

I couldn't know. I hoped that it might be, but it was impossible to say for sure. This wasn't a feeling I was unfamiliar with, one of being not quite there, like me and the world around me existed on separate, overlapping planes. Often, I felt this way, especially when I contemplated my mask, or my history beyond two years ago.

This last week was probably going to become another such junction in my life. Two years from now, I'd probably think just as much about today as I did about the avalanche. Contemplating who I had been in the past was hard enough, but contemplating who I would be in the future? It just felt bizarre.

"Hallie?" Ansel tapped my good shoulder. "You're zoning out there, chum."

"Eh?" I blinked, pulling myself back to reality. "What's happening...?"

"Discussing what to do with this." Corsica pointed to a nondescript sack on the floor. It took me a full minute to realize where I had seen it before, but when I did, my eyes widened: it was the advance payment Leif had given us when trying to hire us during our first meeting.

"Guess it doesn't take old Graygarden to make us into moneybags," Ansel said, catching me up. "And since I doubt anyone will be making us return it to those scumbags any time soon..."

Oh. We actually had a real research budget.

I'd been dreaming for months about what we could use money for. I even had a ledger for it, a notebook I kept on a shelf next to Corsica's technical manuals. Plans for how to allocate any money we were given... I didn't trust myself to remember our most pressing need, especially since most of the things I wrote about us needing were ones we had improvised solutions for already, but an overhaul of our chemistry reagents was long due. Honestly, what we needed most was to invest in some public attention for our research. It was good that Graygarden was being generous today, but how long would that hold up? Think of the long term, Hallie. Think of the long term...

"She's not paying attention," Corsica said just outside my range of consciousness. "Looks about to fall asleep on her hooves. Here, help me with this..."





I awoke feeling warm and peaceful. Training with Balthazar... That was always a good dream. Time to get up and...

Wait a minute. I was definitely not in my bed.

I came to a little further and lit my bracelet. Corsica's lab? Wait, had I fallen asleep down here? I was in a sleeping bag, unzipped and arranged sloppily around me, as if someone had tried to stuff me inside without hurting my injury. At least I remembered about that before I hurt myself again by trying to suddenly move.

Mother's bathrobe wrapped around me. I spotted Corsica slumbering away in the other sleeping bag at the other side of the room.

Probably keeping watch in case I needed anything. Or, maybe she was just as tired as I was.

I turned out my bracelet to let her sleep.

Thoughts of the chapel rose in my mind to fill the darkness. It was so strange, the way my memory got cloudy whenever I thought about the light spirit I had met two years ago. Chasing that spirit had previously been my private quest, so it didn't matter whether it was real or not because the only one affected by the consequences would be me. If I was lying to myself and giving myself a goal that didn't exist, well, that was better than being bored or hopeless. But could I be sure Ansel and Corsica would take it the same way if I led them on a quest in search of nothing? And more worryingly, what if I led them on a quest into a dangerous world trusting divine providence to keep us safe, and that fate turned out to be an illusion?

Elise's words rang in my ears, and Graygarden's, offering the possibility of a trip outside of Icereach, should we ask. Logically, if such a spirit really was pulling the strings of fate to keep me safe, then going would be the only sensible option. If that fate was real, then nothing should be able to hurt me through its protection.

The previous week said otherwise. It felt miraculous that we were already this close to normal, and I didn't want to accept that all of this was random chance. Ludwig saving me from the blizzard, the Composer saving me from Mother, Elise taking out the changelings... All of that had to mean something. But I couldn't take it to mean I was invincible. The wound in my side was proof of that, to say nothing of emotional wounds.

So, then... what did it mean?

"Where are you?" I whispered, imagining reaching out even though I stayed snug in the sleeping bag. "Who are you, and how do you work? I want to know..."

The darkness didn't answer.

Instead, I felt a yearning, like my heart was pulling in any direction other than here. I closed my eyes. Corsica and Ansel had sounded ambivalent at worst about the thought of going to Ironridge. If I insisted we uproot ourselves and travel, they wouldn't try to stop me. This decision was entirely my own.

"What am I supposed to do?" I didn't trust myself with big decisions. It was so much nicer to be the smaller pony, the one without consequences riding on my actions, because all the actions of consequence were undertaken by everyone else. But were they? I remembered Corsica's confession in the conference room. She said she helped me on my chapel project because I was the one with the motivation. I also remembered how powerless I had felt while pretending to be Rondo, with the circumstances and knowledge to take matters into my own hooves, yet unable to follow through. I had refused to go all in when my actions had consequence, and it didn't feel nearly as nice as I kept telling myself it would.

That fear was so hard to articulate. Normally, I trusted myself intrinsically, more than anyone else around. So why did I have to be so afraid of responsibility, of taking on new tasks that would push me to my limits and expand what I knew I was capable of? It wasn't just any unknown consequence that scared me. It was the idea of learning I could do things I didn't already know I was capable of.

"What am I so afraid of?" It was an irrational fear, and it seemed more irrational the more real I let myself feel. The truth, I knew, was that I was a blank slate wearing a mask. I was what I made myself to be. I was more malleable than the ponies around me. How easy it would be for me to give myself a trait I didn't want to have...

That was probably why I wore a mask in the first place.

"I wish I was real..."

I opened my eyes. The less I thought about my identity crisis, the more real I felt. The more real I felt, the less my fears made sense. If only I could cast it all aside, that other half of me, the blank emptiness, everything behind the mask, and just be who I was right now.

If I could do that, I wouldn't even need to go to Ironridge after all. The reason I cared most about the light spirit was to have something bigger than myself that could ground me. If I could move beyond that, somehow, I would no longer need a god.

If only.

I took a breath, and time passed. The decision on whether to go to Ironridge, whether I wanted it or not, was mine.

This wasn't fair. I didn't even know whether I had really met something or not! How could I weigh the risks and responsibilities of deciding that when I couldn't even trust my own memory? Or even my feelings? The way I felt now was the way I had made my mask to feel, after all. But, I couldn't know what I was thinking when I decided that.

The circumstances had changed. There was only one way to be sure: take my mask off, become the me that held nothing back, and see if I might give myself anything new to make this decision easier. The real version of events down in the chapel two years ago would be an excellent place to start.

I was almost afraid. What if it did turn out to be a lie? What would I do then? Where would I focus my energy? How-

But I had to know. It wasn't just my own effort on the line, if I turned out to be chasing a lie.

Corsica was here. I had... never taken my mask off around another pony before. I had also never shown anyone my legs before, never faced down a windigo before, and never woken up in the hospital after getting gored by shrapnel. And she was sleeping. And I needed to know.

Time to get-





-this over with.

Halcyon shuddered, a blanket wrapped around a robe wrapped around a speck that was simultaneously tiny and infinite with its emptiness. She took a breath, and the world stabilized around her as much as it ever did.

This time, there was no out-of-body experience. She remembered the last time she took off her mask, how she seemed to be watching herself in third person. This time, she was definitely seeing from her own body's eyes. Instead, she felt like she was suddenly exposed to the night sky: she could see stars, even in the darkness, like the walls of Corsica's lab had fallen away and she was drifting through the cosmos, lost and unbound.

Stars above her. Stars below her. Nebulae and constellations, some stars packed densely and others spread out. Even a comet or two.

The rules of taking off her mask never seemed to quite work the same. The previous time was the first time she had felt kicked out of her own body. The sensation of stars, at least, she had felt before.

She checked Corsica, trying to sense her in the darkness. Still sleeping. Apparently, the whispering rush of her emptiness in her ear didn't prevent Halcyon from hearing her friend's quiet breaths. It was also proof that the sensation was heard by Halcyon and Halcyon alone. The sensory feedback she experienced like this was all in her head. Otherwise, it would have surely woken Corsica by now.

Right... Her mask had a request. Halcyon furrowed her brow. Constantly getting changed was jarring, though. Thinking, she focused on her bracelet, turning it to the barest glow... It was easier to command when her mask was off, for some reason. Then, she got out of the sleeping bag, found some paper, and began to write.





Moments later, I was me again.

Reality hit me like a club, and I stumbled, the sheer quiet of not having my own lack of existence filling my ears proving almost overwhelming. I gasped, and steadied myself. I didn't feel like I had been changed.

I was holding a paper. A letter, from one me to the other. Smart, since it would let me tell myself things without using any invasive magic to change my identity or memories. Although it was a way of skirting around the purest truth, so part of me was hesitant to read what it contained... I hadn't let myself remember writing it at all.

Carefully, I scooted back into my sleeping bag, my wound not bothering me so much now that I had learned to move with it. I hid my face and my foreleg inside, so the fabric could muffle the light, turned my bracelet on and began to read.



Dear Halcyon,

You're concerned about your fuzzy memories surrounding our encounter in the chapel. Unfortunately, I can't help you with this. What you remember is the same as what I remember. There's nothing you're hiding from yourself about whether or not that encounter was real. I believe that it was real. However, there's nothing I can change in you to impart this belief more than you already hold it. I don't know why it is that our memories are hazy, but it's the way they are.

One more thing: don't worry about Corsica and Ansel seeing your legs now that they know. The danger isn't in being actively looked at. It's only when a new pony sees them for the first time. So don't go prancing around bootless because nothing bad happened, but don't be a stick in the mud about taking them off during sleepovers and the like. You should already know this, but with all you've been thinking about, it hasn't properly crossed your mind.

Also, turning control to me in public is a bad idea. I know you were curious. Don't do it again. I keep you around for a reason.



I reread the letter several times, feeling utterly surreal. The way I thought about myself, it was like this current personality - my mask - was an act I lived, but that I was still essentially the real me. The way this letter read, it was more like unmasked me thought of us as two separate ponies.

That one insight was more interesting than anything I had actually written. I often overanalyzed things, picking ponies' creations apart to learn as much about them as I possibly could. When I was writing this, had I considered that I would react this way? Probably not. Which was even more interesting, because if I was writing myself a letter the way I was now, it definitely would have crossed my mind.

...Actually, maybe it wouldn't have. I just didn't analyze my own stuff like that.

Didn't stop me from picking apart this letter as though it wasn't actually my own.

I stared into the text, physical evidence left behind by a different version of me. Proof that she didn't exist only in my head. What was she like? I didn't know anything about her other than what she left in my mind.

The world spun around me, and I closed my eyes. This was an idea that would take some getting used to.

What a shame we couldn't talk, face to face.





"And that," Ansel grunted, heaving a box onto the floor, "should be just about that."

He and I stood in the living room of a new apartment, a stack of things piled in the middle that Graygarden had gotten some yaks to help us move up from the old one. I wasn't carrying anything with my wound, and no one but me was allowed in my room, so all my things were still back in our old place. Ansel, for his part, had insisted on hauling his own meager belongings himself.

"You really think they'll let us keep this?" I asked, walking around and admiring the place now that it wasn't empty. The trim was fading and warped in places, but there was trim, instead of bare concrete seams. And the ceiling was at least a foot higher than in our old apartment.

"Apparently, Mother gave the higher-ups an earful about how they owed us one," Ansel said, leaning against a wall and panting. "And it'll just be more work for them to move us again after the old place is fixed up..."

I stepped into the kitchenette. It was still adjacent to the living room, without so much as a door separating them, but it was a good bit wider, with a partitioned sink that looked like it had been polished recently and actually had decorated handles instead of a plain metal wheel. The cupboards were greater in number and, checking inside, deeper, too. Also partly stocked. Someone had gone shopping for food far more varied than we usually bothered with.

"Well, it's definitely not back to normal," I said, peeking inside the bathroom and spotting an actual porcelain toilet with the plumbing not sitting right there in plain sight. "But it sure might be a welcome upgrade."

"Really makes you wonder what they were thinking, stuffing us in that old tin can when they had places like this around," Ansel grumbled. "I mean, here I'll have my own bedroom!"

That was true. Perhaps the biggest upgrade was the addition of a third bedroom. No more sleeping on the couch for Ansel, if we got to stay here... I wandered over, surveying the hallway for myself.

"They were thinking it would be free," Mother said from her own bedroom, where she was piled up awkwardly under the covers, reading a book. "You think I was paying for anything when I got here?"

"Yeah," I noted. "This place is fancy enough, it has to be coming out of someone's pocket."

"It ain't that fancy," Ansel pointed out. "Around more civilized places, I'll bet you this passes for lower-average at best. Give it a few years, you'll start noticing all the cracks and blemishes."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Weren't you the one always going on about how good our life in the last place used to be?"

Ansel shrugged. "Can always get better and always get worse. But don't get me wrong. I'd go dumpster diving if it meant I got to keep a place like this for free..."

I nodded. "...Yeah."

For a moment, things were quiet as Ansel set about dragging his belongings into his new room and I sat on the couch, counting the tiles on the new kitchen floor. Eventually, he finished and came and sat beside me.

"Hey, chum," Ansel said. "You given any more thought to Elise's offer? That they'd actually arrange to send us to Ironridge if we said pretty please and wrote a few poems in praise of her name?"

My mind went back to the letter I - or another Halcyon - had written me last night. I could probably mine it for some minor insights, but overall it had told me precious little about how safe leaving home might be. Was destiny really looking out for me? Even if it was, was it enough when things got bad? Or was I just reading into things and seeing what I wanted to see?

"Yeah. Sorta," I answered, nodding slowly. "Feels like a fever dream, all that just happened. Every time I think about what to do next, I don't settle on any answers. I don't wanna be the one to decide. If I do have to, I'm... I'm biased. I'll either go with my gut and get us in trouble, or overcompensate and... you know."

"Well, you're not the only one who doesn't want to decide," Ansel pointed out. "But is that such a bad thing? Maybe I can't go back to the way things were, and maybe I'm trying to see how they'll be going forward, and maybe that means I'd consider leaving. But if all of us stay on the fence and none of us have a clear argument for why skipping town is better, isn't that a plenty good reason to just stay here?"

I closed my eyes. I could choose not to decide, which would be the same as deciding to stay here. And yet, even though the outcome would be the same, those decisions would have a different feel to them. Was he onto something? I couldn't tell.

"The way I see it," Ansel finished, "unless anyone has a compelling reason, we still probably ought to stay put. Being all wishy-washy and weighing the pros and cons is all well and good, but if you can't eventually get an answer and stop wobbling, then someone's going to come along and tip you over. It takes determination to do things, and the quickest way I see a foray to Ironridge going south is if we go there without a clear reason to be there and then someone tests us and we fall flat."

I looked up again and glanced at him. "You think determination would have bailed us out of that mess with Aldebaran?"

"Maybe not entirely," Ansel admitted. "But I'm not sure anything could have, so that's nothing special. And you've got to hand it to us: we weren't very level-headed about the whole thing. Justifiably so, but still. Maybe it wouldn't have gone all that different if we had a different mindset, at least physically. But I'll bet you anything we'd be in better shape now."

"Lessons for the future, I guess." I shook my head. He had something of a point: I spent the entire exile and then return fighting with myself. Half of me didn't want to be a hero, push myself, test my limits, do everything I could to stop Ludwig and put my whole heart behind it. The other half of me was trying feebly anyway. The end result had been me limping through the motions, taking all the risks and seizing none of the payoff even after I survived. What could I have done if I had just made up my mind?

I could have stayed safe in the hideout, for one. Or, maybe, after getting myself all the way here and disguised as a member of my enemies, I could have accomplished something. Either one would have been better than walking that helpless middle road.

"So is that a stay vote?" Ansel raised an eyebrow. "Taking it to heart in the future isn't the same as putting it into practice today."

"I know," I told him. "And I don't really feel like practicing anything today. Feels like there's a wall of water separating me from the other night, and now I gotta build back my life on this side. One thing before the other, you know?" I tilted my head. "And weren't you just saying yesterday... Last night... Whatever that there's nothing left for you in Icereach? You're being pretty wishy-washy too. I can't even tell what you're arguing for."

Ansel chuckled. "That's because I haven't made up my own mind. Where do you think I'm getting this advice from? All just things I wish I could do for myself."

I nodded. That made sense. "How about this," I offered. "I'll think about it a little longer. But, if I can't come up with a real compelling reason for us to go, I'll be an enthusiastic stay instead. No wobbling. Okay?"

"I think that's the only way Elise would have it." Ansel stood up and stretched. "Good luck, chum. As for me, I'm off to check out the new neighborhood..."





After Ansel left, I returned to wandering. I should have been resting, I knew, but sitting still felt too much like being in the hideout during out exile. Moving around without a clear destination in sight felt... better. I was doing something, but it wasn't important. That was a good way to be.

Eventually, my hooves took me full circle, and I returned to my new room in my new house. It was an empty room, since I hadn't had any of my things moved up yet from my old one. It was also empty because I hadn't lived in it for the past entirety of my existence. I felt like even if all of my things were here, it wouldn't have quite the memories infused in it that the old one carried.

Aside from a new bed, the two things I did have here was my satchel, recovered from the Aldebaran by Elise, and my old coat, sliced up by the doctors after I got stabbed. I turned the satchel over and dumped it out, looking over everything I had accumulated throughout my journey. At the top of the pile were all the things I packed for the journey: equipment for taking scientific notes, which now contained my frenzied musings on the changelings' goals. My chess set, used when I played that game against Elise where she cheated to snap me out of a funk. The inertial stabilizer rotor, which I still didn't know why I was lugging around.

And my ocarina, which I had used to play a song that helped me take off my mask when I needed to admit to myself that Ansel wasn't my original brother.

I blinked, studying the ocarina with a frown. I always needed that song to take off my mask. But just last night, in Corsica's lab, I had done it without anything, all on my own. I hadn't even remembered that this was required for the process.

What had happened? Had I grown, somehow? Did this even count as growth? Or did it mean that some barrier inside me was breaking down? I thought, and... was fairly sure I could take off my mask again right now if I needed to, without the song.

This meant something, certainly. Something that made me nervous and excited at the same time. If only I knew what that something was.

Shaking my head, I continued parsing my belongings, getting into the things I had looted from the hideout during our time there. A tiny baggie containing a few hairs of yellow fur... I frowned, remembering pulling that out of the hot tub in the hideout's bathroom. None of Aldebaran had yellow fur. There was still a puzzle here to be solved, still so many things I didn't know about what I had just lived through. If we went to Ironridge, would we be able to learn more, and finally get to the bottom of what had descended on our home?

Well... maybe. I had no doubt the opportunity would be there. Aldebaran were supposedly based in Ironridge, and I had a hunch they hadn't completely made that up. Whether I was in the state of mind to investigate any mysteries was a completely different question. Worst case, we'd find some leads, start following them, and it would be just like it was a day or three ago. Exhausted, terrified, fighting myself and unable to commit, living only by the mistakes of my enemies and the good grace of fate itself.

I took a deep breath to steady myself. All this was doing was making it clear to me that I wasn't ready. It wasn't an issue of physical safety, or of destiny, or of any of the things I hoped to accomplish in the rest of the world: it was an issue of my own mental state. Ansel really did have a point about our determination, because the limiting factor was my own inability to commit myself to pushing through when I was in the middle of a crisis. Maybe going to Ironridge now, or in a month's time, was just a bad idea.

Quietly, I admitted it to myself, whispering under my breath. "I'm just not ready."

The feeling soaked over me like water rinsing shampoo out of my fur, leaving me cold and clean and much more lucid. There was no need to struggle with myself over this, because it was suddenly a straightforward question with a straightforward answer: no, we shouldn't go to Ironridge. We had our safety and our normalcy, things that were unthinkable while I was crawling through the bunker corridors pretending to be Rondo, or exploring the hidden depths of the hideout. We even had some substantial upgrades, in the form of a nice new house and financial support for our experiments. But more than anything, I just had a lot of growing to do before I could handle the mental pressure of snooping around and investigating a conspiracy... or perhaps even taking real steps towards any of my goals... with everything on the line. And there would be no step more real than leaving my home.

Slowly, the sensation faded, leaving me confident I had made the right choice. That was a feeling in short supply for me lately, and I took a moment to bask in it. Too often, my life was confusing and complex. Times that were simple and straightforward were to be relished.

Now that my emotions were no longer riding on the decision, I could see the reasons I wanted to go more clearly, too, and what I saw surprised me. Chasing the light spirit? That was all well and good, and I did want to learn whether something like that was watching over me. But, even more importantly, Aldebaran had betrayed me, and it hurt.

Back in the hideout, I remembered thinking about my talent, about how my skill in pretending to be other ponies could potentially give me the tools to play them at their own game. It wasn't often I felt thrilled to have this talent. I had marched into a blizzard chasing Ludwig not just because I thought nobody else could, but because I thought I could, as well.

And I still thought I could have, at least physically. All of my setbacks had been my own fault, like not taking enough initiative or letting my bracelet go out in the blizzard. I was mad at myself for failing. Aldebaran might have been locked up, but Ludwig and the Composer were still out there and so much was still unsolved. This problem might have been unfairly thrust upon me, but now that I had a choice, I wanted it to be my problem. I should have been the one to solve it, I wanted to be the one to solve it, I felt bad that I hadn't been the one to solve it, and it was still out there, waiting to be solved.

Funny. Usually, I wished for someone else to do the problem-solving, to carry all the weighty decisions and take the responsibilities and be the hero. I wanted to be the one getting saved, not the one doing the saving. Ever since I had carried Corsica and Ansel back from that avalanche, that was what I desired.

Now I had that wish. Not only had I gotten saved, but many times over. But instead of feeling amazing, it only stung. The problems had still been there. They had still hurt me. The only difference was that I couldn't bring myself to solve them.

I clenched my teeth, my emotions running on paths they had never traced before. I... I had it all wrong. Being a nondescript urchin on the street who was afraid of her own potential? Was that really what I aspired to be? I had ability, whether I liked it or not. And now I had seen firsthoof what came of being unable to use it when push came to shove.

The me behind my mask probably wouldn't like it, but I was tired of being afraid. I had walked this path to its logical conclusion, seen where it ended and what it brought even under the best of circumstances where fate itself might have been on my side. Whatever maskless me was afraid I might do if I embraced my potential and stopped holding myself back... I didn't know it, so I couldn't weigh it against the consequences of what I had just experienced. But now that I knew what happened when I did hold myself back, I suddenly wanted to know if there was a choice.

I always believed that without my mask, I was simply an empty slate without a personality, that this persona I wore was my mechanism for looking and acting like a normal pony. The letter I had written myself disproved that. Not only was there someone with thoughts and goals on the other side, but they treated us like two different ponies. So why, then, did they need me?

It had to be fear. They made me afraid of the things I was afraid of so that I wouldn't do the things they didn't want to do. Well... tough. Because without a concrete thing to watch for and avoid, I'd have to restrict myself from everything, and that was no longer a trade-off I wanted to blindly make.

Except... I sort of had to, didn't I? If I went about doing things with my mask on that the me under the mask really didn't want me doing, then she'd probably just change me. And the last thing I wanted was to be rewound and lose this revelation. I still wanted to find the light spirit, of course, but now I also wanted a future where I didn't have to depend on the spirit or anyone else to save me when I should have been able to help myself instead.

"Hey," I breathed, the room quiet around me. "Me. I know you can hear me. No way you'd ever leave me in control without being able to see what I was doing."

No answer.

"I know we're the same pony," I went on. "But... I don't want to stay the way I am forever. I'm not talking about you changing this mask for me. I'm talking about growing. Because there's some stuff I want to do, now, and I just don't think I can do it the way I currently am."

No response.

I took a breath. "But that's hard when you want me to be scared of pushing my limits. I know you've gotta have reasons for making me feel the way I do, and I don't want to pretend you don't exist, but I want to have a say in where we go, too. So how about this? I'll set some boundaries: I promise I won't overuse my talent and won't use my bracelet as more than a flashlight without your okay. And in return, you don't stop me from trying to apply myself a little more. No altering the mask without my okay. No clue if that's even a thing you can do, because I probably wouldn't remember if it was, but I'm trusting you. Do we understand each other?"

No reply.

Funny. This felt... exactly like it did when I talked to a machine, or other inanimate object that couldn't speak back. I wondered if the origins of that habit might somehow be tied to my state of mind now.

I got up. Whatever I was afraid of, under my mask... I wouldn't learn to face any fears by hiding. But if I got stronger, cooler, more skilled and experienced and above all more confident, maybe I wouldn't have to stop at hunting down Aldebaran's secrets and finishing what I hadn't been able to finish last time. Maybe, someday, I would be able to put myself back together again.

But that was probably enough choosing a completely different course for my life for now. After the avalanche two years ago, this was starting to become a tradition... but it would be up to the weeks and months ahead to see how it panned out. With any luck, my world would be better for it. For now, I was still in the middle of going through my things. Probably best to finish that.

Three pattern cards were up next. One had a magical scan of Corsica's horn, another held the letter that first told us Aldebaran were changelings, and one held a location coordinate I had never been able to read. Those would bear looking at again. Maybe I could ask Elise for a terminal for my new room...

Finally came the three magic scrolls looted from a secret compartment in the hideout depths, one of which I had accidentally used, and their accompanying letter. I tucked the scrolls away in the safest place I could find, and then spread out the letter to read it one more time.



Old friend,

Next to many of the miracles you ask of me, stealing these from Canterlot Palace turned out to be surprisingly feasible. Chaotic beings have targeted Equestria frequently as of late, and the disturbances they create prove excellent cover for sneaking about. Do not worry yourself over Starlight; I have confirmed her village on the Catantan Peninsula was far removed from the turmoil.

Unfortunately, this will be the last errand I can run for you for some time. The prophecies of the deep south are proving disturbingly accurate, and are certainly centered on our present time period. It seems this region will not be as safe to ignore as we once thought, and I must depart to keep a careful eye on it, lest we be blindsided at an inopportune moment. May Tetra guide you in my absence.



Starlight.

That was where I had heard that name before.

Elise's story about a powerful filly who had shouldered some burden or other was related to whoever owned the hideout. Or maybe there were two ponies with the same name, but I couldn't accept this as a coincidence. I stared into the paper as if I could tease out its secrets by force of will alone. Even more badly, I wanted to know, wanted to take this situation we had been yanked into and establish it as my own.

Also, prophecies. Prophecies implied fate. Fate implied that I really was onto something about being saved by miracles, or at least ruled out one of the biggest problems with such a theory. Not only that, but I even had multiple location names I could research that would certainly be interesting as soon as I could bypass Icereach's censors.

I folded the letter neatly and stowed it and the scrolls in the safest place I could find. This would be an excellent place to start my search when I decided I was ready.

But not today. Today, I was going to go find Ansel and Corsica, hang out, and turn the page to the next chapter of my life.

Before stepping out, I gave my coat a shake as well for good measure, turning out the surviving pockets to make sure they were empty as well. Out tumbled a hoofful of earrings.

Oh, right. I had gotten those from Leif, hadn't I? A gift from when I first visited her ship, plus extras for my friends. They were supposed to ward against the cold, but hadn't done a whole lot to help me when I was stuck in the blizzard. I felt my ear, and noticed the one I had put on a week ago was somehow still there.

Well, that was a fitting footnote to my new resolution for my life. The earrings themselves were probably duds, but wearing one would be a tiny piece of proof I could carry with me that the last week had really happened, and that I would one day get to the bottom of it.

I stepped outside my room, and noticed Mother still curled up in hers. This time, it looked like she was studying a small locket, laying open on her bed.

"What'cha doing?" I asked, sticking my head through her door.

She turned the locket around so I could see it. Inside was a photo of three batponies, two around my age and one perhaps a decade older, standing in front of a foggy alpine background. It was too faded to make out the colors, but one was unmistakably Leitmotif.

"That was us, before you were born," Mother said, and I realized the other younger batpony must have been her. They looked fairly different, but after staring, I could see some resemblance...

She took the locket back when I was done. "Just thinking about the future," Mother grunted. "One of these days, I've gotta do something with myself besides sitting around and wasting away. Sounds like work, though. Nngh." She chewed a wad of gum. "Wonder how much else from back then survived..."

I nodded, heading back for the door. "Yeah. Wonder if I might ever find that out myself..."





"Enter," Elise's voice said, my hoof still raised from knocking on her door. My side was bothering me less and less as I learned to move with it, though I still had to be careful.

The office door swung open, and I stepped inside. Compared to Graygarden's reception hall, Elise's office was a much more subdued affair, well-lit and predominantly gray with stripes of color everywhere from the spines of shelved books, though it held just enough pomp to suggest that she kept it utilitarian on purpose, and not because she was poor.

Elise looked up. "Halcyon? I'm surprised you aren't resting. How are you feeling?"

"Better than when Aldebaran was running me around," I said earnestly, remaining standing. "Anyway, I came to say we're not taking your offer to go to Ironridge."

Elise chuckled. "I thought we told you we weren't offering. Did you really come all the way here to tell me that?"

My ears went flatter than usual. "Hey, it wasn't an easy decision!"

"I suppose not," Elise acknowledged, setting some papers aside. "I know you've desired it for quite some time, at least. You sound like you have a lot on your mind."

I trailed off. Honestly, I hadn't thought that far ahead about what I was coming here to say.

"Just... testing the waters," I tried. "Aldebaran made it look like a reasonable choice right up until we said no."

Elise nodded solemnly. "That's a very reasonable fear. But, I assure you that I think peace and stability are the best things for you right now, and I won't let anything interrupt that unless you expressly will it. You have no need to worry that I am once again a changeling."

I hesitated, remembering something I had forgotten to ask about earlier. "So, the other night, you were carrying around a black rock and said it could prove someone wasn't a changeling..."

"This?" Elise pulled out the stone.

It was glossy, and yet somehow dull at the same time, like it reflected light but not texture. Jet black and without a shred of color, it felt almost like it wasn't quite there, reminiscent of the way the world felt when I took off my mask. Or, at least, the way I remembered that to feel.

"Yeah." My ears twitched. "What is it?"

"There are a lot of questions you could ask about it," Elise replied, holding the stone. "This is depleted moon glass. It comes from a meteor that fell almost three decades ago. And since you're going to ask why you've never heard of it before, it is essentially a potent magical drug with varied and unusual effects on ponies. Most societies regard it as anything between a pervasive nuisance and a dangerous threat. A lot of that is because its effects vary widely between different pony races and even different pieces of glass. Icereach pretending that it doesn't exist is far from unusual, though our small size makes us considerably more successful at keeping it under control."

I frowned. "If it's banned and stuff, what are you doing with that one?"

Elise paused. "...Self-defense. One of moon glass's more unfortunate properties is that some pieces are incredibly dangerous to batponies. Touch the wrong one, and you would quite possibly never recover."

"What the...?" I gaped. "Are you serious?"

"Yes." Elise nodded. "So if you ever find some, don't let it touch your body under any circumstances. Only certain variants would do that, but there's no way to tell them apart until it's too late. Regardless, there are quite a lot of things that can happen based on the piece you have and who you are. This particular chunk is harmless and inert to unicorns like myself and Corsica. Any worldly traveler like I expect Aldebaran to be would certainly recognize this, and only a fool would not be averse to letting an unknown piece touch them. Thus, it wasn't so much a magical changeling detector as a seasoned traveler detector. Have I satisfied your questions?"

"Well, what's it do to other ponies?" I pressed, still very much curious. "You called it a drug, so someone's gonna want to use it."

"To the ones who desire it? It makes them feel like they have a purpose," Elise replied. "And, often, like completely different ponies. I would advise tempering your curiosities, however. There are much better mysteries in life to chase than dangerous old rocks that make ponies act funny."

Okay. I could agree with that. Besides, I already had plenty of purpose, and was plenty good if I wanted to act like someone else in the first place.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Hey, this might be a different question, but you talked about the strong protecting the weak and stuff last time. What were you, a soldier?"

"In my youth?" Elise asked. "No, I rarely held formal jobs. I suppose you could call me an activist. Later, the wife of a mayor. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering." It was still painful to shrug, so I settled for bobbing my head. "You talked about being cool with having the responsibility for looking out for other ponies. How did you decide that?"

Elise sat back in thought. "It simply happened. When I was young, in Ironridge, I had a strong sense of justice and spent my days chasing an inheritance from my father, who in some ways was noble and in other ways a cad. Along my journey, I met quite a few other ponies and listened to their stories, and they listened to mine. Believe it or not, quite a few rallied around my cause, although those were days of optimism and plenty when ponies had fewer things to preoccupy them. When the era one day changed and ponies found more pressing things to worry about than a filly chasing money, I left to travel the world. But, I always thought about the common folk who couldn't simply sail away from their problems. They had backed me in my quest, and I wanted to repay them. And, eventually, I returned to make good on that."

"Huh," I said, thinking. "You never wondered if, like, you might make a bigger mess of things if you tried than if you didn't? Must take a lot of confidence."

"A good leader must always think about those things," Elise replied with a shake of her head. "If anything, I may have erred too much on the side of caution, though I had contemporaries who were bolder and paid the price for it. What I saw, however, were needs that were going unmet. If I tried, I ran the risk of failure. But, if I sat back in safety, I was assured of it."

"Huh." My eyes unfocused.

"You're thinking about that bracelet you wear," Elise remarked. "Wondering if you should have taken bigger risks than you did in hopes of protecting your home."

My eyes widened as I was immediately dragged back to the present. "Wait, how much do you know about...?"

"Enough." Elise shrugged. "I wouldn't have allowed Nehaly to shelter in my city without knowing what she carried with her. That's a potent weapon you bear, Halcyon. I think restricting your use of it was wise, and rest assured I haven't left any questions floating around about how you survived in that blizzard. As for when to risk the use of such an item... You are the one who must live with the results, so that is a decision for you to weigh alone."

I hung my head. "I was afraid of that."

"Is this what prompted your decision not to ask to go to Ironridge?" Elise asked. "You're afraid of getting in a situation where you might be tempted to use it again?"

"No," I said truthfully. "But, I mean, I am that too."

She nodded, closing her eyes in thought.

I tilted my head. "...For a moment, I thought you were gonna give me more words of wisdom that would change that, or something."

Elise shook her head. "Words make powerful weapons, but there are times when one must resort to force. Having the means to defend yourself is of utmost importance on the road. If your dilemma is that your weapon has too many risks to safely use, have you considered getting yourself another weapon?"

I blinked. I had actually, truthfully never considered that. "You mean, like... I have a staff thing I use for practicing with the yaks..."

"A staff thing and a fire bracelet are quite different in potential," Elise chuckled. "I mean a real one, appropriate for the circumstances you find yourself in. The ponies of Icereach are no strangers to danger, believe it or not. You and I aren't the only ones who already go armed." She nudged her moon glass for emphasis, with a nod at my bracelet. "A welding torch isn't fit for gluing an envelope. If you are afraid of the power you currently hold, you likely just need something more fitting for your situation."

Now that was an idea... albeit one with some problems. "I'm not sure a little knife is gonna do too much against a ninja like Leitmotif," I admitted. "And giant axes are more than a little hard to wield. The bracelet works because it's magic. What kind of weapon are you thinking, here?"

"Anything you can come up with," Elise answered. "And since we were talking about supporting your research, I don't see why we couldn't get you some harder-to-find materials. You already have a certain Whitewing component we could assume belonged to you all along..."

The inertial stabilizer rotor? I scrunched up my face, imagining. That thing had a variable inertia based on the mana applied to it, which in theory meant I could turn it into a sword or hammer that would be easy to swing, yet hit really hard...

I wanted to grab a chalkboard and brainstorm. Or maybe just good old paper, since I wasn't feeling up to wing-writing just yet... This was a project I could definitely have fun with over the coming months.

"Sounds like a good idea," I said, turning for the door and fishing for a parting question so it wouldn't feel like I was bailing too abruptly. "Hey, err, random sanity check. Corsica said she remembered me being quadriplegic when I was real little, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember it if I was. Faye was, though. She's thinking of Faye, right?"

Elise frowned. "Yes, your version of events is correct. Why do you ask? I'd assume you wouldn't need to ask about such a thing."

Really, I wasn't entirely sure why Corsica's confusion had stuck with me. It wasn't something I actively thought or worried about. Just one of those small little details an unknown sixth sense told me might be significant for some reason.

"Just wanted to make sure I wasn't insane, I guess." I shrugged, managing the pain, and turned to leave. "See you around. Here's hoping the new normal is another step up from the previous one, because with any luck it'll be here for a while."






End of Act 1