//------------------------------// // Pain // Story: Blooms on the Trellis // by daOtterGuy //------------------------------// Wallflower Blush woke up. She jerked into an upright position and surveyed the area in panicked confusion. She was in her room. Everything was just as she had left it. She looked over herself and, with some amount of alarm, realized that the sun hat and dress she had worn previously weren’t on her.  She threw the covers off of herself and scrambled towards the closet door. She threw the door open and saw her sun hat and dress hung within. They were as fresh as when she had put them on before.   She closed the closet door, trotted into the en suite bathroom and did a quick inspection of her appearance. Her mane and fur were in a state that indicated she had just woken up, and her face was without the makeup she had applied earlier.  Her breath hitched as panic gripped her thoughts. She kept herself steady with both hooves gripping the sink in front of her.    She was back in the room after… after… She lost her grip and collapsed to the floor. She had died. She had become overwhelmed by her thoughts and then she’d shrivelled into dust. She stayed on the floor holding back the sobs that threatened to break free. She waited for what felt like an eternity before she realized the absence of something important. Sunset’s voice was gone from her thoughts.  Wallflower couldn’t hear her affirmations anymore. She grasped at her mind trying to find an echo of what had been, but nothing came. As she sorted through her mind, she felt elation before it quickly turned to dread as new thoughts began to form. You’ve screwed up again, Wallflower.  Wallflower allowed the tears to flow and pool on the floor just below her. Sobs wracked through her body, leaving her stricken. You’ve proven to be just as worthless as you know you are. She saw, just at the edge of the bathroom wall through her tears, the tiled floor began to crack. It spread slowly towards her like creeping ivy, growing out in waves. In a panic, Wallflower reeled backwards away from the encroaching black and into the opposite wall.  She felt a need to scream, but it caught in her throat. The cracks crept closer. The wallpaper behind the cracks began to peel from the bottom and roll up the length of the wall turning yellow. The mirror, once clear, became covered in spots of dense black mold.   Everyone would be better off if you weren’t around. Wallflower glued her eyes shut to block out the horrific sight. It was happening again. She was going to die.  Knock. Knock. Knock. Her eyes flew open and she turned towards the source of the sound.  Somepony had knocked on her compartment door. She looked back towards where the cracks had formed and saw that the bathroom had returned to normal. No damage could be seen. Wallflower shakily rose to her hooves and trotted to the main room. She slid open the entry door and was greeted by Flash Sentry standing as dapper as he had before.  “Hello!” He sang cheerily, “Are you Wallflower Blush?” Wallflower wiped her eyes with her hooves and drew in a shaky breath. “Y-yes, I am.” He grinned widely. “Glad to hear it because I, Flash Sentry, am here to escort you today.”  Wallflower stared at him. He didn’t know her and had introduced himself as if for the first time.  After an awkward bout of silence, Flash did a once over of Wallflower’s appearance. “Late start to the day?” Wallflower snapped out of her trance. “W-what?” “I don’t mean to be rude, but you appear to have only just woken up.” “Yes, sorry I slept in too long.” She thought for a moment. “Is the Garden Party today?” “Yes, it is,” Flash said cheerily. “We have the Bonsai Exhibition, the Tea Party, the Art Gallery, and-” “The Rose Garden,” Wallflower finished. “Yes, exactly.” Flash looked around the room, lingering on the empty vase before returning his focus to Wallflower. “So, it looks like you need to get ready. Do you want me to leave while you-” “No!” Wallflower shouted.  Flash was unfazed by Wallflower’s outburst. “Okay, I’ll be right here then. Anywhere you want me to be?” You’re pathetic. You can’t even go a full minute without dragging someone else into your own misery. Wallflower bit her lip to keep the sob from escaping her. She remembered some time ago a technique Sunset had taught her to keep intrusive thoughts at bay.  She imagined burying her thoughts in a lock box, then locking it closed with an iron padlock, which was the equivalent of trying to close the snaps on an overpacked luggage bag with triple the items it was supposed to hold.  She noticed Flash exhale a breath in relief, while she had been handling her thoughts.  “Just stand in the center of the room, please,” Wallflower asked. Wallflower stepped back as Flash entered the room. He stood in the exact center, gave a crisp salute with his wing, and stood at attention with an easy grin on his face.  She left Flash alone in the room and trotted to the bathroom beginning her morning routine. She brushed out her mane, brushed out her fur, and applied light makeup to her face.  All the while Flash stood patiently in the other room.  Always burdening strangers with your own problems. “Have we met each other before now?” Wallflower asked. “Nope,” Flash responded.  She furrowed her brow in puzzlement and closed her compact with a snap. That was not the response she had hoped to hear. She shook her head and left the bathroom. She would deal with the oddity of the situation later. She slid open the closet door and then became acutely aware of the second pony in the room with her. “C-could you… ?” Wallflower stuttered out. Flash nodded and rotated his body to face away from Wallflower. Moving quickly, Wallflower threw on her dress and sun hat.  Once everything was in place, she trotted to the door.  “I’m r-ready to leave,” She said as confidently as she could muster. Flash turned to face her, and trotted forward until he was standing beside her. He smiled. “Where would you like to start?” Wallflower mulled over her options, “The Bonsai Exhibition.” “Then let’s be on our way,” Flash said happily as he trotted down the hall towards the exhibition.  Wallflower trotted along after him, all the while trying to keep her thoughts under control. The day had been bearable. Both Flash and Wallflower had gone through each car compartment in the order she had done previously.  All the same exhibits were present, the same ponies could be seen wandering around, and the same food was offered at the buffet. She wandered about, taking in the sights for a second time and forcing herself to enjoy the Party despite her thoughts pressing against their locked prison.  The main difference from before was that Flash stood by her at all times. He was there every step of the way, and his presence gave Wallflower a sense of safety against the stress of holding her thoughts back. She never had to fuss or beg him to stay closer. He kept a respectable distance away from her at all times, and was always less than a single stride away if he needed to step back.   He was annoying, foalish, and inappropriate at times. He’d make jokes that were off kilter from the mood, do something that was out of place based on their location, or trot around like a pony a third his age.  She always rolled her eyes, or shook her head at him when he acted up. It was like watching a younger brother she never had. Always finding new ways to annoy her.  But she appreciated it.  His silly displays always happened when she felt her thoughts beginning to overwhelm her, and it helped to interrupt the flow of thought to allow her to shove them back into their box.  It was the only thing that got her through the day.  But Wallflower could feel that things would soon take a turn for the worst. They had arrived at the Rose Garden. The place she had died.   They stood side by side just past the doors of the train compartment. She trotted forward towards the entrance to the hedge maze, and, when she didn’t feel Flash follow her, turned around.  He stood resolutely in the doorway with his ever present beaming smile. “Are you coming?” Wallflower asked.  “No,” Flash replied. “Why?” She demanded. “I can’t.” Wallflower stared at him. She noticed that his resolute stance was not as firm as she had thought. His front leg seemed to have a twitch in it, his tail flicked irritably, and his wings fluttered occasionally at his side. “You don’t want to be around me,” Wallflower concluded. Because who would ever want to be near a wreck like you? Flash’s jaw clenched. “It’s not that Wallflower. I just can’t. You have to-” “Do it alone,” Wallflower finished. “As I should, since all I do is drag others down.” She watched an internal struggle play across the twitches in Flash’s face. His ears were pinned to his head. He snorted lightly and pawed at the grass with a hoof. Wallflower had trouble parsing the emotions he was showing.  She presumed he was just uncomfortable agreeing with her.  “I’ll still be waiting here for you,” he finally said. Empty words.  Wallflower turned away from him and trotted into the maze. She had gone around only one bend before her thoughts renewed their assault against her and tears formed in the corners of her eyes. Wallflower woke up. She stayed lying down in bed as she processed what had happened. She had wandered the hedge maze, become overwhelmed by her thoughts, and, just like last time, shriveled into a decayed husk. She took a deep breath and sat up in bed. She surveyed the room again and noticed it was in the same condition as when she woke up the first time after she had died.  An inkling of a theory began to form in her mind. She got out of bed and rushed through her morning routine. She brushed, applied her makeup, donned her clothes, and trotted to stand just before the door to her compartment. Knock. Knock. Knock.  She slid open the door and found Flash standing just outside. Again. He grinned widely. “Oh, well, hello there. My name’s Flash and-” “You’re here to escort Wallflower Blush, me, around the Party today,” Wallflower interrupted.  “Yes, I am, so-” Wallflower trotted past him and began her trek down the hall, interrupting his introduction. She heard his hooves clattering on the floors as he raced to catch up with her.  “We’re going to the Bonsai Exhibition,” Wallflower stated.  “Okay then, Ms. Blush,” Flash cheerily replied. “Let’s go.” Wallflower stood once more before the rose garden hedge maze. The day had gone exactly as it had the first two times, though with her being snippier with Flash’s antics.  She turned to address Flash, who stood in the entrance to the train compartment. Same as before.  “I have a theory,” Wallflower stated.  “Oh?” Flash asked with his ever present grin. “Nothing matters.” Wallflower smiled. It wasn’t dissimilar to a shark.  “O-oh?” Flash faltered.  “Yep.” Wallflower swept her hoof in front of her. “Everything is repeating and I don’t know why. More importantly, I don’t care!” “You don’t?” Flash questioned. “Nope,” Wallflower replied happily. “Because now, I don’t even have to try.” Flash was silent as Wallflower practically glowed in the bright sunlight filtering through the glass roof above, a radiant smile on her face.   “I can repeat today over and over again as much as I want,” Wallflower continued. “Nothing changes, everything stays the same.” Her expression melted into one of sheer bliss. “It’s perfect.” Flash noticed the tops of the hedges begin to brown. They were almost burning in the sunlight that seemed to be getting brighter as this conversation continued.   “How so?” Flash asked hesitantly. “Because I don’t have to pretend I’m okay anymore!” Wallflower laughed. The grass died in a small ring around her. “I don’t have to keep trying to be better or improve or move on because here, it doesn’t matter!” The colour faded from the roses growing nearby. The decay of the hedges spread faster, the dead plants collapsing into a wilted heap.  “I can just wallow in my own misery.” Wallflower released another laugh that sounded closer to a sob. It was a horrific sound. “I can just hate myself here away from everyone else and spare them the horror of having to deal with the revolting-” The decay reached Wallflower at an increasingly alarming pace. “-vile-” It spread up her legs, causing the fur to fall to the ground as brittle fibers. “-horrid pony named Wallflower Blush.” Flash stared at Wallflower in open shock as the decay spread. Her tail fell out. Her body shrivelled and aged at a rapid rate. Wallflower’s stocky build from years of gardening became nothing more than a skeleton with stretched over skin. “I-I don’t-” Flash fought to form coherent sentences in his panic. “How- I need to- Wallflower, how do I help you?” “You can’t!” Wallflower laughed again as tears flowed and evaporated just as quickly as they fell. “Nopony can! Sunset tried and she failed because she was deluded into thinking that there was anything worth saving.” The decay spread encompassing Wallflower’s head. She had no time left. Flash stood there, tears in the corners of his eyes, amongst the dead plants. He shook in place, seemingly fighting back against a force that kept him rooted in place. “It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.” Wallflower cried out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. “It's like a rose, you know? A beautiful flower grown from a long thorny stem. I have to wallow in my own miserable existence, but I can at least save everyone else from being around me.” “Finally,” Wallflower whispered as the decay began to take her voice, “I can stop burdening Sunset with these worthless feelings.” Then she was gone. Wallflower woke up. She threw the blankets off of her, launched herself out of bed and onto the ground in a single fluid motion. She turned to look outside the window of her train compartment and took a deep refreshing breath of air.  You are disgusting. “I am disgusting,” Wallflower agreed. A full field of flowers outside the window wilted into a pile of shrivelled husks. Wallflower smiled at the sight.  She trotted into the en suite bathroom, and did her morning routine. Once finished, she inspected her appearance. You are the worst.  “I am the worst,” Wallflower said to her reflection.  A horrible crack resounded through the room as the mirror split into a myriad of smaller pieces while still managing to stay embedded in the frame. She trotted back into the main room while humming an off kilter tune. She threw open the closet door, donned her attire, slammed the closet door closed and then threw open the main door to her room. Flash stood just in front of the door with a strained smile on his face and a hoof raised ready to knock.  “Hello, I’m-” “Flash Sentry,” Wallflower interrupted with a dazzling smile. “No time for introductions. Let’s be on our way, we have so much to do, escort.” Flash had a nervous expression on his face as he asked, “Like what, Wallflower?” Instead of an answer, Wallflower gave a wide smile that showed too many teeth. “You see, Flash,” Wallflower explained as she made a sweeping gesture towards the bonsai on display, “That is how this bonsai represents a deluge of knives falling down on a pony and that pony dying in agony on the ground.” The bonsai gardener who had tended to the piece had a shell shocked expression on their face and was shaking from the near ten minute explanation on how their bonsai represented what Wallflower called ‘Raining Death’.  “I… don’t see it.” Flash shook his head with a disturbed look on his face.  Wallflower, however, was grinning from ear to ear and looked like a foal who had been given a lifetime supply of candy.  “Well, I do!” Wallflower looked past Flash and clapped her hooves together. “Oh, that one is great.” Wallflower galloped past Flash and to the bonsai she had set her sights on. “I’m so sorry,” Wallflower heard Flash say behind her. Well, that was rather kind of him to do, but ultimately unnecessary. Everything would reset regardless, so his apology was as meaningless as the random spheal she had come up with about that bonsai.  Everyone is better off if they don't involve themselves with you. She already knew that of course. No point in having her burden others, but she first had to find out how to get rid of Flash right at the start of the loop. She couldn’t stop burdening others if he kept coming back.  He would be better off not dealing with her. She just had to convince him of that.  He trotted up next to her.   “Come on, Flash!” Wallflower said, “I can’t wait to tell you about how this one bonsai is a perfect representation of a pony begging to be given air so they can breathe, but then becomes okay with it and lets themself die.” Flash took a deep breath, affixed a strained smile to his face and walked after Wallflower.  “And this one is garbage,” Wallflower kicked a stack of pancakes to the floor. “And this one is moldy.” She smashed a plate of blueberries with a hoof. “And this one is just tasteless.” She shoved a chocolate fountain forward with her hooves, dousing nearby ponies in a spray of liquid chocolate and covering her front hooves in the syrupy confection. She framed her face with her hooves and turned to Flash. “Just like me!” Flash looked uncomfortable as he stared back at Wallflower helplessly. “Wallflower, don’t you think you should-” Wallflower raced forward and shoved a carrot muffin into Flash’s mouth. “I think you should just enjoy this garbage muffin I just shoved into your mouth since you seem to love worthless trash so much.” Flash painfully swallowed down the muffin. “Wallflower, please, just step off of the buffet table-” Wallflower shoved her sticky chocolate covered hoof into Flash’s mouth and turned to look at another of the tables. “Oh, look! Garden greens. I think they should be mashed greens, don’t you?” Wallflower leapt from the table, and missed the landing. She skidded forward and collided with the table in front of her with a loud crash. “Wallflower!” Flash shouted as he chased after her to check if she was okay.  He stopped when he heard high pitched laughter. “Haha! This is great. It’s just so wonderful,” Wallflower cackled. “Oh, that hurts, but it feels good.” She stood up wobbly on to her hooves. “Oh, but this is going to be hard to continue in this state.” She turned to look at Flash. A rivulet of blood trickled down her face from a scratch on her forehead. “Good thing I’m in a loop, huh?” The food on the buffet tables rotted at an instantaneous rate. Rotted petals fell from the ivy overhead. Flash gulped. “I don’t know what you mean, Wallflower.” The rot accelerated along the ivy and made its way quickly towards Wallflower.  “You’re lying, Flash. You act too differently from everyone else to not be in the know.” She smiled at him. “But don’t worry. That just means I’ll wear you down eventually.” Before Flash could reply, the rot overtook Wallflower and caused her to disappear in a pile of dust. Wallflower smashed a nearby painting with a sledgehammer grasped in her hooves. The plant-made frame shattered into clumps of dirt and grass on the ground.  Nearby ponies continued trotting about unaffected by the carnage. She had noticed that as the loops continued that they responded less and less to her actions. She didn’t know if it was on purpose or if something else was at play, but it did let her continue undeterred. Besides, they at least understood that it was best not to involve themselves with her.  Regardless of other ponies, she was really thankful for that one artist that made portraits through blunt trauma to a tree. Gave her a nice handy tool for her next foray into getting Flash to give up on her. He had continued to be evasive on answering whether he was also looping or not, and still stuck to her through every loop. It didn’t really matter as she was certain he would understand eventually just like the ponies around her. Best to leave her be.  Speaking of Flash. “Wallflower, what are you doing?” Flash cried out.  “Look, Flash, it’s broken!” Wallflower said as she leaned against the hammer and gestured with her free leg towards the destroyed art piece. “Just like me.” “You’re not broken!” Flash exclaimed. “Yes, I am.” Wallflower giggled. “I’m broken goods. Worthless. Nopony should ever want me.” “That’s not true.” Flash flung his wings in desperate exasperation. “You’re not broken. There are ponies that want you around. You have-” “Who?” Wallflower tilted her head in question.   “Who what?!” Flash shouted back. “Who wants me, you?” Wallflower stared at Flash with a dangerous glint in her eyes. “No!” Flash exclaimed. “Sunset. The mare you-” He was cut off mid sentence as Wallflower laughed hysterically swinging the sledgehammer around haphazardly in her hoof.  “Sunset?” Wallflower laughed. “Sunset!” She stopped laughing abruptly. “She’s better off without me.” Flash stared at her in open bewilderment.  Wallflower hefted the sledgehammer back and slammed it into a thick nearby wooden column. “I’m a burden.” She swung again. “I am worthless.” A chunk of wood splintered off from the column. “I don’t deserve her.” Tears appeared in the corners of Flash’s eyes. “I-I’m sorry, Wallflower. I screwed up. I failed you.” Wallflower turned to Flash with tears in her eyes. “Flash, you haven’t failed me. I failed myself.” She laughed. “How could I ever let somepony like Sunset date somepony like me. I looked at the most beautiful pony in Equestria and told her I was thinking of ending myself because I felt threatened that she would make me feel okay.” Flash was struck speechless. A groan echoed through the room and he flicked his eyes to Wallflower’s left which then opened wide in alarm. He raced towards her. “Wallflower, move!” Wallflower turned towards where Flash looked just in time to see the column she had smashed apart fall on top of her.  Wallflower woke up in bed.  She stayed under the covers, staring up at the wooden, spiralling ceiling. She wondered, how many loops had she done? She had done the bonsai reading somewhere around her sixth. The food incident was her eleventh… eighteenth? She had no idea what her last loop had been in terms of number, but admittedly it had definitely been a wild one. She hadn’t gotten crushed by a wooden beam before.  She got out of bed and took a deep breath. Another wonderful loop of self indulgence. She breezed through her morning routine, and waited in the main room for Flash to arrive. No use leaving without her escort. She still needed to show him how terrible it was to be around her.  She was sure she could manage to prove to Flash without a shadow of a doubt he would be better off not dealing with her. If he was repeating just like her then she was certain he was close to the breaking point. If he wasn’t looping, then at least she would know what to do to get him to leave her alone. Then she could just wallow in her own misery by herself and away from anyone she could hurt.   She sat up in her bed and turned to look out the train compartment window, but instead found her gaze drawn towards the vase sitting on the desk. Still as empty as it had been since the beginning of the loops. She got out of bed, trotted to the desk, dropped onto her rump and let her head rest on top of the desk as she gazed at the swirl of orange painted onto the vase.  It had been a good idea at the time when she’d bought it just before boarding the train. A vague hope that maybe she could manage to do the impossible despite herself. You’ll never do it because you know how worthless you are. She sniffled as unbidden tears came to her eyes.  You’re the worst thing about others.   She took a deep breath and stood back up. She gazed once more at the vase before reaching out a hoof towards it. The door to her train compartment slammed open and Wallflower whipped her head around to stare at the intruder.  “You have the rare honour of talking to Prune Shears!” Flash announced as he trotted into the room. “I- what?” Wallflower exclaimed in confusion.  “Come on, we gotta go.” Flash grabbed Wallflower with a wing and guided her towards the door. “Don’t want to miss such a great opportunity.”  “T-this is not how this goes,” Wallflower protested. “Y-you don’t do this. I usually have time-” “Nope, no time, Wallflower.” Flash wrangled Wallflower through the door and started the trot towards the Bonsai Exhibition. “No time to waste with an opportunity like this.” Wallflower tried to struggle against Flash but found it a futile effort against his larger size. Leave it to her to have a pegasus escort that weighed as much as an earth pony.  No matter, she would suffer through this new event then focus on finding a way to have Flash give up on her. Maybe go back and deal with that vase. She could be patient.  After all, she had as much time as she needed.