Afternoon tea with Discord started out as it usually did for Fluttershy: cucumber sandwiches, hot tea, cease and desist letter from the Canterlot Order of Physical Sciences. Conversation was jovial with the draconequus now that his latest mistake had been corrected and forgiven. Twilight had been getting into her new role as sole ruler of Equestria for the past few months, and Fluttershy was giddy to note that her royal friend had been getting taller and taller every time she saw her.
Then talk shifted to more mundane things, the sort she knew Discord appreciated, if only to ground him a little bit in reality, or to remind him that he could relax, since reality did not need his constant attention to provide more chaos to those living in it.
“So the potion seller nearly drowned, the bird seed vendor was arrested, and the wizard hasn’t been seen since!” she shouted, or as much as Fluttershy could be said to shout with fits of giggles. “Anyway, that’s how I got my magical birdkeeping license.”
Discord cackled with laughter. “Bahahahah! Oh, Fluttershy, how do you get into these situations? And without any help from me, no less.”
“No help at all?”
“None from me, I promise. It’s too soon for me to get up to that kind of mischief again after last time. Besides, I can’t take care of birds anyway.” He idly stirred his tea with a finger he’d turned into a spoon. “Can’t take care of anything alive, come to think of it. Every time I try to make something, it goes out of control. But I suppose that’s just the nature of the beast.” He looked himself over, finger back to normal. “Well, one of the beasts in me, at any rate.”
She snickered. “I’m so excited to have a phoenix to take care of, even if it is sad that she needs it. But Sweet Feather Sanctuary has been so light after last big release, Priscilla can relax and get used to it. Of course, I am expecting a visit from the expert later today. But in the meantime, my mother came over yesterday to help, since she’s had a few magical birds in the house before.”
He froze in mid-sip. Then his tea froze. He made a strange gargling sound with his tongue stuck in a block of chai, before he snapped his fingers and melted it over his cup. “Sorry about that. You were saying?”
“I was just saying my mother-”
Discord went stiff as a board then. In the kitchen behind her, she heard her sink explode. The explosion smelled like mint.
“Discord, is there something you want to tell me?”
“No.” He settled back down and fixed her sink with a snap of his feline fingers. “But I suppose I should anyway. It’s nothing, really, it’s just the whole ‘mother’ thing, it doesn’t sit well with me. I haven’t even heard the word for so long.”
“Oh. You don’t have a good relationship with your mother, then?”
Discord cringed. “Not in the slightest. But don’t let that stop you: you have a lovely mother who was coming to help, how did that go?”
“Discord,” Fluttershy said. “Do you need help with anything? Anything involving your mother, I mean?”
He didn’t react at all the fourth time the m-word dropped. “No, no, not at all. My mother and I hardly ever even see each other these days, there’s nothing to help.”
Fluttershy thought for a moment. “Wait, then how long has it been since you’ve spoken to her? With, umm, you know, the whole stone thing and all.”
“It’s been a long time, and I couldn’t be happier. She only comes around when Orion’s Belt sags and he has to pull up his celestial pants. Which, thankfully, doesn’t happen that often.”
“It’s happening this week, actually.”
Discord’s left eyelid twitched. “What? The Cosmic Sagging wasn’t supposed to happen for another two centuries!”
Fluttershy went to get an astronomical calendar from her bookcase. It was right between the dictionary and the fourteenth edition of ‘Definitive Equestrian History’ to come out that year, as ‘History’ had a hard time remaining ‘Definitive’ in Equestria, something Fluttershy had experienced first-hoof. Astronomy, thankfully, was mostly constant, or at least had a two-week notice before any major changes, delivered via friendly-worded (aside from being in all-caps) letter. The calendar she had now was up to date, and it didn’t take her long to find the right day. “Umm, no, it’s tomorrow. See?”
“I don’t understand.” His mouth agape, Discord grabbed the astronomical calendar. “This is all wrong, the night sky isn’t supposed to look like this. Why are the stars so out of alignment?” He furrowed his brow and looked up. “And why do you even have this?”
“Twilight gave it to me for my birthday. She said I might need it for my bird friends, now that Princess Luna has time to correct the star signs again and, you know, migration season is coming up.”
Discord slapped himself in the forehead so hard he caused a gust that opened every single window in the room. “Right, Luna. Of course she did. Well, that’s just great. Now I need to think of a way to get out from under this. Mother hasn’t spoken to me for so long since I was in stone, that’s going to be a millennium worth of grief. Wait! Of course, what was I thinking? I’ll just cause some good old mischief and get myself turned back into stone for a week or so. Maybe I’ll start a war.”
Fluttershy grimaced. “Maybe you should think that through a little bit?”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it all planned out. This little number always works.” He conjured up a giant horse made of whicker and wood, just big enough to touch the ceiling with its ears. “Think the Cutie Mark Crusaders would volunteer for a little field trip? I’m sure I’ve got something lying around I can bribe them with.” He pulled thin air aside to reveal a set of coat racks filled with glorious sets of wings ranging from angelic to majestic, ancient eldritch tomes that pulsed with pure arcane power, and a handful of jugs of apple juice.
“Discord, no!”
“Fine, I’ll get permission from their parents first.” With a grunt, he put the bribes away and opened up an atlas out of nothingness between his claws, before pulling a compass out of his left ear. “Let’s see, Shire Lanka’s East, Vanhoover is North, and the local graveyard is right down that awa-”
“No, Discord,” Fluttershy insisted. “No starting a war, please.”
He rolled his eyes, but got rid of the whicker mare. “Alright, how about a border dispute?”
“No!”
“A food fight?”
“No, Discord.”
“Okay, fine, a buckball riot and I’ll donate some rice pudding to charity, but that’s my final offer!”
“You can’t avoid your mother by getting stoned.”
He gave her a non-committal shrug and draped himself in mid-air, before conjuring up a pair of sunglasses and a miniature Sun. “I’ve considered bronzing, too, but I don’t think Celestia will help me get a tan that quickly.”
“No getting stoned, Discord, I’m serious. You can’t just use that as an escape.”
Both the Sun and glasses disappeared when he got back up on his feet. “And why not? Getting stoned is a perfectly fine way to avoid your problems, ask Tree Hugger.”
“I don’t mean it like that, I mean you shouldn’t. Why do you want to avoid your mother so badly?”
Discord sighed. For some reason, Fluttershy wondered if there was any creature running around with cotton candy wings all of a sudden, and whether the weather forecast for today included breakfast cereal for dinner.
Discord was quite the rule-breaker when it came to diet, after all.
“You don’t understand, Fluttershy. My family is a bunch of chaos spirits and sowers of misfortune. They’re walking bundles of stress on an intergalactic scale, nothing like your family.”
“You’ve met my brother, haven’t you?” she asked.
He took a moment to process that thought. “Point taken. Well, the thing is: we’re all spirits of chaos, yes, but we’re still a family. We may be immortal, but we’re not mmm… eternal, exactly, not from your perspective. We are concepts made flesh, but we are our own individuals, individuals who experience things and remember things, or forget, as we grow. We still have notions of mortal things, things we’re subject to, like time passing and finiteness, and, shall we say, successive generations?” He cleared his throat. Moths came out, which was unusual: most of the time he managed to cough up pigeons when he did that around her.
She nodded solemnly. “Oh. Oh my, yes, I think I understand. You mean your mother-”
“Keeps asking me to find a mate,” he spat. “Yes. Most of my, err, let’s call them ‘peers’ for now, they’ve already spawned their own little seeds of chaos, if they haven’t found a way to weasel out of it. Not me, though, and she won’t let it go. All throughout the millennia, it’s been ‘Why can’t you find a good little demon girl?’ or ‘Why don’t you ask that cute fairy out on a date sometime?’ and always, always, that final question.” He tore at his eye sockets. “The Great Irritant. The Bachelor’s Bane.”
Again, Fluttershy nodded in understanding. “When are you going to give me grand-children?”
He threw himself up, shouting at the ceiling before turning his attention back on her. “Exactly! It’s infuriating! I’m a Lord of Chaos! I spread strife and disorder wherever I go, it’s the meaning of my existence! I don’t have time to think about offspring! What would I even do with them? Leave them at daycare in the Crystal Empire nursery slash doomsday bunker? Send them to kindergarten in Canterlot? I do not need Celestia or Twilight to have another excuse to bother me, especially for parent-teacher conferences. ‘Your child doesn’t play well with others,’ well duh! It’s hard to play nice when you change species every time you get the hiccups!”
Fluttershy blinked. “Gosh, I never really thought about it like that. You… you had a childhood? I suppose it makes sense, but still, that must have been, umm, interesting?”
“Interesting, sure, that’s one word for it. Even the Chineighse couldn’t wish for something more interesting than draconequus foalhood. I’ll spare you the details of my species going through adolescence.” He gagged, in that particular way he normally only did when Twilight or Celestia was being diplomatic and preaching good morals. “Chaos acne is no fun for anyone involved, and mother still insists I should try procreating? Honestly, I think she just wants my grandchildren for a handy snack.”
“It can’t be that bad.”
“In my family, it is. Queen Xenos, a cousin from my father’s side of the family, she got eaten five times before she evolved that acidic blood of hers. And then she went and colonised a few planets, as a single mother, of course, and now her legion is an example for the rest of our generation to have our faces rubbed in.” He growled. “Darn parasitic cheater, never even went on a date, just started popping out eggs like some infernal hen. Her children are so clingy, too, always trying to hug everyone.”
Fluttershy rolled her eyes. He was trying to deflect. That wouldn’t help anyone. “You are going to have to talk to your mother, Discord. You can’t avoid her forever.”
“I can try. Celestia sure helped last time.”
“Can’t you fool her, then? You are a spirit of chaos, after all.”
Discord stroked his goatee and looked out the nearest window. “Celestia is still a bit dim, especially by solar spirit standards. The problem is getting Twilight to do it this time, though, she’s not quite as trigger-happy. Starlight Glimmer is, obviously, but how am I going to get her to stone me and not do anything worse?” He grimaced at the thought. “I fear no pony magic, Fluttershy, but the things that mare can do? It scares me.”
“I meant tricking your mother,” she clarified. “If she really bothers you that much, isn’t there some way you can make her happy without having to give up your freedom? She’s not omniscient, is she?”
“Not any more omniscient than most mothers when it comes to their offspring, so no. She can’t enter Equestria, either, and she can only come into my home when the stars allow it, so she is quite blind to most things I get up to.” He took out his eyeballs, blew on them as if to clean a pair of glasses, wiped them on a hoofkerchief, then popped them back into their sockets. “Most things. She does have her agents here and there, but they’re pathetically easy to spot and they can be dispatched by any pony magic, really.”
“Really? That easily? How come?”
Discord gagged and waggled his finger at her. “You really shouldn’t think about that too much. Let’s just say her nature doesn’t mix well with the magic of this world. She knows some of Equestrian history, and she can sense when my magic shifts, so she knows a few things, yes. Anything that’s been going on for the past few centuries, any major shifts in power that last past a generation, she can catch wind of. She doesn’t think in terms of time, only in generations.” He got a faraway look in his eyes then. He snapped out of it quickly, but it was enough to shake him. “So no, she can’t keep perfect tabs on me. Of course I’ve thought about tricking her, what do you think? It should be easy for the likes of me. The problem is she would recognise my magic if I tried, and then I’d never hear the end of it, literally. No, the only way to get anything past her is if I find an actual mate, someone who isn’t touched by my brand of magic.”
“And you don’t know anyone? Other, umm, beings like you? You knew the Smooze, aren’t there females from the sort of place he’s from?” She quickly amended that idea. “You know, females that are, maybe, a little more solid? That you could ask? Just for one night, just to pretend?”
“Ugh, I could, but it’s not likely they’d accept. And even if they did, some things even I’m not willing to risk.” He shuddered. “I could ask an archfey, maybe, but making deals with them is so unpredictable, it’s dangerous.”
Fluttershy quirked an eyebrow. “Dangerous? To-to you?”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Oh, don’t act so surprised, you know what I’ve had to contend with. Being all-powerful doesn’t mean being invincible, not when your power can be taken away, and archfey are definitely capable of taking powers away.”
“And that’s really the only option?”
“No, there are other options, but they’re all bad in their own special way.” With a snap of his claw, Discord opened up a hole in reality to stick his thumb through, and bright light shone down from it, followed by the sound of a singing choir. “If I try going up into the celestial plane, I’ll only find stuck-up rules lawyers. They hate me by default.” He pulled a rope on the edge of the hole, and a flushing sound cut off the choir, before the hole closed in a swirling motion. Then he clipped his thumbs on air, mimicking opening a suitcase, and opened a hole downward. Once it was done, he pointed at the flames and screams wafting up from it. “If I try going down into the demonic realms, I’ll only find lazy layabouts who are slaves to their own instincts. Not exactly wife material, if you get my drift.” He idly conjured up some marshmallows on sticks to roast over the fire. “My mother might approve, but I have standards, thank you very much, and a deal with a demon tends to be costly. I really don’t want to lose half of everything I own to a she-demon before a celestial tribunal.”
“Wow. I never knew things were so complicated for you.” Fluttershy took one of the sticks and nibbled on the hell-scorched marshmallow. A little eggy, perhaps, from the sulphur smell, but it was tasty, still. “But still, what about where you live? There must be other life there, too?”
“In the Elemental Chaos?” He looked up wistfully, ate the stick and its chewy treat, then slammed the trunk shut on a pair of red hands that were trying to clamber up. They shrieked, but quickly retreated, so nothing came through. “Sorry, Phyllis! Anyway, out in the neighbourhood around Chaosville there’s always dragons, the big ones, not the little things you have here. Very powerful in magic, too, capable of shapeshifting. They’re fun, sometimes, and they’d be able to do it, but they get greedy. Subtlety and deceit are not in their nature, not like archfey. No, archfey is the only thing that would work. An archfey could do it, easily, but they have their own issues.”
“Umm, Discord?”
“Yes?”
“I still don’t know what an archfey is, either,” Fluttershy said. “Are they aggressive?”
“Not aggressive, exactly, but tricky. A fey creature, a normal fey, you see, like faeries and such, they live in a reality governed by rules, like yours, but it’s a set of rules that allows for chaos, like mine.” He pursed his lips, thinking. “You’ve met some, I think: those Breezies from a while back, those were fey. So are Kirin, though their fey blood is a little thin.”
“Oh. Yes, I remember those. They were tricky to deal with.”
“No kidding. To put it simply: an archfey is to a Kirin what an alicorn is to a pony. You can tell they’re similar, but one has power as a, well, a status, there’s a sort of purity and essence to them, a default that’s not there in the lower rungs. The problem is that in terms of chaos and magic, archfey are up pretty high, like draconequuses are. On top of that, you have to be very careful what you say around any kind of fey, because words are things to them, as tangible as the table you’re sitting at.”
That did explain why the Kirin were so eager to suppress their words.
“To a fey creature, a promise is like a physical ball and chain, a command is like a slap in the face, and a deal is like a deed of ownership. Normal, weaker fey, eh, they get around fine enough, they seem eccentric compared to most intelligent creatures at worst. But archfey? Archfey are pureblooded, even the ones that weren’t born pure. They’re not orderly creatures, they like a bit of chaos here and there, but they are authority incarnate. They get around everywhere a little bit, but they usually make their homes in the Wild Realms, where their magic is strongest. Fey magic, you see, is all about rules. An archfey’s magic, being more pure, acts like cosmic rules in small pockets.”
“So they… make their own laws? That doesn’t sound so bad,” Fluttershy tried.
“It’s not the laws that are the problem: it’s how strongly they can enforce them. When you enter an archfey’s domain, once you are in their space, you’re at their mercy. Everything you do in an archfey’s domain, you do because they allow it. It’s a law of their realm, like the laws of gravity here, except not as easily broken. I’d be powerless if I walked into that, and so would my mother, incidentally. Twilight would tell you: it’s a state-based magic, something that is first, not something that does, and that’s a lot harder to watch out for. Magic that is can sneak up on you, and it obeys weird rules, even by my standards. Archfey aren’t nearly as strong outside of their home, easily dealt with in realms like this if you know the rules, but on their home turf?” Discord grimaced. “You wipe your feet when you walk in, or they’ll mop the floor with you, and turn you into a mop for the convenience.”
Fluttershy’s ears perked. She’d heard a way out and she wasn’t about to let it go to waste. “But you said they live in a Wild Realm. Wild, like wild animals? Maybe I could help you find one? Do you know any?”
“That’s very sweet of you, Fluttershy, but it’s far too dangerous. I have some weight to throw around in their circles, but a mortal like you would get lost in seconds. Though I suppose you would probably like them if you got to know them.” He shrugged. “You might even pass for one if you bluff hard enough and stick some branches in your mane, maybe toss some glitter on those wings. But you’d be found out the second you had to flex some real power, and I won’t have that.”
“Oh.” She pouted. “It’s a shame you can’t turn me into one, then. I’d be more than happy to help you get through a meeting with your mother.”
Discord chuckled. “Haha, oh, if only, but no, I can’t. Any power I could give with a snap of my fingers, I could take away with a snap of my fingers. And if I could do that, my mother certainly could, and would purely for the fun of it. I couldn’t do that.” A lightbulb shaped like a golden apple appeared above his head. He grabbed it and started eating it, ignoring the sounds of broken glass. He swallowed, then tapped his chin. “Although… there is someone who could.”
“Really?”
“Well, I mean, theoretically, sure. I do happen to be on good terms with a being who specialises in things like this, and she would be able to turn you into an archfey, no problem, put a timer on it and everything.” His shoulders slumped and he shook his head. “But I couldn’t possibly ask you to do that. A change like that would be very unsettling, and you’d still be dealing with my mother.”
“But I want to help, Discord. If this is really so much trouble for you, you shouldn’t have to do it alone.”
His head hung for a moment, before he caught himself. “I’m not sure you realise what it is you’re offering. You’d be having tea, breakfast tea, with my mother. You’d be dealing with one of the most toxic creatures in the known world on an empty stomach. The stars don’t work the same way in my home, you could be stuck with her for ten minutes to an hour and she would grill you, literally if you slip up even once. You’d have to lie, and be physically incapable of doing so. Fey creatures cannot tell lies, it goes against every fibre of their being; they can only deal in half-truths. You’re really willing to be corrupted like that? For breakfast? For me?”
“Of course I’m willing to do that,” she replied, pressing her chest forward to show confidence, just like she’d learned from her friends. “As a friend, I simply can’t sit by and let you deal with something so stressful on your own.”
“But you wouldn’t be yourself, not entirely, at least.”
“So? It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve turned into something different. I’ve been a Breezie, a bat pony, a supermodel, a singer, I’m sure I can handle being a powerful, umm, ‘fey’ creature for a little while,” she argued. “It sounds fun. Besides, maybe your mother isn’t so bad. Maybe if she sees you with a proper mare, if she gets used to the idea that you’re fine without her attention and she can let nature take its course, she might ease up.”
“I appreciate the naive sentiment, but that’s very unlikely. Still.” He winced. “As much as I want to, I won’t turn down any help. I can show you an acquaintance of mine, she should have some ideas. If you’re absolutely sure?”
“I’m sure. Snap us there.”
A snap, crackle, and pop later, Fluttershy found herself standing next to Discord in an orchard. Looking back, she realised they were at the edge of it, and beyond it lay an infinite starry void. Looking up, she realised she wasn’t on Equestria, or the dream realm, or any realm she could remember. The Sun was too small, and the stars could be seen in the dark sky even though it was daytime. No moon, though, which struck her as an oversight.
Her ears flitted back and forth at the silence, too. No birds chirping, no breeze, no rustle of leaves.
There was a stomp, though. When she looked to its source, there was Tirek again.
She yelped for a second, then realised the creature wasn’t Tirek at all. For one thing, Tirek wasn’t green. For another, Tirek’s legs were decidedly more equine, even with the split hooves. In fact, the whole lower portion of this green fellow’s body was different: more deer-like.
“Ah, Discord, it’s you,” said the creature. “My apologies for any fright I may have instilled upon your diminutive compatriot there.” His words sounded more deliberate than normal, like a language teacher trying their best to set a good example.
“Oh, it’s nothing, Bragi,” Discord replied. “Fluttershy’s seen a centaur before, right?”
Centaur. That was the name of Tirek’s species. And this Bragi individual was the same, except his lower body was that of, if she wasn’t mistaken, a very very burly bull moose. Up top, now that she could see him more clearly, he looked almost handsome, at least to her pony sensibilities. What she thought were horns turned out to be sharp and elaborate antlers, red deer ones, maybe water deer, but definitely not moose. The mane and beard were still there, much like Tirek’s, but Bragi had more of the Southern style sideburns than the pointy devil beard style.
He also lacked Tirek’s nose ring. Pondering that, she made a mental note that next time Tirek broke out, someone should really just try to yank that ring around with some magic. She was pretty sure a septum in agony would be enough distraction to keep anyone from using eldritch life-force-draining magic.
Looking up at her friend with that train of thought finished, she noticed Discord was smaller than she remembered.
He was hunching over, more than usual with his snake-like form.
Discord was making himself look smaller, without using magic.
Taking that as a sign he had reason to be afraid, she took charge of the situation. “Umm, yes. Hello, Mister Bragi, sir. Uh, we’re here for, um...”
He held a hand up and lay back down on the lawn chair she now realised he’d been lounging on before their arrival. Apparently he’d been reading something, and decided to continue. “Say no more, little one. The wife’s on the way.”
Right. Discord said ‘she’ will have some ideas. And that is definitely not a ‘she.’
A lighter sound hit her ears, a gentle clopping that approached them. Somehow, she felt like giggling with every pitter patter she heard. It wasn’t long until her eyes caught the source.
The creature that came through the orchard was also a centaur, like Bragi, but smaller in stature, and clearly female. This one had a vibrant yellow mane done up in braids, the shape and colour reminded the mare of a braided loaf of bread. The centaur’s skin up above was a pale pink, and she hid some of her body with green cloth wrapped around the modest bumps of her chest. The hide of her lower body was golden, though, much brighter than her mane, and quite short, too. The dainty little split hooves, the slender limbs, and the flag tail all marked the lower body as being cervine, but a more delicate and elegant species than the one Bragi’s body rested on.
Discord smiled, his serpentine form still hunched over. “Fluttershy, this is Idun. Idun, this is Fluttershy.”
“Well, aren’t you just the cutest little pony mare.” Idun sniffed the air. “Quite a lot of scents on you as well.” She huffed at Discord and put her hands by her cervine shoulderblades. “Don’t tell me this ne’er do well stole you from a zoo?”
“Close, but not exactly. She owns an animal sanctuary,” Discord said. “She’s an Equestrian pony.”
Up close, Fluttershy could see Idun’s eyes. They were a light green, and weirdly enough their gaze had a smell to it, if such a thing were possible. An apple-y aroma filled her senses every time she looked at Idun’s face, only disappearing when she looked away or blinked.
“Ah, a friend from your new haunt, then.” Idun leaned in with a welcoming smile. “And what brings you to the orchard, sweetie? Some poor creature need a little pick-me-up? I’m a little more careful with my boons these days, but I can make an exception for a good cause, just tell me who the patient is and I’ll fetch an apple for you lickety split. Who needs my help? A panda? Wait, no, your world’s pandas are fine. Platypus? Does Equestria have platypi? Does Equestria need platypi? I know a place with some spare platypi lying around if you’re in the market.”
“Umm, that would be nice, but platypi are fine in my world, Miss Idun. It’s not that kind of visit,” Fluttershy replied. “My sanctuary is for animals recovering from surgery, I’m not a full vet, exactly. I don’t do that kind of care myself.”
“Oh?” Idun backed up, surprised. “Who’s feeling endangered, then?”
“Umm, actually, Discord is,” Fluttershy replied.
Idun looked at Discord’s face, chuckling in a friendly tone. “You? You need one of my apples?” She playfully slapped him in the shoulder. “Come on, you big lug, you didn’t need to bring a cutie along to soften me up for that, you know I won’t deny you.”
“It’s not one of your golden apples I’m asking for, Idun; it’s one of the smaller ones.” He looked down at the ground and popped his antler off to scratch the back of his neck. “Umm, it’s m-my mother. Mother is coming to visit.”
Idun’s face went slack with shock. “Oh. Oh, dear, I’m sorry, we don’t really keep track of those constellations that much anymore, I didn’t realise. Are you alright, Discord?”
Bragi stood up and came towards them. With the way her friend stayed hunched over, it struck Fluttershy how small Discord looked compared to Bragi.
He could make himself look bigger if he wanted to. He’s really taking this hard.
“Do you need a place to stay?” Bragi asked. “We can conceal you until Orion’s Belt comes back up.”
Discord fidgeted. Nothing exploded, which Fluttershy took as another sign things were dire. He popped the antler back with a huff. “No, no, nothing like that. Me and Fluttershy were discussing and the topic came up, well, we had a bit of an idea that maybe, if you were so inclined, you might see fit to...”
Idun smirked. “You want to pull a fast one on Medea, don’t you? Want me to turn your friend into something with a little more of a kick?”
Medea. So that’s his mother’s name: Medea.
“That’s the long and short of it, yes,” he replied.
Idun clapped her hands and stamped her delicate hooves on the grass with giddy excitement. “That is by far the most positively adorable use for an apple I’ve heard yet. Let me get a good look at you.” She looked Fluttershy over, up and down. “Hmm, yes, I think someone of your background would do well as an… archfey, perhaps? Something with a little greenery?”
“That’s what we figured. Not permanently, please, Idun,” Discord said, hands clasped together in a pleading motion. “She is still mortal, and I like her just the way she is. This is only to get through the visit tomorrow morning.”
“That is uncharacteristically reticent of you,” said Bragi. “Are you feeling well? Aside from the obvious.”
“I am fine, thank you,” Discord said with a hint of annoyance.
Fluttershy’s head spun.
Discord noticed and rolled his eyes. “Oh, right, you don’t know. Long story short: Idun is a spirit of, umm, I guess spirit-ness, you’d call it. She spreads youth and immortality wherever she goes, the same way I spread chaos. It’s in her nature, these apples are how she does it. Every single one of these trees has a fruit that can make you immortal, different kinds of immortality, too. Bragi here is her husband: not a full deity, but a, oh, what was it, psychic pump, I think is the word?”
“Oh, a psychopomp. You welcome the dead into the afterlife,” Fluttershy said.
Bragi bowed his head in respect. “Only one particular afterlife, and not a very popular one these days, so I am left pursuing the heights of eloquence with my time between charges. And on that subject: I am impressed, Mare Fluttershy. Quite a well-educated pony you must be, to know that word.”
“I got a dictionary last Hearth’s Warming Eve.”
“Last what?” Bragi asked.
“Winter Solstice,” Discord clarified, before turning to Fluttershy. “Twilight or Starlight?”
“Rainbow Dash. I think it might have been a re-gift, but I didn’t mind.” Fluttershy smiled, and heard the pitter-patter of deer hooves again. She’d only lost sight of Idun for a second, but already the centaur had fetched a green apple for her.
Idun presented it to her gently. It reminded Fluttershy of her mother, when the little filly would try new tasty treats that might burn her tongue. “Now be careful, little pony. This is enough of a dose to turn you for three days. You’ll be a full archfey for that time, nation-render level, with all the powers and weaknesses that come with it. Does she know all of them yet?”
“Some, but not all,” Discord said.
Idun held a finger up and started counting. “Be careful around cold iron and silver, for touching those will burn your skin. Stay away from the flow of fast running water. Getting caught in a river is one of the ways you can lose your magic: it washes away quicker than you get it back, and you can still drown. But most importantly, you must beware of any pacts or promises made in your presence. It doesn’t matter who’s making them, it will latch onto your presence and make it binding. On top of that, lying will be impossible for you, but speaking half-truths will become second nature, and very tempting, addictively so. Words have far greater power in the presence of an archfey, and that power goes both ways. That goes for you too, Discord, you know the rules. Avoid absolute statements around her, you don’t know how that kind of magic might backfire.”
Fluttershy let out a breath to steady herself. “Okay. Here goes.” Then she took a bite.
She blinked, and suddenly the whole apple was gone.
She couldn’t remember how many bites she’d taken, but her mouth was full.
The pieces hit her stomach, and she felt a tickle as the magic felt like it dissolved inside her, permeating her flesh. A pressure started to form in her skull, making her close her eyes.
She stretched out her wings, because they started to feel stiff and numb. Her hooves felt like they were vibrating, and there was a stinging sensation right above and behind them.
Dizziness overtook her.
Then wonder. She giggled and flicked her ears. They felt slightly different. She tried to move her tail, that was very different, a lot shorter now, both the flesh of the muscles and the hairs had been cut down to size.
Awkward, foreign pressures were constantly pressing into her skin and bones, yet she couldn’t quite panic about it. It felt natural. “Oh, oh my. This is a little unsettling. But only a little.”
“Ah, there we go.” Idun fanned her with a giant clover leaf. The gust made glittery dust fall off of the mare.
Fluttershy tried her wings again. They didn’t feel articulate at all now, a pair of stiff limbs she could only flex up and down, no curling, somewhat similar to her short stint as a Breezie. More power in them, though, a lot more power, she didn’t dare look at them yet. When she turned her head to look at Discord and Idun, there was more of that stiffness on her skull, and more weight, too.
Everyone looked flabbergasted. She bit her lip and tried to move her hooves. Without looking, she could sense it: split hooves, cervine, most likely, given the theme of the place.
Finally, she bit the proverbial bullet and asked the question she wanted to.
“How do I look?”