It was a typical rainy evening in Boston, Massachusetts. Freelance detective and private investigator Charlie was sitting in his office chair, reading the newspaper while drinking coffee, "New orphanage commission being approved by Boston State City Council. Well, that's good. The orphans lingering around the front of my building were beginning to annoy me."
He continued reading, "The annual Boston Derby was delayed due to unforeseen circumstances with a few important racers suddenly disappearing?! Well, this sounds a bit odd." He finished reading, "Cases of missing persons increasing. Police strongly recommend that people remain indoors and lock up everything until the perpetrator has been found and brought into custody."
Then, the phone rang. Charlie picked it up to speak. "Hello there. Freelance Detective Charlie is speaking. What can I do for you this evening?" The man on the other line said, "Commissioner? Yes. Yes, I will take this as my first case. I'm prepared to tackle this one. I'm on the job."
Charlie hung his phone up as he folded his newspaper and laid it on the table to his left, and then he finished his evening cup of coffee. He stood up, threw on his coat, and put his fedora on. "This is my first official case in, well... ever. The start of one man's career."
Charlie then walked up to his filing cabinet to examine it. "It's my filing cabinet where I put all my case files on various criminals and solved cases. But since this is my first day, the filing cabinet is empty."
Charlie then walked up to his phone, "Nah. I already had a call from the Commissioner." He then inspected his bottle of Octoberfest Beer. "I never drink when I'm on the job." He then examined his television. "There's never anything good on the tele anymore." Then, he finally approached his office door to walk out. "It's time to start gathering clues on this kidnapper."
Charlie then made his way out of his office and towards his car. "Ah, yes. My 1973 Royal Red Oldsmobile Convertible. My baby. What would I do without you, buddy?" Charlie then hopped in and turned on the radio to listen to some tunes while he cranked up the car.
"The forecast tonight is expected to be cloudy. Why cloudy, you're asking me? In the middle of the fricking night when nobody can see the clouds? Hell, if I know." Charlie changed the station.
"That guy sounded angry to be a news anchor."
"It's time to trade those old cars, those clunkers that nobody wants anymore to liquidate into colossal cash, baby!" Charlie changed the station again.
"Hey. I resent that. My Oldsmobile is not a clunker."
"Are you having trouble with joy, having trouble with happiness, having trouble finding love? Then, you might want to hear what I have to say. Hi, I'm Mi Amore Cadenza. Cadence, for short, Princess from a different dimension."
"Where I come from, everyone's always happy, round the clock. It's a lovely example of what you could experience now. So, don't touch that dial-" Charlie changed the channel.
"Nope. Not in a million years." Charlie rounded the corner to the local bar, The Spiked Sea Urchin. Then he got out of his car and locked its gear so it couldn't be moved before he got out and put the keys in his pocket. "The barkeep here might have some information on who I could be tracking for this case."
The bustling of a nighttime bar was greeting Charlie's ears. As much as a cold one sounded nice, he was on the job, and essential work came before hitting the sauce. The neon-blue electric lighting was so comforting; it felt like an aquarium without water.
The bar did live up to its name. "Hey. Excuse me, Charlie, Freelance Detective. I'm in the market for some information regarding the cases of kidnapped people. Would you possibly have a lead for me?"
"Can't say that I have much, I'm afraid. I've noticed some of our people not being returning customers; that hurts this bar. So, if you can find out what's happening, I might pour you a free one you choose. I noticed them acting all lovey-dovey before they left and never returned to buy drinks. For whatever that's worth."
"Do you have any idea as to where they could have gone?"
"Not at all, bud. I've got enough to worry about in this bar than to go about and keep tabs on every Tom, Dick, and Harry on the block here."
"Thanks. You've been accommodating, sir. And after I solve this, I'll keep that offer in mind on that drink."
"Just get my customers back to me, okay, pal? That's all I gotta say to you."
"Will do as it falls within the interest of my case's resolution. Keep this place secure, and I might be back later on."
"I can't wait." The bartender then scoffed as he returned to busing the counter and cleaning the shot glasses for his patrons.
Charlie then observed the bar's interior. "Nothing exciting going on in here right now. I really should be moving on with the case." Charlie then exited The Spiked Sea Urchin as he went to his Oldsmobile and looked at his map.
"Okay then, The Spiked Sea Urchin was a bust. There's got to be other locations around here with clues to get me closer to solving this."
Seeing the other locations on his map, he pondered, "That bartender did mention that they were acting all lovey-dovey? What on Earth is that about?" He then saw the location for the diner open until midnight, which was four hours from now as it had just turned nighttime.
"I wonder if Ollie's Diner might have a clue for me. Let's find out." Charlie then turned his radio again for the travel.
"Hello, there, all you love enthusiasts out there. It's your spokesmare Cadence speaking. Suppose you're out and around Boston, Massachusetts Central. Then do I have some lovely news for you?"
"I'll be visiting there to deliver my scruples of love at your local bookstore I'm renting out, The Iconic Literary. I so look forward to seeing everyone there. Thank you, and have a lovely night." Charlie then changed his station.
"Not that woman again. What is so great about what she's peddling anyway? I'll find out during that event at The Iconic Literary." Charlie then arrived at Ollie's Diner. "Ah, good ol' Ollie. His restaurant is still the cornerstone of flavor and mediocracy I've always loved. One must appreciate the simple things in life to enjoy it truly."
Charlie then walked into the diner to speak to Ollie. "Hello? Ollie? I have to talk to you. Freelance detective business."
"Charlie! If it isn't my favorite customer, How the hell are you? How's your work coming along?" Ollie was greeted by his usual slap on Charlie's back.
"Oof... It's coming along just fine. But I am noticing that this diner is empty. Why is that?"
"Oh. It's just terrible, man. We've been bone-dry in business since that blasted wench on her radio broadcast had shown up here in Boston. Make your life better with love today."
"Pah! Nothing says I love you more than a juicy and delicious hamburger passing through your gullet. That's what good ol' Ollie says about love."
"I couldn't agree more with your sentiment. But do you have any clues as to where your lovey-dovey customers will go? There's this event going down in The Iconic Literary. And I wanted to know what you might know about it."
"What? That nerdy bookstore? What in the seven spectral blazes would she want to rent that place out for?"
"I have no idea. It'll be happening in the morning. I suppose that I'm gathering my clues and resources now."
"Working overtime and a half, are you? Now that's commitment. Well, I wish you luck. And if you solve this caper, I've got a juicy burger here with your name on it, on the house."
"Many thanks. Your simple yet delicious burgers help me get through my nights working. Hold on now, what's this?" Charlie then bent down to pick up what appeared to be a half-torn receipt from a local candy store. "This receipt was issued from The Sweet Stash Candy Shop. But why?"
"Well, lovey-dovey and candy go together like peanut butter and jelly. If I had to wager anything, I'd bet you dollars to donuts; that's why one of them would have gone there. Might be trying to give someone else a gift or something."
"I guess so. Well, I'd better get to The Sweet Stash and look for clues. It was a pleasure, Ollie. Don't worry; I'll find whoever's responsible."
"Be wary of that Cadence lady. There's something not right with that pony. I swear, why our American council ever agreed to species inter-dimensional travel will forever boggle my mind."
"I'll keep my head on a swivel, Ollie, thanks."
"I don't want to lose you, man. So don't go doing anything stupid. If you feel your life is in danger, come here or stay at your office."
"Will do, Ollie." Charlie then walked out of the diner and towards his car to recheck his map to his next destination.
"The Sweet Stash Candy Shop. That's one of the places that I visit the least. I never really knew why; I never felt the need to buy any confections there. But like it or not, this place may have clues to help me solve this case."
"If this is where all those love-struck people are going, then there's a good chance I'll find some pay dirt there." Charlie then got into his Oldsmobile to drive to the front of The Sweet Stash. "Right then, it's time to examine this place for clues."
Charlie then examined the front door. "It's locked. Normal business hours are usually between 6 AM and 6 PM. Right now, it's 8:30 PM." Charlie then looked at the welcome mat under the double doors and saw a corner of the mat folded upwards. "Hmm? That's strange."
Charlie then checked the mat and found the key to the Candy Shop. "Why would they leave their key in one of Earth's most obvious and cliched locations? This doesn't feel right."
Charlie then examined the windows outside the shop. "That kind of assortment of candies would give a person with diabetes a heart attack. There's not even any sugar-free candy, either." Charlie then went towards the side leading to the rear of the shop. "The back door is open? Talk about carelessness."
"No, this feels staged. Nobody in their right mind would be this reckless in this part of Boston and not have been driven by any common sense."
Charlie then got his Remmington 1911R1 Commander Handgun at the ready. "Alright then, Charlie. Remember your training. Safety off." He breathed deeply to calm his nerves; his first possible gunfight wasn't something he thought would ever happen in his line of work so soon, let alone on his first night on the job. Gently opening the door as he got his flashlight ready with his firearm, Charlie then explored the rear storage room of the candy shop.
"Alright then, just keep an eye open for anything suspicious. I got it. Damn, it's dark in here. I'll see if I can find the light switch." Charlie searched until he found the light switch to turn on the rear storage room lights, "no power. Great. The breaker must be off. Yeah... this'll be a cakewalk."
Charlie had no choice but to venture further into the darkness until he flashed his light onto the entrance of the maintenance room. "There we go. The breaker has to be in here."
Seeing the switch, Charlie threw it to restore the power to the building. "That should do it, now to get some lights turned on to help me see better in this place." Once the power was restored, Charlie turned on the rear storage lights and turned off his flashlight as the lights came on to fill the room.
Storage crates were filled with both packed candy and... cards. These were greeting cards upon closer inspection. The kind that one would give to their crush on Valentine's Day.
"How very... strange to have Valentine's Day cards in such an abundance here in the middle of August." Charlie then looked into the office where the files were kept to search for clues via their business ledger. "Nothing seems out of the ordinary, save for the mass orders of Valentine's Day cards shipped in by crate."
Scrolling down the ledger, the co-signer was Mi Amore Cadenza. "No way. So she is up to something strange. But what? And why?"
"Why does she need so many Valentine's Day cards and candy? What is she planning here that can cause the populace to be obsessed with this location?" Charlie used his notebook to log down all the information he could to keep track of anything important.
"I can't raise anything with her during the event. If I want to catch her in the act, I'll have to bide my time and wait until she makes her move."
There were footsteps outside from the back approaching the rear of the building. "Shit. Someone's here. I got the information I need and should get out of here as fast as possible."
Charlie then quickly turned off the lights to not arouse any suspicion as he clung to the left wall and tried to follow that to the back, waiting for the way to be clear so he wouldn't run into whoever was about to walk in now.
"Let's make sure everything is in order here. I'm counting on you guys for my event tomorrow." It was none other than Cadence herself. This was blood-chilling. The threat was inches away from Charlie, causing him to hold his breath. "Everything seems okay. Did one of you accidentally leave this back door open?"
"Yes, ma'am. We're sorry. We were supposed to check up twice." One of the goons under her command said as she glared at him sternly.
"Yes. Just be sure that this doesn't happen again, okay? Or you'll not love the outcome."
"Yes, ma'am. I won't disappoint you." He saluted as she nodded in satisfaction.
"Good boy. Fortunately, everything is still in the condition that I had ordered it in. So then, let's set this place up so it can open early in the morning. I'll be at The Iconic Literary to gather new members for our cause."
Charlie slipped from the shadows out the back door while it was still open and ran as fast as he could. The coat he wore got caught onto the chain-link fence and torn. Cursing under his breath from his carelessness, he made a beeline for his Oldsmobile.
"I did not expect to see Cadence there. Aw man, my coat. I'll have to get a new one tailored for me. Things could be worse, I suppose. I could be inside of a casket, six feet deep." As Charlie drove away in his Oldsmobile, Cadence approached the fence where Charlie tore his coat on and examined it.
"Oh really? So I do have someone snooping around in my plans. Well, I can't wait to meet whoever it is." Cadence smirked smugly as she left the candy shop to go to her car to be driven by her chauffeur to her apartment to go and rest until morning.
Charlie woke up from his couch to stretch his limbs the following day. "Hrk-ahh. Okay then, have breakfast and coffee, then get ready to continue my case. I'll get ready and see Ollie for my morning jo and breakfast."
Charlie then gathered his bearings and departed from his office to his Oldsmobile. Boarding into it, he looked onto his map and saw Ollie's Diner. "There's my savior from starvation. Here I come, money in hand and stomach empty." On his way to Ollie's, he turned on the radio, something to listen to.
"Good Morning, Boston! We're coming at you live from The Iconic Literary. Joining us today is a mare named Mi Amore Cadenza. Let's give her a warm welcome on this broadcast."
"Hello, and a lovely morning to you all. I'm Princess Cadence, and I want to spread the marvelous message of love to every creature here. Thank you so much for inviting me to your station, Boston Hip-Skip."
"Not a problem for a princess. So, why not tell us about what you're up to?"
"Before coming to this library, I ran into a miserable man down on his luck. He wanted to know why his life couldn't be better for himself when nobody else would give him a chance. So, I lent him some aid and made him... see a new perspective on life, a lovelier one."
"Well, wasn't that nice of her, Folks? It's pure altruism at its finest. It brings a tear to a man's eye." Hip-Skip wiped a tear from his left eye as he continued, "It's great to see that love can conquer anything."
"Of that, I couldn't agree more with you, Hip." Charlie turned his radio off and cringed.
"Eugh. Now, that's not something I wanted to listen to before fully waking up." Charlie then went to the parking lot of Ollie's Diner to eat breakfast.
"Charlie then entered Ollie's Diner to speak to Ollie, "Hello there, Ollie. Good morning." Charlie then sat down on his bar stool facing the kitchen door, menu, and interior window.
"Charlie. Good morning to you. Did you manage to gather any information last night?"
"I did. Things did become unexpectedly dicey, though."
"Bloody hell. You're okay, right?"
"Yeah, but my coat accidentally got torn when I ran away from a group of thugs at The Sweet Stash's back rooms. Would you believe me if I told you that I've got notes that I've taken on this case and that Cadence is involved?"
"Miss Lovey-dovey, eh? I knew something wasn't right with her. So how deep does this rabbit hole go?"
"Well, deep enough to warrant suspicion, that's for sure. But I'll need a way to expose her without alerting her of my awareness."
"Well, perhaps you could try some good old-fashioned sabotage. It always worked for me when I was little."
"You think I'll be able to take her scheme apart while remaining undetected?"
"I know you could. It'll be you if anybody can fry that mare, sunny side up."
"Yeah, thanks." Charlie then pulled out two fives and set them on the counter. "Your breakfast platter, coffee, and maple sauce, please."
"Comin' right up, Charlie. It'll be about fifteen minutes."
"That's fine." Charlie then watched Ollie go into his kitchen to get his breakfast made. Charlie was mulling over his thoughts as he waited. 'Who is this Cadence lady anyways? Why is she here? Something tells me that it's not completely about spreading the scruples of love.' Charlie figured to himself as Ollie arrived to set the coffee down in front of him, a small bowl of cream, and a plate of sugar cubes.
"There you go. That ought to take care of your motivation. You pay for the plate; just for you, the coffee is on the house."
"Thanks, Ollie. You're the best."
"Well, you're putting your life on the line to keep my business afloat. One good deed should be replaced with another."
"Still, It's appreciated. After I get filled up here, I'll go to that Iconic Literary place to continue my investigation." Charlie then let Ollie get back to work as he waited. After fifteen minutes, his breakfast arrived, as he dug in. "Yeah... that's the good stuff. This place cannot be shut down."
"Well, I know you'll get to the bottom of this and save my business. So, I know I'm in good hands."
"You know it, Ollie," Charlie said as he finished his breakfast, stood up, and walked out.
"Hey! Your plate only costs seven dollars."
"Keep the change. You need it more than I do right now." Charlie then made his way out of the diner and to his Oldsmobile.
"Right then, Time to confront this Cadence lady at last." Charlie then drove to The Iconic Literary, parked his Oldsmobile, and entered the library. It looked like a standard library, with rows of bookshelves stocked with various novels, most of them in alphabetical order.
"There she is, at one of the stands in the main lounge room." Charlie then greeted her. "Hi there, I'm Charlie, Freelance Detective."
"Hi. I'm Princess Cadence."
"Yes, So I've been told on the radio. What brings you here to Boston?"
"To spread my love messages to every living, breathing creature here, mostly the humans who need it most."
"That's great and all. Do you have any recommendations for me on where to find this love you speak of?"
"That's an... oddly specific question. Why? Is this part of an investigation? Oh wow. I'm already involved in an official investigation in my first week on Earth. So exciting."
"Yes. Quite. Suppose I have official business; where would you suggest a good place to find clues to help me? Metaphorically speaking."
"Cutting right to the chase, I see. Very well then; I think I might have seen some suspicious activity downtown towards the local candy shop. If I were looking for clues, that's where I'd first start my search. So, your name's Charlie, huh?"
"Yes, it is. I appreciate your cooperation. I'll be on my way then."
"Charlie, huh? That's a lovely name. Remember to grab a booklet of Finding love from within You before you go."
"No thanks. I'm on a case and wouldn't have time to read it."
"What a shame. You're missing out, then." As Charlie walked towards the front door to exit, Cadence looked to his back and saw his torn coat, then smirked, 'mhm. I knew it was you snooping around in my business last night. Boy, I have a lovely little surprise for you, Charlie.'
Charlie then got into his Oldsmobile and double-checked back to The Sweet Stash Candy Shop for any last-minute clues. It didn't take Charlie very long to get there; this time, listening to the radio wasn't in his interest. He felt that he was onto something.
Once he arrived at the shop, he saw, much to his surprise, suited men guarding the place at the front and the rear of the building. A couple patrolled around the lot as they noticed Charlie stepping out of his car. "Hey there, welcome to The Sweet Stash, right this way, pal."
"Alright then, thanks." They let him in through the front door, and he saw their counter with a register and a sign that read, free cards and candy for everybody on the banner above the front counter.
'Hmm, they seem too friendly to me. Just play it cool, and don't draw attention to yourself, Charlie. They likely don't know that I was snooping here last night.'
Charlie then examined the crate filled with cards: "These cards are more appropriate for the season of romance." Charlie then closed the box and reviewed the tray of chocolates on a platter with a folded sign reading free in bubbly letters.
"I would indulge in candy if I wasn't working on a case right now." Charlie then examined the counter and spoke to someone wearing a candy maker's apron and a nametag that read, "Hi! My name's Ted" on it.
"Hi there. And a lovely morning to you, sir. Welcome to The Sweet Stash. What can I do for you?" The clerk greeted Charlie.
"Hello there, just checking this place out as it has caught my eye. What exactly are you selling here besides candy?"
"Today, you've come at an opportune moment, my friend. All candy is for free today as part of our event."
"Event?"
"Yes, sir. We're trying to boost awareness of solutions to end emotional blights that plague us, like depression, anxiety, and negativity. We do not need bad vibes and energy in Boston, let alone America."
"I see. Well, it's nice to know that Nothing bad is happening here. I'll be on my way then."
"Thank you for stopping by. Have a lovely rest of your day, sir."
"You as well." Charlie then left the shop on his way back to the Oldsmobile. Very soon later, Ted was contacted by Cadence via his microphone in his bowtie.
"Ted, my loyal subject. I do have no such lovely news to tell you. That man who just walked out was the same snooping in this shop last night. That is not lovely behavior. I do not appreciate being pried on like this."
"Oh really? I'll take care of this."
"Make sure he's alive too; I want to speak with him."
"Yes, ma'am. Alright then, everybody! That guy was working with Boston law enforcement. After that, Oldsmobile!"
Charlie was driving down the road through Boston City when three black cars were tailing him from behind. "Shit. How did they know that I was investigating them? There's no time to think about it now. I've got to lose these guys. Oldsmobile, my girl, don't fail me now." Charlie was dodging in between cars to try to give them the slip. They were persistent, however, and kept on his tail.
"They're closing in, not good. I guess I've got no choice. I'll have to use my piece." Charlie pulled out his gun and aimed it at the three black cars behind him.
"You're going down, copper!" One of them shouted at him.
"Should I clarify to them that I'm not an officer? No, they wouldn't care either way." Charlie then shot the tire of the first car in front, popping the front-right tire and causing the driver to lose control of his vehicle and stray off-course and into a city light over a fire hydrant. "Oof... I hope the Commissioner doesn't dock that from my salary."
Two cars were chasing him now. "Woo yeah! That was too close. I still have two problems right behind me, though. So, I'm not out of the urbanized woods yet."
"One of the cars has been downed, over. Set up the roadblocks ahead." Ted said as he was in the third car behind the second. "End of the line for you, detective."
"We'll see about that, Teddy."
"That's Ted to you," Ted yelled angrily while in hot pursuit.
"Your name sounds like a teddy bear. I wonder if that code name was intentional?"
"That's not my code name, you schmuck. I'm named Ted."
"Better focus more on driving rather than antagonizing him," Charlie said to himself as he saw a huge moving truck in the horizontal lane in front of him and a dirt hill with a road out sign.
"Damnit. If I want to make this, I'll have to step on the gas." Charlie then floored it as he used that dirt hill as a ramp and flew right in front of the truck, narrowly missing its nose and window. "Oh, my god. I better get a raise for this."
The second black car collided with the truck, and both vehicles abruptly stopped, leaving the last car with Ted in it. "You're pretty good at this, I'll admit. You've had a good run, but now it's time to stop our little chase."
Close up ahead was that roadblock that Ted ordered as Charlie knew that this wasn't something he could glide over; he had no choice but to ride on the brake to slow down so his car would stop. Ted's car behind him did the same.
Charlie then hopped out of his car and ran as fast as he could away from Cadence's goons as he made his way toward what appeared to be a clothing shop.
"I'll hide in these clothes; they won't find me through the crowd." Charlie dove through the crowd to conceal himself from his pursuers as he slipped into a large pile of discount clothes on clearance.
"Damn him for doing this. I know how to handle this." Ted then walked up to the shop owner and spoke to her; she had hearts in her eyes and was saluting like a zombie.
"Attention, all shoppers! We're closing up now. Any final purchases will be refunded to your accounts. Have a lovely day!" They all agreed? They were all under that influence, it seemed. The shutter was closed, trapping Charlie in the shop with Ted, two goons, and the shopkeeper.
"Oh boy... this is not good," Charlie muttered. Then Ted reached into the pile of clothes and found Charlie, and pulled him out.
"I couldn't agree more with that sentiment, buddy. Club him, boys!" Charlie then saw one of Cadence's goons swing a bat to his head, knocking him clean out as everything went dark.
Charlie then woke up in what appeared to be a warehouse, but there was a throne adorned with... hearts? "He's waking up now, lovely," Cadence said as she saw Charlie standing up to his feet. He was trying to clear his mind from his minor headache. She was sitting on her throne, looking down at him smugly.
"What? What hit me? Huh, it's you. So, you found out that I was investigating you?"
"It wasn't that hard to find you. A bit of advice: don't leave personal items at the scene of your case, detective. That's just sloppy."
"I'll have to crack open an ice-cold can of freelance justice right here and now."
"Go ahead and try it, buddy. I dare you."
"I might only get one chance at this. Princess Cadence, Freelance Detective! You're under arrest!" But she just chuckled.
"You fool. I'm a princess. I could arrest you if I wanted, you know."
"Damn, she's right. I guess I'll have to try something else." Charlie then examined the room and noticed they were the only two. "Isn't it strange that we're the only two here right now? Shouldn't you be more well-guarded?"
"Why bother using those humans when I've got powerful Equestrian magic, which your primitive weapons pale in comparison to."
"A bit cocky, aren't you? Is that why you let me keep my firearm?"
"Mhm. Why should I be afraid of you?"
"Well, I could be the one to bring down your entire operation. You never know."
"You're welcome to try, though I wouldn't bet on it." Charlie then examined the room and saw a terminal shielded by magic with a gauge to measure its pressure.
"So, what's your evil master plan then? Every villain does a classical monologue when they think they will win."
"Evil? Evil?! How dare you call my plan evil. I'll have you know that it is no such thing. Try to imagine a world with no fighting, no wars, and no grief. Pure happiness, right? If you've paid attention to my radio broadcasts, I wasn't exactly being very subtle with my intentions."
"Well, you're forcing this onto the people, likely using those candies and cards to do the influencing. That's why you wanted that candy shop. It was the candy that would affect their minds upon consumption."
"Nice of you to figure that out, detective. A bit too late, though, don't you think?"
"Mass hypnosis is pretty evil, you know. And are you getting rid of fighting, crime, and wars? I'd be out of a job. Not happening, Cadence."
"Hmph. The ends justify the means, detective. That terminal controls an Equestrian-built satellite that'll collect positive energy of love into its reservoir on its back from the humans here. Once that tank is filled, I'll convert that energy into a wave of love magic so powerful and unstoppable that it'll warp the minds of every human being all over Earth. Love will be forever."
"Not if I and my gun have anything to say about it, Cadence." Charlie then armed his pistol and aimed it at Cadence. "Sorry, Cadence, but desperate times call for desperate measures." He fired a bullet at her. Her magic shield intercepted and bounced it away toward the nearby wall, doing Nothing to Cadence.
"Really? Did you seriously think that was going to work?"
"Well, no. But it was worth a shot."
"Hmph. Amateur." Cadence scoffed as she looked at Charlie smugly. Charlie then evaluated his options.
Charlie then examined the pressure gauge again. "There's a magic shield on that pressure gauges protecting it, so shooting it is out of the question." Charlie attempted to reshoot Cadence as his bullet ricocheted off her shield and went into the wall again.
"Hey you, cut that out! At first, it was slightly amusing, but now it's getting annoying." Cadence was glaring, unamused with Charlie's antics.
"I'll stop shooting at you when you stop trying to take over the Earth."
"Nice try, detective. But you cannot barter with me."
Charlie then examined the room further. As he decided to raise his firearm towards Cadence again, he acted against that decision and lowered his gun once her glare met his eyes.
"Do not even think about it. Try that with me again, and so help me, I will see that you're strapped down to a gurney, disarmed of your piece, and force-fed my scruples until you go mad."
"Eugh. It's probably not a good idea to test her on that."
"Smart human." Charlie then saw what appeared to be a valve, but with Cadence locked onto him, turning that valve would not work.
'So if manually turning it won't work, then shooting it is the next best thing.' Charlie then shot the valve as it spun clockwise. Gouts of steam were bursting from the valve to the pipes to the terminal.
"Wait. What are you doing?" Cadence looks at Charlie inquisitively.
"Oh, just seeing what all I can shoot with this, that's all."
"A frivolous endeavor, but go ahead and try your worst."
"You got it, frilly pink pony."
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that insult."
"Great."
Charlie then saw that the gauge rose some, but not enough. Cadence had to be distracted, though. Charlie saw the extra decorations around the warehouse. Six statues resembling Cadence pointed towards the machine the terminal was rigged to. "Either these statues serve a purpose to her plans, or Cadence is a bit of a narcissist."
"What?!" Cadence replied with a scowl.
"Nothing."
Charlie then examined how the love energy was gradually absorbed into the machine; too much pink was everywhere. "Pink and other bright and colorful colors often resemble homosexuality. I wonder if Cadence might swing both ways."
"What?!" Cadence replied angrily.
"Nothing."
"Antagonizing me won't get you any closer to stopping me." Cadence chided Charlie.
"Duly noted. So you said that this energy you're gathering is being fed to your satellite through this tank, right? Would that also work for any energy?"
"Why're you asking?"
"Just dotting my I's and crossing my T's."
"Good effort, but if you think I'll divulge this machine's weakness so easily, you're just out of luck."
"I kinda figured you'd say that." 'I'll have to try to distract her somehow, but how? Maybe there's something on the walls that I could use to my advantage.' Charlie then examined the walls more thoroughly.
There was a poster of an equine elder with alabaster-white fur, magenta eyes, and a chromatic mane color that shone like a sunny day with words that said 'always watching' on its bottom. "Hey, what's that over there?" Charlie then pointed towards the back of the warehouse past Cadence's throne towards the shadows.
"Oh, come on, the oldest trick in the book? Do you seriously think that I'm that stupid?"
"Am I supposed to answer that question?"
"No. And if you do, I'll have to come down there and seal your stupid mouth shut." Charlie then tried this again but with a different method.
"Who's that over there? She looks like a white equine with colorful hair, a long pointed horn, and magenta eyes."
"What?! Celestia? Where?" Her head turned over to the dark corner to try to spot her- a perfect distraction.
'T-That worked? Wow.' Charlie then took this moment to manually turn the valve to make the pressure overload the shielding so it'll short out its security system before he snapped back away from the terminal not to arouse suspicion as Cadence looked back towards Charlie.
"Celestia wasn't there. How dare you lie to me, human."
"I guess it was just a trick of the eyes. False alarm."
"I've got my eyes on you, human." Cadence seemed to be slightly more suspicious now.
' I highly doubt that the same trick with this Celestia lady would work twice. I'll have to distract her some other way.' Mulling over his options, he decided that getting her closer to him would be more efficient. "Hey, I think I see some error on your terminal here. Last I checked, flashing red usually isn't a good thing."
"What's going on, human? What did you do?" She got closer to Charlie to inspect the terminal to ensure everything was functioning correctly. She was well within his distance as he wasted no time using his gun's butt end to club her on her head and knock her out.
"I-I can't believe it; that also worked, too? Unbelievable. I probably only bought myself roughly thirty minutes at best. I'd best make that time count." Moving back towards the terminal, Charlie inspected it now that its security shield was disabled.
"There's only one problem now. How on Earth do I operate this thing? Maybe knocking her out wasn't the brightest idea in hindsight." Looking at the many colorful buttons, one was covered under a sticky notepad with the words do not peel off in cursive penmanship.
"Now, if my detective gut instincts have taught me anything, anything found under sticky notes is usually on the money. That and anything that's written on them, too." Charlie then peeled it off to see a special button that said release.
"This button looks ominous. I wonder what'll happen if I push it." Charlie pushed the button with a click sound, and the alarms blared.
"Warning! Warning! The external tank is unstable. A thorough safety check is required!" This repeated at least a couple more times as Charlie panicked.
"Okay. I get it; fasten together the stupid tank. Damn, what can I do to make that alarm stop? Try pressing all of the buttons randomly until something interesting happens." Charlie did just that, pushing any buttons he could to see its outcome. Unsure of what would happen as the alarm rang, that annoying intercom voice finally stopped.
"Exterior tank has been stabilized. Reverting to the primary objective."
"Oh, thank god, that alarm was driving me nuts." The tank was secured, but in the panic, the contents had spilled out all over the warehouse floor, making Cadence's work halted effectively.
"Oh yeah. Now, that is the sight of progress." Very soon afterward, Cadence began to stir awake as she felt the gooey pink liquid touching her hooves, then shot up and looked around the room.
"No! What is this? What have you done, human? That's it!" She used magic to lift Charlie's body effortlessly as he rose before her.
"H-Hey now. W-Woah?! Come on; we can talk about this. Please be reasonable here."
"I was merciful and careless with you. That was my mistake. A mistake that I do not intend on repeating." She levitated his body towards an empty tank with a few holes and dropped him in it while sealing it up. "There. Now, you're unable to cause me any more trouble."
"Right then. My bullets cannot penetrate this thick glass here. Not good."
"Now, stay put if you know what's good for you!" Cadence replied with icy venom laced in her words.
"If she thinks this'll keep me contained, she's right but also wrong." Charlie then aimed his gun at one of the few holes for oxygen. "Eureka. The holes are big enough to aim to hit at the right moment. Good thing her shielding is broken, or this probably wouldn't be possible."
Charlie then aimed for one of the switches to further sabotage Cadence's grand plan to usurp the world with forced love. The fired bullet hit the control panel, controlling the satellite array from Earth's orbit. The panel sparked and exploded as it then malfunctioned. Cadence wasn't happy about that in the slightest.
"You, worthless, hairless ape! I am done with being nice to you now. You have ruined my plans to make this world better for everyone."
"I told you I would be the one that can stop you. But you were just too arrogant to believe it."
"Rrraarrughh!!! Come here, you!" Cadence's eyes were glowing bright white as she genuinely looked pissed off. Charlie then saw a machine resembling a portal with two features: expel and pull. "I'm going to have to do something really, really bad to you now!" She sounded slightly demonic, almost with that raised voice.
"Oh boy. I never thought that my mission would turn out this crazy. That machine looks like a good place to shoot." The pink water was bubbling near her hooves, and pink flames were building up all around her body as she slowly approached Charlie.
"When I get a hold of you... I'll give you a hug that will burn you to a crisp!" Charlie then panicked as he aimed in one of the holes opposite his previous shot. His bullet struck the button on the portal that read pull.
"Ace accuracy, Charlie. It's time for you to return to your world, missy." Charlie then saw the rift opening up as it was pulling her body towards the separation itself; she noticed this as she held her front forehooves out onto the edges of the portal machine so as not to be pulled in entirely but was still struggling to reach Charlie.
"Why you? No! I will not be going back, not yet. You haven't won this battle, you know." Charlie saw the portal slightly flickering as she grinned maliciously, "The portal will wear out. Then I will escape from its pull."
"I must think of something quickly before she manages to break out of that." Charlie saw where her hooves were and grinned, "I wonder how well you can still hold on after I shoot at your hooves."
"You wouldn't dare!"
"Never underestimate a hairless ape, pony." Charlie then shot at her hoof shoes, covering her hooves at the machine's edges; Cadence cringed as she let go as if in slow motion. Her horrified expression was realized as she was pulled right back into Equestria. Charlie was laughing heartily in slow motion.
"Nooo!" Cadence then vanished into the portal as it overloaded the room with a power surge. The power went out, making the portal disappear and releasing the latches onto the container as Charlie hopped out.
"Well then, that does that. To ensure she cannot come back through here, it's time to unplug this machine." Charlie found its power cable, ripped it from its socket, and tossed it onto the ground. He then exited the warehouse to see Ted with a confused look as he looked at Charlie. "Hey there, Ted, you feeling okay?"
"W-What... What happened? I fell asleep; I didn't do anything bad, did I?"
"Well... no. No, you didn't. Everything is just fine, just a bad dream."
"It feels like I did something terrible. If I did, I'm sorry about that."
"Whatever you're worried about, don't worry about it. Let's pretend like today and yesterday never happened."
"W-Well, okay then, I guess. What's done is done." Ted then walked back into the warehouse to do what Charlie could imagine as major clean-up work.
"I'll have to call for my Oldsmobile to be towed to me. The Commissioner can help me with that after today's events... and yesterday's." Charlie called the Commissioner to get his car towed to him. After his call, he waited about thirty minutes for his car to arrive at him as he tipped the driver for his work and got in.
"Thank you, sir. Oh, baby, I missed you so much." Charlie was hugging his car affectionately.
"Nice ride, by the way, bud. Oldsmobile cars aren't too commonly seen anymore."
"Thank you for that-" Charlie's stomach rumbled, "oh? Solving crimes can work up a man's appetite. I'd better check up on Ollie to see how he's doing."
Charlie soon arrived at Ollie's Diner to see how his business was doing as he saw loads of seats filled and a very mirthful Ollie happily striding towards Charlie as soon as he saw him coming in, "Haha. My man, you did it. I knew you could give that prissy pink pony her one-two, buckle her hooves. How did it feel to get rid of her?"
"Well, considering that she nearly gave me the hug of a thousand burns, I'd say relieved now. But hungry."
"Forget the burger; order anything you'd like, anything at all. Have a seat, and I'll fix you, my friend."
"My appreciation, amigo," Charlie said as he sat down to get served.
Meanwhile, in Equestria, Cadence was thrown back onto the grounds of Canterlot Castle as she huffed in frustration. "How dare he, that man, ruin my plans to deliver the purest love we had to offer. So this is what humans are truly like, huh? Make no mistake, Detective Charlie, this is not over between us."
"We will see each other again, and I will get back to you." Cadence then composed herself and stood back up to walk towards the Castle's front gates so she could speak to Celestia. "Yes, Celestia. I do believe that I might need your help after all."