The next morning she woke up to see the bright sunlight already piercing fiercely through the windows of the room. She looked around to realize she was alone. "Did I oversleep?" And so she had, she quickly got off the bed and looked at the clock, 10:00 a.m. She quickly got changed and descended the stairs of the tower. As she walked, her mind whirled around the idea of telling Trixie the truth, but the other side of her told her to not, what if she said no? What if she said something worse? What if that caused her to lose her? Starlight didn't even want to think about it, she knew she was probably overthinking, but she knew that she was feeling something she'd never felt before, and that dream she had the night before confirmed it, her heart beat for Trixie, and despite knowing she shouldn't, se was going to try to hide it from the world.
When she entered the dining hall she was surprised to find both Trixie and Princess Twilight Sparkle sitting together, having tea. Twilight spotted her as she approached the table.
"Good morning, Starlight, how was your night?"
"Exceptional"
"That's good to know." Twilight continued. "I'm glad you arrive now, you were just a bit late for our visit."
"Visit?"
"The director of the Royal Theatre Company was here a few minutes ago, and both Trixie and I were discussing a few...ideas with him, but I think it's more appropriate if Trixie caught you up to speed."
Trixie had a look of excitement on her face that she could barely hide.
"He wants me to do a tour of my magic show with his company all over Equestria!" Trixie explained with enthusiasm.
"Wow, really?" Starlight replied, amazed.
"Yes! He said we would be doing shows on all the important stages of the country, we'll start here in Canterlot, of course, we'll do the three theatres here, and then we are off around to Manehattan, Baltimare, Las Pegasus and we'll even finish with a special show in Ponyville."
"That sounds amazing, what did you say?"
"Well, I obviously said yes!" Trixie replied nonchalantly. "We'll be working on adapting the new show to the bigger crew of the Royal Company this month, and once I'm done writing and rehearsing, we're off!"
"That's the most amazing thing Trixie, I'm so proud of you."
"Thanks. I would say this is all my doing, but you being there for me really made the difference, this truly is a highlight in my career. And I have you to thank for helping me. And no modesties, this is our doing, Starlight, we'll shine together."
"What do you mean?" Starlight asked, confused.
"Well, I want you to be part of my show. It's an invitation, if I'm going to shine bright above everypony else, I want my best friend with me."
Twilight giggled. "I think that's a great idea, you two should put together the show, you're great with coordinating things, Starlight, I'm sure if you work on this side by side you'll put on an unforeseen show. I unfortunately could not see last night's performance, but I'll make sure to go to this one, and I'm sure Spike would love to go too."
Her two friends stared at her, awaiting her answer, Starlight could feel the sweat running down her brow, she had to say yes, after all, this was Trixie's dream come true; but she didn't know if she could handle being that close to her for so long now that she had discovered her feelings for her. The seconds went by feeling like hours as she tried to find an answer to the magician's proposal.
"I...I, yeah, sure, I'd love to help out."
"Yes! We will put on the best show anypony has ever seen, and we will shine bright among the stars of Equestria. You and me, Starlight, we will be the greatest and most powerful duo Equestria has ever seen! You'll see."
"I'm sure we will be."
"This is fantastic." Twilight said. "I'm looking forward to seeing you both on stage."
"Well, I gotta go now, I have a meeting with the director, and I don't want to miss it." Trixie announced before hopping off of her seat and walking to the door. "See you girls in a few hours."
"Good luck." Starlight replied as Trixie walked out of the room. She looked down at her empty plate. "Gosh, we spent so long talking about the show I forgot to have breakfast."
"You're right, how rude of me." Twilight replied. She then magically lifted a tiny bell and rang it. In a heartbeat, a servant appeared next to them. "Order away."
Starlight ordered her food and the servant pony went away. Her breakfast did not have to wait long, mere minutes afterwards, the servant pony came back out with a plate full of delicious pancakes with an assortment of seasonal fruits. It did not help her mind at all that they were all blue and silver exotic berries from the palace gardens.
"Something is bothering you." Twilight indicated serenely as Starlight munched on a pancake.
"How can you tell?" Starlight asked.
"It's not for nothing that I am the Princess of Friendship. It's my duty to read ponies' emotions. You're turbulent, I could see it when Trixie was here earlier. She might not have noticed, but you certainly did not look as excited about the new show as you did back when you guys announced last night's performance. Did something happen between the two of you?"
"Oh, no, nothing has happened. I just, I'm not feeling quite like myself today."
"Do you want to talk about that?"
Starlight pondered for a second. Twilight was another one of her best friends, and she knew she could trust her with anything, but this was not something one could just lightly say and then move on. She felt the urge to tell her everything, to unload all her guilt and let the truth spill out of her so she could finally be free, but the fear of it being too much restrained her.
"No. Not right now, Twi."
"Emotions are like a river, Starlight, positive and negative, they're all the same. They need to flow in order for your heart and mind to function in harmony, if you cut the flow of those emotions, you'll cause the river to stall and pool inside you. And if long enough passes, those emotions will force their way through your blockades, but the stalling will have corrupted them, and they could cause more damage than if you had allowed them to flow in the first place."
Starlight looked at her friend, she seemed worried, but she was serene. Twilight was right, and Starlight herself had struggled with restrained emotions in the past, but being in love with Trixie was a whole new level of strange, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to let the world know of her heart's desire.
"I have to go, but if you change your mind and decide to open up, you know where to find me. Just, don't hurt yourself too much, okay?" Twilight concluded before standing up and exiting the room, leaving Starlight alone with her thoughts and her plate.
Starlight looked down and imagined the scenarios in her head, but every time she reproduced them, they became worse and worse, and she could not see any one in which things turned out fine, she could not find the way to tell Trixie she was in love with her, if Trixie wasn't, they would never be the same again, she could lose her best friend forever. She decided she'd stay away. If she spent enough time without seeing her, the infatuation would eventually wear off, or at least, that's what she thought; but she had agreed to help out with the show. She'd have to elaborate a plan to get out of the compromise.
The next week was a period of cooldown for her. Trixie and the director spent most of the days planning and writing the new show, while Starlight helped Twilight out with the duties of the castle. The only times she saw Trixie were at night when Trixie told her of her work with the company before bedtime, the routine became more comfortable for Starlight, since she didn't have to bother talking to Trixie about her feelings for too long, since they both ended up too tired after the long days of work. But Starlight could not shake off her feelings anyway, and she could almost physically feel them bulging up inside her mind and heart, she dreamt of Trixie every night and every day she spent as Twilight's assistant in the palace, she thought of her and her belly filled up with butterflies. She tried to hide it, but she knew it would only get worse and worse the longer she stalled it.
The end of the week came faster than she expected it. On the last day Starlight was on her way to deliver correspondence to the palace's bird master just before sundown when Trixie came running towards her. She looked as beautiful as always, and her sight made Starlight feel a rush of emotions that even she could not understand, she felt bliss and uncontrollable fear, but mostly doubt, she wanted to tell here there and then that she loved her and wanted her to be her special somepony, but she didn't have the courage to say it out loud, so she swallowed her feelings and let the conversation flow over her.
"Guess what?." Trixie said enthusiastically.
"Uhmm, what?"
"We finally finished writing the show, and it's amazing!" Trixie continued. "If you thought my last show was astonishing, this one will drop everyone's jaws down to the ground. I can't wait to get to work on it! We're going to be fantastic."
"I sure can't wait for it, it sounds like we're gonna have a lot of fun."
"Oh, we are, for sure." Trixie replied. "We begin rehearsal tomorrow, so I'm going to need you to be at the theatre by midday."
"Oh, tomorrow?"
"Yes, why? Is there a problem?"
"It's just, I've been getting busy helping Twilight around with the chores of the palace, and, I don't know, I think it would be rude to just leave, you know?"
"I'm sure she'd understand, besides, she fully supports my show, and as a good friend I'm sure she'll be fine if you come rehearse with us. She usually handles everything here on her own anyways, what are you so worried about?"
Trixie made seriously valid points, if she wanted to snap off of her responsibility, she'd have to come up with something better...or blatantly lie about it.
"You know what? You're right, I'll try to get there in time."
"Fantastic, I knew I could count on you, I'll go get some dinner, don't take too long."
"I'll come as soon as I'm done with this."
That night, the weight of her conscience was almost unbearable, she knew she was lying, and she tried to come up with excuses to bring up when she had to confront Trixie the next day about not going to rehearsal. But that would mean also lying to Twilight. At this rate she'd have to go into hiding until her feelings finally gave up and let her be, she could not tell them, they could not know, they simply could not.
The next morning arrived and Starlight went into the market early to take a stroll, Trixie had gone ahead and informed Twilight of the rehearsals and she had agreed to let Starlight go without any problem, after all, her involvement in royal affairs was only temporary, and even though Twilight appreciated the help, she didn't really need it. Starlight tried to find ways to tell Trixie, but she just couldn't find them, she wanted a way to avoid all the possible bad outcomes, but none of the options seemed to make sense, and she hated herself for even coming close to considering mind magic spells, she knew it was wrong. She knew she had to tell her, she loved her, but she didn't want her to react badly. She whirled the ideas in her mind all morning until time came to go to the rehearsal. She decided to go to Donut Joe's.
"Oh, hi Starlight, how's it going?" Joe greeted her when she walked into the shop. "Came in for a midday donut?"
"Oh, no, I wanted to know if you needed help with anything, I'm kinda free...and bored, and I could use something to put my mind into."
"Well, I have some issues with sorting out my storage, the pony I hired resigned a few weeks ago and I haven't found a replacement yet, so, maybe you could help with that."
"Thanks, I'll get right on it." Starlight said without skipping a heartbeat.
"Come, I'll show you the storage room." Donut Joe replied before walking to a door behind the counter. On the other side they emerged into a moderately big room with shelves and racks extending all the way to the back end. "Here's the old logistics notes and inventory, once you're done I'll pay you for your time and we'll be done."
"Thanks Joe." Starlight replied.
"You're welcome, I guess."
Joe exited the room and left her to her task. She spent a couple hours assorting the boxes and crates and barrels, there were spices and big bags of flour and other baking items, kitchen utensils and tools, spare mixers and other sorts of machinery. Rearranging and labeling the shelves and racks felt strangely relieving to her, it almost was enough to keep her mind from shifting towards her struggle with Trixie. The hours went quickly and by the time she was done the sky was already painted in its characteristic afternoon orange and violet hue as the sun began to set on the horizon.
"Geez, is it really that late?" Starlight exclaimed.
"It is pretty late." Joe replied. "Did you finish?"
"Yes, everything is neat and tidy in there, so you should not have any problem finding your things, as long as you follow this new inventory sheet I created for you."
"Nice job." Joe said as he examined the document. "Couldn't have done it better if I'd done it myself. So about your payment."
"Oh, no need, take it as a friendly favour." Starlight replied.
"Oh, don't be so modest, here, a coupon for a dozen donuts, on the house." Joe handed her the coupon with a wink.
"Thanks, I'll save it for later. I really gotta go now."
"Fair enough, you know you're always welcome here."
Starlight ran to the palace as the sun went down and the sky turned darker, she had spent too long inside the shop. When she got back to the castle she found Trixie by herself in the throne room, she was looking at the tall and majestic painted glass windows of the hall. The walls and roof were covered in an orange hue with the glow of the sunset, Starlight's hoofsteps echoed all over the wide and empty room.
"Hi, Trixie."
"Well, hello there." Trixie replied coldly. "I thought I said I wanted you in rehearsal at midday. Where were you?" Trixie looked at her, frowning.
"I...I got busy with something else. I'm sorry, I di..."
"Something else?" Trixie exclaimed with irritation.
"I'm sorry, Trixie, it was important, I thought I could make it in time, but I got carried away, time went by so quick."
"Important? Important?! What could possibly be more important than our first rehearsal, Starlight? We stalled the session for an entire hour just to wait for you and we eventually had to have one of the extras replace you, because apparently you decided to ditch me in our first rehearsal together."
"I...I don't know what to say. I..." Starlight tried to form the words, but her mind was blank, there were no excuses, no ways out, she had to face it, she had lied, and she had let her friend down.
"Listen Starlight, you're my best friend and all, but if you don't want to be a part of the show, you have to say it now. We can't rehearse properly if you are not going to commit. You can back away if you want, we're still on time Starlight, I promise it's okay if you don't want to be on stage, I'll conform with having you in the crowd cheering for me."
"But I want to be on stage with you, that's what you wanted. I really want to help."
"Yeah, right. But that's not enough, Starlight, you actually have to be there, you know? We can't rehearse your part if you're not there."
"I know, I know, I don't know what happened today, it won't happen again."
"Alright, it's only the first day anyway, next rehearsal is tomorrow, you need to attend, please. Arrive on time."
But she didn't, the week went by and each day the confusion in her mind became worse and worse, she could not stop thinking about her. She attended three out of seven rehearsals in total, and each time her anxiety over her crush became more and more appalling. By the end of the week, they had stalled the first act and weren't able to move on from there, Starlight's mind was divided in half; her ever-growing urge to tell Trixie how she felt, and the fact that she was letting her friend down by making up excuses. But even then, she refused to give in. She felt like she'd snap at any moment, but she refused to let herself be defeated by her feelings, she needed to keep them in control.
"Starlight, we need to talk." Trixie said with indignance when they were in their room in the palace tower on the last night of the week. She seemed visibly angry and concerned. "Listen, I love you, but you're seriously breaking my heart over here. So I have to ask, Starlight, what the hay is going on? You're distant, and weird, and by the looks of it, not taking the rehearsals seriously at all."
There was a moment of silence, Starlight felt her eyes tearing up, but she maintained her composure. Still, words wouldn't come out, the itch was stronger than ever, she felt her heart torn between her pride, her fear and her infatuation. She could not decide which emotion to obey, they were all fighting to take over her and all she could react with was despair, she wanted to get out and shout it all to the world; she could not answer, but not because she didn't want to, it was because there was no answer.
"I'm seriously disappointed, Starlight" Trixie said severely. "and this hurts me, but if you're not going to be of any help, I will kindly ask you to step down from the show. We'll find a replacement for you, but we can't wait any longer for you to actually start rehearsing; you need to either pull yourself together, or stop trying at all, because it is seriously slowing us down."
Those words drew a tear from her eyes, she now realised the gravity of her tantrum, Twilight's words echoed in the back of her mind as she tried to put together an answer for Trixie, she knew she had to step down, or confess, but she wasn't sure of how to tell her any of it. She wanted so badly to be by her side as they performed Trixie's dream show, but she knew she was too turbulent to even rehearse properly, and Trixie was right, she was slowing them down. She had to step away until she could pull herself together.
"I'll step down from the show." Starlight said, lowering her head. "I'm sorry I've been acting so strange, I think it's better if you guys go on without me. I'm going to go take a walk, you should probably rest, I'm sure you'll have a lot of work to do tomorrow."
Starlight walked out of the room, she didn't even take a second look at Trixie, and no more words were spoken. Once outside, she cried bitter tears, all the emotions she had brewed for the last two weeks poured over the steps of the western tower of the palace. In her mind everything played like an accelerated film recorder, her memories with Trixie, Twilight's advice, Trixie's show and the moment she realised she was in love, and then her failed scheme and her argument with Trixie on the tower, she could feel the disappointment and the pain in her gaze and her voice as she told her to resign. That night she cried herself to sleep at the base of the tower.
"Starlight. Starlight. Starlight!"
She woke up feeling irritated and strained, and her back and hind legs hurt as if she had run four miles. It took her eyes a moment to adapt to the early morning light. She recognized the voice that called her, it was Twilight Sparkle. She stood over her with a look of sheer concern drawn on her face.
"What time is it?" Starlight asked, still trying to shake off the drowsiness.
"Six a.m." Twilight replied. "I have a better question for you, what are you doing here? Didn't I give you guys a room atop of the tower?"
"I...yeah, I just figured, you know, I'd try the stairs. Very comfy stairs let me tell you. Ow...ow"
"Yeah, I'm not that gullible Starlight." Twilight replied. "I know something's wrong, and it has something to do with Trixie. And something tells me that you have not been exactly honest with more than one pony. Do you want to talk about it now?"
Starlight looked up at her friend, she needed to let loose her weights, she needed to confess, and she could not hold it inside her anymore, it had to be known, and she needed the help. She sighed.
"Yes." Starlight finally replied softly.
Twilight gave her a condescending look and helped her get on her hooves.
"Come, Let's talk it over in my office." They walked to Twilight's counseling room, the sun crept from the east, illuminating the room with a soft and pale blue and yellow glow. "Alright, Starlight, tell me, what's going on?"
"You ever had a really close friend that you love like your life and you have a long and deep relationship based on trust and comprehension and your very similar upbringings and you feel like losing that pony would be comparable to the end of the world?"
"Go on"
"And then you realise that over the years you have developed an affection for this pony that goes beyond friendship and you don't know how to tell them, because you feel like telling them would ruin your friendship and you then get involved in this endless cycle of uncertainty that you can't get out of because you're afraid of telling the truth, but you're not sure if the truth is worth saying anyways and you end up screwing yourself over and lying and making up excuses each time more convoluted than the last until you can't deal with it anymore and you decide to just get away."
"So you have a crush on Trixie, but you don't want to tell her because you think that would ruin your friendship?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Why would you think that? Isn't she like...your best friend ever?"
"I...don't know, like, what if she's weirded out, or what if she doesn't feel the same? What if she thought I'm making fun of her? There's a million things that could go wrong."
"Well, there's several things that already went wrong because you chose not to tell the truth, and you've been making an even bigger problem out of something that wasn't even a problem to begin with. You have to let your emotions flow. Stalling the river will only cause a flood, though I feel like you already learned that one first-hoof."
Starlight sighed. "Yeah, it feels pretty bad."
"The good thing is, we can still make things right, all you have to do is explain yourself, and ask for forgiveness."
"But what if she doesn't feel the same way?"
"Then all you have to do is move on, love is complicated, we can't take anything as a definitive answer, and we shouldn't try to control everypony's emotions when controlling one's emotions is hard enough by itself." Twilight explained. "I know it's hard to take on the endeavour of telling your special somepony how you feel, the fear of rejection is quite common actually. But that's just part of life." Twilight made a pause. "Though I feel like you in particular might be surprised."
"How so?"
"You'll see." Twilight winked at her. "And as it seems, you'll see it sooner than you think."
"What?" In that moment, somepony knocked at the door, both of them turned to look. "How did you do that?"
"Do what?" Twilight giggled. "I'll teach that one to you at another time. Come in!"
The door opened slowly and from it emerged Trixie. She seemed surprised to see Starlight as she entered the room.
"Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?" She asked, taking a step back.
"No, actually, it's quite convenient that you came here at this time." Twilight said before turning to Starlight. "You see, this is what I meant when I said "you'll see"."
"I don't follow. What's going on here?" Trixie asked with visible confusion.
"I'll leave you two to resolve this one, I think you guys are ready." Twilight said as she made her way to the door. "Remember, let the river flow."
Twilight closed and locked the door behind her, leaving the two friends alone inside her office. They shared an awkward moment of silence, and then they both tried to talk simultaneously.
"I..."
"Well...Oh, no, you go..." Trixie stammered.
"No. Please, you...uh...you first."
Trixie sighed. "Okay, first things first; I might have gotten a little angry last night, but I want you to know that I still appreciate you, you're important to me, and I should have asked you if you were ready before jumping in to making you part of the show, it's okay if you don't want to be in it, as long as I have your support I'm happy, okay?"
"It's me who should be asking forgiveness." Starlight replied. "I have not been completely honest with you, I have been evasive and making excuses and I need to make things clear now. You deserve more than just an apology, you deserve an explanation. I need to tell you the truth, Trixie, because I can't keep stalling it any longer."
"What are you talking about?"
"Trixie, I love you." She could see the blush on Trixie's cheeks as she felt it growing on her own, her face warmed up and she felt shivers shooting all throughout her body. For a second they both remained speechless. Their gazes fixed on each other as they attempted to process what was happening. Finally, Starlight decided there was no backing down, she had to finish what she had just started. "I've known it for a while now, but I never wanted to tell you for fear that you would reject me, I love you, but not just as a friend, I love you like a couple love each other, I dream about you every night. When I see your face I get all warm and weird and I want to caress you and kiss you and when I'm close to you I feel this indescribable fire burning in my heart and when we're together I feel happy, and safe, I want to be your special somepony, and for too long I've been trying to hide it but frankly at this point I don't care anymore. I had to tell you or else...else I don't know, maybe I would have gone mad. Question is, do you want to be mine?"
Trixie looked as if she had seen a ghost. She stammered something, but could not form up coherent words. She swallowed and got closer.
"Close your eyes." Trixie said.
"Why?"
"Just do it, trust me." Starlight closed her eyes, for a moment her mind went everywhere, she remembered the show, the moment she discovered her feelings for Trixie, she remembered the first time they met, she remembered their adventures together, and she remembered the look she gave her just seconds before she closed her eyes. There was no sound but the slow and soft hoofsteps of Trixie as she approached her. Then she stopped, Starlight could feel her breath on her face, she was just millimetres away, they spent a few seconds in silence, their noses barely touching, then Trixie leaned in and their lips entwined together, Starlight had never felt a flavor so sweet and gentle, or a feeling so satisfying and pleasant. The kiss lasted enough for her to feel they were fused together for hours, even if it was only a few seconds. When they separated she could still feel Trixie's essence on her lips and their gazes fused onto each other's. Starlight thought she could spend the rest of her life like this, just her and Trixie alone. "Does that answer your question?"
"Y...yes." Starlight said, still feeling the shock of emotions she had just experienced. "Does that mean you forgive me too?"
Trixie chuckled. "Well, of course, what kind of weirdo would I be if I kissed you without forgiving you?"
"Fair enough."
They both chuckled in unison. In that moment Twilight re-entered the room.
"Well, I see you guys have succeeded in yet another friendship lesson."
"More of a lesson in love I'd say." Starlight pointed out.
"Well look at me go, on my way to becoming Princess of Friendship and Love." twilight said playfully. "In all seriousness, I'm glad you could see this through. I told you you'd be surprised, didn't I?"
"How did you know?" Starlight inquired.
"Well, a wise pony seeks advice when they feel insecure. And in front of me are two rather wise ponies. Though Trixie came to me sooner when she realised you started acting weird. So, yeah, I kinda knew what was going on from the get-go"
Starlight and Trixie exchanged a look.
"I worry about my friends, and I was seriously worried about you, it's not like you to behave like that."
"Heh, yeah, I suppose I did get a little over-dramatic." Starlight said embarrassed.
"It's okay to be scared, but it's necessary to let your concerns be known, otherwise you look like a crazy pony." Twilight indicated. "I suppose you girls can go back to preparing for that exciting new show of yours, now that it's all settled."
"Yeah, what do you say Starlight? We can still co-star and be the greatest and most powerful magical duo of Equestria."
"Are you sure you still want me on board?"
"You're not the pony who slacked off the entire week and made excuses, Starlight, I know that, and now that we are an item, it will be even better. I could live the dream with my special somepony. We could do it, together" Trixie put her hooves over Starlight's. "What do you say?"
"Yes" Starlight exclaimed happily. She didn't have to hide anything anymore, she was finally free from the curse she implanted on herself, she was with Trixie, the love of her life, the pony of her dreams, she was finally safe.