//------------------------------// // Chapter Five part 1: 'Quality' Time With Spike // Story: Twilight's Diamond Daughter // by deadpansnarker //------------------------------// Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer had heard all the esteemed titles bestowed upon a certain scaly friend of theirs. Spike The Brave. Spike The Magnificent. Spike The Aviator (the latest addition to the roll of honour. Obviously). The fact most of them had been chosen by the dragon himself didn’t seem to matter. Whenever Spike needed a shot of confidence, either mare would declare to him one of these descriptive nicknames with the sort of booming gravitas usually reserved for speeches at times of national crisis... ...Which in the recent history of Equestria had seemingly been every month, but that was another matter (mostly for the Luna and Celestia biographists). Now another moniker could be added to that distinguished list… but it was not one which would please the drake nor would he particularly encourage the use of. Spike The… Ticklish?! …………………………… A few minutes earlier “So, what did you think then?” Spike asked his filly companion as they entered his old room together after their quick tour of the grounds. “Well, I liked the table with the sticking-out holograms. It would definitely help me out some with my geography test.” Diamond Tiara replied, referring to the magical furniture in the Map Room. “How much did you say you were asking for it again?” “E-Erm… I don’t think it’s for sale…” Diamond’s offer to purchase the invaluable artefact had left the drake stumbling for words. “What do you mean, Dragon? Everything’s for sale. At least, that’s what my Daddy always taught me. How could he be wrong?” Diamond frowned slightly at the unusual prospect of not immediately getting what she wanted. “I think it would just fit in my room too, between the pinball machine and my four-poster bed. Are you absolutely positive I couldn’t tempt you or your employer Princess Twilight with an offer? It seems you’ll be moving out soon anyway.” “For starters, call me ‘Spike’. Every creature else does. And Twilight isn’t my ‘employer’... well, she is, but there’s so much more to our relationship than that.” Spike decided to regale the youngster with a few basic facts, before responding to the main parts of the discussion. “And while me and Twi may be relocating to Canterlot on a permanent basis, we’d still like to keep some mementos of our time here. Besides, what would happen if a new generation of ponies needed to use the Map urgently, but the table was all the way over in Rich Mansion helping you with your homework? Sorry, it just isn’t possible.” “Why did you show the Map table to me then?” Diamond protested, on the verge of what seemed like a major sulk. “The more you explained about how ‘wonderful’ it was and how ‘cool’ it’s powers were, the more I realised: I had to have it! It was one of the greatest sales pitches I’ve ever heard! And you mentioned that you were the Princess’s chief advisor? I think your talents are being wasted! You should be working for Barnyard Bargains, as one of our top salesponi… oops, I meant salesdragons.” “Again, no can do. I’ve been with Twilight ever since I hatched… from her days at Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, to official Ponyville librarian and now new ruler of Equestria. There’s nothing you could say that could possibly tempt me away…” “I’m sure Daddy would triple your existing salary if I asked him nicely. I can get anything I want, thanks to this Cutie Mark.” “Huh? ‘Salary’? What’s that? Is it something you have with salad? If it’s relating to bits, I don’t need ‘em. Everything I require is provided in my current job, and you can’t buy the friendships and experiences I’ve had over the years with Twilight and the girls.” “Ugh. Fine then, ‘Spike’... but you don’t know what you’re missing.” As much as Diamond tried distancing herself from her unpopular mother, one glance at the sour-face she pulled there would tell you they were closely related. “So anyway, what you got in here? Hopefully something more exciting than a kitchen full of cinnamon nuts and a library with nothing but musty old books.” “Well, I have plenty of jewels that are way tastier than any nut! Better not let you try any, though. You might lose some teeth, and Twilight may lose her mind…” Spike decided his precious stone collection was best left to dragons with much stronger jaws. “What I can tell you with confidence is that my comic books are far more interesting than the non-illustrated alternatives. I’ve packed most of them away for the big move to Canterlot, but do you want to read any of the ones I haven’t catalogued yet? There’s Superhero Origin Stories, Supervillain Battles, Super Rare Special Editions…” “Hmph! All of those sound super-boring to me. Haven’t you got any mystery comics? Or… magazines for very refined and wealthy fillies?” Diamond asked hopefully, but already thinking she knew the answer. “We have a subscription to Equines Of Affluence and Prosperous Ponies Post at home!” “I bet you do.” Spike rolled his eyes at the pink filly’s unabashed boasting. As a common working stiff by trade, he didn’t understand the ways of the upper class and neither did he ever want to. “It’s a ‘mystery’ to me why anypony would want to find out about better ways to play croquet or go yachting when you could be discovering Mane-iacs marvellous machinations or reading Masked Matter-Horn’s many misadventures! Here, let me show you.” Eager to convert another skeptic to the joy of the superhero genre, Spike didn’t quite watch his step enough as he went to grab a stash of comics from inside his old room. The mop which he’d left behind earlier after cleaning up was still there, and inevitably… “Wah.” Spike tripped directly over the protruding item upon entry, upsetting both his own balance and the mop’s too. The mop fell to the floor with a pronounced thunk but he didn’t, as Diamond Tiara had very graciously deigned to catch him (though it was more of a reflex)... ...Which for whatever reason sent the drake into an uncontrollable fit of giggles. “I don’t know what’s so funny about falling and nearly breaking your neck.” Diamond stated disapprovingly, as she put the dragon down almost as quickly as she’d caught him. “If that happened to any of our servants, they could sue us for millions. Why do you think Wet Floor signs were invented? And don’t I get at least a ‘thanks’ for saving you from a possible serious injury?” “...Y-Yes, thank you. I’m grateful. I really am.” Spike’s chuckling began petering out, as he began regaining control of his faculties. “It’s just… where you grabbed me… in the middle of my back.” “What about it?” “That’s like, the most tender spot on my entire body. If any of my mortal enemies ever wanted to incapacitate me in an instant, all they’d have to do is locate that secret place, and…” “And… what?” For whatever reason, a small grin started forming on Diamond’s formerly moody face. An evil-looking smile that Spike didn’t really appreciate. “P-Push it. Prod it. Poke it. Pinch it. Basically, if you manipulated that spot, you could probably manipulate me.” Spike spoke nervously, instinctively backing away from his filly guest. “Y-You must promise never to tell any creature, because this fateful knowledge could be the single difference between saving the world and everything being destroyed one day. D-Do I have your word…?” “Yeah, yeah. ‘Take a cupcake, stick it in my eye’. Or, something.” Diamond did a passable rendition of the Pinkie Promise, something she reckoned only existed in the annals of urban legend. “But first, I’m going to have some fun. Come here, ‘Spike’. I won’t bite… much.” “Diamond Tiara… what are you doing? Diamond… you’re too close now. Diamond… get off me! Diamond… your hooves aren’t supposed to be there. D-Diamond… you shouldn’t. You couldn’t. You wouldn’t! Oh, you are… hahahahaha…”  …………………… It was into this awkward situation that Twilight and Starlight stampeded into, with Spike lying flat on his back and Diamond giving him the mother of all tickling sessions whilst leaning over his prostrate form. She learned from the best ‘Tickle Monster’ of all, naturally. Her own father. “L-Let me up, l-let me up! I-It’s a form of torture, you know. Hehehehehe...” Needless to say, the slightly girlish screams both mares had heard were being emanated by their dragon friend. In fact, this was the only set of circumstances you’d ever hear him make these ‘unique’ noises. Forget being confronted by the baddest and brutalest villains Equestria could throw at the drake, this was what it took to make him squeal and titter like a newborn foal.  And contrary to his laughing reaction, he didn’t like it. Not one single bit. After overcoming her initial shock, Twilight’s first reaction was to preserve the dignity of her top advisor. And seeing as Diamond was so concentrated on her current irksome task she wasn’t really listening to reason... “Hey! What are you doing?!” Diamond reacted with surprise and rage at being lifted into the air from Spike’s personage via a purplish sheen. “I was only having some fun…!” “It’s not really much ‘fun’ when the other party, in this case Spike, doesn’t seem to be enjoying it!” Twilight frowned, as the gasping drake in question made good his escape. “I know you’ve had a hard few months, but that doesn’t give you the right to treat my friend like this, and…” “Oh, give me a break! Who do you think you are, my Mummy?” As soon as Diamond had been deposited back onto the floor she stomped off, ostentatiously in the direction of the Map room. “Nice try, but you’re too ‘nice’ to tell me what to do. Anyway, what else you got around here? Don’t you have anything for fillies my age? I can tell you don’t entertain children much…!” Twilight sighed at the petulant youngster in her midst, before turning to Starlight. “I better go after her, I suppose. Make sure she doesn’t get up to any more mischief. Are you okay with seeing if Spike is…” “Fine, fine. You go after her. We’ll be alright here, won’t we Spike?” Starlight remarked to the absent dragon currently hiding under his former bed, receiving a muffled grunt in response. Twilight nodded, before she wasted no more time in flying after her disobedient charge. Meanwhile, a slightly smirking Starlight leaned over the mattress to try striking up a more coherent conversation with the dragon underneath. “Sorry about that, Spike. If we’d known what was going on, we’d have been up much sooner. But it does give us the opportunity to have a bit of a chat. Tell me: what would you think of this room as… a discotheque?”