//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: Fourteen Months // Story: Spike vs Bridezilla, Destoroyah of Marriages // by TheMessenger //------------------------------// Spike nervously reached up for his tie, but the weight of so many eyeballs upon him brought his claw back down. He could barely breath with the blasted thing so tightly wound around his neck, but he didn’t dare try to fix it now, not with so many watching. Suggest that something wasn’t perfect? No, he couldn’t possible. Everything was fine, perfectly fine. There it was, the urge to blink. His face had been locked in the same expression for what must have been hours now. His lips felt like they were on the brink of peeling off from all the smiling he was forcing them through, and his eyes no longer had any moisture left to continue watering. The twitch Spike had been suppressing was growing in strength, threatening to cause his entire face to spasm. He just needed a moment, just a second to relax his cheeks, get in a quick blink. A low growl coming from beside him banished any such thoughts of weakness. Spike forced his smile wider, and his eyes stayed open and forward. Everything was fine, perfectly fine. How long had he been standing here, his back as stiff as a board, his shoulders squarer than any picture frame, his tail raised exactly four inches from the floor, high enough that it was clearly off the ground but not so high that it drew any attention to his posterior or would swing in a passing breeze? Spike could feel his knees buckle under his own weight, begging to be bent. His arms, pressed to his sides, and his wings, folded against his back, added their protests and their demands for a quick stretch. The soles of his feet burned from being stuck to the same place for so long. Spike forced himself to ignore his own body’s tormented petitions. Everything was fine, perfectly fine. At last, the officiant standing before him put their droning to a close. They were looking expectantly at him, everyone was. Spike grew cold, his mouth drier than ever, as he realized that they were all waiting for his response to a statement he had missed. Spurred on by second growl at his side, Spike swallowed and stammered out, “Y-yes?” The officiant nodded and turned. “And you?” The whole world seemed to shake. As if a spell on him had suddenly been broken, Spike stumbled forward out of his rigid stance and nearly fell onto his hands and knees. He shut his eyes and winced as the growling got louder by the second. The shaking worsened as a reluctant Spike forced himself to turn and look up just at the scaly behemoth next to him threw up their head and let out an ear bursting, stomach churning roar. From the being’s massive maw came a blindingly bright beam of blue light that split open the heavens above. Spike opened his eyes and sat up gasping. He grabbed at his neck and found that the suffocating tie was gone. So was the crowd, the officiant, and the behemoth. The only creature at his side or anywhere nearby for that matter was the lovely unicorn in bed next to him, her eyes hidden beneath a plush sleeping mask, the comforter they shared rising and falling with each gentle breath she took. Taking in a few slow breaths to calm himself with his hand over his mouth to muffle the sound and avoid disturbing the slumbering beauty beside him, Spike looked to the bedroom window. A sliver of moonlight crept through the curtain, but a quick glance at the clock on the nightstand told him that it wouldn’t be too much longer before Twilight set down the moon and brought the sun up in its place. Spike lowered his head back down against his pillow and shut his eyes, but it was too late. He had given sleep too much time to escape, and now there was no corralling it back, but at the same time, he had no desire to leave his bed. His eyes reopened and he turned onto his side to stare at the still sleeping Rarity in adoration, in appreciation, and in envy. Carefully, he slipped a claw into her mane, letting the soft violet curls wrap themselves around his fingers. He could still smell the scent of her shampoo, of rose petals and vanilla. He lifted his hand, mane still intertwined, to reveal the tantalizing stretch of white beneath. He inched closer and closer until the heat of his breath fell upon the nape of Rarity’s neck, causing her to stir. When she became still once more, Spike allowed himself a smirk as he pressed his mouth against her exposed neck. His lips pursed as they clung to Rarity, sucking away hungrily while his tongue danced and drew little circles on her coat. The very tips of his fangs raked along the nape, pressing down ever so very gently. “Oh, honestly.” Rarity let out a squeal and turned over, pulling the back of her neck free from Spike’s mouth as she now laid facing the degenerate dragon. She partially lifted up her mask, exposing one eye so that she could glare at him sternly with it. When met with Spike’s silly, prideful grin, her composure crumbled, and Rarity could only shake her head as she struggled to hold back her laughter. “What time is it?” she asked, propping herself up by her front knee. “Oh, about half an hour til sunrise.” Rarity’s glare returned. She lowered her mask and flipped over, turning her back towards Spike. “Honestly, Spike, can’t you save your affection for a more reasonable hour? You know I’m meeting Sassy today, and at my age I need every minute of beauty sleep I can get.” “I don’t know about that. I think you’re pretty hot when you’re cranky.” Spike’s smug face was met with a pillow, and a hard nudge from Rarity’s hind legs nearly knocked the dragon out of bed. “Since you’re so awake, be a dear and get me a wet towel. I can feel your drool drying up in my coat.” Spike let out a loud, long exaggerated sigh and rolled out of bed. It didn’t take long for him to return with a small towel damp with warm water that he had prepared in the connected bathroom. Rarity murmured a word of gratitude as Spike wiped away the spot wet with his saliva. Spike stood over her for a moment, contemplating on whether to rejoin his fiancée, but the moment passed, and after planting a peck on Rarity’s check, Spike tiptoed out of the bedroom. Save for a few guards that snapped to attention as he walked by, the halls were empty. Led by the lanterns that lit his way, Spike wandered about, seemingly aimless. Portraits and stain glass depictions of heroes and legends watched as the dragon passed. He stiffened as a cool breeze blew by and got his attention, causing Spike to shift his direction and make his way onto an open balcony. Taking in a deep breath of fresh air, Spike stretched his arms up into the air and extended out his wings to their full width, giving them a couple of good flaps. The darkness around him started to subside as a red glow began to emerge from behind the horizon. Spike leaned on the balcony railing and watched as the sun slowly ascended. Spike smiled. There it was, that slight, almost unnoticeable wobble. Even after all these years of practice, Twilight still couldn’t quite replicate Celestia’s mastery over the golden orb. Funny that the moon never gave them as much trouble, which led Spike to wonder if the sun’s original owner had deliberately made it so as a little prank. He wouldn’t put it past the mischievous former princess. A shadow appeared overhead, his only warning before Princess Twilight Sparkle suddenly landed right next to him. Startled, Spike slipped and would have tumbled off the edge of the balcony had he not been caught by Twilight’s magic. “You’re up early,” Twilight said with a teasing grin. “Trying to make Rarity breakfast in bed before the kitchen staff take over and chase you out again?” “Not exactly, no.” Spike brushed off his knees. “Just, you know, woke up and had trouble falling back asleep.” Twilight’s expression shifted to one of concern as her grin turned into a frown. “Another bad dream? Was it the one with the giant cake that kept trying to eat everypony?” “No, it was nothing. Nothing to worry about,” Spike assured with a dispassionate flick of his wrist. “I can’t even remember what it was about. It’s just, you know, premarital jitters, I guess.” Up went Twilight’s brow. “Really? Isn’t it a bit early for that? Last I checked, you and Rarity were still deciding on a date.” “Ugh. We actually figured that out a few days ago, but don’t you remind me.” Spike placed his claws behind his head and groaned. “It was tough enough figuring something out that works with both her schedule and mine, but then you add your royal responsibilities, then planting and harvest times, then Wonderbolt trainings and shows, and don’t get me started on the craziness that’s Pinkie’s party plans.” He sighed. “I swear we had settled on a date twice already before having to go back and rewrite all the invitations because a new foal was born somewhere in Equestria.” “You know you can—“ “Delegate. Yeah, I know.” Spike rolled his eyes. “But sometimes there's stuff only we can handle, you know? Don't get me wrong, our secretary team is great, but Inkspot can't seem to understand that you can't just start planting season a month early while Pen Isle's clearly never met Rainbow Dash if he thinks we can just have the wedding on the same day as the Wonderbolt cadet graduation ceremony. I mean, we are getting what help we can. I've got some ponies checking out the most popular wedding spots, figuring out their availabilities, and it’s not like Rarity and I have been writing out all the invitations by hoof and hand.” “Is that why your staff’s been hogging all the interns?” “Our diplomacy department has been putting our available resources to good use, and if those kids really want to know what a career in service of Her Royal Majesty is like, well, they need to learn that it’s not always glamorous. I should know.” Spike gave his oldest friend a sideways glance. “I mean, it’s not like I’m having them complete checklists of things needed to create checklists before having them triple-check the checklists to make sure they didn’t miss anything when they double-checked the checklist.” "Very funny, mister," Twilight said, batting at Spike's head spikes. "Well, if either you or Rarity need any help, don't hesitate to ask Equestria's number one organizer." She patted her chest proudly. "That'd me, smart-mouth," she added with an annoyed look as Spike started to open said smart mouth. "I was just going to say that you also happen to be Equestria's most busiest organizer." Spike looked up and frowned. "Case in point," he said, gesturing to the group of pegasi flying down towards them. "Princess Twilight," the leader of the bunch declared as soon as she landed on the balcony before immediately lowering herself into a bow. Her fellows did the same the moment they touched down. Spike gave the intruders a glance over and noted that they were all older ponies, the kinds that might apply for certain discounts, and were wearing sunhats, binoculars, and sashes with various badges shaped like birds. How they managed to elude the pegasus guards who were just now joining them was a mystery and one with an embarrassing answer if the redness of the guards’ faces were any indication. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with us this morning, Your Majesty," the leader, an elderly mare with the largest hat and the sash with the most badges, continued. Spike leaned over to Twilight and whispered, his tone incredulous, "Early morning meeting?" Twilight nodded and grimaced. "Members of the Early Bird Watchers club," she whispered back. "They want me to consider raising the sun an hour earlier to help boost their group’s membership numbers. When they said they wanted to see me first thing in the morning, I didn't think they meant literally." Putting on a most professional smile, Twilight turned to the group. "Madam President, how wonderful for you and your friends to be joining us today. Have you had breakfast yet? Tea?" "Oh, that's alright. We've already eaten, see." The old mare grinned, revealing a set of teeth stained with coffee and with bits of seed shells stuck in the spaces. "Oh. Good. Well then, please allow my trusted advisor here to bring you to a prepared conference room." Twilight motioned toward Spike, the casualness of the gesture an extreme difference to the horror on Spike's face. "I will be with you shortly." She started toward the castle interior, pausing only for a few quick seconds to whisper into Spike's ear before heading inside: "Just give me a few minutes to wash up and grab some coffee. Thanks.” Spike swallowed his protests as he stiffly motioned to the Early Bird Watchers and their late escort to follow him into the castle as well. They stopped before the first set of double doors they came across and made their way into a decently sized meeting room, complete with a large square table with plenty of room for multiple parties. He sent one guard out to inform Twilight of their decided location then helped the guests to their seats, a rigid smile carved into his face as old biddies and coots voiced their complaints about the room’s lighting and the ambience and how the current societal decline was due to the new generation’s taste in music. Twilight, her mane now sparkling and flowing, could not have arrived sooner as the grumbling gradually grated Spike’s nerves. A tray with a pot and teacups and little cakes had been prepared, which their guests quickly dove upon despite the earlier assertions of their leader. “Now, what’s this about changing the current time of the sunrise?” Twilight asked as she took her seat. “Well, Princess Twilight, as the one to raise the sun each morning, surely you of all ponies would understand the beauty of a bird’s song in the morning. It’s the perfect way to open a brand new day. Now, my grandchildren, bless them, they are my pride and joy, but their tastes have been tainted by their generation’s current artificial culture. What I’m proposing is quite simple…” It was a matter of endurance, standing there at Twilight’s side with the most neutral expression Spike could muster as the old mare blustered on and on. Every tangent that extended the presented case sent him a pang of regret. He shouldn’t have gotten out of bed, shouldn’t have left Rarity. The thought of the mare nearly brought a smile to his face, but he kept his expression straight in order to maintain the illusion of attentiveness. Salvation came to Spike in the form of a guard who entered the room with a message he received through whispers. Spike quietly excused himself and stepped out where a kiss on the check followed by one on the lips greeted him. “Been busy?” Rarity asked. “As always,” Spike replied with a sigh. “You heading out now?” Rarity nodded. “I’ll be back later this afternoon. There are a few items I want to look into after my luncheon with Sassy. Try not to miss me too much.” “No promises. Oh, wait.” Spike held up his claw. “Hold on, give me one minute.” The dragon rushed off, hurrying his way to a doorway that led to a messy office space. Several stuffed binders were stacked on the various coffee tables, and the wall behind the work desk was covered in multiple calendars, all opened to different months and connected to each other by pieces of red string. Spike opened the desk drawer and removed a folded card and an envelope. The card’s edges were decorated with gold vines and silver flowers, and at the top there was a pair of chiming bells, each carried by a dove in flight. The center was stamped with the image of a diamond within a small flame. Spike opened the card and quickly read through the inked message within. No errors could be found, the recipient was properly addressed, his and Rarity’s signatures were stamped in clearly and without any crookedness, the date was right. Spike checked his wall to make sure. Yes, that was the correct date. Perfection. He hurried back to the waiting Rarity and handed the card over to her. “I finished this one last night. I figured you’d want to give this to Sassy personally,” Spike said, “she being your oldest business partner and all.” It took Rarity but a second to recognize the card for what it was, and once she had placed it in its envelope and slipped it into her purse, she threw her forelegs around Spike and pulled him down for another kiss. “Thank you, Spike, darling. I know you’ve been working so very hard on this. When I get back tonight—“ “Hey, hey. We’ve been working so very hard on this. It’s the two of us making this happen together, remember?” Spike grinned. “Well, you, me, and my vast royal network.” “I should cancel next month’s tour. It’s mostly just remixes of old pieces anyways. Or have somepony else run it. Then I’d be free to help you with—“ “Shh.” Spike cupped his claw over Rarity’s cheek and brought his lips over hers. “I don’t want to hear that from you. Wait, I mean, I’m happy you want to spend more time with me and all, but I know how important your business is to you. You spent practically your entire life building it up from scratch. Don’t worry, we’ll be fine. I can handle this.” He leaned forward for another kiss but was blocked by a raised hoof. “Silly dragon, you are just as important to me.” Rarity frowned. “But, I do have to admit, you are in a slightly more favorable position, at the moment, for these sorts of preparations,” she said with a begrudging sigh. “Still, I want you to promise that you won’t push yourself too hard and that you’ll let me know the moment you need any support.” “I promise.” Spike tried again, and this time Rarity made no attempt to prevent the kiss. “Now you better get going. Have fun playing dress up or whatever you and Sassy have planned.” Rarity let out a yelp as she felt Spike’s claws swat across her hindquarters. Her amused glare was met with a look of innocence before she started off for the busy day ahead, her tail swinging as she deliberately drew the dragon’s gaze to her retreating figure. Spike’s appreciation was cut short when the door to the conference room swung open, and out stepped the members of the Early Bird Watchers Club, all in smiles and a far more content mood than they had been initially. Twilight soon joined them, and it was only after they had all completed their closing salutations and left her proximity that she allowed her facade to crumble and reveal the drained mare beneath the mask of empathetic patience. “So, how’d it go?” Spike asked playfully. “We all going to lose an hour of sleep?” “All they were looking for was some attention and maybe a donation,” Twilight grumbled. “I just pointed them to some wildlife charities that might be able to help.” “So, breakfast?” “Maybe in a bit. I need to check my schedule first, make sure this early meeting hasn’t messed anything else up.” She shared a nod with Spike, and the two went their separate ways. As Spike made his way back to his office, he found that there were others waiting for him at the doorway. Amid a number of boxes sat a young bespectacled griffon in a vest and tie and a mare just barely out of adolescence, her neck adorned with a lacy jabot, her flanks marked with the image of a scroll held in place by a ribbon tied in a bow. “Mr. Spike!” the griffon exclaimed at Spike’s approach. “Sir, there you are, sir. We wanted to speak to you last night about, whoa!” In the griffon’s haste, he had knocked over one of the boxes, tipping its contents over onto the ground as his companion hid her face behind her hoof with a silent groan. “Oh, oh no. I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean to, oh no.” “Hey, hey, no worries.” Spike bent down to help scoop the documents back into their container. “Well you two are here early. That eager to get to work, eh?” Spike took a quick look at the sheet of folded paper in his claw that he had yet to return and blinked at the sight of a very familiar design. Gold vines decorated the edges of the paper along with silver flowers, there was the image of a diamond lit aflame in the center, and at the top a pair of doves flew with bells in their beaks. “We actually finished them all just last night,” the collared mare explained. “But you seemed busy then, so we figured we’d just bring them to you first thing in the morning.” “Wow, that’s some good work, real good work. You guys finished this way ahead of schedule.” Spike raised a fist over his lips to hide his absolutely massive grin. When he brought his hand down, his cheeks continued to twitch with excitement. “Hey, tell you what, since you guys worked so hard to get this all done so quickly, why don’t you all take a half day? Just finish all of your currently assigned duties, and the team can take the rest of the day off. Go on, go.” The two struggled to contain their own excitement as they thanked Spike and headed off to inform the rest of their team. Spike allowed some of his earlier smile to return as he opened the held invitation. …you are cordially invited to the wedding of Ms. Raity and Mr. Spike the— “Wait, Raity?” Spike’s eyes narrowed as he glowered at the offending error. His throat turned dry. His blood ran cold. There was no mistaking it, and no amount of staring was going to replace the missing r in the bride’s name. How in Equestria had they misspelled Rarity, possibly the most important word in entire invitation? Swallowing, Spike slowly reached into the box of cards and pulled out another. Here, it was not Rarity’s name that suffered from a grievous aberration but the wedding’s planned location. Spike dove for another invitation. That one at least had no mistakes. He went for another. No mistakes. Perfection. Another. No mistakes. Perfection. Another. Here, the invitee was given the wrong title; one couldn’t simply address the ruling Dragon Lord as Lady Ember. Spike looked to the boxes standing around him. How many here were fine? How many, meant for friends, family, close business partners and diplomatic relations, were in a state unfit for release? He had just promised his team a break. Was his heart hard enough for him to rescind that promise so that their mistakes could be corrected? No. They made the errors in the first place, who could say they’d be able to right their wrong? Maybe it was Spike’s mistake to have trusted those so inexperienced a job so important. Well what was done was done, and now it was up to him to salvage the situation. Spike locked his claws together and stretched his palms outward before picking up one of the closest boxes. He had just pushed past his office’s door and was about about to take a step inside when he heard the thundering hooves of a rapidly approaching pony. It was a guard, Spike saw, and she had on a set of saddlebags with one side bulging. “Sir!” the mare said with a quick salute. “This came in the mail for you a couple of days ago.” She reached into the bag and gave over a moderately sized parcel with a letter attached. Written on the letter in big bold red letters was the word URGENT. “Apologies for the delay sir, but we had reason to believe that the package may have contained explosives. We only just confirmed that the package is safe a little while ago.” Spike tore the letter from its envelope, and from the manuscript he immediately recognized both the sender and possibly why a bomb threat had been raised. “Dear Spike,” he read, “and Rarity really though since Rarity’s usually traveling around this time I figured it’d be safer to just mail this to Spike. And if he’s gone on some diplomatic mission, I’m sure Twilight’ll get it to him somehow. Probably with magic. Anyways, I hope the two of you are enjoying life as fiancés. It’s that magical moment that’s between super close friends with usually exclusive benefits and newlyweds, and I know personally that it can be as nerve-rackingly crazy as the It’s Complicated period. “Anyways, remember when you asked us for all our schedules so that you could come up with the perfect date for the wedding so that all of our closest friends could make it? And I kept having to send you new schedules because a new reason to party came up that meant I totally had to revise my entire party planning schedule? And the last one I said was going to be the super duper-est one hundred percent most final one? Well, it turns out that Lil Cheese’s new friends at school all got their cutie marks around the same time. Crazy, right? Well we just had to celebrate, but that means things kind of sort of got changed around and flipped upside down. But I Pinkie Pie promise, cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye, that this is most definitely without a doubt the super duper-est one hundred and ten percent most final chocolate fudge with rainbow sprinkles and gummy candies on top one. “Can’t wait for the wedding. I’m sitting at the mailbox, waiting for the invitation as we speak. Or write. Lots of hearts and cupcakes, your friend, Pinkie Pie. PS: I hope you’re not reading this out loud like you usually do. Otherwise, you probably look kind of crazy in front of everypony around you now.” Spike lowered the letter and looked to the parcel instead. He brought the tip of a claw to the tape covering the box and sliced through the adhesive strip. Colorful confetti burst into the air as a large planner as thick as a textbook popped out of the box. Spike looked to the boxes of invitations, some with errors, all now very likely with the incorrect date, then to the massive planner from Pinkie, then to the calendars that were serving as the back wall’s wallpaper, the perfect date encircled almost certainly no longer perfect.