//------------------------------// // Stacking the Deck // Story: TCB: Wild Cards // by AegisExemplar //------------------------------// “Are you absolutely certain this is necessary, Bookbinder?” “I am, Calligraphy,” replied the aged tan unicorn stallion to the relatively younger, middle-aged unicorn mare who sat across from him. “Clearly, we ourselves are unable to accomplish this task alone, if our own members are succumbing to the effects.” “I’ll contact the Princess at once. Let us hope it isn’t already too late.” * * * “Dear Princess Celestia... oh, no no, that won’t do at all... Dear Auntie Celestia... hmm, how does that sound, Shiny?” Cadance looked up from her letter to her dear husband, Shining Armor, and tilted her head in question while nibbling absently on the end of her quill. “It sounds fine, Cadance, and watch out or you’ll nibble the wrong end again,” chuckled Shining as he teased his darling wife, who ‘eeped’ in surprise and pulled the quill away from her mouth in a flare of light blue magic. The ink from the ‘pen’-cident had taken a week to wash away. “Not too formal? Not formal enough? I know it’s not like I’m in charge of the sun or moon while my aunts are in the human lands so much, but this is a formal letter informing them of the Wild Card’s assignment to their pet mage guild’s little mishap...” “Maybe just ‘Dear Celestia’ then?” suggested Shining helpfully, pecking Cadance on the cheek. “And losing something like the-” A knock at the door interrupted Shining Armor. “Enter,” he called. A white stallion with a black mane strode into the parlor between the posted palace guards, saluting Shining and Cadance as he entered. “Lieutenant Spade reporting, sir. The Wild Cards are ready to receive orders.” “Oh, Lieutenant, very prompt,” Cadance noted. “Second Lieutenant Heart made use of the Beacon Stone. We are a fast response team, ma’am,” spoke Spade with more than a little pride. Heart had powered the Beacon Stone alone, with very little rest needed afterward. It was a major achievement for a newfoal unicorn, though not likely one Heart cared to repeat very soon. “I’m glad you were able to make good time, Lieutenant. I’m afraid that with my sister and the other Elements of Harmony scattered and preoccupied, and the rest of our Guard forces spread so thin, you and your team are our best option at this point. I won’t lie to you; the very fate of Equestria could very well be in your hooves.” Shining Armor pulled an ancient tome from a bookshelf behind Cadance. Carefully, he set it out on the table in front of Spade, opening it to a specific page. “The hows and whys have been lost to the ages, but as you can see in this illustration,” Shining motioned to the picture on the page of a strange, snake-like chimera, every limb that of a different creature, and nearly nothing else matching. Oddly enough, he looked as if he was... singing? “Discord used to have two fangs.” Shining paused to let the fact sink in, only to see a minor look of confusion cross Spade’s face. “Oh, sorry, Lieutenant. I forget that you’re a newfoal, and you newfoals have little information on Discord. He’s the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, twice now sealed by the Elements of Harmony. A very powerful force to contend with.” “And you want us to take him down, Sir?” Spade stared at the picture of the statue, unsure just what tactics they’d need to use against such a foe. Something with the letters ‘AP’ and probably ‘HE’ in front of it. “Oh, no, Lieutenant. Discord is safely sealed away on the Palace Grounds. You, however, will be tending to the missing Fang of Discord.” Shining Armor pointed to the illustration, which showed two fangs. “As I said, only my Aunt-in-Law knows how the fang went missing the first time. When it was recovered, it was placed into the care of the Ordinem Elementorum. Over the ages, it appears that the Order... well, forgot they had it. Until they lost it.” Shining Armor sighed. Cadance took up the brief. “It appears that one of their own apprentices, a magess who went by the name Utila Novum, rediscovered and promptly absconded with the artifact. None of the guild members sent after her have returned, and there are fears that they’re being corrupted by the chaos-magic into her tools.” Cadance produced five charms from her dresser, each a flat piece of some sort of metal stamped into the shape of a heart. She floated them over to Spade. “These should protect you from any sort of mind magic she might employ against you. I made them myself.” Cadance smiled brightly. “Um, thank you, ma’am, but why five?” Spade already knew the answer, but felt it was proper to ask anyway. “Your fifth member, of course,” answered Shining Armor. “We’ve selected a mission specialist for you, a mage from the order.” Shining turning to the door again. “Please send him in, Private Ranseur.” A massive unicorn, as large and as muscled as some Earth ponies, strode into the room, armor gleaming in the light. His very mane nearly glowed with power, his grey coat doing nothing to dampen the sheer presence the unicorn brought to the room. He looked down(!) at Spade... And then stepped aside, revealing a scrawny, yellow, lime-green maned Unicorn in a thick pair of horn-rimmed glasses. A pair of worn saddlebags sat out of place across his rump, obscuring his cutie-mark. A hooded cape lay halfway down his back, the hood undrawn. “Add a pocket protector and braces and you’ve got every nerd I ever saw back in school,” Spade thought to himself. “No disrespect, Sir, but please tell me this is a joke. I’d much rather take him.” Spade motioned at the mountain of Unicorn that had escorted the twig into the room. “Nonsense, Lieutenant. Private Ranseur has other duties to attend to on the grounds. Apprentice Index here is just the unicorn for the job, right, guy?” Shining addressed the last part to Index directly. “Yes, um, Sir, Mister Armor. I’ve done extensive research regarding chaos magic and its effects on ponies and the environment. Why, it’s said that the Everfree Forest is among the last fragments of the time of the Reign of Chaos, and yet during Discord’s recent release and rampage nothing ever happened to it. Fascinating, really, why, if I had a team-” “Yes, well, Sir, I don’t doubt his knowledgeability of the subject, but will he be able to keep up? He’s hardly what I’d call a soldier,” Spade interrupted. He looked at Index again. He’d meant no cruelty, but every member of the Wild Cards had to pull their own weight. Even if Club could pull everypony else’s weight and then some. “I engage in vigorous calisthenics every morning, Lieutenant Spade. I assure you I’ll be able to keep pace with the rest of your team. In fact, I imagine I can suggest any number of exercises and routines to improve your squad’s physical conditions. Perhaps a good cardio program, or I could work out a proper schedule balancing muscle conditioning with an aerobic routine, focusing on improving agility, since I know you have to occasionally dodge human gunfire. Or maybe-” “That’s fine, Index, and I appreciate your concerns. We each have a personal, optimized workout-” Spade shook his head, catching himself drifting off-topic as well. “Ahem. Pardon. Do we have any idea where this rogue mage has holed up, Sir?” “Well, as your latest Joker has mentioned, the Everfree forest seems to be a relic of the Reign of Chaos, despite the original capital being located there. For that very reason Utila Novum has decided to make her lair there. The Order’s agents, capable mages all, have gone missing all along their planned route. Old maps show a cave system in the area, and... well, where each mage’s last known location has been basically forms an arrow pointing right at it.” Shining marked four points on the map pinned to the table., then two more on each side, the rough form of an arrow taking shape. “This nutjob wants to be found,” Spade nearly whispered. “It appears so, Lieutenant.” Cadance walked over to the map. “We’re hoping the particular tactics you employ will make the difference. But above all else-” Cadance turned a caring glance to Spade and Index-now-Joker “-please be careful. I couldn’t bear losing anyone else to this witch.” “Ma’am, We’re the Wild Cards. This is what we do.” Spade saluted crisply. “Permission to depart, Sir?” “Granted. Go get ‘em, ‘Cards.” “Yes, Sir.” * * * Diamond slammed his forehooves into the training bag again, poor Heart sliding back some more. “And why-” (wham!) “-can’t Club-” (whack!) “-do this-” (smack!) “-again?” Heart practically begged. Diamond was lightweight for a Pegasus, but he hit hard enough that Heart was probably going to be nursing several bruises even through the bag. “Eh, dunno, said he had something to do before we left Canterlot.” Diamond struck the bag with a forehoof again, striking with the front edge and forcing the bag to spring a leak. “YES!” crowed Diamond as the beans poured out of the ‘wound.’ “Okay, Heart.” Heart sighed in relief, ready for a break. “Now the right hoof!” Heart groaned. “My turn,” rumbled a voice from behind Diamond. “Hold for me, Diamond.” Club was back. “Sure thing, Club,” Diamond practically chirped, still high off managing to pop his training bag. The Royal Guard training facilities were leagues above what they generally had access to in Hawaii. Destroying the equipment on the Crown’s bit was the aim of every guard rotating in or through Canterlot. “Okay, pal, do it to it!” Diamond braced against a fresh training bag. Club reached out and ‘tapped’ the bag a few times, rocking the whole thing, Diamond included, back and into the air. Club suddenly whirled and lifted his back legs into the air, coiling them back like a pair of snakes preparing to bite. Diamond’s eyes widened and his pupils shrank to mere pinpricks. “Oh Luna no.” Club bucked the training bag and bag, chain to the ceiling, hook in the ceiling, and part of the ceiling rocketed straight back into the (thankfully, padded) wall. Unfortunately, one overly-cocky pegasus had failed to react in time, leaving a cloud of feathers where the bag used to hang. All that could be seen of Diamond were a pair of wings splayed out on either side of the training bag, embedded in the wall’s padding. Fluff blown out of the top floated serenely to the ground as if nothing had just happened. “You ok, Heart?” “I’ll heal, Club.” Heart laughed in good humor. ”Heal him, too. Wow... good thing you only used one leg.” Heart trotted over and began to scrape up the remains of their aerial recon, a red aura encompassing his horn as he began the healing spell. Diamond was back up on his hooves shortly thereafter. “You didn’t have to hit the bag so hard. And why’s your mane all goofy lookin’? And what’s with the bowtie? You look like a dressclub bouncer.” Diamond was rubbing his head, still with a light headache, as he bombarded Club with questions. Club yanked the tie off and pushed his mane back up into its normal Zebra-style mohawk. “Ohhhh, I see now...” started Heart, smiling at his large friend, “Club here had a date.” “Whaaaaat? No way, I can’t get a date, ain’t NO way Club managed it!” Diamond shut up, having let loose perhaps a little more information than he’d intended. “I-I-I mean, hey, we’re always deployed, I mean, right, hardly time for it...” Heart grinned at Diamond. “Sure, sure, no time... never mind that you’re not exactly a looker, or have any way with the mares to speak of..” “Oh yeah, and just what’re YOU lookin’ for?” “Ladies, please, you’re both pretty.” Spade trotted into the room, followed by the latest Joker. “Gear up, Cards, we’ve got a dance to attend.” Spade waltzed through the training gym and straight back to the office he’d claimed as a briefing room, the rest of the Wild Cards filing in after, each giving an appraising look at Index. Heart nodded, Club grunted a hello, and Diamond stifled a laugh. “Ok, kid, you do know what our turnover rate with the fit-for-combat Jokers are, right? You...You’re gonna get smeared before we leave Canterlot.” Diamond eyed Index. “Maybe sooner.” “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about me, Diamond,” started Index, “I have available to me some of the finest defensive wards ever inscribed. The origins of many trace back to the Neo-classical period, and a few even back as far as the paleopony era. A fascinating time period, back when the early unicorn tribe first began to codify their spellcasting, creating some of the first spellbooks, carved into soft clay tablets that were then baked, hardening them into-” Spade cut Index off, clearing his throat for attention. “Settle it down, and Diamond, you know better. So, colts, here’s the deal...” Spade settled into lecture mode. The three regulars of the Wild Cards were his brothers-from-other-mothers, but he sometimes felt more like their foalsitter; every time another Joker was folded into the team, however briefly, it started all over again. * * * “Our contact says that her pawn has decided she’d be better off as a queen.” The man in the black suit spoke into his encrypted phone as he drove towards the contact point. “Show her what happens to those who fail us,” answered the heavily distorted voice on the other end of the line. “Yes sir. And if she resists?” “Show her Fitch. Or at least, what’s left of him.” Volunteers were always so hard to find... The voice on the other end of the line gulped audibly. “Y...Yes sir.”