//------------------------------// // 8: Dream // Story: A Distant Dream // by Sennerazen //------------------------------// “I hate her.” Fluttershy was pacing in front of the map in Twilight’s castle. Twilight sat in her chair. “I know you’re angry, but don’t let it be misplaced. She believes she’s made the right decision.” “Of course she believes it, but it doesn’t mean it’s true.” “She has your best interests at heart; that I do know, even if you can’t believe it. And I’m so sorry. My heart aches for you, and I know it must only be half the pain you feel. I can’t help you.” Fluttershy’s bitterness dwindled when she saw tears sliding down Twilight’s cheeks. “It’s so unfair,” Twilight said. “I know how much you care for him.” “I’ll never understand this. I think she felt like she was losing control of him and didn’t like it.” “Fluttershy,” Twilight began. She wiped her eyes and patted her cheeks dry. “Please know I’m saying this with sensitivity: Discord isn’t like us. He has powers even the princesses can’t understand. Maybe you love him… I know you said so once. But I really think you should leave it as it is.” Fluttershy listened to her words carefully. “You once told me it wasn’t my job to save him. I know what you meant by it, but I don’t agree with you.” She shook her head. “I’m married. I love my husband. I love my children. And I love Discord, too.” “And if he gets out of there tomorrow? Do you plan to go with him? Have you even thought about it?” “Of course I’ve thought about it,” she said with a slight edge. “I’m not going with him.” Twilight relaxed, obviously pleased. “I think that’s wise.” “I know what he’s like better than anyone,” Fluttershy said, still with an edge. “He couldn’t be tied down again, anyway. It doesn’t bother me. I only want to know he’ll be all right. I want to see him walking and happy, even if I’m not around. That’s all I want.” *** Discord drummed his fingers on the arms of his throne. He looked dangerous, but to Celestia, now he looked merely unsettled. “You put me in here. I know you can get me out.” “Discord-“ “Just for a day -“ “That isn’t the agreement. Your being stuck in here proves you’re not ready.” “What are you afraid I’ll do? What could I do now that I haven’t already done? I’m sorry, Celestia. I’m sorry I ever fought you and your sister. You wanted me reformed, and here I am!” She shook her head. “You’re not out there on your own yet. Be angry with me, but it was your own doing that put you here. You’d do well to remember that.” “Then babysit me. You can put me back in here the moment I do anything wrong. If you’d just let me-“ “No .” “You don’t even know what I’m thinking!” “You want to see Fluttershy again. It’s a bad idea.” Discord seemed unable to cope with some new emotion. He kept shaking his head and pausing and shaking it again, his eyes wide. “Then let me just say goodbye to her. Please, Celestia. Let me talk to her for five minutes, and I’ll never leave this room again.” She sighed. “Don’t you understand what you’re doing?” “How can it hurt her if I say goodbye to my only friend? I’ll never see her again. She’ll go on with her life like nothing ever happened. That’s the way you want it, right? I agree to that. Just let me talk to her. Celestia, please.” Celestia was wavering. Her resolute view of Discord’s deal could not be broken under any circumstances, but even she second-guessed herself. Yet she remembered fighting him, so long ago. It had been almost impossible then. She knew he was capable of saying and doing anything to get what he wanted. She looked at him directly. “You’ve got to let her go.” He scowled. “You’re not perfect, either. You’re holding me to a higher standard than anyone.” “Under the circumstances, it’s good that I am.” “You’re heartless.” “I’m not.” “You convinced her I’m some monster when I’m not. You’re afraid she’ll want to be with me and not her family, isn’t that it? Isn’t that her decision?” “This is exactly what I mean. You want out of here because you think you’ll get something you want in return. You don’t want to get out because you’re a good person. Perhaps you can fool someone as kind and naive as Fluttershy, but you cannot fool me. ” His usual murderous glare was back. “I’ve never fooled you.” “Not in a long time,” the princess said, matching his expression. His face twitched and he looked through the crystal walls. “It’s for the both of you that I'm not letting you see each other,” Celestia said. “You will get out of here when you are ready. It’s out of my hands now.” Discord sat back. “The both of us. My, my, such compassionate words.” “You know what you have to do. If you want out, do it yourself. Whatever you want to do after that, I won’t stop you.” *** Years passed and Fluttershy made sure to hand over her Hearth’s Warming gift for the year to Luna who, as far as she knew, never brought it up to her sister. It wasn’t really communicating, she told herself, so she wasn’t breaking her promise to Celestia. But over time, her memories of Discord faded. Her hatred for Celestia, too, evaporated, but whenever she was summoned to the castle, a heaviness settled around her heart and she couldn’t wait to leave. On one such occasion, Fluttershy and her friends had been summoned for a meeting, Celestia stopped her before she could slip away at the end. “I’m just checking in on you,” the princess said kindly. “You look well." "Thank you." "... You still think of him.” “Oh,” Fluttershy said, shrugging one shoulder, “not so much. Not anymore.” “You’re still angry with me?” She struggled to meet the princess' eyes. “I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter... He's well?” “He is.” “He’s not covered in stone?” Celestia shook her head. “His hair is rather long again. He still thinks very highly of you.” “Oh.” Fluttershy gripped the hem of her sweatshirt. “You did what I asked, and I’m very proud of you. I know it’s been hard.” Fluttershy fought to smile. “Princess, we have the same conversation every year. I’ve got to go. The kids have a school pageant.” “Fluttershy, wait.” Celestia grabbed her arm when she turned to leave. Fluttershy stood her ground and glared up at her. “Whatever your problems with him, they have nothing to do with me.” “Flutter-” “I’ve listened to you say the same thing for years. Please don’t keep trying to ease your conscience where I’m concerned.” Celestia let her go. “I’m only worried about you.” “I’m fine. You know that, right? I’m fine.” She held up her arms and pushed down her sleeves to reveal her skin. “No lasting damage. No damage at all. I’m perfect. ” “I’m glad.” “You didn’t call me all the way here just to keep cornering me, did you?” Celestia held up her hand. “I wanted to tell you he’s fine. I saw him a day ago. He’s still pulling through. He’s stronger than he was." Fluttershy felt a violent pang in her body; how is it Celestia could see him so casually, and she never could? “I’m stronger, too.” She moved around her to make her way toward the foyer. As she neared the doors, she felt someone’s presence behind her and rounded on the princess. “Will you stop following me?” Princess Luna didn’t bat an eye as she caught up to her. “I will not keep you.” Fluttershy only wanted to leave, but said, “No message?” “He still wants to talk to you himself. Nothing has changed.” “Celestia said he was doing better." “My sister can be quite soft-hearted.” “Celestia?” Luna gave a nod. “She does want to help him. And after you were sweet on him, she didn’t want to keep you from him. These things I know, at least.” “Didn’t want to… she hardly let me see him at all. She never listened to a word I said.” “You did not know him as we did. Perhaps she is still haunted by our shared past. She is, as you know, not without fault.” Fluttershy did not want to hear any of Celestia’s praises, and set her teacup on its saucer with a tremendous rattle. “Against her better judgment,” Luna continued, “but she did it for you.” “And Discord? She might have had better results if she did it for him, instead.” Luna turned her eerie, glass-like eyes on her. “As previously said, she is not without fault. I think she wants him free as much as you do.” She blinked. “She does like to blame people, my sister.” “Luna,” Fluttershy sighed. “Yes?” “I know this.” “Ah.” “And it seemed you were on my side until now.” “I do not take sides.” Fluttershy began walking again. “Just the same…” “She has not forgiven him.” “It’s been a thousand years,” Fluttershy groaned. “How can she expect him to reform when she doesn’t believe he ever will? How can she put me in the middle of this quarrel with him?” “He was a terrible plague. He took over everything- the whole world as we know it. Some lost their lives. You do know this, do you not?” Only when she felt her nails dig into her palms did Fluttershy realize she was clenching her fists. “I know.” “The scars on her hands were by his. The scars everywhere else, too.” “I don’t know him. The Discord you knew back then, he doesn’t exist. You believe me; I don’t understand why Celestia doesn’t.” “She never was very imaginative. I never had to have nightmares, as I created my own dreams. My sister did not fare so well.” “It was so long ago.” “Be that as it may, she hasn’t forgotten, and neither have I. I will never be friends with him. I hope you understand this. Freeing him and getting to know him are not at all the same thing. I support your efforts in helping him, but my sister can see him as she does.” “What is it she wants from him? Why does she want him freed if she can’t trust him?” "She does not want to be burdened by him any longer. Her spell won't release him until he is trustworthy, and that includes being trustworthy about you." “Then why not…” Fluttershy trailed off, unsure what to say. Why not get rid of him? Why not hand him off to someone else? Why not bury him under the castle for eternity? “She feels guilty?” Luna made a coughing sound that was, to Fluttershy’s sensitive ears, suspiciously like a laugh. “ No . You cannot distance yourself from him because you care for him. She cannot distance herself because of his oppression. He is like a shadow. She wants to be free of him. Probably she cannot rest until he has been dealt with.” “You helped lock him up. You don’t feel that way?” The princess shook her head. “Why did she want me to do this? I have a hard time believing any of my friends would have… ended up this way. She is so angry with me, even though she says she isn’t. She should have kept me away when she first said so.” “You can be persuasive,” Luna said. “She felt sorry for you.” “I messed up terribly.” “Not really.” Luna tilted her head to one side. “Well, a little. But she did not anticipate it. You’re hardly at fault.” “I feel like I am.” “You’re gentle. I know Discord appreciated it, but his attachment to you is not helping him at this time. He thinks he'll see you when he’s out but that's not true, is it.” "Of course he will." “You know what I mean. What will he do when he realizes this? Celestia has been thinking of it for a long time.” Tears stung Fluttershy’s eyes, but she kept them from spilling over. “I’m tired, princess. Just tired.” She pulled on her mittens. “You will keep looking after him for me, won’t you?” “He will outlive even me. As long as you know this.” Fluttershy returned her nod and made her way out. *** More years crept by. Five? Ten? Despite his yearning to be with Fluttershy, time held little interest (attention) for Discord. Each year, Luna gave him a Hearth’s Warming gift from her; a woolen scarf; books; paintings; baubles from her travels. He kept hold of them as if they brought him life, but there were no more letters. Eventually he suspected Fluttershy had not sent him those gifts at all, that Luna or even a guilt-ridden Celestia had bought them for him, but one year he received a small photo album of Fluttershy and her children and his heart grew warm again. Bitterness returned, too. He tried, as he so often did, to reconcile his sentence as the penance it was for his own wrongdoings, but again he felt cheated. He worked harder than ever to be good. When Celestia dropped by on the rare day, he was not unkind. When Luna woodenly wished him a happy Hearth’s Warming, he gave no sardonic reply. One arbitrary, meaningless evening, he was reading through one of Fluttershy’s books for what may have been the two hundredth time, when the light in the room changed. He dropped the book as sunlight flooded him, and he shielded his eyes with his free hand. He could smell the ocean before his eyes adjusted, and felt the hot sand beneath his feet. He looked down. He was standing, free, and could feel the salty wind gently tugging at his clothes. When he heard a distant noise behind him, he turned and saw what he thought to be Fluttershy down the beach, running toward him. She was in a yellow dress, the wind blowing her hair out. It was long again, and she kept pushing it behind her ears, over and over, then ran a short way to the shore and called back. “Discord! It’s wonderful!” He stumbled toward her through the sand. “What are you doing here?” “This is your beach, right? Didn't you send for me?” He looked at the sky and then out across the water. “I don’t remember.” “Well, I’m here. I want to see everything. Where are the seagulls? Pink and black, right?” He scanned the sky again. “Hiding.” He let Fluttershy pull him along, unable to shake his unsettled feeling. “How did you get here?” "I don't know. It doesn't matter, does it?" She took his hands in hers. Still perplexed, he could barely reciprocate her grip. He focused on her eyes and found no trace of tears in them, and he leaned down, wrapping his arms around her, crushing her against him. He held her for a long while before releasing her. Her face was flushed and she was still smiling. "Let’s walk," she said, pulling him along the shoreline beside her. The water sparkled so deeply that the occasional wave made their legs glitter, too. "I've missed you," she told him. "And here you are. It must be your magic working again. I'd just left my animal sanctuary for the night, heading home, and then I was here." "I don't think my magic's doing much," he said, considering. "Well, maybe it is." The unusual seagulls appeared in the distance, and they stopped to watch them hovering above the water. "It's a good sign, I think," she said. "I never thought we'd get to meet each other this way. I've been waiting so long." "But you left." "I had to leave. And you... you didn't want to see me, either," she said, her eyes glistening. He looked away. "Maybe your heart died a long time ago, or you never had one, but mine's still alive. It's hurt.I thought about you every day. Every day, for the rest of my life." He let her go. “Why don’t you want to come back?” “Discord, I gave my word.” “Then break it.” She shook her head. “For such a long time, I wanted you with me. But the truth is, I want something even more than that. You deserve to be free. You deserve a fresh start, and I won’t get in the way of that.” He laughed. “I’ll never have one of those. You’re not in the way. You're the whole reason I might have a future." “You don’t know that. It’s been selfish of me to want you out only for my sake.” “Tch. ‘Only for your sake’.  That’s not even true. You’ve always told me I deserve to be trusted on my own merits. Screamed it sometimes.” He rubbed his ear. “If I have to step aside to help you get there, then I will. I have.” “Fluttershy.” He abruptly stopped walking, close to anger. “What kind of ridiculous fairy tale do we live in where the only hope for someone like me is at the expense of losing someone like you? It’s hardly romantic. It doesn’t have to be just one way or the other.” She hugged herself. “Celestia won’t allow it.” “She’s psychotic.” “I’m more important to her than you are. She wants things both ways. I can understand that a little, I think.” His expression changed from anger to surprise, and then to a storm of fear and despair. “She’s wrong. I mean... I do love you. I know what it feels like. Would you wait for me if I asked you?" "You know I'll always be here for you." "I don't know what to do once I get out of here... but I'll find you." She smiled up at him, her heart racing. Thunder rolled in the distance, breaking their reverie. Discord cupped her cheek in his hand. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” “You didn’t. Honest, you didn’t.” “I saw you when Celestia dragged you in." “I know you didn't mean it. I wasn’t strong enough. I’m the one who failed.” She grinned when he opened his mouth to protest. “And look at you. Look at this place. I pictured you here with me so many times. It's perfect." “I'm sorry. I’m working as hard as I can-” “You’re getting out for yourself, remember? Not for me. You don’t need to apologize.” “I’m getting out for you.” His admission was so candid, she didn’t say anything for a moment as she tried to think of a reply. “I told Luna to tell you once before, but I wanted to say it myself.” Her body was in knots; to ease them, she wrapped her arm around his waist and cuddled next to him. She felt she could never tire of his warmth connected to hers; she wanted to touch him forever. "I’ll be here.” Their mutual hesitation was brief, broken by a deep kiss. He lifted her to him, his arms around hers, and she wrapped her own around his neck. When they broke apart, she ran her fingers through the ends of his long black hair until a large wave nearly pushed them over. They played at the edge of the water for a long time, and afterward lay on towels on the sand. The temperature was perfectly warm with a cool, refreshing breeze. They always held hands and took turns talking about their lives and dreams, and although they spoke freely, they were careful not to bring up the fragility of their time together. "You seem happy," Fluttershy said as they lay together on the sand. He held her against him. “You made me better.” “I didn’t do anything. I just sat with you… I talked about nothing.” “I needed you so badly. What kind of monster takes decades to understand what it's like to feel? I still need you.” She kissed his hands, which covered her own. “I’m here. Right now.” His grip on her tightened; he relaxed it when he saw her wince. “How did you get here again?" "I blinked and I was here," she said. "You wanted me here, didn't you? Did I die?" "You're not dead," he told her earnestly. “Of course I wanted you here, but my magic... when is Hearth’s Warming? Is it soon? A miracle?" “A few more months. Anything in particular you’d like this year?” He shook his head, then kissed her neck. “Only the same thing I always want. You know, your love… I feel it. I think I do.” She smiled, but tears welled in her eyes, and his own smile faltered. “What’s wrong?” She covered her face. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t be able to. I know you’ve been fighting hard. You don’t have to explain anything to me. I feel as if I've known you my whole life. Whatever you do, I'll always be here for you." They kissed again, looking at each other in a way they hadn't been able to before, and as dusk approached, they watched the changing sky. Discord gave a great, painful gasp and was in his throne again, tethered to stone. He felt as if he'd been hit by a boulder and fought to keep from being sick. He turned his head form side to side, but Fluttershy was nowhere in sight. *** Time passed again in uncountable years. More gifts came. The stone around him kept chipping away until one day he could stand. Another day, he could play the small xylophone, which had been a Hearth's Warming gift from Fluttershy. He thought about her so endlessly in those early years it had become unbearable, and he had fought the image of her in his mind's eye for so long, he at last could get through a day or two without thinking of her at all. Celestia visited several times a month, usually for a minute or two to make sure he was still alive, he supposed, or perhaps because she was bored. In those days, he dreamed of walking to Fluttershy, sharing his words with her. His journals were full. His mind, for so long dark and walled, was also. Emotions and ideas he could not name flooded him, and he thought that he was happy. But one morning Celestia visited early, only a day after she had just been to see him. “Missed my face that much?” he drawled as she slipped into the chamber. “Or is it Hearth’s Warming again already and you forgot to tell me? Typical." Once the door was closed and bolted, she only took one step forward before stopping. “Discord, I want you to believe me when I say I’m sorry.” His attention perked. “Are you? About time.” She closed her eyes, her jaw tense as if ready to argue. “Not about this. Fluttershy.” She looked up. “She’s gone.” “Gone where?” Something in Celestia’s voice sent a ripple down his spine. “She’d been sick for a while.” Discord sat upright. “Hospital?” “She died. Just yesterday. I wanted to let you sleep before I told-” “Thank you.” His words were quiet and severe, and Celestia was silent. He spent a minute or two looking around his cell, at the glittering facets, at the sunny beach beyond the walls. He could almost smell the salt air. “Thank you,” he said again, without the severity. “Her friends and family were with her. It’s just one of these things, you know. We’re not like you. We’re fragile. She was." His smile was partially a grimace. “No one’s like her. Was.” His own words hit him, and his stoicism vanished. He couldn't think of anything, but his face struggled between showing anger and sadness. “You couldn’t… you couldn’t have told me earlier? You wouldn't even let me say goodbye?” “I couldn’t bring her here, and you can’t leave. You couldn’t have done anything. I didn’t want you thinking you could.” He ran his forearm across his eyes. “You hate me so much you can’t change. You expect me to, but you won’t do the work, either.” Celestia watched him before lowering her head. “I’ll forgive you for putting me in here, Celestia. I’ll forgive you for not telling me she was dying. But I don’t think I can forgive you for putting her in the middle of our hatred for each other.” He raised his eyebrows when he saw her face also struggling to retain its calm, and she said, “I’m sorry about Fluttershy.” He bowed his head, letting his long hair cover his face. “So am I.” *** More time passed; Discord’s leg was again solidly in stone, and for a long time he didn’t care much. But, as time marched forward, so did he. And so it was, one day, maybe five, maybe ten years later that he found himself almost free. He was deep asleep when Celestia’s voice called to him from the waking world. She stood before him, resplendent in a white dress. She smiled. “There you are.” "The hell else would I be?" he murmured, stretching. "You might want to be anywhere but here, now that you can leave." Discord fought his grogginess and looked at his limbs. Not one piece of stone was on him, not anywhere. “You’ve been sleeping for several days. Having a good dream?” He stretched again and yawned and flexed his feet, eyeing them as if making sure they were his. “How long have I been this way?” “Maybe two days. I tried to wake you. Actually, your left pinkie was still hanging on, but I released it last night.” He raised, then furrowed his eyebrows. “That’s... very compassionate of you. I didn’t think you would ever change your mind about helping me.” “I’m not entirely cold.” “Of course not.” If Celestia felt uneasy about his composure, she did not show it. He stood shakily and, step by slow step and leaning against the crystal wall, he made his way to the chamber door. When he reached the doorknob that Fluttershy had held so many times, he stopped. “I still love her. I want you to hear this." Celestia was nonplussed. “Discord, you don't mean it.” When he didn’t respond, she said, “Even if you feel like you do, it isn’t real.” “Why would I do any of this for anyone else but her? I don’t have anything out there. Nothing’s left that's mine.” She watched him wrestle with the knob and hobble outside. “Forgive me,” she said, and he felt like she meant it. “I... didn’t think you were capable of feeling that way.” Looking back, Discord frowned. Celestia gathered the armful of gifts Fluttershy had given him over the years, which had piled up around his throne, and followed him from the room. She kept a great distance from him and told her attendant to put everything in a satchel.  He limped through the halls and rooms with the princess trailing after him. He stopped before he entered the central hall. “Following me?” She shook her head and passed him the satchel. “You won’t have me do anything? No one to kill? No evil kings to maim?” “No.” He shouldered the satchel and moved past her. No one stopped him. No one spoke to him. Each step took him further from his prison and, he felt, from Fluttershy, too. When the guards opened the upper hall doors, he felt he did not know himself. When the doors were pulled shut behind him, he exhaled a long breath. As he made his way toward the castle entrance, he caught sight of Luna, who was blinking more than usual, no doubt drowsy with the dawn. She had opened two tall windows at the top of the main stairwell, letting in the cold air to help wake her up. He lifted his head when he caught her eye. “Thank you.” Luna looked offended. “Your mind is horrendous. I never thought I’d get out of there.” “See something interesting?” She clenched the front of her dress. “What didn’t I see? Even when you sleep, you’re a mess. I never had such trouble.” “You could have told me your plans.” “And had I failed?” He half-smiled. “It was as good as I was able. It took years of trying. I didn't dare do it again, but… did I get the beach right?” “Perfect.” She pursed her lips. “I lied. I was on her side. Fluttershy’s.” He continued down the stairwell. “Weren’t we all?” He hardly noticed he was outside until he heard the great doors shut behind him, resounding in the quiet. His hair whipped his face in the wind, and he withdrew a small pair of scissors from his pants pocket. With a few snips, his bangs were shorn jaggedly above his eyebrows. He flexed his fingers as they reacted to the new movement. He hadn’t felt cold in so long, he was still before pulling on the turquoise hat and mittens, Hearth’s Warming gifts from Fluttershy long ago. He stood at the crossroads, looking left and right, wondering which way he should go. Rays of sun filtered through the thin clouds, and tiny snowflakes drifted down to melt on the path. He pulled down the knit hat a little further, bracing against the cold.