//------------------------------// // Chapter Eighteen // Story: For Lack of a Better Word // by Gunsmith //------------------------------// I sit at my small table within my house, a bite of apple crunching in my mouth. The shiny, red fruit tastes sweet and juicy, near-perfect as they always seem to be. I don't think the concept of a 'bad apple' exists here, quite honestly. Not that I'm complaining. I sigh softly, taking in the morning as I eat my breakfast. It's nice having a place where there is actually such a thing as peace and quiet. Back in the city, that was something rare, if nonexistent. I remember spending my weekends just walking, out to what countryside there was outside of the metropolis. That's one thing I certainly don't miss. The noise, constant noise. I like my solace; that's not to say I don't like noise in any form, because I do. Noise lets me know I'm still alive, still there, like pain, in a sense. But in the excess of noise found in a city, not so much. It's nice to get away from that. Even the capital city is only filled with voices and rustlings, which can only get so loud. This small-ish, sleepy town is even better. Certainly my residence of choice. Except for the fact that all of the residents are ponies, of course. Alone within my quiet house. I muse that I'm very much alone on a few deeper levels. Alone in this world, the only one of my kind that exists here. Alone because I distance myself from everyone, be they pony or not. Alone because I'm different, and I know it. And alone in the sense that I am by myself, eating my breakfast composed of an apple in my house. Alone. Maybe not, though. I feel unusually optimistic this morning, I see. Maybe it's the tasty apple, out of which I take another bite. Maybe I don't have to be alone. I frown as I swallow the chunk of fruit. Well, I already knew that. Maybe it's time to stop trying to be alone. I sigh again. My apple is almost cored. It's wrong on so many levels...I think with a frown, my brow creasing a little. But it's not like I'm going to find another human to be with anytime soon. I snort quietly, focusing on the apple for a moment. How does something that lacks so much detail taste so good? Another bite. What's the point of living if I can't be happy? I'm happy being alone, I tell myself. No, I'm not, and I know it. I've been alone too long, and I'm tired of it. Far too long. My thoughts start to drift a little farther out on the sea that is my conscious being. They come upon my rainbow-maned Pegasus friend, secret admirer, pony, whatever she is. There's a nice girl in there. A girl I like. I raise my arm, resting my elbow on the table and running my hand through my hair. It's getting too long for my liking. Wonder if there's a barber anywhere around here... Can I really like a person that doesn't look like a person? What kind of question is that? Can I get past that? I don't know. I mean, she is pretty cute. But all of them are fairly cute. I don't think it's possible for these ponies to be ugly. I chuckle quietly. My apple's done for, so I get up, walk over to the door, and toss it off to the side of the small lawn in front of my house. I close the door, padding over to the bathroom. I turn on the shower, stepping in once it's a comfortable temperature. I still don't get it. How does she even like me? Like I told her, I killed a few wolves over some food and get paid a lot of the time to be nice. I attempt to think of some times I might have shown actual courage or kindness. I guess I do help these guys out a lot. It's about all I can do. And didn't the Princess say I was courageous, that she admired me or something? I know what she saw, what gave her reason to say that. That wasn't courage. That was...retaliation. An inability to be stronger than what I did. Cowardice. Just the opposite. She sees something in me, though, Rainbow Dash. Guess I do compliment her a lot...and let her help me, and help her, and watch her do things, but...I mean, that's because she deserves those compliments. And I like her help, and I like her company. And she does really cool stuff. To me, not showing at least a little respect to her would be like not thanking Superman for saving you from certain death. It's just a given, it seems necessary, is necessary. She's a hero. Not flawless, of course, but a hero nonetheless. I try thinking of a flaw I can see in her. Arrogance, maybe. I recall a quote from somewhere: it's not bragging if you can do it. That seems to apply. Anything else? I rub the back of my neck, savoring the warmth of the water for a moment. Brashness? Another maybe...Being brash or bold isn't always bad. Sometimes that's how one has to be to overcome a challenge, or fear. I nearly envy her confidence and boldness. Maybe 'admire' is a better term. I get an odd feeling, as I sometimes do, as if I'm able to look at myself from an outside perspective. I sigh as I go over the entire conversation I've just had with myself. I really do like her...what's not to like, though? She's definitely exciting, fun, adventurous. Maybe not smart, but certainly clever, and she knows what's what. Funny, cheerful but still down-to-earth, and most of all, loyal. Quite the colorful personality. I smile at my pun; maybe it's more of a wince. Yeah, that was awful. Who am I kidding? I question my shower. She's perfect. Is the fact she's not exactly human it? I think for a moment. That is a pretty big one, though...I sigh, turning off the water and stepping out. My head is starting to hurt; I decide to focus on something else. Well, my funds are running kind of low...better head to town hall. I put on my clothes, grab my dagger and tomahawk, and walk outside, destination in mind. *** Looks like that storm was a little stronger than anticipated, I muse as I start nailing in another shingle on my fourth roof of the day. Somehow it seems like the torn-apart roofing on the houses of quite a few are my fault, indirectly. I feel obligated to do it, whether or not anyone else really knows it's my fault. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and when that particular woman can manipulate Mother Nature...yeesh. I make a mental note to not upset Rainbow Dash before any major storms are scheduled. Speaking of which...I look into the air, searching around the clear, blue sky for a while on my rooftop perch. I don't see the sky-blue Pegasus anywhere, though. I frown, then focus back on the task at hand, grabbing another shingle. It's not very tedious work, I suppose, given the fact I've nearly fallen off the roofs I've been working on about six times already. These things get very slippery after rain. I continue to hammer away, only a small patch of roof still showing. I hear a door open below me, and peer over the edge of the roof. The owner of the house, a dark-orange Earth pony mare, trots out, looking up at me. She takes a few steps back to better see her roof, and I move out of the way. "Wow! That's looking splendid! Here, while you finish that up, I'll go grab you some bits..." I smile, nodding in thanks to the pony, who goes back inside the house. I turn back to the roof, lying down yet another shingle. I start off a few nails in the corners, but run out of nails. I shift to one side so I can reach into my pocket and grab a few more. Hearing a noise to my right, I look over. I watch as the nails I had started in the shingle are stamped into the roof with three swift, casual blows from a light blue hoof. My gaze shifts a little higher, and I smile. "A lot faster than using that hammer, am I right?" Rainbow Dash asks with a smile. I laugh, shifting one of the nails in my palm to my fingers. I position it over the last corner of the shingle, giving it a few hard taps with the hammer before pulling away. The Pegasus takes her cue, driving the nail in with her hoof. It doesn't even look like she's putting a lot of force behind it. Ponies are tougher than they look, I reflect as I have often before. I start up the process again with the last few shingles, starting a nail in the roof and letting Dash drive it all the way in. The process speeds up considerably, given that she can even hammer down a few at a time. After a few minutes, I look up at the pony, smiling. "We done?" she asks, receiving a nod in reply. I carefully make my way over the edge of the roof, letting myself hang before dropping down. Rainbow floats down, gently settling down beside me on the ground. As if on cue, the owner of the home walks out again, bag of coins in her mouth. She tosses it to me. "Thank you very much, Mister Mark." I nod, smiling, then begin walking away, my Pegasus friend close behind. Once we've covered some ground between the house the job was at and my own, I look over at Rainbow Dash, feeling curious. I withdraw the paper and pencil from my pocket, trying to keep my hand steady as I walk and write. Where were you today? The sky's been clear all morning. She reads the paper, then looks over at me, hovering at eye-height as per usual. "Oh, I was over at Rarity's place." I raise an eyebrow in question. Another spa day, maybe? I think with a sly grin. I think she notices my expression, for her eyes widen a little. "I was...uh...asking her about...how to make my mane more aerodynamic! Yeah." I chuckle softly, shaking my head. "What? I'm serious! That's what I was doing!" Dash says, a little frantically. I raise my palms and eyebrows, giving my best look of innocence. I scribble down a note, unable to resist the grin coming back to my face. So how do you make your mane more aerodynamic? "I...uhm...are you hungry? I'm hungry," she says, speedily changing the subject. I laugh again, nodding. We set our sights for Applejack's stand. *** Rainbow Dash flies along beside me while we walk further and further away from Ponyville. She does little loops and flies around me every so often, clearly still excited from earlier. I'm amazed she still has energy after flying for, what, three hours? Four? Something like that. The sun has nearly set, though. It was a nice way to finish off the day. "I still can't believe I pulled off the Buccaneer Blaze, the Super Speed Strut, and the Fantastic Filly Flash, all one after another! That was awesome!" she bubbles. I nod happily in agreement. Her stunts never cease to amaze me; the fluidity of them all in itself is enough to bring awe. I think I'm starting to remember all the names she's created for her tricks, as well; there are a lot to memorize. "I need to practice more...it feels like I haven't flown in ages! I mean, it's only been, like, three days, but y'know," she continues, grinning at me. I smile back to her. The rainbow-maned pony glances forward, then up, a frown touching her face. "Well, looks like we're here." She points up at her cloud home, high above us, with a hoof. "Thanks for walking home with me, Mark. See yah' tomorrow!" I grin, showing my teeth as I wave goodbye to her. I watch her fly up until she disappears over the top of the cloud that is her house. I turn, walking back along the road that leads into town. As I continue down the path, the sky slowly darkening, an idea comes to me. I decide to change course, branching off onto another path that skirts Ponyville. I walk for some time, watching the sky change from blue, to yellow, to orange, to a deep red, listening as the birds fall asleep and the crickets come out. My head actually feels clear, a rare occurrence for me. There are a lot of times when I wish I could stop thinking, stop remembering. Be careful what you wish for, I remind myself, recalling my experience with the Princesses. I unconsciously shudder. Maybe there's a better way to contact them, though. I keep my steady pace, now a good distance away from Ponyville, but on the side of town opposite Rainbow Dash's house. The path ends, just dissipating into open ground. I stay in the same direction, though, inherently knowing where I am and where I am going. The grass beneath my shoes grows taller and taller, eventually reaching just below the knees on my pants. Despite the area looking slightly different in the nearly complete darkness, I know I'm getting close. I reach the edge of the lake just as the last of the sun's light disappears over the horizon directly opposite me. Slowing my pace, I sit down on the bank. It's still sort of muddy, but my pants can be washed, so I don't really care. I look out over the lake for a moment, then into the sky. A large, full moon hangs high in the night sky, surrounded by thousands upon thousands of stars. I gape at the darkness for a moment; I've never seen so many stars in all my life. It's like every star in the universe can be seen from where I sit. The light of the stars and moon actually illuminate the night so that there is not total darkness, but rather a sort of shadowy level of light; I'm easily able to see, but it's still dark. I look back to the waters, looking at the shimmering reflection of the moon. The night feels calm; I'm tempted to spend the night here, but know I should just do what I want to do and head back to a warm bed. My mind starts to churn again as I pull the paper and pencil from my pocket. I glance at Luna Lake again, remembering the small segment from the book I'd read. Well, I can't really talk, so I guess this will have to do. I begin writing a letter. Dear Princess Luna, Hopefully this works. I can't talk to Luna Lake, so this is the best I can do. Maybe this is just a legend, anyways. Might as well try, though. I would like to ask you to help me. I don't really know anyone else to ask, and I know you really won't tell anyone, except maybe Princess Celestia, but I don't mind if you do that. Recently, I found out that someone, some-pony, I suppose, has feelings for me. And I think I have feelings for her, too. But, there is something is I should explain. Maybe you already know this, but my species is the only sentient one on our planet. We have other animals, but they are only animals, running off instinct. They can't talk and only do what they are designed to. Here, it is different. What I know as animals are sentient here, they can think, and speak, and do things that humans do. I am conflicted. I do like this pony, I like who she is, but I can't seem to get around the fact she is not human, that it seems wrong to me. Maybe the answer is obvious, and maybe I already know it, but I want to hear it from someone else. Maybe it will help. Thanks, --Mark I look at the letter, reading it over. Here goes nothing. I lean forward, stretching out my arm with the paper in hand. Just as my hand is over the water, I release my grip, letting the paper float gently down to the surface of the lake. It settles down on the water, then begins to slowly drift out towards the center of the lake. I watch the paper float away from me, seemingly unaffected by the water. Out it goes, all the way to what looks like the exact middle of the lake; I notice that the moon's reflection sits in the center of the water, as well. The letter stops moving right over the shimmering image of the moon; it promptly evaporates, quite literally. A wisp of white smoke trails up from where the paper was. I raise my eyebrows in surprise, watching the center of Luna Lake intently. After a few minutes of unblinking observation, I sit back, resuming my old position and frowning. Well, something happened. I lay back against the bank, looking at the night sky again. If Luna really did make this, which I have little doubt she did, it is nothing short of impressive. I try to pick out a few constellations, but I don't see any that I recognize. With a sigh, I stretch out my legs and lock my hands together behind my head, lying on the ground beside the lake. I hear an odd noise, something like a bloop. Sitting up, I look out at the lake, squinting to focus better on the somewhat distant center of the body of water. I see something obstructing the reflection of the bright moon; it almost looks like...a scroll? The object starts drifting in my direction, not visibly guided by any waves or currents. As it nears, I see that it is indeed a scroll, rolling a little in the water as it approaches me. Once the scroll is close, I reach out my arm again, grabbing it out of the lake. The scroll feels completely dry, as if it had never touched water at all. I sit back again, holding the rolled-up paper in both hands. Twisting it around, I see that there is a seal on the scroll; it appears to bear a symbol of a simple crescent moon. I slowly withdraw my dagger from my belt, carefully cutting through the seal before replacing the blade. I unroll the scroll, laying it flat to light it with moonlight. Dearest Mark, Before We begin, let it be made known We have not used this system of communication in many an age. We are surprised thou hast knowledge of its existence. We thank you for reminding Us of its presence. We--oh, my apologies. Tia has oft reminded me of using 'I' rather than the royal We. Old habits are hardest to best, yes? I am sorry, Mark, but I cannot fully answer thine query. It is not of the cause that I do not know, rather, thou must make this decision, not I. Thou hast taken the time to compose a request from me, though. Mayhaps I may offer mine own advice? I know what it is like to feel alien. After one-thousand years of exile, this place has changed much. I feel as if I am an outsider in my own land. It is to my knowledge this is not the case of thou, but I believe them to be similar in nature. During my exile, I encountered many feelings. The greatest of them was that of loneliness. I have experienced loneliness in its truest form. For mine own self, however, I have many chances to change that, for my life is eternal. I am sorry to say yours is not. Heed my words, though; immortality is both a gift and a curse. No being should spend their life in loneliness, immortal or not. I advise you to follow your heart, young creature. Love comes in many forms. And perhaps, as thou hast said, this was already known to you. Perhaps my advice will be of no use to you; this is your own choice to make, as well. Know that the path thou doth choose shall be the correct one, no matter which it is. My highest blessings upon thou, Princess Luna I roll the scroll back up slowly, sighing softly to myself. Why must such a simple decision be so difficult to make? I know Luna is right...but...I frown, staring into the water. I knew there would be no definite answer; life rarely works that way, if at all. Know that the path thou doth choose shall be the correct one, no matter which it is, I repeat in my head. I will make the right decision. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, I will know. I stand, scroll in hand, and turn away from the lake, ready to get some sleep before morning.