Chrysalis had parked the car right before the city. There was a small crowd already, staring, some fearful, some thinking it was some sort of show or display. The roof was down, so no one could actually see you and Chrysalis through the dark tinted windows. She just stared at them all, silently plotting in her head.
“Chrysalis, we can’t hurt anypony, alright? I’m serious.” You explain to her, looking at her focused expression. You knew what was going to happen, and truthfully? Why not? As long as no one got hurt, Celestia could deal with a little collateral damage. That whole trial thing was a low blow to begin with. No matter what, you knew she’d choose to save the schools, so there really was no danger in pissing her off as long as no one got hurt in the process.
“I know, I know. We’re just going to have a bit of fun, that’s all. You do know what fun is, don’t you? Discord has gone on and on about your chaotic abilities before. So…” Chrysalis gives you a poke at your side. “Relax, just enjoy a little chaos for once in your life. If you can handle Discord’s pitiful pranks, then surely you can handle this. C’mon! You won’t regret it!”
“No, no, I get it. I’m just wondering how pissed Celestia is gonna be, that’s all. I actually want her to be super pissed, but only in a certain way.” You said, your eyes slowly peering towards the bystanders. Suddenly, it hits you, and you begin to smirk. “Holy shit, Chrysalis, I just thought of a way to really get under her skin!”
“Oh? Wait…” Chrysalis groaned as even she realized there had to be a limit to Celestia’s patience. “What is it? I do understand there’s only so much I can actually do. We still have to get the bitch in the car so I don’t end up with a spear at my throat. Sadly, we’ll have to keep our threats to a minimum.”
“Exactly! So, when we actually show up, just act smooth. Be cool.” You tell her with excitement. You felt giddy, this could be pretty hilarious.
“Be cool? Explain yourself, Anon.” Chrysalis said, intrigued yet slightly unimpressed.
“What needs to be explained? Just don’t condescend to her. Act relaxed, cool, in control of the situation. Just tell her what we’re here for, and treat her like she’s the one overreacting. She’d never expect that from you, it’s perfect!” You began to rub your forehooves together, smirking. Oh yes, this will be grand.
“Hmmm…” Chrysalis began to go into deep thought, closing her eyes as she rubbed her hoof under her chin. “That’s quite an approach. Yes, just being casual and relaxed? Yes! Hahahaha! Anon, that IS perfect.” Chrysalis reached over and gently ran her hoof through your mane. “What got your brain percolating today? Hm?”
“Well, you said you didn’t want me whining, right? Welp, to do that, I just need to be cool. So, with that out of the way, how exactly are we going to get through town?” You ask, making yourself comfortable in your seat as you prepped yourself for madness.
“Go fast, go hard, and destroy some property as we make our way to the castle. A lamppost here, a fountain there, and any statues of Celestia are of course priority.” Chrysalis began to rev the engine, startling the bystanders and making them step back. “Are you really ready for this, Anon?”
You take a deep breath and ready yourself, looking straight ahead, putting any regrets you may have behind you. “...Er, could you honk the horn first? Get them a little further away before we speed off?”
“Tch, fine.” Chrysalis said with an eye roll as she honked her horn, blasting a loud and thunderous honking noise that made the onlookers duck and hide, as if something exploded. “Alright, no more waiting around! Here we go, Anon, full throttle!” Chrysalis smirked as she pulled down at the gear shifts. Peeling out at a high speed that left a black wide set of streaks across the road as you both entered Canterlot proper.
“Woah! Watch out for that cart! Shit!” The drive itself was not a direct route to the castle however. Chrysalis was making wide turns, crashing into lamp posts, weaving between carts, drifting around crossways. “Woah, that was close. I thought we were going to avoid the townsponies?”
“Relax! Nahahahaha!” Chrysalis cackled as she narrowly weaves between two carts as their pony pullers jump to the side. “Now this is fun! Listen to that screaming, Anon! Isn’t it delightful? Oh oh, look at that! They're clearing out from that crossroad up ahead! Let’s do some donuts! I always wanted to have an audience for this one!” Chrysalis gleefully giggled as she hard turned the car and began drifting in a circle. “Eat shit, Celestia! You’ll never get rid of my marks upon your roads! Do you hear me?! Everytime you see this, you'll think of me!”
“W-woah, ha… haha! Shit! This is actually fun! How long can you keep this up?” You said, bracing yourself as excitement began to fill you. She hadn’t hit a pony yet, and quite honestly, this was much better than driving around in those scary caves, where one mistake would end everything.
“Are you kidding? I could keep this up all day if it wasn’t for the fact it’d eventually get boring!” Chrysalis shouted as she honked her horn at the scared populace. “Anon! Come on! Isn’t there something you want to drive into? Look around, name it! I’ll turn it to rubble!” She was almost acting like a filly at this point. You had to suspect she just wanted a place to drive around like a lunatic more than anything else.
While Chrysalis was focusing on her donuts, you actually took the time to try to spot something to drive through as the car drifted in circles. You narrowed your eyes as something passed by your sight. It wasn’t until another circle around that you saw it down the road, there were two ponies so focused on their task that they didn’t notice the gaggle of ponies panicking around them. These ponies seemed to be some sort of chefs, as they were personally delivering a huge cake towards the castle. A huge cake? Unprotected? Out in the open? Oh ho, Celestia, that’s a pretty shit delivery system there. “There, right there!”
“Where? I don’t see anything.” Chrysalis said as she focused on her donuts.
“Wait… Wait… Right there, that cake down the road, do you see it?” You say, snapping your right hoof forward to point towards it.
“Hm? A cake? That those foolish ponies must have spent a painstaking amount of time baking and crafting? Well, that truly is delicious.” Chrysalis said as she let the car slide, turning just enough to aim it right at the cake. “But how am I supposed to destroy it without hitting those ponies?”
Hmmm, how would she? Well, the horn managed to really startle the ponies around you before. So… “The horn! We’ll just drive right by them and honk the horn, it’ll scare them stupid and they’ll wreck the cake! The cake meant for Celestia, I might add. Because look, they’re heading towards the castle.” You say as you point once more.
“Celestia? Oh ho ho” Chrysalis gives you a playful jab as she mockingly laughs at the situation. “When I said delicious, I didn’t know it’d be fattening too! Alright, we’ll destroy her cake and head towards the castle. I promise I won’t say a word about it. Then again, I’m hoping some stupid pony informs her of what we’ve done during our talk. She can get angry all she wants, it is still only a cake versus the livelihood of her and her precious Twilight Sparkle. Good work, Anon, I’m proud of you.”
Did you feel any guilt? Maybe a little. But she was right, it was just a cake, and it was a cake you pointed out. Remember, Anon, Celestia deserves a little payback. And not just due to the trial, but also because she had used you before, and nearly got you killed by taking your horn way way way back. She needed to learn a little humility. “Hey, we’re in this together, right? As long as we don’t hurt anypony, Celestia can’t say shit. Now, c’mon! Let’s ride!”
Chrysalis licked at her muzzle as she eyed the cake, then went full speed ahead, cackling. Ponies around the area were still panicking and running around, they just didn’t seem to know what to do. The chefs were surprisingly calm through all this. When the car quickly drew close, you let out a ‘NOW’, prompting Chrysalis to honk the horn. Just like you predicted, the chefs got startled. So startled in fact, that with their earth pony might, they fucking flung that shit into the stratosphere, most likely never to return.
“Haha! Mission complete! The cake is gone! I dunno where it’s gone, but it’s gone!” Whatever that cake was for, it would just lead to Celestia not indulging in her insane sweet tooth.
“I saw it! Right when I looked to the side. It’s gone! No cake for you, Celestia! Revenge is mine! Hahahaha!” Chrysalis bellowed, laughing maniacally
You suddenly stopped as you looked towards Chrysalis, worried for her. There it was, she still wants revenge. It was petty revenge, but you knew it was there somewhere. Hopefully, fucking hopefully, her thirst for whatever revenge she was thinking of didn’t extend past that cake. Just relax, Anon, you’re supposed to be having fun, and there was still-OH SHIT! “Crap, the guards are already gathering to-GYAH!” Suddenly, as Chrysalis and you began to drive towards the castle, the car suddenly was being bombarded by spears from above, being thrown by royal guards. They weren’t doing anything, but it was still scary.
“Now that’s just rude.” Chrysalis said as she began to slow down, noticing many royal guards stepping out from the castle front doors, the gate up, and drawbridge down. “They’re already attacking us and we haven’t even seen Celestia yet. Ah well…” Chrysalis snickered as she stopped the car right before the readying brigade of guards as the guards above joined the ranks of those below, ready to fight. It was clear the spears were doing nothing to the car, something Chrysalis noticed straight away as she casually waited. “Their spears are useless anyway. Let’s just wait here for their princess to come out. I know she will, she won’t want to put all these guards in danger if she doesn’t have to.”
“So, you’re not worried about them ruining the car then?” You ask.
“Considering what it is based on? No. I’ve come to understand how some of your magic works, so if this is accurate to the base model, then they won’t even leave a scratch. No, what’s on my mind right now is Celestia herself. I have to wonder what she’ll actually think of the situation she’ll soon find herself in. Yes, I’ll play it cool, but will she?” Chrysalis said as she laid back on her seat, watching the guards carefully as they seemed to become more confused about the car.
“I thought we wanted to piss her off?” Celestia would still have to agree if she wanted to save the schools, so you had to wonder why Chrysalis seemed so worried about it now.
“We do, but I have become doubtful of her ability to compromise. We know she’ll join us, but will she betray us after we’re done? I hadn’t considered the possibility of Celestia lying to us.” Chrysalis said, as she awaited for Celestia’s arrival.
“Nah, she won’t lie, Chrysalis. It isn’t her style. If anything, this will go by the books. So expect her to say something like ‘I’m so proud of how much you’ve really improved yourself, Chrysalis’ after we’re done with Neighsay. Just saying, the only reason she would go back on it is you blowing your top over something like that.” You explain.
“Bah, as infuriating as that sounds, I value my solitude more than some petty anger. Hmph, though I have to wonder if the thing that is really bothering me is the fact that she may try to interact with me in some way after this is all over. No doubt trying to make sure I’m not trying anything behind her back.” Chrysalis said.
“Yeah, I can see her doing that. But whatever, what do you care? That basically gives you full rights to tell her to fuck off whenever she tries to show up. Both Celestia and Twilight bothered me a ton so it’s just something to expect. So whatever, fuck it.” You tell her.
“Yes, but as I recall, you didn’t tell either of them to really fuck off either. Ah…” Chrysalis gives you a gentle pet. “My poor little Anon, we’ll work on that once we have more time together. I do suddenly feel a lot better about this though. Telling her to just fuck off, perhaps adding in that her intruding on me isn’t a very good sign of trust at all, considering all I’m going to be doing for her. Oh yes, let her come, I’ll slam the door right on her face.”
You sort of just sat there, groaning as she gently rubbed her hoof in your mane. You had a backbone! It was just you were dealing with a lot of shit, that’s all. Suddenly, however, you point forward the moment you notice more guards stepping out of the castle as they quickly began to form a line. Celestia was stepping out of the castle. She seemed intrigued, worried, and dutiful as she began to approach.
“Princess Celestia, you mustn't approach whatever this sleeping beast must be. Let us handle it!” A guards pony following her stated, must be one of her captains as he seemed worried about her stepping close to the car.
“Nonsense, I’ve seen something like this before in one of the gifts Anon has given both me and my sister some time ago. What I ask of you, captain, is to not overreact as to what we are about to witness.” Celestia said calmly as she stopped before the car, looking to her captain with a gentle expression.
“But we had reports of this monstrosity tearing through Canterlot! It was only a miracle that nopony got hurt.” The captain explained.
“A miracle? No. Well, at least not in that sense.” Celestia said. “I have it on good word that there was a good possibility that nopony would come to harm.”
Chrysalis immediately looked at you with a vicious stare. “Anon… She already knows it’s us. You showed her what a car was?!”
“What?! No I… Oh goddammit, the fucking video games! Of course she… Fuck! Wait, shouldn’t she still be pissed then? Since she has to know it’s you.” Goddammit. You had forgotten that you had given both Celestia and Luna a console with a bunch of games on it, of course she’d recognize that something like this would come from you. “She should be freaking out that you escaped.”
“And yet she is not. Fine then… Let us find out how she can be so calm about all this. Because this is seriously ruining my day already.” Chrysalis said as she pressed a button. The hood of the car began to open, revealing the both of you. The guards were flabbergasted, and prepared their weapons, only for Celestia to tell them to stand down. She had to repeat it to them twice, as they were prepared to fight off Chrysalis with their lives. But Celestia assured them that it would not be necessary.
“Chrysalis, Anon, welcome. Mind the guards, given the situation, I hadn’t had the time to brief them on your arrival.” Celestia said before giving Chrysalis a warm smile. “I cannot imagine how much restraint it took you to not hurt anypony in your little rampage. I can only assume you were trying to get a rise out of me. Am I wrong?”
What in the fuck?! Wut?! How the hell was she this calm?! How did she know you both were coming?! “Woah, woah, woah. Hold on, how did… How did you know we were coming?! There was no way, just no way!”
Chrysalis just eyed her carefully, looking at the guards for just a moment in case they suddenly pounced you and her. She then waited for Celestia’s answer.
Celestia’s horn glowed as a scroll appeared in front of the both of you. It seemed to be hastily written on, very very sloppy. Wait, a scroll? But, why was it sloppy? “What is that? What does it say?”
“A hastily written letter from Twilight explaining the situation. I have to say, if it wasn’t for this, I probably would have been angry with the both of you.” Celestia said with a soft chuckle.
“WHAT?!” Chrysalis said in explosive anger as she pointed back towards the city. “And what about the carnage we wreaked?! Does that not fill you with rage?!”
Celestia pondered on that for a moment, and shrugged. “As my captain explained, no ponies were harmed, so that just tells me you both restrained yourselves. Really, Discord does so much worse, a few skidmarks aren't going to be hard to clean up. Besides, this city could use this kind of excitement from time to time as long as it isn’t dangerous.”
Chrysalis just bashed her head into the wheel, setting off the horn. She just sat still, stupefied. “How do I keep losing? How?!”
“I-it’s okay, Chrysalis. R-remember, this is about helping them so you can get left alone in the forest.” You said, patting her back, trying to relieve her.
“Yes, despite the hastily written message, Twilight was quite clear in her predictions that you may try something like this first, as well as the real reason as to why you’re here. If it helps, I apologize about Shining Armor.” Celestia said, sincerely hoping that would relieve some of Chrysalis’s stress. “Though, and I hope this doesn’t upset you further, my sister did eventually tell me about your talks with her. I found it heartwarming to be honest.”
Wut? “So you weren’t even pissed about Chrysalis trying to, y’know, off Twilight?”
Celestia shook her head “No, or at least I began to calm down about it. I began to question if perhaps having a trial was too harsh after all, especially after learning about her own ordeals and friendships she had made.”
“You should have just had the trial…” Chrysalis said with a groan. “This is actually killing me.”
“Princess Celestia… Erm, does this mean we aren’t going to attack?” The captain asked, rather meekly, as he began to realize the situation wasn’t dangerous.
Celestia shook her head, and pointed back towards the entrance to the castle. “No, but do inform my sister that I’m off to see Chancellor Neighsay. If, of course, Chrysalis is willing to be my friend. If only for the day.”
Chrysalis said nothing, she just slid down her seat, letting her head rest back as she continued to make groaning noises.
So that’s it then, Celestia fucking wins again? Just like that?! “So you’re seriously not angry, at all, about what we did? That we escaped Shining Armor. Or, well, everything else?”
“As I said, I’m not anymore. There is no reason to be angry now that Chrysalis has opened her heart to friendship.” Celestia said as she began to look over the car. “And if I may compliment this vehicle, it is much nicer and fancier than my chariots.”
Chrysalis just groaned more. You’d think she would take that as a compliment, but coming from Celestia? No, it was just another blow to her ego.
You felt pretty down yourself. You hated when Celestia was this smug, even if she wasn’t acting smuggy at all. “Well, damn… I mean, we even knocked over that huge cake on the way over and everything.”
“As I s- Wait, what cake?” Celestia asked, as she suddenly looked rather stunned.
“This cake these chef ponies had. They looked like they were heading this way.” You said, downtrodden, bordering on upset.
Celestia’s eye suddenly twitched, she tensed. “Y-you don’t say? It wouldn’t have been a large white cake with lemon ice cream filling, would it?”
You shrugged. “Who knows? We didn’t care about it, we just assumed it was yours and scared them into knock- Wait…” You look to Celestia and see she was indeed tense, her smile faltering. You then began to smirk. “That was your cake, wasn’t it?”
Celestia said nothing, she took a deep breath, then pointed to the back seat. “Perhaps we should be on our-EEP” Suddenly, she let out a rather undignified and startled sound as Chrysalis began to rise up from her seat with a creepy and sadistic smile.
“Is that what set you off, Princess? How do you feel now? Let me ta-” Suddenly, she is interrupted by a quick bap from your hoof. She looks over to you, and sees you making a ‘I’m cold’ gesture. At first she seemed confused, and then, when she looked back at Celestia, she understood. She then leaned back, put her hoof around the wheel, and looked straight ahead. “Er, let me take you to this Neighsay. Who cares about a cake anyway? Anypony can bake a cake. Can you bake a cake, Celestia?”
“I… I can’t. I-” But Celestia, now confused by her sudden calmness and still baffled by the loss of her cake, gets interrupted as Chrysalis points to the back of her car.
“Whatever, I mean, you’re not angry, right? Nah, of course you’re not. You’re Celestia, the cool princess who doesn’t need a cake anyway or else she’ll get fat and lardy like they say in those newspapers.” Chrysalis said, acting calm and cool, chilling, showing no signs of any emotion other than her radiating amounts of radicalness.
“W-What?! I D-don’t-” But again Celestia is interrupted, this time by you.
Oh god, what a delicious moment. Oh, it was fattening. Just play it cool, let her be the one overreacting over nothing. You actually wished you were a changeling right now, just to taste it, just to taste how she feels. “Yo, Celestia. We really don’t have all day if we’re gonna see Neighsay. I mean, you’re not gonna cry over a cake, right?”
Celestia gulped, and began to slowly climb up to the rear of the car. She tried sitting like you and Chrysalis in the rear seats, but without buckling herself in. “N-no, of course not. I-I said I wasn’t angry, and so… I’m not.”
“Good, because I don’t want your tears on my seats… Just saying. Later, losers!” Chrysalis said as she waved to the guards, closing the roof over the car.
She then looked to you, as you looked to her. Then you saw it, she raised a hoof to you. She held it there. OH GOD YES! You get excited, and bump hooves with her. A Brohoof moment! Yes, mutual awesome goodness feelings. You both conquered Celestia! WOOOOOOO! You all blasted off as Celestia immediately slid to the right, slapping onto the side of the car with an 'oomph!'.
"Buckle up, Princess. It is going to be a bumpy ride." Chrysalis said with a satisfied smirk on her face.