//------------------------------// // Broke: Stupid and Pointless but also Illegal // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// The inside of the Golden Oakes Library was surprisingly intact after the repo ponies were done with it. Actually, the library looked entirely like it had before Dan and the gang spent all that time renovating it. "This... doesn't look all that bad, actually," Spike said. "They left all the furniture and the t.v." "They only repossessed the security system," Phoenix said. "Every part of it. So-" "EVERYTHING'S GONE BACK TO THE WAY IT WAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS!!" Dan cried. "The house is defenseless from all the deranged maniacs out there-" "What about the ones in here?" Spike grinned. "-and I'm back to being a loser with no power to do anything about it! EVERYTHING IS BACK TO WHERE IT STARTED WHEN I GOT HERE!!!" "Awwww," Twilight patted his back. "But you're a noble now. You're a member of the royal family of Equestria." "With almost the same rank and privileges as Blueblood," Spike added. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-HAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuugh," Dan cried even louder. "They left the cucumber-citrus water dispenser," Phoenix said. "AAAH-HAAAAHAAAA-HAAAAAAA..." still angrily crying, Dan slumped over to the dispenser, grabbed it with both arms, slumped to the floor still gripping the base and drank right from the tap. "ULLGLA-ULLGLA-AAHGLLA-ULLL-" "...As painful as this is to watch, what are we going to do about the library?" Twilight asked. "If we're not able to get back the gold for the treasury..." Dan sprung up, completely wet but otherwise okay. "We'll be fine. Chrys is gonna find our stuff, then we sneak in and teleport it out," he assured them. "IF Gilda doesn't contact us by her deadline, THEN we obviously will have to declare war and rescue them via all-out assault. And we have robots and nukes, so that won't take long." Gilda had left to go find Chrys when she missed her check-in. She was hurrying, and claimed to know 'unofficial' griffon channels she could use to locate Chrys if needed, as not to jeopardize her cover. If Gilda missed her check-in, then Dan was going to send in an army, which he had authority to do now that he was a noble. Nobody wanted to resort to that, except Dan. "What if they've melted down all the gold? Sold it off already or something else?" Spike asked. "Hmmm," Dan rubbed his chin, nodding. "I get what you're saying, Spike. What if we need MORE money?" "...That's not what I'm saying at all." "Hold that thought," Dan bolted out the front door. Twilight, Spike and Phoenix exchanged knowing expressions, and slowly followed him. Kent remained in an armchair in the living room, reading the Ponyville Gazette. He didn't make a sound, didn't utter a noise, even his breathing could not be heard outside of his armor. Aside from the occasional turning of a page, the armored human was a quiet fixture in the library. Outside, Dan had set up a table by the side of the road. "I don't know where this is going, but I already don't like it," Spike said. "Where'd Dan go?" Twilight asked. Phoenix was about to answer her, but the ringing of a fire alarm did that for her. "Oh boy." The trio followed the ringing to the source: Festive Fracas's Fireworks Emporium. Dan stood just outside the entrance, leaning against the wall with his arms folded and a satisfied smile on his face. "I know that smile," Phoenix said as they were jogging over to him. "You only smile like that when you've just committed some sort of horrible act." "Against someone who deserved it," Dan said. "But no, not this time, Nicky. However, I DID come up with a scheme to get us our money back!" All three of them sighed simultaneously, then asked, simultaneously, "What's the plan this time, Dan?" "We're going to sell fireworks!" The alarm in the background was still ringing, and it filled the silence that would've otherwise been awkward following the announcement. "You're going to sell fireworks?" Spike asked. He looked back over his shoulder. "On the side of the road?" "Yes! What better place to do it?" Twilight inhaled, then exhaled. "And where are you going to get these fireworks?" "We already know," Phoenix said. (And I know he's going to tell us anyway.) Dan beamed. "From around back. Festive Fracas will have no choice but to throw out all his wares now. And then, we-" "You pulled the fire alarm, didn't you?" Twilight asked, unamused. VERY unamused. "Yes," Dan nodded, still beaming. "And n-" "And it triggered the sprinkler system." "Ye-" "And now Mr. Fracas is going to have to throw out all his fireworks because they're all soaking wet because you pulled the fire alarm." Dan opened his eyes and stopped beaming. "Yes. You figured that out pretty quickly." "And you're going to procure his damaged products, blow dry them with a hairdryer and resell them by the side of the road. Yes, Dan, it was quite easy to figure out," Twilight said. "Oh. So you're okay with it?" "NO! NO, I'M NOT OKAY WITH IT!!" Twilight yelled. But she quickly recomposed herself. "And I don't think Mr. Fracas is, either." "What makes you say that?" "Because he's standing right behind you." Dan turned around. Festive Fracas, a close personal friend of Pinkie Pie, was a kind elderly pony that sold fireworks with his wife, Mrs. Fracas. Now, he stood, glaring angrily at Dan, his mustache and normally-spiked hair dripping wet. "Ummm... hi." "Hello," Mr. Fracas said. And he handed Dan a wet firework, then went back inside his building. Dan held up the firework. "Uhh... the fuse is wet. What is this supposed to- *BAM*" It exploded in his face. "What the heck was that?" Spike asked. "What kind of firework can explode with a wet fuse?" "The kind with a remote detonator," Mr. Fracas' voice answered. "My invoice is attached!" "Attached to what?" Twilight asked. Then, Twilight saw Dan. "Oh." Dan pulled the receipt off his face. "Okay. Okay. I'll admit, not my best." "How exactly was this supposed to get us money?" Phoenix asked. "There's not enough money in circulation for us to collect from travelers." "Oh," Dan said. "Oh yeah. I... I forgot." "You FORGOT?" Twilight asked. "So, you forgot and then you immediately came up with a plan that's not only stupid but also pointless?" "Stupid and pointless but also illegal," Phoenix pointed out. "Not your best, Dan." "I'M SORRY!" Dan yelled. "I'M HAVING A BAD DAY, CAN'T YOU TELL?!" "Yeah, yeah... this sucks," Spike said. They gathered around Dan, pulled his blackened behind off the ground, dusted him off and patted him on the back. "It's alright, Dan," Twilight said. "Yeah. How about we go to Sugar Cube Corner and get some ice cream?" "Yeah!" they all said. "That sounds great!" And outside Sugar Cube Corner, they were all reminded that- "SUGAR CUBE CORNER IS CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSEDDD!!" Pinkie yelled. "How long has she been doing this?" Twilight asked Mrs. Cake. "Well, let's see... today's Tuesday..." "Saturday." "Right, Saturday," Mrs. Cake continued. "And we closed last month, so, since then. Since last month." "Oh. Well, thanks anyway," Phoenix said. "Sorry, Dan." "Sorry, Dan," they all said. "CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSED!!!" "Alright, let's... just go home, you guys." "I'm sure you'll come up with a plan on how to set things right soon, Dan," Twilight assured him. "Thanks," he said, wiping his noise on his shirt sleeve. "At least, I hope Chrys is having a better time than we are."