A grandfather clock leaned crookedly against the wall, its glass cracked so that it was always midnight in Lazy Eye’s Hotel and Motel.
That was just the first on the extensive list of unsettling details Diamond Tiara noticed shortly after entering the hotel. She could mention the occasional breaks in the carpet that revealed floorboards cracking into splinters. She could point to the eerie portraits of ponies hung on every wall, each one of them angry and glaring right at you. She could complain about the terrible, harsh lights that sputtered and buzzed in pain.
Or she could close her eyes, spin in a circle, and point to something. No doubt her hoof would land somewhere unsettling or run down.
She had her best friend, Silver Spoon, and her goon, Snails, on her left and right. The rest of her class was here too. At least, the ones dumb enough to end up in summer school.
They’d just finished their trip to a Manehattan explosives factory to learn how to make bombs. Now they ended their day in this hope forsaken place on an empty road a few miles south of the city. The crowded buildings of Manehattan were still in sight from just outside, but not one other building stood within two miles of this place.
It made Diamond Tiara wonder if the locals knew something she didn’t. Even with all these familiar ponies around, the eeriness of this place made her feel dangerously alone.
A blue stallion in his fifties sat behind the counter, smiling and tapping his forehooves together. His left eye looked intently at the group while the right lulled off to the side. Diamond Tiara could only assume this was the hotel’s namesake– Lazy Eye himself.
His grey hairs thinned out to the point that they were little more than a few wiry strands that no combover could save. He smiled with his crooked jaw as Ms. Cheerilee approached him and got the keys to their rooms.
“Oh, no. We’re in a murder motel, aren’t we?” Diamond Tiara spun around as she walked forward, taking it all in. She ended her spin in front of Lazy Eye himself. “Just level with me, guy. Is this freaking murder motel?”
“Oh, I’ve never murdered anypony in this hotel.” Lazy Eye smiled and turned his good eye to her.
“But did anypony get murdered here?” Silver Spoon asked.
“Hm.” Lazy Eye tilted his head more than was natural and smiled all the wider. “I’m not legally required to answer that question.”
“Holy crow!” Diamond Tiara took a step back. “I’ve been around my dad’s lawyers enough to know that means yes. This is a murder motel!”
“Ms. Cheerilee!” Silver Spoon raised her hoof to beckon their teacher over. “Why do we have to stay at a murder motel?”
“Because the school system is underfunded,” Ms. Cheerilee deadpanned. “And maybe if any of you tried a little harder you wouldn’t be in summer school in the first place, hm?”
That comment was mostly targeted at Silver Spoon. Silver Spoon got perfect scores on every test but never did her homework. That worked out to give her a D. So despite having the highest SPT score in history and knowing everything, Silver Spoon barely managed to get to the 12th grade.
“Ms. Cheerilee, our outdated industrial model of school is specifically designed to crush our passion and turn us into mindless workers that are nothing more than cogs generating capital for the elite in factory settings that likely won’t even exist in ten years due to rapidly increasing levels of automation,” said Silver Spoon. “I don’t see any reason to engage with such a mockery of intellectual pursuit outside of what truancy laws mandate.”
“Yeah! I’m also disillusioned with the system,” said Diamond Tiara. “That’s why my grades are bad too.”
Though in reality, Diamond Tiara didn’t try because her dad was a billionaire, and she didn’t need to. Yeah. That was totally it.
“I try hard,” said Snails. “But snails and hacky sack are the only things I’m good at. Guess I should be happy I’m getting a scholarship for both! Hehe!”
Hacky sack recently became the fastest growing sport so somehow Snails was going to college.
“Look, can you three behave just this once?” Ms. Cheerilee. “I want you going straight to your rooms. That means no snooping around for mysteries to solve.”
“But we’re the Mystery Squad!” Snails grabbed Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara in a hug with either foreleg. “We’re like a mystery-solving team and we got this! Just like how we solved the mystery of the corn maze!”
“We solved one mystery,” Diamond Tiara reminded him.
“It was mostly me who solved that mystery,” said Silver Spoon. “And it’ll be mostly me solving this one too. You know, when somepony inevitably gets murdered. But I guess you two will also be there.”
Ms. Cheerilee gave up shortly after that, leaving to go tend to the children whom she still had some hope for.
“I guess it’s up to us to find the killer,” said Diamond Tiara. “Preferably before he kills somepony. It’s obviously Lazy Eye, right? He’s way too creepy to not be a murderer.”
“How do we know you aren’t the killer, dude?” Snails pointed an accusing hoof at him. “You could be killing somepony right now under that desk!”
Lazy Eye laughed. Of course, he cackled in the creepiest way possible, with a stuttering rasp.
“My, my. We haven’t had that spirit here since 1329.” Lazy Eye pointed to a picture of himself pinned on the wall next to where he sat. “But there’s no need to worry. These days, psychics are powerful enough to tell if you’ve murdered a pony within the last two weeks. Motel workers are screened five times a year at random and my own was only last Tuesday.”
Diamond Tiara realized it was a certificate from the Psychic’s Guild, complete with a little picture of its former leader, Pinkie Pie, winking in the corner. The top of it read ‘This pony hasn’t killed anypony… yet.’
Did they really have to add that last part?
“All of your concerns are for nothing, dear children.” Lazy Eye stretched his forelegs out invitingly. “Why, nopony has been killed here since–”
Lazy Eye suddenly stopped to cover his mouth with a hoof.
“Oh, my. It was twenty-five years ago on this very night, wasn’t it?” He paused another moment to allow the teens to shiver. He slowly lowered his hoof to reveal that smile had never left. “But I assure you, that delightful luminary Pinkie Pie solved this problem for you long ago. The murder rate plummeted dramatically since she created the Psychic’s Guild and now serial killers are a thing of the past. It was quite the common affair in places like this before then.”
Lazy Eye let out a mournful sigh, wistful for those good old days.
“How unfortunate.” Lazy Eye shook his head in mourning, then smiled wide upon seeing the look on the fillies’ faces. “For the serial killers, of course! Why the closest thing to a serial killer left now is the witch Minuette. But what are the chances of her appearing in this very hotel on the 25th anniversary of the last murder at the exact stroke of midnight?”
Diamond Tiara looked over at the broken grandfather clock once again. It was always midnight in the Lazy Eye Motel and Hotel.
That thought sent a deathly shudder through Diamond Tiara.
“Okay, that’s it!” Diamond Tiara grabbed Silver Spoon and started towards the door. “There’s no way I’m staying here! You can give me detention later, Ms. Cheerilee. Come on Silver Spoon, we can walk five miles to the Luxorama Hotel and Inn. It’ll be worth it.”
Diamond Tiara marched up to the door.
“What about me?” Snails ran after them.
“What about you?” Diamond Tiara asked
“Surely you’re taking your buddy Snails with you to the Luxorama Hotel and Inn!” Snails pointed to himself. “I’m part of the mystery-solving team, yeah?”
“Sorry, my dad would kill me if he found out I took a boy to a hotel,” said Diamond Tiara.
“Yeah,” Silver Spoon agreed. “You’ll just have to stay here. Call us if anypony gets murdered.”
The two of them laughed as they pushed the door open towards the decadence of a Luxorama hotel. They paused briefly at the heavy rain and darkness on the other side.
“Oh, my!” Lazy Eye called out after them. “What unfortunate timing for a rainstorm.”
“You think a little rain is going to stop me?” Diamond Tiara shot a look back at him.
A vicious lightning strike sent a wave of thunder to shake the building. The rain and wind picked up significantly. Water sprayed into the hotel with enough force for a few raindrops to hit even Snails, who was still a safe way in.
The two fillies had to hold on to one another just to keep from being blown back.
“Yeah?! You think an immense amount of rain is going to stop me?!” Diamond Tiara shouted over the wind. “I’ll just get a towel when we get there.”
Diamond Tiara struggled to keep her footing. With Silver Spoon clinging to her back, practically riding on top of her, she barely managed to trudge a few steps forward. At this point, Silver Spoon alone kept Diamond Tiara from being blown away by the wind.
“There’s barely over a hundred pounds between us!” Silver Spoon warned. “I don’t think we’re fat enough to make it.”
Curse her personal nutritionist and in-home gym! Everypony thought being a billionaire was all fun and games until times like this.
Determined, Diamond Tiara lowered her head and dragged Silver Spoon towards the door. The weight of her friend let her take a few steps forward. All she had to do was ignore Ms. Cheerilee yelling at them and she could make it!
Yet before she could even start her harrowing journey, the emergency alert siren blared over the radio. It started and full-stopped three times. The wind strengthened but sounded quieter to Diamond Tiara. She couldn’t remember the last time she heard a three-alarm alert. Everypony in the room stopped to listen.
“This is a full alert! Due to a serious emergency, we are asking all ponies to take shelter immediately. Remain in your shelter until daybreak or the alert is canceled. Avoid travel at all costs.”
Worried mummers went through the room as the alert repeated itself.
“How bad does something have to be to get three alarms, again?”
“They’re not going to tell us what’s happening?”
“We’d better not be stuck here for more than the night.”
Diamond Tiara looked back at Silver Spoon who shook her head. Reluctantly, and with some difficulty, Diamond Tiara closed the door and trotted back towards Lazy Eye in defeat.
“What a horrible coincidence indeed!” Lazy Eye laughed in the creepiest way possible. “But there’s no need for little children like you to worry. Though this place rots from the inside, the concrete exterior can withstand small explosions and the like. Whatever terror awaits on the outside can’t harm you here, nor can any storm.”
Yeah, but what terror awaited them on the inside?
Probably just some guy with a knife. Whatever warranted that alert had to be far more dangerous.
“Great.” Diamond Tiara looked out in the crowd of ponies in the lobby. It slowly became less crowded as their classmates and the few other guests went to their rooms for the night. “I guess we have to ask ourselves who here is most likely to be the killer. Get a head start, you know?”
Silver Spoon looked over the room, taking the question into careful consideration.
“Fact one,” Silver Spoon started reciting, “you’re ten times more likely to be murdered by someone you know than a stranger. Fact two, the most common profession for child murderers is teacher. Fact three, while less likely to kill than a male individual, female murderers are more likely to target underage ponies.”
“So what you’re saying is…” Diamond Tiara turned a wary eye to her weary teacher.
“It can only be Ms. Cheerilee!” Silver Spoon pressed her glasses against her face with one hoof and pointed at their teacher with the other.
“Ms. Cheerily is the killer?!” Snaps gasped. “Whoa, dude! You solved that mystery before the murder even happened! Case closed!”
Cheerilee turned to them with a vexed look once again. Though when did she ever look at them with anything else?
“What have I told you three about solving non-existent crimes?” Cheerilee groaned.
“Don’t do it.” All three of them muttered in unison.
Ms. Cheerilee was satisfied enough to almost smile for one second in her life. Diamond Tiara certainly wasn’t satisfied. The members of the Mystery Squad still looked around the room for any potential threats.
“Hey, I know I ain’t the best at solving mysteries,” said Snails. “But maybe the killer is that guy?”
Lightning flashed as Snails pointed to the pony in question.
In the corner of the room sat a huge pegasus stallion who’d been looming there all along. He looked to be about as old as Lazy Eye, grey streaks in his blue hair suggesting he was in his 50’s, but he was in much better shape than any of the teens in the room.
The guy was ripped! Multiple scars from decades of battle too big for his charcoal fur to grow back over covered his body.
He had even more weapons than scars too. A spear and gun were slung over his back. A series of daggers hung along his flanks. On each of his four hooves, he wore a metal boot with attached claw blades. A deep crimson color covered each of those blades as though he’d recently killed a pony.
Diamond Tiara noticed him when they first came in but decided that was way too obvious.
“Isn’t that Deathblow?” Silver Spoon whispered to Diamond Tiara.
“Is it?” She whispered back. “I have no idea who that is.”
“He’s one of the S-rank ponies,” Silver Spoon whispered back.
“Yes. Yes.” Lazy Eye startled them with a clap. “How coincidental that a pony like him would be here on a night like this.”
And then he began to laugh. Diamond Tiara wished she was that easy to amuse.
“Hey, dude!” Snails called Deathblow out immediately. Silver Spoon tried to hush him, but he persisted. “You’re covered in blood! That means you killed a guy! Case closed!”
Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara crouched down low as the intimidating stallion opened his eyes and slowly turned to look at the three of them.
“Hm?” Deathblow pulled out a dagger, even bloodier than his claw blades. The two girls hid behind Snails. “This isn’t blood. I paint all my weapons to give the appearance that I’ve recently murdered a pony. It makes me more intimidating.”
Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara let out a sigh of relief.
“Well if this guy’s a rank S pony, then we have nothing to worry about, right?” Diamond Tiara asked Silver Spoon in a hushed voice. “He should be able to instantly defeat any axe-wielding psycho.”
“If you want my protection,” said Deathblow, “then my fee for one night would come out to 150,000 bits.”
“What?!” Diamond Tiara stepped out from behind Snails, the ridiculous price drawing out some unknown courage from her. “I could hire over a hundred ponies for that much.”
“Yes, and were I to throw off my cloak, all one hundred would be dead before it touched the ground,” said Deathblow. “But by all means, hire a hundred other ponies instead.”
“So what?” Silver Spoon came out from behind Snails next. “You seriously wouldn’t stop a murder if it was happening right in front of you?”
“It depends.” Deathblow looked up towards the ceiling. “I have no desire to fight the weak and will only do so for an excessive fee. However, if I face a worthy opponent during any mission I’m hired for, I charge nothing. I would only intervene if a threat worth facing emerges. And before you ask, I have no legal duty to protect you.”
Diamond Tiara thought through the implications of that, trying to come up with the best plan of action. Which was to say, she looked at Silver Spoon as her friend thought out the best strategy.
“So if the killer is tough, he’ll save us either way and if not, you’ve wasted your money,” Silver Spoon concluded.
Diamond Tiara nodded. She didn’t want to get price gouged, anyway! Paying too much for things was for poor ponies who couldn’t buy in bulk and demand a reasonable price!
“No way I’m paying that high a fee when I can just make Snails fight for free.” Diamond Tiara scoffed.
No longer afraid, Diamond Tiara noticed something she’d missed before. At the moment, he looked like he’d just gotten dust blown into his left eye. It burned a painfully pink color, tearing up to the point that a stream ran down his face.
“Hey, and what’s up with your eye?” Diamond Tiara pointed up at him. “You better not have pink eye! I’ll sue if you get any on me!”
“This is a psychic power I developed after being stabbed by Bloodstorm.” Deathblow closed his eyes. “My left eye burns when a worthy opponent approaches. Rarely does it get this irritated.”
“You get pink eye when danger is nearby?” Diamond Tiara cringed at the idea.
“That must be an annoying power,” said Silver Spoon. “Given your career involves being constantly surrounded by tough fighters.”
“There’s a reason I prefer to work alone,” Deathblow granted.
“And how worthy is this opponent, exactly?” Silver Spoon looked around the room, trying to find anypony who could possibly fit that description. “I’m unfamiliar with the eyeball irritation scale.”
“It is above the maximum threshold my eye can register. Thrice has my eye burned so intensely. Once when I met Starlight Glimmer. Once when I entered Crater Cemetery. Once when I fought against Bloodstorm.” Deathblow looked out the window and the pouring rain that assaulted it. “I wonder.”
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon glanced at one another. If somepony at that level showed up, they were likely to die tonight. At least Deathblow would fight the mystery pony for free, maybe buy them enough time to run away screaming.
“Just curious.” Diamond Tiara raised a hoof. “Should we be running for our lives? Or something?”
“Worthy and dangerous are not the same thing.” Deathblow pointed at the door just as it opened, bringing a heavy blast of wind with it. “Yes. I’m certain it’s them.”
Even with that assurance, the fillies backed up as the newcomers entered just to be on the safe side.
Out of the rain came a pair Diamond Tiara recognized instantly on two accounts. Firstly, the two of them had saved her life last year. Secondly, they’d been all over the news for a solid month.
Rainbow Dash and Silverstorm!
They were the first ponies to defeat a witch in a decade. More importantly, Diamond Tiara got off from school thanks to them, the place shutting down for the day to celebrate Trixie’s demise She decided to take back everything she’d said about them being lame before.
Dash shook herself dry after closing the door.
“Oh, hey!” Snails greeted them first. “It’s Pinkie Pie’s grandma! Rainbow Dash!”
“Pinkie is way older than me.” Dash rolled her eyes. “She’s three times my age.”
“Whoa. That’s deep,” said Snails. “You’re like a sage.”
Unsure of how to react to that, Dash just stared at him blankly.
“Omigosh! We love you two!” Silver Spoon ran up to gush at the two of them. Diamond Tiara quickly joined her.
“You guys got us the day off from school!” Diamond Tiara cheered. “You two are like heroes to all us kids!”
“Eh?” Dash looked back and forth between them, smiling despite herself. “So I save your life and I’m still lame, but I get you out of school and now I’m a hero?”
“We’re in high school,” said Silver Spoon. “We don’t have a good grasp of our mortality.”
“Can you sign my forehead?” Diamond Tiara pulled up her bangs.
“Me too! Me too!”
“Ehehe. Well I’m kinda busy.” Dash blushed but hardly hesitated for more than a second. “But what the heck!”
She took out a marker and drew a quick sketch of her lightning bolt cutie mark on both of their heads.
When she finished, the two of them turned to one another and squeed, briefly forgetting they were in a murder motel.
Silverstorm quietly hid behind Rainbow Dash the whole time. Everypony knew at this point that Rainbow Dash was the public face of their team while Silverstorm tended to shy away from the limelight.
That unicorn, Silverstorm, didn’t seem very photogenic from the one interview Diamond Tiara saw with her. She was so nervous the whole time, tripping over her words. It just went to show you that not everypony could be perfect at everything.
“I must commend you as well.” Deathblow bowed his head slightly to them. “The two of you have defeated a witch, a feat few have ever accomplished. Little wonder why my eye deems you worthy. Know that you have my highest respect.”
Deathblow bowed his head to Rainbow Dash.
“Hehehe!” Dash blushed even more heavily, trying to keep her wings from unfolding too much. “Well, you know! I don’t or anything, but I am getting a presidential medal of valor in two weeks. Heh! Did I mention that? The medal of valor?”
You’d think she’d have gotten used to the attention by now.
“As for you.” Deathblow didn’t look directly at Silverstorm. “I hope there’s no hard feelings about that time I helped murder your father.”
“Huh?” Silverstorm took a step back in surprise. “Oh! I never even met him. You can murder my father whenever you want. No big deal!”
“I too was born on the pirate coast.” He kept staring forward, avoiding Silverstorm’s eyes. “I know how difficult it is to adjust to this ‘civilization’. Even now the Equestrians seem so soft to me, complaining every time somepony stabs them with a knife or steals something from them.”
“Yeah! There were a lot of boats back there,” said Silverstorm. “I don’t like boats, so I left.”
She said the line!
Deathblow finally looked at her with his eyes narrowed.
“So, like if a hypothetical killer showed up,” Diamond Tiara broached the subject, scooting closer to Dash, “and started killing everypony one by one, you two would rescue us because you’re actual heroes. Unlike that guy!”
Diamond Tiara pointed to Deathblow. If he was offended, it wasn’t enough to change his expression.
“Huh?” Dash turned back to her. “Oh, yeah! You kids got nothing to worry about. I’ve taken care of everything, okay?”
Dash patted Diamond Tiara’s head and gave her a wink before heading to the front desk to check in.
“My, my. Yet another coincidence.” Lazy eye tapped his hooved together as Dash approached. “Two S-rank ponies appear on the same night? How exquisitely coincidental.”
“Oh, yeah. That reminds me.” Dash stood up against the counter. “Can we, uh, use your phone?”
“Hm. Let me see.” Lazy Eye lifted the phone without ever turning his eye away from Rainbow Dash. He held it against his ear for just a moment before dropping it on the ground. His smile never faltered, and his gaze stayed on Dash. “Oh my. It seems the phones have died! Perhaps because of this storm that just coincidentally started on this very night. Hm?”
“Oh yeah! What a terrible coincidence, huh?” Dash shrugged.
“Indeed!” Lazy Eye started to laugh.
Dash laughed back, but much more awkwardly.
Lazy Eye kept laughing longer than Dash was willing to humor. She gave up, shrugged at Silverstorm, and took the key. Lazy Eye only stopped laughing once the two of them left.
At least that got the guest roster out of the way.
Or so Diamond Tiara thought.
Only a second later, the door burst open yet again. Another blue pegasus entered the room, one Diamond Tiara knew she’d never seen before. The wind of the storm all but threw this pony into the hotel, sending her staggering inside. It took her some effort just to close the door against the wind’s protests.
The storm had reduced the umbrella she carried to mere wires and broken canvas attached to a stick. Now all she had left were her boots and a single saddle bag. The new pony frowned at her deceased umbrella before throwing it in the corner and marching towards the desk with a big smile on her face.
“Oh, hey! And with all these coincidences it shouldn’t be surprising that I, Sonata Dusk, just happen to show up right now!” Sonata moved up to the counter and leaned over it to smile at Lazy Eye. “I mean, what’s one more coincidence added to the pile?”
“Hm.” Lazy Eye smiled and tilted his head. “Actually, I don’t see how this one is coincidental.”
“What?!” Sonata turned to the few remaining ponies in the lobby in dismay. “No one here thinks me showing up is coincidental?”
Not a single pony humored her with so much as a ‘no’. Sonata’s ears slowly drooped, and her smile became a frown as she waited for acknowledgment that never came.
“Now I feel bad.” Sonata slumped her chin on the desk. “Hey. Can I get the room directly next to, uh, whoever just coincidentally happened to be the last pony to check in? You know, so I’ll feel less lonely.”
“My, my.” Lazy Eye laughed and tapped his hooves together. “Fortunately for you, the only thing I love more than an unsettling coincidence is a suspiciously specific request. Here’s the key to the room right next to Rainbow Dash’s.”
“Wonderful!” Sonata perked right back up. She grabbed the key, dropped off the money, and marched awkwardly towards her room.
Silver Spoon watched Sonata go to her room with the sort of suspicion she reserved only for clues that nopony else noticed.
“Was she listening to our conversation before coming inside?” Silver Spoon muttered to herself.
“Is she the killer?” Diamond Tiara moved closer to her friend.
“Not until she kills somepony.” Silver Spoon watched Sonata with narrow eyes as she vanished from sight up the stairs.
The feeling of a hoof on her back sent a jolt through Diamond Tiara. She and Silver Spoon both yelled and jumped forward. They spun around to see it was only their teacher.
“Will you three just go to your rooms already?” Cheerilee asked. “I can’t leave the lobby until you do, and I want to go to sleep at some point!”
It was true that all the other kids had long since gone to their room. The lobby had already become forebodingly empty. Soon only Lazy Eye and the storm would be all that remained in this place. Only a pony with a death wish would stick around until then.
A sense of urgency filled Diamond Tiara, like the gates of safety were closing and she didn’t have much longer to get away from here.
“By all means.” Lazy Eye got out from behind his desk. “Allow me to show these three delightfully inquisitive children to their rooms personally.”
Cheerilee consented and soon the three of them were following Lazy up the creaking stairway.
Somehow, the creaking got even worse once they were at the top of the stairs in the hall. Shreds of a carpet covered the floor in patches, each nailed down onto the ground. A few chips of paint left on the wall hinted at the idea that it used to be blue in some long-forgotten age.
Multiple rooms they passed on the way to their own were boarded up like this was a blood moon or something. Seeing the quality of the hotel, Diamond Tiara could only imagine how horrible the condemned rooms must have been.
The door to their room groaned as Lazy Eye pushed it open to reveal total darkness within. Turning on the lights made a cracking noise, as though the bulb exploded, but it still came on. A large insect in the corner of the room made a chittering sound in protest of the light but escaped into a hole before Diamond Tiara could see what it was.
A single bulb hung from a wire that went up into a dark hole in the ceiling. It gave off a harsh, sputtering hum as it flickered like a candle in the wind, threatening to burst and leave the room to darkness at any moment.
The bed was surprisingly reasonable, something you’d even consider sleeping on instead of the floor. That was, as long as you ignored the minor detail that an ax dug deep into the headboard just above the pillows.
“Why is there an axe?!” Diamond Tiara pointed to the axe.
“Oh, the axe is complimentary.” Lazy Eye bowed and slowly closed the door with a creak. “Enjoy.”
And of course, he laughed one last time as he left.
Diamond Tiara went to lock the door right away to find that a rusty chain was the only protection the room offered. She tested its strength only to rip it right off the wall with little effort.
“Oh, ‘going to public school will build character,’ he says!” Diamond Tiara mocked her father's voice. “I don’t need this much bucking character!”
“Hey, look on the bright side, my dude.” With some effort, Snails pulled the axe out of the headboard with his magic. He gave it a few swings. “If anything crazy happens at least you got this axe!”
“Yeah! About that!” Diamond Tiara pushed him towards the door. “You’re a boy. That makes you the most expendable. Stand outside the door with that axe and guard our room for the night!”
“Yep!” Silver Spoon cleaned her glasses. “Total boy job.”
“What?” Snails dug his feet in just before being pushed out into the hall. “Why do I gotta stand outside waiting to be murdered? You two are being sexist!”
“We let you hang out with all the rich, cool kids. You owe us,” said Diamond Tiara.
“She’s right.” Silver Spoon nodded in agreement and put her glasses back on. “Each of us has one critical advantage we bring to the team. Diamond Tiara is a billionaire. I’m a genius. You’re willing to do anything we tell you to no matter how stupid, dangerous or disgusting it is. Unless you secretly have laser vision, that’s the dynamic. That’s what you do.”
“Well, you got me there, dude.” Snails shrugged.
Diamond Tiara shoved him out the door then slammed it shut, leaving Snails to face the night alone.
Sonata hopped onto her bed in the exceptionally dingy hotel room she’d been given. The springs on the bed made a dying scream as she fell onto them. It was loud enough that she worried it would alert Dash to her presence. She had to remind herself that this much wouldn’t be suspicious.
So far, she’d learned little. Fluttershy clearly did not live with Rainbow Dash at the moment. Ponytown was a no-fly zone for ghosts. That city was like a non-stop dipper convention. If you went within a mile of that town, some psychic would be all up in your grill in five minutes or less.
Of course, that meant a specter couldn’t possibly live there. If Sonata, with her aura suppressed by her mistress’s chains, couldn’t get near that place then no way a specter could.
Even still, the more research she did, the more certain she became that Dash was still in contact with Fluttershy. She mentioned having a ghost friend on more than one occasion. That had to be her target!
Other than that, Sonata had nothing.
Sonata leaned up against the wall. This was the closest she got to Dash since beginning the hunt.
She stalked these two for weeks, waiting for them to get away from the horde of psychics that seemed to follow them around all the time. They literally moved right next door to Pinkie Pie herself, for crying out loud! What were the chances of that?!
But at last, they were wide open, right in the other room. She had confirmation that Pinkie Pie was far away and wouldn’t be able to warn them.
Sonata wondered what kind of juicy material she could eavesdrop on. The walls here were paper thin. Just putting her ear up to the wall, she could make out their voices a little. Thankfully, she didn’t have to let something silly like a wall get in her way.
She left her body behind and floated through the wall just a tiny bit, peeking out from the corner of the room for the briefest of seconds. That was just long enough to find the bed.
Now she left her body once more and floated to that patch of darkness underneath their room’s bed to listen in safety.
“In a place like this, we gotta assume somepony’s listening,” said Dash. “We should just not talk for a while.”
“Agreed.”
And then they stopped talking.
Sonata pulled back inside her body, grabbed her pillow, and screamed into it.
“Aria kidding me?!” Now they weren’t talking?!
Whatever! She might never get this close again! She couldn’t let it go to waste. Time for plan B.
These two were far beyond Sonata in terms of power. Attacking them would be suicide by pony. However, they did have one weakness. They were total suckers!
Sonata got up on her hooves and trotted out of her room. She went next door and knocked on Dash’s room.
There was no answer at first, but Sonata’s secret technique of knocking non-stop for two minutes straight always got results. Rainbow Dash cracked the door open.
“Look, unless somepony’s about to die we don’t have time for this. Sorry.” Dash started to close the door.
Sonata lunged forward, shoving her wing through the door.
“Wait!” Sonata struggled to keep the door from closing. She took out a business card from her bag. “I’m a reporter. Listening to your interviews, it’s clear there was a ghost you were friends with, huh?”
“Ugh! Maybe you don’t like it, but talking to a ghost isn’t against the law,” said Dash. “Trust me, everypony who cares already tried to ‘get’ me with that one. If I never took her inside a city or town, I’m clean. And I didn’t.”
“You don’t understand! I’m a ghost rights activist!” Sonata’s struggles to keep the door open got less difficult after that. All according to plan. “I work for The Sunny Side Gazette! We’re the most progressive newspaper there is.”
Dash finally paused to consider the offer.
Maybe she’d heard of The Sunny Side Gazette. It was a real newspaper that had been pushing for ghost rights for years. If Dash called them, they’d even back up Sonata’s story about being a reporter.
What she didn’t know was that The Sunny Side Gazette was a psyops organization indirectly controlled and funded by Crater Cemetery. Her mistress ran two newspapers, each set at far opposite ends of the political spectrum, specifically designed to spread disharmony through Equestria.
This was the perfect way to gain more information about Fluttershy!
“I agree with you one hundred percent that ghosts shouldn’t be banished by default,” said Sonata. “I believe one of the reasons public support for the idea is so low is because nopony has any positive examples of ghosts. You only hear about them in the news when they kill somepony and they’re always the bad guys in movies. I can help make your friend be one of the few good ghosts in the public conscious and move the needle forward.”
And now she was thinking about it! What a sucker!
Predeads and ghosts hated each other. This had to be the first peace offering Dash had gotten from the predead side of things. There was no way such a naïve optimist would let something like this slip through her wings.
“Please just introduce me to her?” Sonata pleaded. “I want to interview whatever ghost friend you have. I bet she’s super nice if she’s friends with you.”
“I dunno.” Dash tugged at the back of her mane. “Maybe? I can’t talk now. If I take your card, will you go away?”
“Yes!” Sonata held out her fake card with a number Dash could reach her through.
Dash took the card and managed to close the door this time.
Sonata was in!
Finally, things were looking up! Obviously, she’d still have to find a way to make sure Pinkie Pie didn’t get a chance to screen her before the interview, but she could pull this off!
The logical part of her brain did see this as a little messed up. Rainbow Dash was one of the few Equestrians who wanted to build bridges with ghosts instead of burning them. It’d kinda make more sense to work with Dash instead of against her.
But thankfully her heart was there to tell her that betraying Dash would be the coolest thing ever! Predeads sucked so much and, under her mistress’s influence, she smiled wide at the thought of getting to trick one like this.
Always listen to your heart, just like that song went.
For now, her mission was complete. The details were tomorrow’s problem.
Sonata wished she could leave right now, but the rain just kept getting louder. The sound penetrated even the concrete shell of the hotel now.
The real problem with these dolls was that if they got wet it was a pain to dry them out! She’d have to replace all the stuffing after going for a walk through this weather.
So she’d have to wait for the rain to stop before leaving.
In the meantime, her brain started itching again! Being surrounded by so many predeads made it feel like that pink insulation stuff they put in walls filled her head. It was unbearable to be in one of their towns like this for so long!
If Sonata ate any body heat now, she’d blow her cover. The next best option was to simply gorge herself on other heat sources to get the cravings down.
She needed to find something hot to eat!
She sniffed twice. The scent of hot metal and steam tipped her off to the location of the boiler room. Steam by itself tasted fine, but not when you couldn’t get it away from all that hot, stuffy metal. It didn’t tempt her in the least. Besides, it would cool down the entire building if she froze the boilers.
Another sniff revealed the location of a kitchen, still open even this late. She could sense the presence of heavily fried food. Boiling grease– that was delicious! Warm food didn’t satisfy on the same level as body heat, but she couldn’t hope for more in this place.
Sonata hummed and skipped down towards the dining area.
As Snails entered his third hour of guard duty, a realization dawned on him.
“This is boring, dude!” he called out to nopony in particular.
You had to pay a price to hang out with the popular kids, he knew, but it felt increasingly like a waste of his time. There had to be something better he could be doing. Frankly, he had no confidence in his ability to fight off a mysterious murderer.
For all he knew, it could be an unstoppable psycho zombie or something. They made the class watch one of those PSAs about not having teen sex just before coming here.
“I need to do something more useful to earn my place in the mystery squad,” he declared. “I need to search for clues!”
Snails got up, took his notebook out from his saddlebag, and started his investigation.
It the murder already happened, he’d know what to look for. Barring that, he’d just have to write everything down in hopes some of it would be useful to Silver Spoon later!
Levitating the axe on his left and the notebook on his right, Snails made his way down to the lobby.
The storm raged even louder than before. The noise came in waves, each gust of wind battering the side of the building with rain.
Lazy Eye was nowhere to be seen. Deathblow alone remained, still sitting in the same spot, nearly in the same pose even. He kept his eyes trained on the door leading outside like he expected somepony to show up.
Did his date stand him up? Snails felt bad for the poor dude.
“Whoa! You still down here at midnight, dude?” Snails asked him.
“There’s no law saying I need to sleep or even enter my room, is there?” he didn’t take his eyes off the door.
“You got me there, dude!” Snails wrote it in his book. “But that goes down as a clue!”
He looked around the lobby, not finding anything clue worthy. Besides the stairs he just came down and the front door, there was one more exit to the left. Snails didn’t know where it led, but he smelt something good in that direction.
He went through the mystery door to be greeted by a hot, stuffy room. Snails was already sweating!
He looked around to see a series of stoves, each with a vat of boiling grease. The room also had a small dining area off to the side. This must be where the room service and continental breakfast came from.
That Sonata pony sat in the dining area, watching the fry cook, mouth open wide as she practically drooled with starvation.
“Yeah! Just fry the crap out of it!” Sonata cheered him on. “I want you to fry it till it’s barely anything but boiling grease!”
“You got it!” The chef dunked whatever Sonata ordered back into the fat.
Shortly after Snails entered the room, the storm ended, leaving only the sound of boiling grease. Sonata looked up, ears twitching, curious at the sudden end of the rain.
“Looks like we’re in the eye of the storm,” the stout pony near the boiling grease leaned over his counter towards Snails. “What can I get ya?”
“Hey, dude! Just looking for clues.” Snails wrote down that they were in the eye of the storm. “What do you have in this place?”
“Name’s Grease Trap.” He pointed his spatula at himself. “If it exists, I can fry it! Fried pancakes for breakfast tomorrow.”
“I like your spirit, mister.” Snails wrote down Grease Trap’s can-do attitude and Sonata’s presence in his notebook. He looked up at the menu pinned on the wall before coming to a decision. “I’ll take some fried popcorn.”
“Sure thing, little buddy! It’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.” Grease Trap poured the kernels into a vat of oil.
“Fried popcorn takes fifteen minutes to make.” Snails repeated as he wrote down the next clue. “Gonna see how many more clues I can find. Later!”
Snails walked into the hall leading away from the lobby. To his left was a room filled with rusted, broken exercise equipment. To his right was a pool room drained of water, leaving behind lonely cement. The signs on either door said the facilities were closed for ‘indefinite maintenance’.
He reached the far end of the hall to find a window. In the eye of the storm, the air on the other side was calm.
He noticed something strange as he got close. A puddle of water covered the area just below the window! That could only mean one thing.
“Somepony spilled their drink over here!” Snails wrote down the clue.
A door to his right and the stairs leading down just after them were all that remained to explore now.
Snails crept down the staircase, feeling heat washing over him once again. Instead of grease, there was steam down here. This was a boiler room, filled with pipes and tanks that shook and leaked steam at every joint, making the place feel more like a sauna.
Snails ducked down and held still when he saw somepony else on the far side of the room.
Rainbow Dash and Silverstorm stood in front of a large hole in the wall. They stepped through and the wall closed behind them.
Snail’s dropped his notebook when he saw that.
This was it! The biggest clue of his life!
“A secret passage!” He yelled.
He grabbed his notebook and ran back through each of the rooms as fast as he could. He rushed through the kitchen and lobby, then up the stairs, paying no attention to the ponies he passed.
When he got to Silver Spoon’s room, he started banging on it as hard and as fast as he could.
The door cracked open just slightly, then a little more when Diamond Tiara saw him.
“Did anypony get murdered yet?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“No, but get this!” Snails pointed down the hall. “I found the secret passage, dude!”
At that moment, the storm started up again. The lightning flashed and thunder rolled through the building. The wind and rain picked up until once more their sounds filled the room.
“And?” Silver Spoon asked.
Snails felt like the universe broke a little just then. All he could do was stand in stunned silence at what had to be the most incorrect response to this information possible.
“What do you mean ‘and’?!” Snails jabbed down the hall once more, as hard as he could. “It’s the secret passage! We have to investigate that.”
“Owning a secret passage isn’t a crime,” said Silver Spoon.
“But we’re gonna check it out, right?”
“Oh yeah!” Diamond Tiara feigned interest. “Let’s go down the secret passage in the literal murder motel! How about no?”
“If you wanna go get killed that’s your prerogative,” said Silver Spoon. “But unless you find out the secret passage leads to our room, neither of us cares.”
Then they closed the door.
“You say something about perogies?” Snails asked the closed door.
No response.
“Ah shucks! I was so excited too.” Snails shook his head in defeat. One day he’d make a contribution to the art of mystery solving! But for now, the mention of perogies made him remember something important. “At least I can still get that fried popcorn. Maybe it’s been fifteen minutes.”
He started back towards the stairs but paused when Sonata Dusk came marching up the stairs at a brisk pace.
She looked ahead with a glassy-eyed expression as she hummed a happy tune. She wasn’t smiling, though. Snails noticed her ponytail got messed up, hung low and damp. He bet she’d accidentally spilled her drink on herself!
Sonata turned in the other direction and went back to her room without noticing Snails. With a shrug, he went back downstairs and into the kitchen.
“How’s the popcorn coming, dude?” Snails asked as he pushed the door open.
His smile faded a second later at what he saw.
“Holy crow, dude!” Snails screamed.
Grease Trap, the fry cook, lay face down on his stomach, his legs splayed out. A large knife stuck out of his neck, buried halfway. Small amounts of blood covered the pony and the floor beneath him.
As the scene of the murder registered in Snails’ mind, the popcorn began to pop out of control, spraying the room.