“Local Ponyville News is brought to you by Carrot Farms. Go get yourself some Carrot Bread, the hottest product on the market. Come to our stores located in Ponyville and taste the best thing in Equestria.”
“Hello everypony, this is Time Turner, reporting the Ponyville local news today at 12:00. Unfortunately, DJ-Pon3 is still on a long hiatus since last week, so I’m here to serve as a sort of replacement for her. That is, until she comes back. So without further delay, here are the news.
“...Actually, we have an urgent message from our local police that we must play first. Here it is.”
“The filly Scootaloo still has not been found. Please look for her. She must be returned to her family. It is imperative. If you find this filly, report to Ponyville police immediately. If you withhold any information regarding this filly and her location, there will be serious consequences. It’s important to make sure she does not leave this town. Find this filly. It is of the upmost importance. Thank you for your compliance.”
“Ponyville is already beginning to recover from the devastating fire that mysteriously took place during the Summer Sun Celebration. The homeless ponies have already begun to return to their previously inhabitable neighborhoods outside the Everfree Forest. However, some ponies are skeptical.
“That isn’t out home anymore. I can still smell the smoke and fire there, and it’s no good. We had a good run here, but I think it’s time to move on. I’m going to go somewhere else I think. Somewhere safer. Somewhere better.
“That’s audio from a young stallion outside of the revived neighborhoods. He represents the worry some of the homeless have and the belief the fire was the final warning before another move someplace else. However, some ponies are just happy to be back in a familiar home.
“It’s great to be back here. My lil sis, she ain’t good with other ponies. She was doing great here, and I’ve never seen her so happy since we first moved here. She’s been doing great with the wildlife out here, and she’s really been helping bring them back out. As for me, I can’t complain. It’s just me and my sis, y’know? This is the best place for us to live. No fire is going to get rid of our family.”
“Now here is a quick message from our sponsor.”
“Hello everypony! My name is Carrot Top, and I’m just a simple carrot farmer in Ponyville. All of our products are handmade, and are filled with our special ingredient: love! Try our new Carrot Bread for a snack, or buy our naturally grown, delicious carrots that will get the whole family smiling at dinner! So come to our local stores and taste the best thing in Equestria.”
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“Do you even know how stressful this has been? I’ve been reporting and dee-jaying. I can do the transitions, but this? What am I supposed to do? For three minutes? That’s too long! Why do I have to-
“-what!? ...are you serious? You have to be… shit. Okay, sorry about that Ponyville! I’ll continue reporting the news now.
“The Golden Oaks Library has finally been repaired! ...oh, sorry. Only the first floor has been completed. So now Twilight Sparkle, our Town Inspector, will be moving in. She’s already talked to the mayor about this, and she’s agreed to live there for the rest of her stay as long as she would take over as Librarian since our old librarian did… well, what he did. So go on down to the library if you’d like to check out a book.
“Our final story is about S.M.I.L.E. Many Ponyvillians are confused and even angry about the S.M.I.L.E agents that have recently taken shop in our fair town. We here at Ponyville Local Radio understand the anger. S.M.I.L.E doesn’t exactly have the best reputation in Equestria, but they are just here to help. They are part of the government, and the government always looks out for us. So even if you don’t exactly agree with their practices, or don’t believe there’s even any reason why they should be here in the first place, just please try to calm down. It’s only for a few weeks, so try not to anger them in that timespan. It’s for the good of everypony. Please.
“...alright, well I’m spent. Does anyone else find it hot in here? Anyways, just don’t bother S.M.I.L.E and don’t give them a reason to stay here any longer than they need to. So that’s it for today Ponyville. Have a great day, and listen to some more music. This is ‘All These Goodbyes’ by Harmonica. Enjoy, and long live Equestria.”
As the waves roll into the beach shore
I look into your eyes
And I say I’m so sick and tired of
All these no good goodbyes
I'm staying here with you forever
From dusk to dawn
You can trust me when I say, baby
I don’t mean to do you no harm (No more)