Grapes lit the oil lamp at her kitchen table before sitting down with pen and paper. Twilight was upstairs tucked into her bed, in a fitful sleep. Magical stress from overtaxing yourself usually included some horrific nightmares, something Grapes herself remembered from when she was trying to work out her own magical talents. She only used the one lamp because, one: It saved on oil, and two: She didn't want to risk waking up Twilight unless she had to. Poor mare had nearly turned her horn into a burnt-out matchstick with her caffeinated antics. Taking a deep breath, Grapes centered herself. She needed to focus when writing, after all she did it as earth ponies did. By Lip-service. Well she could both lip-write, and horn write. Just depended upon how much 'heavy lifting' she had been doing with her limited magic any given day. She checked her reserves, and figured she could go with hornwriting for a bit, the much neater option to be sure.
Now how to open this letter? 'Dear' could be too familiar, but she didn't want to go too formal, unless it was for humorous purposes. So "Most Radiant, and Glorious Monarch of the Sun, Princess Celestia" was right out. "To the Mare that is so tough that she can bench-press giant balls of fire"? Grapes giggled, and mentally edited "Mare" to "Princess". Perhaps a little much, but Celestia did say that it was nice to hear from someone who was obviously NOT sucking up to her for a favor. She giggled and took a sip of her glass of Summer Sunrise Wine and continued.
"I thought I should bring you up-to-date on the activities of everypony's favorite under-sung national heroes, and their danger-prone little hometown of Ponyville. We have had a VERY interesting day."
Interesting being an understatement. No doubt her Royal Vizier, Guarity, was still shuffling through facts in an attempt to work out what happened down here today. Where to begin... well first person experiences usually are best done in chronological order. Her mind flickered back to when the FIRST Sonic rainboom knocked her clean on her flank.
"I was taking some time off to do a little light reading, when I heard a loud 'BOOM' cut through the air, knocking me on my flank. It was more than a little startling, especially when I was expecting a relatively quiet afternoon. Running of the Leaves was LAST week, along with that ridiculous Iron Pony competition, so I figured we were due for some quiet. I guess I was wrong.
Anyway, I look up, and see Rainbow Dash flying through the air at top speed. She then executed a sonic rainboom. Then another, and another."
She took a moment to close her eyes and remember how amazing all of those rings looked going off, slamming into one another and... blending like a child's watercolors. She wished she were more artistic so she could draw or paint a picture to commemorate the event.
"It looked amazing. There are absolutely no words, even in my vast vocabulary to describe the shimmering rings of rainbow colors blending together like ripples in a pond. But I was wondering how she was able to do sequential rainbooms. The stresses upon her body had to be terrific.
I ended up in a conversation with my cousin, Applejack, and she seemed sure that Rainbow Dash was practicing, and would be all right. I wasn't so sure about that, but what happened next sort of shocked the concern for Dash from my head, and replaced it with concern for Applejack. She was hauling what looked like over two-hundred pounds of apples in the Apple Family's large wagon."
The ludicrous details of the day came back to her much faster now that she had the quiet time to think about them. So far it seemed that nopony else in town had been hurt during the events but many were fairly shaken.
"I tried to follow Applejack, but even with half a ton of apples and a wagon, she still outdistanced me. Either I was really out-of-shape, or something else was going on. I decided that I should see Twilight Sparkle, because it would be good to get somepony else's insight into these events, when I was startled by a group of stallions running by in a panic... Followed by a very assertive Fluttershy. Apparently she was herding the stallions to be cared for... I am still not sure why, to be honest."
The truth was she did have a FEW tangible theories, but she really didn't want to embarrass Fluttershy by being the one to start spreading them. There was a time to be honest, then a time to be honest up to a point. They were, at this point, more hypotheses than anything. She had no proof, or anything other than her on conjecture to support them. But Princess Celestia did not need to know Grapes' speculative ponderings.
"It was then I was greeted by the distorted voice of Twilight Sparkle. I was, almost, afraid to look, and when I did, I quickly found my fears justified. There she was, surrounded by a magical nimbus, looking twitchy, and (to be absolutely honest) overloaded on arcane energy. I asked her how she was. And she told me that she'd been introduced to a new way of looking at things. The magical harmonics of everything was laid out like an open book. She could, she asserted, see the universe.
Our dear Twilight won't be living that down any time soon.
I hastily came up with a plan to get her, and the rest of the Element Bearers to the vineyard, to keep an eye on them."
In retrospect maybe she should have tied a string to Twilight, like Moondust did. It was a rather simple yet ingenious solution to having her drift off... in more ways than the figurative. Still... personal levitation was perhaps one of the least bizarre things she saw that day.
"I was able to persuade Twilight to make her way to the vineyard, when Rarity showed up. Have you ever had a fashion designer spontaneously use an awning to make you a new outfit? It's... slightly frightening. Mind you the outfit looked rather smart on me, but it took me awhile to get it off, because Rarity forgot to include little things like fasteners on the blasted thing. Strangely she seemed to be inspired by our going about without clothes, for some reason...
Anyway, she went off to play dress-up with other ponies, and I continued on my way to find Applejack. Instead I found a pile of apples. I helped rescue Apple Bloom from the appleanche, and discovered that Applejack had already gone back to Sweet Apple Acres. I decided to head back to the Vineyard to check on Twilight, and get Stormy to rescue Rainbow Dash from becoming one with the landscape when I noticed Pinkie Pie sitting quietly, drinking tea at a local Cafe."
That in itself STILL gave Grapes the willies. It was the complete lack of motion in the hyperkinetic pony that was truly disturbing. She had a feeling her own dreams were going to be VERY interesting tonight. Probably involving mad tea parties where the pink hostess was still as a statue.
"It was disconcerting to say the least. I had never seen Pinkie Pie that still. Ever. That was when I was given an explanation as to what had happened. Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack accompanied Twilight to the local Clinic to get their flu shots. And they all had one cup of the complementary tea. Just one problem. The tea wasn't so complementary. It was a sample of a tea that Redline came up with to give himself extra energy. A blend of the four most caffeinated teas in existence."
A giggle rose up her throat as she imagined Princess Celestia if she were to drink such a tea. She was, after all, a notorious tea-aficionado and might risk trying some. She had a mental image of the sun rising and setting so fast it would be like a big yellow streak of light in the sky. She just had to trust that she wouldn't be so foalish as to try the caffeinated horror that was Redline Tea.
"The sample was intended to see just HOW strong Redline liked his tea... And he ended up getting a lesson in what would happen if the uninitiated had gotten their hooves on the stuff. After all, I did tell him that he was courting a heart-attack, when I discovered his blend, a while back. He has a younger sister, and he needs to be there for her.
Thankfully I caught Fluttershy en route to add Big Mac to her herd. And managed to marshal the troops to save Rainbow Dash from becoming Rainbow Crash, roundup Rarity, and persuade Applejack and Pinkie Pie to join their friends at the Vineyard. Twilight, of course, was already there, being kept from floating away by Moondust and a bit of cleverly applied yarn."
She paused a moment to make a mental note to untie that yarn from Twilight tomorrow. It was just leaving it on her and tying the other end to the bedpost gave Grapes a sensation of comfort. She knew it was silly but she was worried Twilight might have a relapse and drift out the window.
"Well that's about it. Doctor Crabapple noted that they were all exhausted, and will probably be sore. Naturally they will need rest and liquids. Twilight, as you can probably guess, is suffering from Extreme Magical Exhaustion. I have her tucked up in my guest room, and will keep her here, until she recovers. She's a good pony, and as her friend, I'll help her get better. Just wish somepony else was in charge of that clinic. The doctor, quite frankly, was utterly careless."
She did the mental arithmetic in her head about the size of an average teacup and the volume of the average Teapot, coming to the conclusion that six Ponies would have just about finished a full pot off. So hopefully there weren't any other ponies out there who were forced to go on a Caffeinated bender. Although it might have been interesting to see how each pony she knew would have reacted to the sudden burst of uncontrollable energy.
"All in all the damage was fairly minimal, and every pony involved will have recovered in the next week or two. However the doctor at the clinic should be replaced with somepony more competent. May I suggest Doctor Crabapple? Sure he'll be grouchy about it, but in the end, he'll be helping more ponies, and saving others from another caffeinated calamity. Well that's what's been happening here. I hope this missive finds you in good health.
Your Reasonably Faithful Subject,
Sour Grapes."
The next morning after Sour Grapes wrote her missive, she put it into an envelope, and made ready to go out, and fetch Spike and Twilight's owl... whatever its name was. She put the letter into her saddle bag, did a quick check on Twilight, to make sure that she wasn't going anywhere, and to untie that yarn, of course. She decided to pick up Spike, first, so she'd have someone to talk to, in the line at the Post Office, since she needed to get stamps.
"Heya Miss Grapes." Earshot said, squeezing out from under her front porch. "Where you off to?"
"Just going into town... Er... what were you doing under there?" Grapes asked, curiously.
"Clearing out a nest of mice that were trying to move in. They kinda got the idea after I stared at them for a minute and slunk off... then I had breakfast and found some neat stuff like a jar full of bottlecaps."
"A jar full of bottlecaps?" Grapes asked, raising an eyebrow. "I wonder who put it there? Anyway, keep an ear on Twilight, okay? No solids. And get Stormy to fix some soup for her if I'm not back by lunch."
"Okie dokie." He held up the jar and gave it a shake. "Can I keep them? They're neat."
"I don't see why not. They're some young colt's lost treasure, I'm sure. They probably grew up and forgot about them," Grapes said, as she trotted down the front steps. "I'm sure it'll be nice for them to be somepony else's treasure for a while."
"I'll be back, soon, Earshot. Just going to pick up Spike, and Twilight's pet owl. Don't think they should be left alone at the library," Grapes said, as she headed to town. She wasn't sure what Earshot would DO with all the bottlecaps but he seemed interested by them and maybe that would be enough. And she deliberately kept the notion of what Earshot could possibly find for 'breakfast' under her porch's floor joists, out of her head. She passed Sweet Apple Acres and saw AJ draped over Big Mac's back. Her legs were well bandaged but she had a firm look of determination as he carried her about.
"Heya Cousin... Get me closer, Big Mac. What you all up and about for?"
"I need to go and pick up Spike and that owl. Can't remember it's name, though. Then pick up some stamps and mail a letter."
"Yeah... I have trouble remembering her Night-assistant too. Funny name.... Owl... Owlicious?" Applejack mused.
"That sounds like a griffon snack... Close though... Maybe Owlawishes?" suggested Grapes.
"Sounds better. Doc told me Ah had to take it easy but ah gotta see what ah messed up yesterday when Ah was all whacked-out on wowie-tea." her voice dropped aleve as she grumbled "Cain't believe some durn maniac drinks that stuff regularly."
"He's supposed to be being weaned off it," Grapes observed. "And off hoof, I'd say the big wagon, and possibly the stall. That's about it. Unless you bucked some trees to oblivion."
"That's what ah'm worried about. Big Macintosh here says that other than the silos being full t'burstin' from a season's wrap-up bein' done in one day ah have not a lot to worry about. But Ah'll believe that with my own eyes. Giddyup bro. Let's get to lookin' over them orchards,” Applejack said with typical determination.
“Eyup,” Macintosh said with his usual eloquence.
"You ARE supposed to be resting, you stubborn mule of a pony... no offence to mules, of course," Grapes uttered, with an aside remembering that there other species aside ponies living in the ever inaccurately named town of Ponyville.
"None Taken," said the local Mule, who was taking a cartload of flowers to the local florist.
"Love really IS stranger... ANYway you're supposed to be resting. And that would include letting somepony ELSE worry about the damage you did to the orchard. YOU'VE got to recover from the damage you did to yourself," Grapes admonished her dear cousin. "Don't make me sic Crabby on you."
"NO!" Applejack cried before calming down. "Ah mean, Ah'm just doing a look-see. Nothin' serious. Not like ah can do much else until the strained muscles in mah legs stop hurtin' nohow. It's just hard to get sleep when you start gettin' cramps in yer legs at random times."
"All right. I can understand that... I'm just going to get Spike to help keep an eye on that silly purple mare. All that talk about pacing herself, and what does she go and do?" Grapes griped with a roll of her eyes.
"If she was feelin' the way I did then she probably had no choice in the matter," Applejack observed.
"Maybe. She could have tried running it off, too... Oh well. I've got a dragon, and owl to pick up. You take it easy, or you know what I'll do."
"All right! All right! Don't tell Crabapple ah'm skirtin' his rules. Ah'll head back to the house right after ah get a look at things.... heck, Applebloom probably will have the' bathtub full of ice by then."
"Good to hear. Maybe I should check up on the others. If they're anything like you, their families have their hooves full," Grapes uttered, as she trotted into Ponyville proper. Ponyville seemed to be rather resilient, having weathered this latest micro-crisis in fine form. Sure there was a lack of Fabric awnings about but there were a number of ponies showing off their new 'outfits' and laughing at the memory of Rarity's efforts. Sugarcube Corner seemed to be in good shape, and Pinkie Pie was actually outside in a wheelchair, sucking down a large strawberry milkshake and happily surrounded by balloons and get-well bouquets.
She waved to Grapes and grinned "Hieeeee!"
"Hey, Pinkie. How ya doin'?" Grapes said detouring toward Sugarcube Corner.
"Oh I'm good for the most part. I kinda feel like that feeling you get when you whack your crazybone good and you tingle in a way that smarts, but instead it's like a full-body crazy-bone whacking. The Cakes were nice enough to let me sit out here while I recover. They even found an old Wheelchair I could use in the back shed. Turns out I'm pretty good with one of these things. Wanna see me do a wheelie?"
"Ah... no. You ARE supposed to be resting. Not doing wheelies," Grapes said. "And I'm supposed to be picking up Spike and Owlawishes to help keep Twilight company."
"Ooh.. Let me come with you." she said pushing the chair from in front of the shop, the Balloons tied to the back bobbing happily... and a peculiar purple one 'peeked out' from the mass.
Grapes looked up at the purple balloon, and smirked. "Man, Twilight's NOT going to be living that down any time soon."
"You like it?" Pinkie said nudging the strings with her nose to reveal the comical Twilight-ish balloon that bobbed there on the end of a red length of yarn. "Moondust gave it to me. Said I probably needed it more than she did... like a Get-well party in one balloon. I think I remember something like this from yesterday... but I didn't find it funny then. Hmf."
Grapes laughed merrily. "I should ask Redline to make another one, and send it to Princess Celestia."
Pinkie's face nearly split in half from the grin "OOOOOOH! Do it! Do it! Do it! Princess Celestia must have all kinds of bad surprises in her life, this would be a GOOD one!"
"I should totally get one for Twilight, too. That'll learn Little Miss 'I can see the universe' not to drink strange beverages in a doctor's office," Grapes chuckled.
Pinkie coverd her mouth with her forehooves while she wriggled her hindlegs in giggling glee. "Yesyesyesyesyesyes! Oh that would be such a funny prank. An no pony gets hurt too."
"All right. I'll do both. It MIGHT cheer up Princess Celestia to get the balloon, after receiving my letter... And it just might cheer up Twilight," Grapes said, giggling, as she headed to the Library. "Get well, Pinkie."
"Oh.. ok. I'm going to wheel over to Rarity's place. I hear she's strained her horn a little. Not like twilight but she's got the curtains closed and is taking the day off."
"Has she gotten the bill for the awnings, yet?" Grapes asked.
"Not yet. But I did hear her mumble something about a new line of Designer Awnings."
Grapes giggled. "Maybe that'll make up for her using the awnings of others as material. True the outfits are going to be pretty durable, but she forgot to sew buttons on mine... Okay. Pick up Spike, and the Owl, and go to the post office. Priorities, Grapes..."
"Byeee!"
"Bye, Pinkie. Say hi to the Fashion Crusader for me."
"I will!" Pinkie rolled the chair off in the other direction, the small cloud of balloons following in her wake. Grapes trotted over to the Library, glad to know that Pinkie Pie, and Rarity was doing well. Applejack was doing as well as she could. But then Applejack will be Applejack.
Knocking on the door, it creaked open revealing the familiar Purple/green form of Spike who seemed slightly disappointed. "Oh. Hey Sour Grapes."
"Hey, Spike. Came by to pick you, and Owlawishes up. Twilight's staying at my place, 'cause she ended up with a bad case of Extreme Magical Exhaustion."
"OH! So that's why she didn't come home yesterday. Usually she tells me if she's headed out somewhere... or leaves a note,” Spike replied, looking a bit relieved.
"She wasn't herself, yesterday, after she went to the doctor's office," Grapes explained.
"So she's got Magical Exhaustion? Let me check the big list a moment." He opened a drawer and pulling out a long list, let it unroll as he skimmed it. "Ahah! I knew she had a plan for this. Ok... Kit number 27. Right."
"What?"
The young dragon put the scroll back into the drawer and went to a closet near the door and opened it up, revealing it was pigeon-holed and full of modest-sized satchels with little tags hanging from them. He stood on a stool and read them off. "Oh Twilight is pretty prepared for a lot of different events. In case she has to run out the door at a moment's notice she can just grab and go. Twenty-seven... twenty seven.... Let's see... Kit Fourteen: Sudden Meteor Shower observation kit... Kit Thirty One: Celestia summoned you to the castle for an important spell... Kit Twenty Five: Rainbow Dash has fallen down the well... AHA! Kit Number Twenty-Seven: In case of Severe Magical Exhaustion and staying at a friend's house during recovery. See attached note."
"I've heard of crazy-prepared, but that's just silly. Oh, we're stopping by the post office, too. I need some stamps so I can send this letter to Princess Celestia," Grapes said pulling out her envelope.
"Sure,” the dragon said reading the attached note as he listened. "You want me to save you the trip?"
"I'll still need stamps for other letters," Grapes said. "But you want to send the letter directly? It's just a rundown of what happened yesterday."
Pulling the Kit out he set it by the door and started upstairs. "Be right back, I gotta get something... by the way what DID happen yesterday?"
"I'll start the explanation when you get back, Spike."
Spike came back after a minute with a large and obviously home-made quilt, a well-used pillow and, she could have sworn there was an old stuffed doll of some sort peeking out between the folds of the quilt. "Her kit told me to grab some comfort items like her favorite pillow and her Flu-Quilt."
"'Flu-Quilt'?" Grapes asked, using her levitation field to fold said quilt and drape it over her back. "I'm just one pony. How are we going to get this stuff to the Vineyard?"
"Hey I might not be big but I can pull my own weight you know," Spike said sounding a little insulted. "There's a reason Twilight keeps me around as her assistant..."
"I'm sure, but I didn't want to overtax you. You're going to be a guest, and sort of helping me keep an eye on little miss 'I can see the universe'," Grapes explained.
"Well... ok. I do have a little red wagon we can use," the young dragon said, gesturing to a nearby closet.
"Alright. Looks like we're not going to the post office, after all... Now where's the flying feather duster?"
"Oh. Him... He's in his nook taking a nap. He takes care of Twi's night stuff. I'll leave him a note where we are and to join us after dark."
"Right," Spike said as he grabbed a quill and paper and sat down to write. He was rather quick, and she had to admire his tidy style of writing. He finished up, then folded up the paper, wrote the owl's name on it and put it on the podium. After a moment of thought he then put a large paperweight on it. "Last thing we need is some kind of plot twist where it blows under a sofa or something."
"Plot twist?" Grapes asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Sorry... Twilight had me reading this book on story structure and how many stories follow similar rules. Like how the plot of a story can turn just because of a lost object."
"... Well yeah, our lives do seem to follow story structure, don’t they?" Grapes observed, with a laugh.
"Yeah. Ponyville's weirdness sounds a lot like someone's trying to keep readers from getting bored or something." Spike paused and looked at Grapes then laughed. "Yeah right! Who here could possibly be interesting enough to be the protagonist? There are just too many ponies for that to happen."
"Yeah, you're right. Heh. It wouldn't be me, that's for sure," Grapes chuckled. "Well we'd best be off. I can get stamps another time. Here. Go ahead and send this."
"Watch and be amazed!" Spike announced, taking the letter with a flourish and exhaling flame upon it, sending it forth into the aether. "That was just in case I'M the main character."
"Yeah, but if you’re the main character, you don't seem to get much narration time, now do you?" Grapes quipped. Spike gave Grapes this look and retrieved his wagon, putting the kit, and it’s accoutrements into it. The unusual duo left the library, heading for Grapevine Hills, while Grapes told the story of how a sextet of over-caffeinated ponies could make a day excessively interesting.