Picard walked onto the bridge. “Status report!”
“We’re coming up on the source of the distress signal now, sir,” Riker reported. “Just have to navigate around a bunch of giant honeycomb walls.”
“Am I correct in assuming you’re using those words literally?”
Riker gestured at the screen, currently displaying a large wall made entirely out of honeycombs, most of which were dripping with honey. The structure was accentuated by a large number of giant bees fluttering around. Even though they were in space, this area had an atmosphere, so it appeared with blue skies to their visual sensors.
Tails took the Enterprise around one of the walls, only to find another one in the way. Banking to the side, he went under the bottom edge and pulled up, coming to the source of the distress call.
It was a ship, all right, clearly intended to be spherical but covered in so many dents and scratches that it hardly appeared as such anymore. An “X” symbol with two circles at the center was the only identifying mark on the ship.
Picard didn’t even bother to ask if it matched anything in their records—this was another universe, of course they wouldn’t have any information on it. “Scan for life signs.”
“I’ve got one!” Tails said, grinning. “Pretty strong, too!”
“Injured?”
“I don’t think so… It’s a little lower than healthy, so… maybe asleep?”
“Try hailing. Basic friendly message, offer for assistance.”
A smile came to Tails’ face. “That woke him up.”
“Why wasn’t he responding before?” Riker wondered.
“Perhaps we are about to find out…” Picard said.
“We are being hailed,” Worf said, pressing a few buttons.
“Onscreen.”
The screen showed a large, round creature dressed head to toe in a black and purple uniform. The only indication it even had eyes were a pair of lenses nestled between a red collar and purple cap with two points on top that might have been horns. A large white “X” crossed the lower part of the uniform, similar to the “X” on the outside of the ship without the extra circles. “Buh buh buh buh!” the creature gagged. “I’m Lord Crump! I need… assistance. Please, you can’t leave me out here, helpless to the hunters of space!”
“I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation starship, Enterprise. Your ship is small enough that we can bring it into our shuttle bay.”
“Yes, yes, whatever, just do it quickly! She could get here at any moment!”
“Mr. Worf, tractor beam,” Picard ordered. “Lord Crump, who is hunting you?”
“The Witch of the Galaxy, the Observer of all Planets! Mistress of the Comets!”
“We are new in this section of the galaxy, you’ll have to forgive us for not being well versed in the local dangers.”
“Captain!” Worf called. “Long-range sensors have picked up a ship moving towards us at high-warp. It’s… maneuvering through the planets with alarming precision. It will be here in seconds.”
“It’s her!” Crump waved his arms in a panic. “We’re doomed!”
“Shields up, weapons ready!” Picard ordered, sitting down in his chair and bracing himself. “Make sure Crump’s ship is within our field.”
“Already done,” Worf reported.
“Good. Continue with taking him in. For now… send a pre-emptive hail to our incoming friend.”
~~~
As Cortez’s ship approached their destination, Vivian suddenly started vibrating and ringing.
“Vivian, you appear to be about to explode,” Cortez deadpanned.
Vivian tilted her head in such a way that suggested she was rolling her eyes, not that anyone could tell through her hair. She pulled a small, metallic device out of her hat and pressed a button. “I’m just getting an E-mail.”
“A communication?” Caspian asked.
“Yes, from Mario, an old friend.” Vivian pressed a few buttons, opening the message.
“Ah, Mario...” Cortez chuckled. “I would be eager to cross swords with him again.”
“He hit you with a hammer.”
“It was an expression!”
Vivian ignored Cortez, frown deepening as she read. “Well, Mario doesn’t know anything about the Pure Heart. He wishes us luck, but he won’t be joining us. He’s still looking for his brother, Luigi.”
“I believe I met that Luigi, once,” Cortez said. “Sailing into Rogueport, I was. He had a deep-fried blooper following him. I have to admire the ‘stache, though.”
“He’s an odd character,” Vivian admitted. “I hope he’s okay.”
“I’m sure he is,” Cosmo encouraged. “But right now, we’re on our mission, and Mario’s on his. We… have arrived on Delfino Island!”
They pulled into the docks of a brilliant, tropical island. A volcano rose in the distance surrounded by a lush jungle. Attached to the docks were a beautiful set of white resort buildings with golden, tipped roofs that just screamed “glamorous tropical paradise” to all who arrived. Several ships were in the harbor, ranging from poor little dinghies to fanciful yachts.
They stepped off Cortez’s ship, standing on the dock. The sweet smells of a tropical paradise met their noses, letting them know exactly where they were. A place of relaxation.
The workers of Delfino were not as relaxed, since they could see Cortez.
“W-w-welcome to Delfino Plaza!” a goomba managed. “W-w-we’ll, uh, be glad to serve to your every need!”
“Good!” Cortez declared with a booming laugh, summoning several piles of gold coins to him. “Now, get me the best room you have available and prepare a feast.”
“A-and the rest of you?”
“We’re just here to visit my sister,” Vivian said. “We don’t expect to be here long.”
“O-okay…”
Vivian led the group off the dock and into the plaza itself. The sights were much cleaner and smoother than Rogueport. Here, people walked around with smiles on their faces and luxurious drinks in their hands. The sun was shining, the world was bright, and the smell of tropical fruit wouldn’t go away. Twilight suspected she would get tired of the scent if she stayed here too long.
“So… where’s your sister staying?” Twilight asked.
“Hmm... I’m not sure…” Vivian waved down a waiter, which turned out to be a blue Pianta creature, though without the suit the ones in Rogueport had. “Hello, I’m looking for my sister. She’s made of shadow like me and wears a blue hat, little on the grumpy side?”
“Right this way, ma’am.”
He led them around to the beachfront, where several people were all lounging in chairs, soaking up the sun. A being similar to Vivian, but much smaller and with a more angular shape, sat in one of the chairs furthest from the actual water, a cheesy grin on her face. She must have sensed them coming since she was already moving to glare right at them through her blue striped hat. “Well well well, if it isn’t little miss pug-ugly back at it again with a band of outrageously disheveled misfits.”
Vivian put her hands on her hips. “And I can see the winner of the ‘world’s jerkiest sister’ contest is trying to defend her title.”
The two glared at each other, prompting Twilight to shuffle her hooves awkwardly.
Then the two shadows burst into laughter, the blue one grabbed Vivian’s hand and brought her close. “What in the name of the outer darkness are you doing here, Vivian? I thought you were busy doing ‘research’ for that old coot I knocked out with a brick that one time.”
“His name is Professor Frankly and he’s brilliant and if I didn't have it on good authority that he was always insane, I would be here to accuse you of causing him brain damage.”
“Oh, really? Is that all? Not gonna yell at the old crone once more for old time’s sake?”
Vivian giggled. “Oh, Beldam! I get enough of that when I complain about you when you’re not there! It has the added bonus of not prompting you to insult my appearance, intelligence, life choices, friend choices, philosophy, personality, face, smile, frown, hair—”
“All right, all right, enough already,” Beldam let out a cackle. “I would enjoy sparring for old time’s sake but clearly you’re here because you need something, as evidenced by the aforementioned band of outrageously disheveled misfits.” She gestured at Twilight and the others. “And yes, I do mean to offend, deal with it.”
Data cocked his head. “Fascinating.”
Toph shook her head. “Ugh, when I get old, I’m gonna be nothing like you or any of the other grumpy old people. It’s so lame.”
“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, girly,” Beldam cackled. “So, what is it you need?”
Vivian’s sisterly smile vanished. “Beldam… do you remember home?”
A look of deep concern crossed Beldam’s face. “I… I try not to think about it. Why?”
“Because someone’s using the Dark Prognosticus to try to destroy all worlds.” Vivian pointed at the Void in the sky. “And I… don’t remember anything about home.”
“You wouldn’t, you were born the day before we left,” Beldam humphed. “What kind of daft fool would use that book? Even mother knew…” She let out a deep sigh. “Aight, young’uns! Listen up, Beldam’s got a story to tell…”
~~~
The sky was cream-colored, the only bright thing about the location. Everything else was a deep, solid black built up in the shape of a castle. White lines traced the edges of every shape, providing defined edges to the nothingness. Deep within the seemingly endless towers and rooms of this construction was a room with several pillars—the inner council.
Atop the highest and largest pillar was a horrible being of darkness, stars winking in and out of her body. Her form was largely miasmic, taking the form of a tornado moving in slow motion. Two massive hands erupted from the coil that was her body; thin and papery limbs that nonetheless looked ready to tear into any flesh that dared oppose her. Upon her eyeless head sat a golden crown with numerous jewels.
Floating just in front of her face was a book—locked and closed shut so its dark secrets could not be so easily accessed.
“When was the last time I engaged with the Dark Prognosticus?” the Shadow Queen asked.
One of the three shadowy entities standing at her feet responded—the blue hatted Beldam. “Two days ago, mother.”
“Remind me of my instructions when I returned, before the memory wipe?”
“To execute the Blue Clan.”
“And has this been carried out?”
Beldam sighed. “It appears as though our orders were not carried out. Bluriza has too many followers.”
“Guuuuh!” the second shadowy creature, this larger one in a yellow hat, blurted. Beldam and the Shadow Queen ignored her. The third shadowy creature was playing with a pink hat that was far too big; a shadow not even old enough to talk.
“What do they think will be gained by ignoring my command?” The Shadow Queen drummed her fingers against her pedestal, scowling. “I have driven our traitorous Wandering brethren to the brink of extinction, I have guided the worlds into our hands, I have used the pages of this book without falling to despair. All our power was through my acts. They would dare to defy me?”
“Apparently,” Beldam said. “We should consider activating our little gift from the Q…”
“No. I will face them on my own. They are coming to face me, are they not?”
“The alarms have already been tripped. And the guards are out cold.”
“Fascinating… they have something I am not aware of.” The Shadow Queen grinned. “This should be interesting…”
The doors to the chamber were thrown open. Hundreds of shadows poured in, each wearing white top hats, distinctly different from the striped caps of Beldam and her sisters. In front of them was a tall, proud man wearing red spectacles and holding a scepter of pure crystal. At his side was his much smaller, but much more defiant son.
“So you openly defy me with hats of all things,” The Shadow Queen chuckled. “Excessively petty, Bluriza.”
The shadowy man in the front adjusted his spectacles with one hand and pointed his scepter at the Shadow Queen with the other. “The book has driven you mad, Lilith.”
“You dare address the Queen by name!?” Beldam shrieked.
“Let him speak. He is a dead man anyway, he has the right to ignore all cordialities.” The Shadow Queen chuckled. “You know my procedure. You approved it yourself.”
“Then the book must be driving you mad in the short time you have memory of it,” Bluriza said. “I have failed, for it has made you decree the death of me and my family.”
“I am sure there was a good reason. Have not all my other decries turned out properly? Have you not considered the possibility that the Dark Prognosticus speaks of your family betraying the Tribe of Darkness right here, right now?”
“It… had occurred to me, yes,” Bluriza admitted. “But what else can I do?”
“Nothing, I suppose. Though I am disappointed you have enough loyalists to even attempt to overturn one of my orders. Those who pledged themselves to you will learn what pain actually means.”
“No. Your reign is at an end, Lilith.” Bluriza stepped forward. “The incantation should have been completed by now.”
“What!?” The Shadow Queen’s smile fell.
“Blumiere, now!”
Bluriza’s son jumped forward, pulling a brilliant heart-shaped crystal out of his coat. It shone with a brilliant, holy light that swapped colors every half second, jarringly switching from blue to red to purple to white and back again, sometimes trying to display two colors at once. “I never liked you, witch.”
“A Pure Heart? No, wait… the Experiment…”
“The what?” Beldam asked, more than a little confused by what was happening.
“Your terror is at an end!” Blumiere threw the heart. Whatever incantation had been layered up activated, surrounding the Experiment in a ring of dark energy.
The Shadow Queen reached out with her power, draining the Experiment of its energy. “Even this is not enough to end me.” It reverted from a crystal of immeasurable power to an inert stone, falling to the black ground unceremoniously. But the spell had already done what it needed to. Reality bent and bowed. Part of the Shadow Queen’s essence was torn out of her being, the spell particularly targeting her power over dimensions. “No!” A portal opened up behind her, exiling her and her children far from the Castle of Darkness.
Bluzira let out a deep sigh, walking toward the stone heart. “...Tragic, but it served its purpose.”
Blumiere nodded, opening his mouth to speak—but the Dark Prognosticus fell loudly in front of his feet, jarring his thoughts.
“What a terrible book,” Bluzira said, shaking his head. “If we cannot destroy it, we will lock it away, never to be uncovered.”
“Of course, father.”
~~~
“...And then we were here,” Beldam finished. “The Queen rampaged across the world until she found the Pure Heart. She wanted to destroy it, but it wouldn't even let her drain it. So she used all the resources she could get her hands on to place a curse on it and eject it into deep space where it wouldn’t bother her ever again. So long as she lived, the Heart would be inaccessible due to the curse. Of course, she doesn’t exist anymore, so the curse would be gone, but I have no idea where the Heart is or how to find it.”
“...What happened to home after we left?” Vivian asked.
“I have no idea,” Beldam shrugged. “Bluzira probably took control, becoming some Shadow King or something, with that smug idiot Blumiere taking my place.”
“Blumiere…” Tippi said, reflecting on the name.
“These days I hope they did a better job than we did.” Beldam stretched her back before sitting back down on her chair. “With mother gone, it’s clear that she was creating a Tribe of monsters.”
Vivian shook her head. “That’s behind us, Beldam.”
“Is it? She was sealed behind that Thousand-Year Door for a thousand years, and none of us ever thought that maybe we shouldn’t wake her up.”
“W-well, if we hadn’t, the Pure Heart would still be locked away! Now it can be reached! We have spaceships, we can probably fly around and find it… eventually.”
“Good luck finding out where it is. I… wait a minute.” Beldam sat up. “Vivian, do you remember those X-Naut fellows?”
“Um… yes?”
“They came in spaceships. They came specifically looking for a great power hidden in the planet. They might have found her curse and traced its energy back here.”
“But… we haven’t seen an X-Naut in years!” Vivian wrung her hands. “How are we going to find one?”
“That…” Beldam broke out into a grin. “Is your problem. I’m on vacation.” She leaned back in her chair, chuckling to herself. “Go and save the worlds. Try not to screw it up! I like my beach!”
Twilight took a step forward. “Thank you for your help, Beldam. That… couldn’t have been easy for you to remember.”
“Darn right it wasn’t. Now get out of my sun!”
~~~
“The Experiment…” Twilight muttered.
“Is it bothering you?” Cosmo asked.
They had decided to stop for lunch at one of the resort’s cafes. It was very expensive, but apparently Vivian knew a local Princess who would cover it on her tab. They had all ordered tropical fruit salads with accompanying fruit juice. Nobody could identify any of the fruits, not even Data, who had been able to spit out a report on how close it was, in percentage, to all the fruit he had on file.
“It is bothering me,” Twilight said. “A Pure Heart-like thing. It has to be important.”
“Beldam didn’t know anything,” Vivian said.
“And the Shadow Queen is toast, so we can’t ask her,” Toph added. “There’s no way for us to figure anything out.”
“I’m programmed to know about the Pure Hearts,” Tippi said. “If there was anything like that, I would know. ...If the Ancient Wanderers knew when they built Flipside, that is.”
“Something tells me that Beldam’s story is slightly more recent…” Caspian said, frowning. “This goes much further back than any of us realize. Before my world was even born…”
“But we’ll figure it out!” Cosmo encouraged. “I know we will.”
“Right… so, file that away for later.” Twilight pressed her front hooves together. “How do we find an X-Nauts?”
“The wreckage of their base on the moon, maybe?” Vivian suggested.
“As soon as the Enterprise gets back, sure,” Twilight said. “But, is there anything we can do before that?”
“They had an old base beneath Rogueport…” Vivian put a hand to her chin. “It’s not much, but it has some old tech.”
Twilight actually beamed. “I… get to research abandoned technology!”
“Let’s be real,” Toph said. “Data is going to research, you’re going to watch and drool.”
“I don’t drool!”
Data tilted his head. “I have observe—”
Twilight rammed her head into the table and let out an exasperated groan.
Cosmo giggled. “Whatever we end up doing, it w—”
“GRAH-GOOGLY!”
The Void deposited O’Chunks right on top of their table.
“Ha-hah! Yeh really were here! Gotta hand it to the man, it is much nicer to just know where yeh are! Now, O’Chunks has come t’ hammer yeh to the gro—”
Toph earthbent a pillar out of the ground, smacking O’Chunks between the legs again, flinging him into the middle of Delfino Plaza. Toph cracked her knuckles. “Aight, everyone stand back, I’ve got this.”
“Are you su—” Twilight began.
“Yeah, I’m not even going to let him have a chance.”
“Yeh… facin’ me alone, lass?” O’Chunks laughed. “That’ll be yer doom! O’Chu—”
Toph tore a metal lamp post out of the ground and smacked O’Chunks across the head with it. He teetered backward, only for her to tear a fountain off its pedestal and drop it on him. He punched through it, directing his fist right for her jaw, but she sidestepped him and used a plank of stone to bury him into the ground.
“Geh…” He burst out, grabbing for her. “Yeh w—”
Wordlessly, Toph threw six boulders at his face with a simple stomp and push motion. Swiveling her foot backward, she rotated the earth under him to make him run right into another lamp post. Moving her hands back and forth rapidly she erupted numerous pillars of earth out of the ground, pummeling all over the front of his body.
“I—”
“Quiet,” Toph said, tripping him with a sweeping roll of the earth beneath his feet, trapping his head beneath the ground. He was able to punch out, but she was ready for him, flinging another lamppost right at his face.
He stumbled forward. “I’ll… getcha… yet…” He swung his fist.
Toph caught it with her own. “You’re weak.”
“Am…” he collapsed. “Not…”
“You’re never going to be able to take us. Even if you somehow got the upper hand on me, there’s six others just begging to teach you a lesson. No matter who you send, it will always be the same. Do you understand?”
“Yeh have bested me…” O’Chunks admitted, lowering his head. “I turn myself over to yeh.”
“That’s better.”
He spread his arms wide, exposing his chest. “Now finish the job. Put an end to me, as you deserve.”
“What!?” Toph took a startled step back. “N-no, I’m not going to do that!”
“I have lost me honor!” O’Chunks spat. “There is nothing left for a warrior like me who can never win.”
“I’m not taking you out, and even if I wanted to, Twilight wouldn’t let me.”
O’Chunks glared at Twilight. “Yeh won’t let yeh warriors finish the job?”
“No,” Twilight said matter-of-factly. “And I never will, unless it becomes absolutely necessary. Right now… it is not.”
“But… but…”
“Salutations, O’Chunks!” With a burst of energy and a ripple of time, Dimentio appeared behind him. “How are things going?”
“Can you buzz off, Dimentio?” O’Chunks groaned. “I’m a wee bit busy…”
“Oh, yes, I can see that. Giving up all hope, resigning yourself to the endless outer darkness. Yes yes, quite honorable, though it will annoyingly prevent me from showing you my latest project.”
“I don’t give two shakes of a meatloaf about yer project.”
“Even one that needs you… to help Count Bleck?” Dimentio grinned.
“...Don’t listen to him,” Cosmo said, hands to her mouth. “He… he wants to do something to you.”
O’Chunks stood up. “If he wants to do something t’ me that ‘elps the Count… I don’t care what it is anymore!” He struck a pose that flexed his muscles. “We’ll meet again, heroes, you mark my words!” The Void took him away.
Dimentio chuckled. “Well well well, quite an easy fiddle to play, isn’t he?” He looked directly at Cosmo. “You should have pushed a little harder, he is not hard to break at all!”
“What’s your angle?” Toph demanded.
“All in due time, my papercraft wannabes! All in due time… Ciao!” He snapped his fingers, vanishing in a puff of dimensional energy.
“...Has anyone else noticed that he never uses the Void to travel?” Twilight asked, swallowing.
“I have,” Data said.
“For some reason, that terrifies me. Where… where does he get his power?”
“Ahem.” A resort worker had walked up to them. “I’m going to have to ask you to pay for all the damages you’ve just caused.”
Toph glanced at all the wreckage she’d just created in the fight with O’Chunks. A fountain was broken, most of the road was trash, and several lampposts had been completely torn out. “...Uh oh.”
~~~
The ship on the Enterprise’s viewscreen displayed was an elegant craft that looked more like a castle from a fairy tale than a spaceship. Its central drive was on full display, burning like a star, not protected by any armor whatsoever while the palace-like pillars sprung upwards and downwards, coming to elegant tips. The most baffling part of the design was that it was open air—trees and bushes and buildings with doors were evidently exposed to the vacuum of space, and some sections of the ship appeared to be completely detached.
And yet, Picard knew that this was no dainty vessel. Even though Worf was only reporting minimal weapons, Picard had a hunch it wasn’t quite as defenseless as it seemed.
“It is finally responding to our hails,” Worf said.
“Don’t answer!” Lord Crump shouted. “She’ll burn us all!”
“Lord Crump, I have every intention of speaking to whomever I face, even if they do intend to blow me out of the sky.” He adjusted his uniform and put on a warm smile. “Onscreen.”
The screen showed a bipedal woman of human appearance, though she was abnormally tall. She wore a simple blue dress and had smooth platinum blonde hair that covered one of her eyes, but the one eye that was visible stared Picard down with a gaze that made him feel young. And yet, it was not hostile, but understanding.
“I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation starship, Enterprise. To whom do I owe the pleasure?”
“Rosalina, Guardian of the Comet Observatory.” She leaned in, her serene smile not faltering. “You are holding quite the criminal on your bridge, Captain.”