//------------------------------// // Part 3 // Story: Congratulations, Celestia, You’re a Father! // by RoyalPonySisters //------------------------------// Celestia found herself standing alone in front of the Castle in a rather catatonic state, with the only stray thought going through her mind being whether she actually smelled like chocolate cake, or was it her imagination. Foolish thoughts, of course, but after her many years as Ruler of Equestria and dealing with many a shock, she had learned to compartmentalize her brain so that she could have private thoughts while “Princess Celestia” deftly handled the situation. Still, she had never dealt with a shock quite like this. Her, a stallion of all things? Certainly nopony would ever have accused her of this last century. She wasn’t really that broad, was she? Had she gained weight? Stop it! Celestia told herself. Either this was a dream, some kind of elaborate hoax, everypony had gone insane, or she had. There was only one option now: go home. Sighing, she lifted up her wings and started flying, preferring to take a slower route instead of teleportation so as to push off dealing with this strange reality. When Celestia got near Canterlot Castle (but not sufficiently near that she would be spotted), she teleported herself right outside the hall to throne room, and trotted in leisurely, full of faux calm. “SURPRISE!” Somepony shrieked in an annoyingly high-pitched voice. Celestia looked up in horror to see Pinkie Pie, alongside Spike and the others, as well as Luna, and some of Celestia’s staff, all staring at her and the huge sign over the doors to the throne room, which read: HAPPY SURPRISE COMING-OUT PARTY, PRINCE CELESTIA! The sign itself had been signed by Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Spike, and Luna. “Aight de uhh,” Celestia said weakly. (She had meant to say “Oh dear Harmony” but her inner Princess stopped her.) “Bey you weren’t expecting that, were you, Princess?” Pinkie Pie said smugly. “Uh, I mean Prince.” “What is this?” Celestia finally made out. “Well…,” Pinkie said, bouncing up and down, “You know how I said that coming-out parties are my favorite, after Gummy’s birthday party and after-birthday party? Well, actually, after I ran off to Sugar Cube Corner to plan your party I remembered I LOVE surprise parties even more! But the problem was I already told I was making you a party because everypony in Ponyville is so accepting. But then I realized I could still make you a surprise party if I made the party somewhere you didn’t expect, so I brought everything and everypony right here and set it up super fast!” Pinkie stopped to take a breath. “It worked, right? You were totally surprised!” “You sure were!” Somepony cackled. Celestia turned her head. It was Discord, wearing a a full tuxedo and cradling that cursed egg. “Really, Celestia? You’re a stallion? And you never told me? Unlike you, I would’ve accepted you for who you are from the get-go. I think it’s pretty kinky, anyhow,” he said, waggling his eyebrows. “Stallions without medallions, and all that. Personally, I’m genderfluid.” He snapped his talons and was suddenly wearing a frilly pink ball gown. “Discord… I ah.. you’re genderfluid?” “In a manner of speaking,” Discord said coolly, snapping again, so that he was wearing half dress, half tuxedo, split straight down the middle “I mean, I would never want to limit myself to just one gender. So… orderly, you know? Usually I’m fine being my regular chaotic self, but sometimes I want to really spice things up,” he said cheerfully, making pepper and cinnamon rain all over the throne room. Celestia looked at him in wonder. “Discord, you never told me any of this!” “Well,” Discord said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Perhaps I didn’t think you would be willing to accept me for who I am.” He said it quite earnestly, without a hint of mockery in his voice. “Oh,” she said quietly. Her anger with Discord had sort of evaporated. She wasn’t sure what to feel now. “Well, I’m sorry you thought that. Did you…?” She willed herself to continue, “did you lay that egg when you were… er… female?” “Still trying to make things orderly, aren’t you ‘Tia?” Discord sighed dramatically. He cradled the egg in his tuxedo’d arm. “As a matter of fact, I didn’t. Are you ready to accept that?” “I don’t know,” Celestia said honestly. She looked at him earnestly. “But, um, Discord, I’m not a stallion. This whole ‘coming-out party’,” she glared at Pinkie Pie, “has been one gigantic misunderstanding. I’m definitely a mare.” At this, many of her staff sighed with relief, Spike and the others nodded in understanding, and Pinkie Pie looked a bit deflated. “If you say so,” Discord said solemnly. “Honestly, Celestia, I don’t care if you considered yourself a stallion, a mare, or a fire-breathing dragon. I like you, and spending time with you. That’s why I was so excited to lay your egg.” “Really?” she asked. “Of course,” Discord said seriously. Celestia took a deep breath. “Well, I suppose if you can accept me as a stallion, I can accept that you’ve laid an egg- and that I’m- its father.” Discord grinned. “I knew you’d come around in the end.” “Can I… um hold your- our- egg?” Celestia asked nervously. “I thought you’d never ask!” Discord yelled out jovially. “Catch!” He threw the egg clear across the hall. Celestia, Pinkie Pie, the staff, and everypony in the room watched in horror as the multicolored egg hit the ground, cracked, and exploded into multi colored goo. Slowly, Celestia trotted silently over to what had been the egg, and over to the pile of goo. There, in the center of it all, was a lump of some sort. Trembling, she levitated it up in front of her to reveal… a crumpled paper ball. Celestia opened up the wet, creased paper, which had, typed neatly at the header, Equestrian Tax Code Title XX. What appeared to be a crude drawing of teeth was printed underneath. Below that was scrawled, in messy penmanship, Happy Early April Foal’s Day, Celestia! The world stopped. “Discord.…” Celestia hissed in the lowest voice possible. “Wha-at?” He chirped back happily. “Happy early April Foal’s Day, ‘Tia. That was ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!” He crumped over onto the floor in laughter. “I mean, you should’ve seen yourself! When I told you you were the father even I practically cracked up.” At this he split himself right down the middle, where the tuxedo and dress met. “Wait, this was all a prank?” Pinkie Pie asked in dismay. “You mean Celestia’s not really a stallion? But I already went through all the official documents on her desk and changed them to ‘Prince Celestia’!” “I knew something about this whole thing sounded off,” Spike muttered. “I guess so.” Pinkie Pie looked disappointed, and so did Luna. “DISCORD!” Celestia screamed. “I ASKED YOU IF THIS WAS AN APRIL FOAL’S DAY JOKE!” “Well, I couldn’t tell you, could I, that would ruin all the fun.” Discord said reasonably. “As I see it, the whole point of having a day dedicated to pranks is great, but then everypony expects the prank, which ruins the surprise. So I thought, and it is one of my most ingenious ideas of all, I daresay,” Discord continued, waving his arms so he wore a white lab coat and a frizzy white hair, “that what if I did April Foal’s on a different day, a day nopony would expect? Keep all the pranks, and all the surprise. So in a way, I didn’t lie to you at all. Because this prank didn’t actually took place on April Foal’s.” Celestia moaned. “You’re still going to pull a prank on me on April Foal’s Day, though?” “Well, probably,” Discord admitted. “Or maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll keep you guessing the whole day if I will or won’t do anything. You’ll constantly be on the lookout for a prank that may never happen. Only the Master of Chaos could could such mayhem just by doing nothing!” Celestia sighed. “Oh, cheer up, ‘Tia, really, it was hilarious! I mean, how did you convince dear Pinkie Pie that you were a stallion, it’s simply fabulous!” “Wait a second,” Celestia said slowly, processing the humiliation all the while. “If all of this was a prank then- you’re not really ‘genderfluid’, are you?” “Eh, not really,” Discord shrugged. “I mean, I sort of find the idea interesting. I guess I’m more like ‘genderfluidfluid’.” “I see,” Celestia said flatly. “Discord, even if this so-called prank was funny- which to be clear it is not, and by the way I did not believe for a second that that egg was real and I knew it was nonsense the entire time- these sorts of jokes have no constructive purpose. It is just cruel.” She frowned at him. Discord sighed. “Well I suppose you may have a point there,” he conceded. “But actually,” he said, brightening, “there is in fact a very valuable lesson to be learned from this whole ordeal.” “Which is?” Celestia said, raising her eyebrow. “Well, for me to lay an egg from you would mean that we were sleeping together, right?” “Yes….” Celestia said, dreading where this was going. “WAIT, WHAT?!” sompony exploded. Everypony turned to a shocked Twilight Sparkle. “Twilight, where did you think the egg came from?” Spike sighed, trying to discreetly lead her out of the room. “I don’t know, magic? The whole thing never made any sense to begin with so why couldn’t the egg just come out of nowhere? I’ve actually researched conjuring spells quite a bit, it could be possible… I never thought Celestia and Discord would… she’s a Princess!” Everypony was quiet until the pair made it out of the room. Celestia decided to break the awful silence. “You were saying?” she said acidly to Discord. “Yes, well, the point is, dear Celestia, that there are ways to prevent unwanted eggs in a relationship. Always use the proper protection! And if I recall, correctly, ‘Tia, a few nights ago, you were saying….” “Alright, alright you can stop now. I think everypony gets the idea.” Celestia muttered, not daring to look at the faces of the others in the room. “What a valuable lesson. Great prank.” “Oh, don’t be so grumpy, Celestia! After all, aren’t you happy that you aren’t the father of a multi-species egg?” Discord asked. “I….” Once again, Celestia found herself at a loss for words. Then suddenly, she found herself laughing despite herself. “Yes, I’m so happy I’m not a father,” she snorted. “I’m not a father! I’m not a father!” she shrieked happily between peals of laughter. Finally, she stopped and caught her breath. “Wait, Discord,” she said with interest, cocking her head. “If that egg wasn’t real, then how do draconequi reproduce?” “Oh,” Discord said. “Well, generally we just-“ He pulled her over to him and told her the rest. Celestia looked at him in horror, and subconsciously wrapped her wings around her body and squeezed them tightly. “We are always using protection.”